by Sharp, Tracy
By the time we got out into the parking lot, it was dusk. The mid-November light was fading fast, and I could see the figures of Jack and Declan in the SUV.
So could Gabriel. “Stop.” There was a sharp edge to his voice.
I turned toward him, looking alarmed. It wasn’t hard to pull off. I was becoming alarmed. He knew.
“That SUV has been here a long time. What are those guys doing in there?” His eyes narrowed as he stood watching Declan’s truck.
“Waiting for their wives?” I asked. “You know how women are. We take forever.”
His face was like stone as he watched the truck. “Not under my watch, they don’t. Can’t waste time.”
I looked at the shape of Jack in the truck, becoming less prominent by the second in the dying light. I shook my head and stared right at him. “I don’t know.” I kept my mouth shaped on the word “know.” If Jack could see me, he’d know that I meant “no.”
For a long moment nothing happened. We began a slow approach to the minivan. I held Jack’s gaze, my eyes wide and intense. If he could ever read me, I needed him to do it now.
He did. So he did something clever. As we got to the mini-van, he rolled his window down and put a lazy smile in his face. “Hey, brother. You seem to have your hands full there. You want us to take a couple of those lovely ladies off your hands?”
Gabriel stopped and turned to Jack. His smile pompous. “That’s a very generous offer, but I’ve got a handle on it.”
“Too bad. What’s your secret?” Jack asked him.
“No secret,” Gabriel said. “It’s just a gift.” He opened the sliding door of his truck. “Get in on this side, Leah.” I glanced at Jack and nodded my head to reassure him that I wanted him to go. “Okay.”
Gabriel squinted a little as he watched the SUV back out of the parking spot. Being the narcissist he was, he’d bought Jack’s act, for the most part, but he was still just a little suspicious.
“There’s your answer,” I said, sliding onto the seat once Meredith and Kelly were in. “They were trying to pick up women.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes.
“They aren’t going about it the right way, hanging out in a mall parking lot. Likely to get arrested for suspicious behavior,” Gabriel said. “It’s not the way to draw a woman’s attention.” He sighed. “Most men just have no clue.”
“You’ve got that right,” I said.
He glanced at me in the rearview mirror. His mouth smiled but his eyes were cold. Calculating.
I looked out the window, wrapping my arms around myself.
“Cold?” he asked me.
“A little, can’t seem to get warm in this weather.”
He turned up the heat.
We started the drive from downtown to the commune. I settled back on the seat. Adrenalin had been pumping into my system, but now I was calming down. I kept my eyes on his rear view mirror and his side mirrors, trying to spot Declan’s truck. They weren’t following. Not on this road, anyway.
I had my cell phone, but I didn’t know how long it would be before they took it away from me.
I tried to think of ways to hide it, but the options that were available to me were too disgusting to entertain. I just couldn’t do it.
I’d have to find a way of communicating with Jack that didn’t require a cell phone.
He’d know I had a reason for going with Gabriel, though it wasn’t part of the original plan. Plans had a way of changing on the fly with Jack and me. It was the nature of the beast. He’d seen that I hadn’t been drugged and taken against my will, and I knew he’d come for me before too long.
I just didn’t know how long I had before that happened.
But I did have the bugs in my bag, a couple in my pockets. I’d scatter them around like magic powder. Gabriel wouldn’t know what hit him.
Of course, I was pretty certain that I wouldn’t know what hit me if I got caught.
Chapter Five
When we got to the compound it was dark and the air was chilled. Once again, my fight or flight instinct had kicked in. It hit me that I’d put myself in an insanely dangerous situation, and I felt cold all over. My hands, which were shoved deep into the pockets of my worn jean jacket, were so cold that my fingers felt numb.
I was thankful for the frigid air. With my hands hidden, no one would see them shaking.
As we made our way up a long drive way toward the main building, which looked like a giant warehouse, I found that I was shivering so badly that I couldn’t hide it.
“You poor thing,” Meredith said, coming up close beside me. “I’d wrap my arm around you but I have all these bags. We’ll get you inside, nice and warm, in a second.”
“What are you two talking about?” Gabriel said, coming up fast behind us.
Meredith turned toward him. “She’s shivering.”
He smiled down at me, his eyes shining under the silver light of the moon. “We’ll get some hot food into her. Sit her beside the wood stove. You’ll be fine, little one.”
