The Carnal Prayer Mat (Rou Putuan)

by Li Yu

  "Impossible in what way?" asked Quan.

  "According to custom you're supposed to get three years rent-free for breaking in land, but he allows only one year and demands rent from the beginning of the second. And that's just one instance. He's so stingy he begrudges providing board for servants, so he doesn't even have anyone to run his household. Being a tenant of his means doubling as a hired hand; when there's work to be done around the house, you'll be called in to do it for nothing. Three years ago someone did break the land in, but he couldn't stand being ordered about and left before the spring sowing. That's why it's unworked now."

  Quan was overjoyed at the news. What concerned me was how to get inside the house, he thought. Once in, I shall have a reasonable chance. Other men can't stand being ordered about, but I'm eager to take orders. Others expect to be paid, but I'm only too ready to work for nothing. I shall need to be employed by him if I'm going to succeed, but it is not something I can arrange in a day. If his son-in-law comes back and sees through my plan, I'll be in real trouble. Luckily we've never met, enemies though we are, so that even if he does come back, he won't recognize me. All I need do is change my name and he'll never guess who I am.

  He changed his name to Lai Suixin, because he had come (lai) to get revenge, and by getting it he would fulfill his desire (sui xin). However, to save the reader from confusion, the author will continue to call him Honest Quan.

  After changing his name, Quan drew up a lease and went over to the house to wait upon the owner. He knew it was no use knocking on Master Iron Door's gate and resigned himself to sitting down outside and waiting. That day no one came out, and he went back to the inn. Returning the next day, he was lucky enough to find Master Iron Door waiting outside the gate with scales and a basket to buy beancurd. He felt certain from the man's stern appearance and austere dress that it must be Iron Door, and he approached and gave a deep bow.

  "Master Iron Door! Might that be your honored name, sir?"

  "Yes. Why do you ask?"

  "I understand you have some land that you are looking for someone to work. Since I don't have the capital for a business of my own, I'd like to rent your land and work it. Would you be willing to rent to me?"

  "Breaking in land is not something for a weak or lazy fellow, you know. What about the physical labor involved? Are you a hard worker? You mustn't loaf on the job and neglect my property."

  "I'm used to hard conditions, and my strength will serve well enough. If you doubt me, why not try me out for a while? If I can't do the job, you can always let me go and take someone else on."

  "I don't have a cottage for you. Where will you live?"

  "That's no problem. I have no wife, only myself to worry about. Let me build myself a thatched hut at my own expense. Why pay rent for a place somewhere else while I'm farming your land?"

  "Quite right. In that case you may go and draw up a lease."

  "I have one right here," said Quan, handing over the lease he had prepared.

  Noting Quan's coarse appearance, the Master considered he would make a good, sturdy servant, one who would not only break in the plot but also serve him as a hired hand. He accepted the lease and gave Quan permission to build a hut at his own expense.

  Quan, who had plenty of money, bought lumber and thatch and engaged a couple of carpenters and thatchers, and in a few hours they had finished the job. Although just a hut, it looked bright and new. At least he had a place to call his own.

  He bought a set of farm tools and early each morning would get up and, without stopping even to comb or wash, go off to the fields to cut rushes and dig the soil, in the hope that the Master would be impressed with his diligence and show him favor.

  Just opposite the plot of land, Iron Door had a studio in which he spent most of his time. It was his custom to rise very early, so when he found Quan already up, he was surprised. In fact Quan had cleared a good deal of land before the Master was even out of bed. The latter was full of praise, and if any heavy work needed doing about the house, something the maids couldn't handle, Quan would be asked to do it. He did his utmost to oblige, putting twice as much effort into serving Iron Door as he did into his farming. Not only did he ask for no pay, he refused even to eat his fill. On one occasion, as he was about to leave, the Master, impressed by his hard work, offered to buy a jug of strong liquor to cheer him up. But Quan replied that hard liquor didn't agree with him, that he never touched a drop, and that in any case he would rather go home and drink something he had bought himself than involve his master in extra expense that might prevent him from being invited to help in the future.

