Kept

by Jami Alden

  CHAPTER 11

  DESPITE THE HEAT of the water, a shiver ran through Alyssa’s body as Derek toed off his shoes and stripped off his shorts, shirt, and pullover in quick, angry motions. His mouth was tight, his face set in harsh lines. She knew she was taking a tiger by the tail, messing with him while he was on the phone with his brother. But she hated how easy it was for him to turn on and off, to shut her out until trying to talk to him was like beating herself against a brick wall.

  He was so big, so tough, impenetrable, but she needed to flex her power, meager as it was. Remind them both how easy it was for her to get under his skin.

  Derek sank into the tub, seating himself on the bench next to her. Without a word he yanked her onto his lap, his mouth coming over hers with a passion and hunger that belied his carefully controlled exterior.

  “You think you’re pretty fuckin’ cute, don’t you?” he growled against her throat, his teeth closing over her earlobe in a nip. The slight sting sent bolts of heat to her already bullet-hard nipples and between her legs.

  She squirmed in his lap, shifting until the ridge of his cock rode between her legs, velvety soft skin over steel sliding back and forth against her slit. She moaned as his hands slid down her rib cage and closed around her waist. He lifted her until her breasts cleared the water, lifting her to his mouth. The cold air washed over her skin, a delicious contrast to the heat of his lips and tongue sucking and nipping at her breasts.

  “What the hell is it about you?” he murmured between firm pulls of his mouth. “This isn’t me.” His voice was harsh as she rocked against him. “I don’t get mixed up with women like you.”

  She shoved aside a pang of hurt that threatened to invade, focusing instead on how his shaft glided against her clit, the hot water, and the sweet friction making the pulsing knot between her legs throb. “What’s wrong with wanting me?” Alyssa whispered. She tunneled her fingers in his hair, cradling his head to her breasts as a wave of tenderness penetrated the haze of lust. She bent her head and nuzzled his damp hair, kissed his cheeks, licked a salty bead of sweat from his skin. “Especially when it’s so good.”

  He didn’t reply, groaning around her nipple as his lips sucked harder.

  Call her crazy, call her naive, but she felt something with him, a connection that went beyond sex. Like his dark seriousness could balance out her light frivolity. Like they could compliment each other perfectly if only he’d let it happen.

  She could feel something inside her cracking open, her heart peeking through the fissure, wondering if it was safe to come out. Oh, God, it’s happening again. No matter how hard she tried to protect herself, to guard her heart and be more cautious about letting strong feelings develop too soon, she was helpless to stop it.

  Was she so starved for love, so pathetically needy, that she’d let herself believe a man like Derek would feel anything for her beyond lust? Why couldn’t she just take what she could get and be happy with it, instead of getting carried away like she always did?

  But it wasn’t that simple. She arched her neck back, fog misting her face, moaning at the feel of Derek’s fingers stroking between her legs. She could feel the edge of desperation in his touch, the barely contained hunger that made his hands shake and his breath come fast.

  What he felt for her went past mere sex. Alyssa was sure of it. She could feel it in him, the deep emotion and old pain he kept hidden behind his cool mask. But whatever she made him feel, he didn’t like it, didn’t like the threat to his control.

  She tilted his face up to her, covering his mouth with hers. She poured everything into that kiss, trying to tell him without words that he was safe with her, safe to let go, safe to let the truth come out.

  He sucked her tongue into his mouth and fumbled along the deck until his hand closed over the foil packet of the condom. His hands disappeared beneath the frothing surface of the water for a moment, and then he lifted her over him. Their mouths stayed fused as she slid down his thick length. She spread her knees wide and rocked her hips forward to take all of him until he was so deep she could feel him at the base of her spine.

  He thrust up against her as though he couldn’t get deep enough. Hot, bubbling water surged and splashed around them, closing around them, fusing them together until Alyssa couldn’t tell where her body ended and Derek’s body began.

  Derek was suffocating, but he couldn’t make himself release her mouth. The heat of the water boiled around him, surrounding him in steam. His heart pounded in ferocious need and outright panic.

  Something was happening to him, with her. He couldn’t get enough of her. Her taste, her smell, her hot, sweet pussy gripping his cock, kneading him from the inside out like a wet little fist. Fierce need exploded within him. He gripped her hips, holding her still so he could thrust up into her, holding himself as deep as he could go. He couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t get deep enough.

  With Alyssa, nothing was ever enough.

  He couldn’t breathe, the heat of the hot tub suffocating him, pounding in his head until he was afraid he would pass out. He turned and lifted Alyssa so she was out of the tub, her butt resting on the padded bench that surrounded it. He knelt on the underwater bench, breathing a little easier now that his body wasn’t submerged in one-hundred-twenty-degree water.

  Derek didn’t break his rhythm as he pushed Alyssa gently back onto the deck. She tried to pull him down with her, but he stayed braced above her, needing to put even that small bit of distance between them.

  It was all too close, too much. The twisty feeling in his chest was back, pulling at his gut. He looked down at her, moaning and writhing under him, her hips pumping against his as she eagerly met every thrust. Steam rose from her body in the cool air until she looked like some mythic seductress who had emerged from the sea to drive him insane. Her gorgeous tits with their candy-pink nipples bounced with every thrust, and his cock gleamed with her juice as he slid in and out.

  Her gaze locked on his, the green depths hiding nothing. Everything was there for him to read, the heat, the need. The tenderness. The trust.

  Then her lids fluttered closed, and her hands tightened on his hips as she urged him faster, harder, harsh cries echoing up to the gray sky as her tight sheath clenched and shuddered around him.

  Derek closed his eyes. Watching her come was like staring at the sun. Too intense for him to look at. But the image was there, burned into his brain, bringing his own orgasm down on him with the force of a collapsing building.

  She pulled him down on top of her, her warm palms chasing away the chill of the air.

  “Derek,” she sighed his name, “you make me feel so good.” She found his mouth with hers, kissing him so sweetly he wanted to melt into her and never come back up for air.

  But the contentment lasted for maybe a breath, chased away by the alarm bells clanging and banging their way into his consciousness. Reminding him that he didn’t get involved for a reason. He’d seen what happened when a man let a woman crawl too deep inside him, let himself be stupid enough to let his cock and his heart overrule his head.

  He’d already made enough mistakes when it came to Alyssa. Danny was right. He was letting her get to him, letting her hot body and poor-little-rich-girl routine cloud his judgment, and taking this all way too personally. Alyssa and the strong pull she had on him were nothing but a test of his resolve, of his professionalism, of the vow he’d made a long time ago to never let anything as stupid as emotion influence his decisions.

  She was a test he wasn’t about to fail.

  Derek pulled away and got out of the tub without a word, ignoring her soft protest. He grabbed a towel from a plastic bin next to the tub and tucked it around his waist.

  “Why do you always do this?” Alyssa’s voice chased him into the living room. She’d draped a towel over herself like a blanket. Her hair was wild, her eyelids heavy, her cheeks pink in a postorgasmic flush.

  “Do what?” he asked, deliberately turning his back on her. He
was afraid if he kept staring at her he’d forget all his self-recriminations.

  “Pull away after sex.” Her bare feet thudded on the floor as she marched over to him.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied.

  “Bullshit.” She poked a slender finger into his chest. “Last night you rolled off me and bolted like the feds were after you.” Thump. Her fingertip met his pec. “And now you can’t even give me so much as a ‘Thanks, that was nice’ before you scatter like a roach.” Thump.

  He grabbed her wrist. “You said you wanted to fuck. You didn’t give me any rules about what came next.”

  She studied him for a moment, and then something like understanding flowed into her eyes.

  Which made him nervous as hell.

  But not as nervous as the sympathy that immediately followed.

  “I understand it’s hard for you to let people in, Derek.” Her smile was soft and way too inviting. “I can only imagine how much your mom leaving messed you up.”