  Before setting foot in the house, he had been greatly worried. How ugly his daughter must be, he said to himself, to force her husband to leave home in search of other women! Myself, I've had a fine woman to sleep with. Supposing I manage to entice this one on stage, then take a look at that appalling face and my penis refuses to stand up? What if I'm all set to take revenge and it won't cooperate?

  He cheered up considerably when he entered the house and saw a strikingly beautiful girl there, but he was still not sure of her identity. Later, on hearing the maids address her as miss, he realized that she was indeed the Master's daughter. A woman like that, he mused, is well worth sleeping with. Why did he leave her on her own and go off after other men's wives?

  Although he forced himself to be even more patient and methodical in his plan of revenge, his penis was unwilling to be patient. It insisted on "destroying the enemy before breakfast" and raised the standard of revolt whenever he saw her. But Quan was a very cautious man, and seeing how strictly the women were segregated in this household, he never betrayed the fact that he was covertly watching her, but always passed by with his head bowed, not saying a word, like a complete prude.

  Within a few months the Master, noting how hardworking, honest, and abstemious he was, had became very fond of him. When my son-in-law left, he thought, he gave me a few taels for hiring a servant. But most of the stewards I've seen in other households are lazy and interested only in their victuals. Reliable men are in a distinct minority, which is why I've hesitated to take anyone on. But a fellow like this would be worth a lifetime's victuals. I daresay, since he's poor and has no one to turn to, he might be willing to sell himself as a bondservant, but there is just one problem. Bringing a single man into the household has two drawbacks: first, since there'd be nothing here to hold him, he might try to make off with my valuables; second, how could the sexes be kept apart? It's not only the maids that need watching; there are all the problems that arise from having a daughter in the house. But I do have plenty of maids. If he were willing to sell himself, I'd be prepared to give him one of them in marriage. With a wife to tie him down he wouldn't be so inclined to make off. And a wife would also keep an eye on him inside the house and relieve me of my anxiety.

  Although the Master intended to make the offer, he was afraid that Quan might refuse, so he hesitated to come straight out with it. One day he walked over to watch his tenant hoeing and inadvertently sounded him out with a jesting remark or two.

  "You work so hard, and you don't waste your money. By rights you ought to be establishing a family. Why don't you take a wife? A man your age, and still on your own!"

  "There's an old saying," said Quan. "'By brains you can support a thousand, but by brawn only one.' People who work with their hands are doing well just to get by. How can I even think of getting married?"

  "But a man needs a wife and children in his life. Since you can't afford to marry, why not join the staff of some household that would provide you with a wife? If you have a child, there'd be someone left behind to burn paper money for you after you're gone. Why slave away all your life and have nothing to show for it at the end?"

  Quan realized from these remarks that the Master was thinking of taking him into his household, and he responded with a ploy of his own. "'A big tree gives good shelter,'" he replied. "I'm familiar with that proverb of course. But being dependent
is no simple matter either. For one thing, you may have a hard-hearted master who beats and curses you instead of thanking you, even if you've been toiling for him all day like an ox. Secondly, the other people on his staff may not accept you. They were there before you came along, and they expect you to truckle to them. And if they're not prepared to exert themselves for their master, they'll be afraid that your loyalty will show them up, so they'll set the master against you and make it impossible for you to stay. I've often seen that sort of injustice in gentry households, which is why I'd have to think long and hard before joining one."

  "Those gentry households are very grand and have numbers of servants, among whom you always get discord and indifference, which is why such injustices occur. But in a household of moderate size, the master would be able to tell how good his staff were. Moreover, you would have very few colleagues and no problem fitting in. Take the case of a household the size of mine, for example, with a master as enlightened as I am. Would you be interested in that, supposing there was a wife there waiting for you?"

  "Oh, that would be ideal! Of course I'd be interested."