  Hell, no, she wasn’t going to go there.

  She flattened her palm against his chest, stroking, soothing him. “It’s not the end of the world to let yourself care about someone, Derek.” Her voice, her hand stroking him were so hypnotic he almost wanted to believe her. “And it’s not the end of the world to let someone care about you.”

  He could see the warmth, the emotion in her eyes as she reached out to him, offering comfort he didn’t want and didn’t need, asking him to give it right back to her. She was crossing the line, building this up into something more than sex. Setting herself up to get hurt when she realized he could never open up his heart to her the way she was trying to open up to him.

  He knew exactly what she wanted, as well as he knew he wasn’t the man to give it to her.

  The sooner she realized that, the better off she’d be.

  Alyssa jumped as Derek’s hand locked over her wrist, halting the progress of her hand over his chest. His mouth, which had started to soften, pulled into a thin, tight line as his eyes went dark and cold as chips of black ice.

  “Don’t try to climb into my head, Alyssa. It’s not a place I want to share with you or any other woman.”

  His words sent a chill through her as he yanked her hard against him and covered her mouth with his. She moaned, struggling as the pressure ground her lips against her teeth, threatening to bruise her. “Stop,” she gasped, trying to yank out of his hold. “What’s wrong with you?”

  His hand stayed locked around her wrist. “Nothing. This is what you wanted, right? Me treating you like any other woman?”

  “Do you turn Neanderthal with all the women you sleep with, or just the ones who want to talk to you?”

  “That’s the thing,” he said, reaching out his hand and yanking off her towel before she could stop him. “I don’t talk. I don’t cuddle.” He flicked off his own towel. He was already hard again, his cock thick and red and angry looking as it thrust out at her. “I don’t share my feelings.” He grabbed her hips and ground himself crudely against her naked stomach.

  And as the smooth, hot tip of him glided over her skin, God help her, but she felt a bolt of desire between her thighs so fierce it bordered on pain.

  “I fuck,” he said. “And you like the way I do it. Don’t kid yourself into thinking it’s anything more than that.”

  He bent his head to hers. When she tried to turn away, he fisted his hand in her hair, holding her in place for his kiss. His tongue swept into her mouth, sending heat searing through her. She’d crossed a line, and now he was trying to put her in her place. But even that realization couldn’t stop her body’s response. Arousal flooded between her legs, embarrassing in its intensity. Angry at her own loss of control, she closed her teeth over his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood.

  Derek yanked his head back, his eyes narrowed into dark slits as he glared down at her.

  “You’re acting like a jerk,” she choked out.

  His hand slid between her thighs, cupping her sex. His thumb insinuated itself between her pussy lips, grazing against her clit.

  She wanted to die of humiliation when she felt a surge of wetness coat his hand.

  “But you still want me,” he said.

  “You’re an asshole,” she said, feeling her throat tighten and tears pierce the backs of her eyes as her hips rocked against his probing fingers. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with her?

  Her only answer was a moan as first one thick finger and then two slid up inside her. She should have been exhausted, wrung out from before, but she was already primed. As wet as he was rock hard against her.

  She moaned again, this time in protest as he pulled his hand from between her thighs and pushed her backward onto the couch. He hooked her knees over his shoulders and buried his mouth between her legs, licking and sucking, taunting her with deep thrusts and slight flicks of his tongue.

  She could feel her orgasm building, shaming her even as she strove for it, arching against his face, begging him wordlessly for firmer pressure. Just like he had last night, he kept it just out of reach, teasing her, exerting his control.

  Last night she had loved it, loved the way he seemed to revel in her response and get off every little twitch of her skin.

  Now in the cold light of day she felt manipulated and easy and ashamed at her lack of control over her body’s response.

  But no less needy as his mouth hovered over her, the hot kiss of his breath coasting over her sensitive flesh.

  “Tell me how much you want me,” he whispered.

  She clamped her lips together, felt a tear leak from the corner of her eyelid.