  "Well, to be quite frank with you, I do need a servant. The only reason I don't have one now is that I haven't found anybody suitable. Seeing what an honest, hardworking fellow you are, I've considered taking you on, and that is why I've been asking you these questions. If you really are willing, go ahead and draw up a contract stating how many taels you will need as a bond, and I'll see to it. Then the day you join my household, I'll pick out a maid for you as a wife. What do you say?"

  "That way I'd have someone to turn to the rest of my life! I'll bring the contract over tomorrow. But there's one point I'd like to make. My sexual desires are very modest, and it's not important to me whether I have a wife or not. Why not go slow for the time being? There'll be plenty of time to give me a wife after I've put in a few years' service and my strength has begun to fail. At present all I want to do is serve you with all my heart, not have some woman sapping all the energy I shall need for the household chores and the farmwork. As for this so-called bond price, there's even less need to talk about it. Since I'm selling myself and don't have any parents or brothers left, there's no one for me to give the money to. Once I'm part of your household, so long as I have my food and clothing, I shall be perfectly all right. What would I need money for? But if the contract doesn't mention a sum, I suppose I can't be said to have sold myself. You can put down whatever you wish, but in fact you won't need to spend any money on me at all."

  The Master's face broke into a broad smile. "Ah, it does my heart good to hear you say that! Anyone can see that you're a faithful servant. But you can decline only one of my offers, not both. If you don't collect your price, perhaps the money can remain in my keeping until such time as you need to have clothes made. But it simply won't do not to take a wife. People who sell themselves as bondservants have always done so to obtain wives and enjoy a little married pleasure. So why don't you want to? If you won't take either your bond price or a wife, you'd seem completely independent, and even though you addressed me as master, I'd feel very awkward calling you my servant and very uneasy about giving you orders. If you're going to insist on that, I'm afraid I cannot take you on."

  "I know what's at the back of your mind, sir," said Quan. "You're afraid I'm not dependable, and you think that one day I'll want to leave. You wish to give me a wife to prevent me from being disloyal. Well, I'm not such a scoundrel, I assure you, but since you're so concerned, I shall accept your offer."

  After this clarification Quan did not wait until the next day, but drew up a contract and submitted it to the Master that evening. The Master didn't wait either, but gave him a maid in marriage the same evening. He tore down the hut and told Quan to move into his house. Previously he had called him Lai Suixin, but now he called him simply Suixin. By an odd coincidence the maid given him in marriage was named Ruyi (satisfy desire). It is evident from this coincidence that vengeance is now more likely than ever, for to the name Suixin has been added the portent of Ruyi.

  CRITIQUE

  One marvelous feature of this chapter is the way the straightforward, rough-and-ready Honest Quan manages by devious, convoluted means to work his way inside the "iron door," thus reenacting the romantic exploit of Sima Xiangru. [71] And a second marvelous thing is the way Master Iron Door, who has worried over every possible contingency and taken every conceivable precaution, falls right into Honest Quan's trap like a latter-day Zhuo Wangsun. The thought and imagination that have gone into The Carnal Prayer Mat also deserve to be called convoluted in the ultimate degree!

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  When he shuts his door to talk of love, the walls have ears; When she forbids anyone to watch her bathing, "there's no money here." [72]

  Poem:

  A wanton woman loves to spy on man

  But gets indignant when on her he spies.

  Her indignation has a single purpose:

  That on her pretty pout he feast his eyes.

  Let us explain that the story of how Honest Quan sold himself lies in the future. Well before he entered the household, Mistress Jade Scent had fallen prey to a secret melancholy, which our brush has been too busy to describe but which we shall now address. Just at the height of her sexual enjoyment, her husband had been driven away by her monster of a father, a development that left her feeling like a drunkard who has just sworn off wine or a gourmet who has just given up meat. She couldn't even get through the next few days, let alone survive for years as a grass widow. Deprived of real pleasures, she was reduced to placing the erotic album in front of herself and trying to quench her thirst by looking at plums and satisfy her hunger by drawing a cake. To her dismay, however, she found that looking at plums increases rather than quenches one's thirst and that drawing a cake sharpens rather than satisfies one's hunger. The longer she looked at the album, the worse she felt, until at length she put it aside and brought out a few idle books instead, in the hope of relieving her distress and boredom.

  Gentle reader, what kind of books ought she to have read, do you suppose, in order to relieve her distress and boredom? In my humble opinion, no play or novel would have been of any use whatever. Only the books her father taught her to read as a girl, such as The Lives of Virtuous Women and The Girls' Classic of Filial Piety, would have met her need. If only she had been willing to take them out and read them, they would have relieved her distress and boredom and also quenched her thirst and satisfied her hunger. She might then have been able to endure a real widowhood, to say nothing of the grass variety.

  But Jade Scent took a different course and gave undue credence to the "Four Virtues for Girls" and the "Three Obediences for Women," which stipulate: "Before marriage obey your father, after marriage your husband." Accordingly she ignored her father's books and began to read her husband's, tipping out his entire stock of obscenity, such as The Foolish Woman's Story, The Unofficial History of the Embroidered Couch, and The Life of the Lord of Perfect Satisfaction, and going through them carefully and methodically. She noticed that these books invariably praised penises as either extremely large or exceptionally long, using expressions such as "a head the size of a snail," "a body like a skinned rabbit," and "strong enough to support a peck of grain without bending." She noticed also that men's thrusts were numbered in the thousands and tens of thousands rather than in the dozens and hundreds.

  I simply don't believe there is any man as strong as that between Heaven and Earth, or anyone with so impressive an instrument either, she reflected. My husband's is less than two inches long and two fingers thick, and he cannot last more than a couple of hundred strokes before discharging. He has never reached a thousand! He told me himself that he was without equal among men, so surely there cannot be anyone dozens of times stronger than he is! As the old saying goes, "Better to have no books at all than to believe everything you read." These absurdities must have been concocted by the authors! Such marvels don't exist!

 
But her skepticism did not survive for long. "That's not true, either," she reflected. "It's a big world we live in, with vast numbers of men, among whom there must be all kinds of exceptional cases. How do I know that what the books say isn't true after all? If a woman were able to marry a man like that, her bedroom pleasure would be beyond description! She'd be loath to change places with the immortals in Heaven! But that's too much to hope for!" Thus, having gone from skepticism to faith, she reverted to skepticism.

  Day after day she would get up and, neglecting her needlework, match herself against these idle books, trying to bring her sexual excitement to a fever pitch so that when her husband returned, they could relieve it together. But when time passed and no word came from him, she could not help feeling a certain resentment. I've noticed that there's not a single woman in any of these books who does not have several lovers, she thought. Evidently it is not at all unusual to take a lover. I must have misbehaved myself in my last existence to get such a beast for a husband. Only a month or two after our wedding, and he goes off and stays away for years! I very much doubt that anyone as highly sexed as he is will have held out this long without straying. And if he has strayed, it would hardly be wrong for me to have a backdoor affair of my own. The only pity is that we women are so strictly regulated that we never even see a man.

  Then, having arrived at this stage in her thinking, she transferred her resentment from her husband to her father and looked forward eagerly to the latter's early demise so that she could bring a man into the house.

  Thus when she first set eyes on Honest Quan, she was like a ravenous eagle spotting a chicken or a hungry cat coming upon a mouse-rough or smooth, good-looking or ugly, she wanted nothing better than to gobble him up. While he was still working his land, she could do nothing about her desires; firstly, because she had observed that he was a terribly prudish soul who would not even look at her as he passed by and would certainly not jump at an invitation; and secondly, because he came in the daytime and left at night, and even if he did accept, they would have had neither the time nor the place for sex. But when she heard he was selling himself as a bondservant, her heart leaped and she resolved that on his very first night in the house he would not escape her.