  His tongue dipped into her, penetrating her, but not nearly hard and deep enough. Her whole body jumped and shuddered.

  “Come on, Alyssa. You wanted to fuck. Tell me to fuck you.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “Fuck me.” The words slipped past her lips, and she hated herself.

  She heard the rip and crumple of the foil packet and kept her eyes closed as he caught her by the hips, urging her to kneel on the floor in front of the couch. Big hands gripped her hips as he fitted himself against her. Alyssa gasped, her back arching as the thick head penetrated her. He was on her, over her, feeling even bigger inside her as he fucked her from behind.

  What was wrong with her that she could get so turned on when he treated her like a piece of meat? Like a blow-up doll, nothing more than a warm place to stick his dick?

  Okay, that wasn’t totally true, she was forced to admit as he slid one hand around and cupped her sex, stroking her clit in time to his slow, deliberate thrusts. He took everything he’d learned about her body, what she liked, and used it, swiveling his hips at the end of each thrust so he bumped the bundle of nerves deep inside her. Whipping her up into a frenzy until she was nothing but a puddle of helpless need, slamming her hips against him, moaning as she braced herself against the couch so she could get more leverage as she rode his thick shaft.

  Keening sounds emerged from her throat as she strained for orgasm, growing louder and louder as Derek stroked her clit. Finally she broke, release thundering through her, stars exploding behind her closed eyes. He held himself deep inside her, rocking his hips into her until the last pulse fluttered through her.

  He whispered her name and kissed her shoulder. Then he gripped her hips and rode to his own orgasm, pounding into her in bone-jarring thrusts that left her feeling more than a little battered. He came with a curse, almost as though he was angry. At her for making him come so hard. At himself for giving into the attraction he obviously hated to feel.

  Stupid. So stupid. Thinking he would respond to her clumsy attempts to get him to open up. Now she was the one exposed. Ripped open, all of her parts scattered for the entire world to see.

  Alyssa hadn’t been conscious of the chance she was taking with Derek until it was too late. Hadn’t even realized what she’d wanted from him until she was in too deep to stop herself. She didn’t want to
admit it to herself, but now she couldn’t deny the feeble hope she’d fostered that Derek would see her, the real her, and find someone worth knowing, beyond the sex. Someone worth sharing himself with.

  Someone she could trust with herself.

  But now as she lay under him, her skin going cold as his heart pounded against her back, she was reminded of the lesson a smarter girl would have learned by now. A girl in Alyssa Miles’s position couldn’t trust anyone.

  This time Derek wasn’t the one to pull away and duck for cover. As soon as her breathing slowed down Alyssa scrambled from underneath him. She clutched her towel to her like a shield as she streaked down the hall. Seconds later he heard a door slam and the shower running.

  The look in her eyes was like a spear in his chest. He rose from his knees and sank down onto the couch. He felt wasted, weak, and about a hundred years old. He bent his head to his hands and caught sight of his penis. Still half hard, sheathed in the condom.

  His lips pulled back in distaste. The offender, the enemy. This whole fucked-up fiasco was the damn thing’s fault. He laughed humorlessly. Okay, he couldn’t really blame his dick, but he wanted someone—something—else to take the fall for what had just happened.

  What the fuck was wrong with him? Taking her like that. He hadn’t hurt her, not physically anyway. Then he remembered the faint finger marks he’d left on her hips and felt a little sick.

  She’d called him a Neanderthal. He wasn’t even sure he’d evolved to caveman status. Sure, he made sure she got off, and hard, but he’d made her feel like shit about it. Bile rose in the back of his throat as he thought of the things he’d said, the way he’d used her body’s response against her, all so she’d understand he’d never be open to anything more than no-strings sex.

  The look on her face, her eyes big green pools of devastation, flashed in his brain. Mission accomplished. His hand clenched into a fist, and he wanted to punch a wall. And her skin, always so warm, glowing with heat against his, had gone cold. Like her body had shut down, her temperature dropping a good five degrees after the sexual haze had lifted and reality set in.