This ‘little one’ shit was getting old in a hurry. For one thing, I’m not little. I stand at five foot nine. But the issue for him was to start his brainwashing of me by making me feel small beside him, and to make me view him as my savior and protector.
It’s what he did with every woman he’d manipulated, I was certain. And lots of women bought that shit, especially if they had nowhere to turn and nothing to believe in. He’d be looking mighty good then.
But to me, he just looked like an asshole, an insecure, almost howling-at-the-moon crazy asshole.
There were women everywhere, as far as the eye could see it seemed. They moved around, caring for children, cleaning, getting dinner ready. Several women placed baskets of what looked like fresh baked bread on the tables. Large, rectangular folding tables served as their dining tables. It was clear now why they needed a building as large as this one. There were so many of them, and their numbers were ever growing. I saw at least four women in varying stages of pregnancy, and I wondered if all the babies were Gabriel’s.
None of the women wore make-up. I saw no jewelry, not even a watch on any of them. The closest they came to adornments were barrettes and clips that held their hair back. It looked as if any woman who had shorter hair was trying to grow it out.
Their clothes were simple, nothing fancy. They were allowed to wear jeans and slacks at least. Thank God. I didn’t know if I could stay there if I wasn’t allowed to wear my jeans.
Then again, I might’ve moved past the point where I had any choice in anything now.
***
Dinner was delicious, vegetable soup and homemade bread. It appeared that most things were homemade at the compound. They lived a fairly simple, but extremely busy life. Other than sitting and eating, it didn’t appear like anyone spent time just hanging out. It wasn’t a vacation, that’s for sure.
The women worked especially hard. There were men, but the women outnumbered them sharply. It looked as if it were a ratio of about three women to one man. I didn’t think this was an accident. Gabriel was a misogynist through and through. His hatred for women had started at an early age, I guessed, and he’d just nurtured that hostility throughout the years. The men worked around the compound, mostly doing outdoor work. They were allowed to hang back while the women scurried around cleaning up. But I was sure that they were kept busy enough to keep them from allowing their minds to idle much. Their every thought had to be about the family. Everything was “for the family”. Gabriel had his very own little socialist community at the compound. Fear and the mistrust of strangers were heavily encouraged.
These were things I picked up within only a couple of hours of being at the commune. I kept my head down and my ears open. Each time I glanced up, I saw Gabriel’s eyes on me, and I felt my skin creep and crawl on my bones.
I wondered where I’d sleep that night, and my nerves jittered. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of Gabriel trying to crawl into bed with me.
/> As if on cue, he said, “Are you tired, little one?” His grin was slightly obscene. His small, even teeth reminded me of a shark’s grin.
I nodded, “Yeah.”
“Meredith, show Leah where the women sleep.” He never took his eyes off me. “We’ll talk again tomorrow. Give you a tour and show you what we’re all about here at the commune.”
I nodded once and stood as Meredith’s chair scraped across the floor.
Gabriel stood from his place at the head of the long table, and wrapped me in a long embrace before kissing me on the forehead and saying, “We’re so glad you’re here, Leah.”
Meredith led me to a staircase. We climbed the stairs to a second floor. What I saw made me stop dead in my tracks.
“I know. It freaked me out at first too,” she said, smiling at me. “But it’s actually nice to be in a room with all the sisters. It’s comforting. Nobody is alone here. With Gabriel, you’ll never have to be alone again, if you choose to accept his love in your heart.”
I looked at the double rows of beds, all side by side, with only a couple of feet between them. They were all covered with the same, grey, fleece blankets, and each bed had one pillow. Every bed was made neatly, military style, not a crease could be seen anywhere.
I felt her hand curl into mine. “Come. Sleep now.”
I followed her to the far end of the enormous room, looking up at the wooden beams in the ceiling. Anywhere else, I’d have thought those beams were cool. Here, they looked utilitarian; bare.
A clear, bright sense of dread slithered up my spine and once again I felt numb, and so very cold.
She bent down and turned the blanket and sheet down; a gesture I knew was an effort to make me feel more comfortable and at home. Then she turned to me and placed her hands into both of mine, as a little girl would. I had a flash of my little sister, her smile mischievous as she leaned in and whispered something in my ear.
Just as Meredith was doing now, her lips brushed against my earlobe, almost as a lover’s would. “Sleep, and if you’re very lucky, Gabriel will come for you in the night.”
***
Gabriel didn’t come, but one of the sister’s shook me awake during the middle of the night. My watch read that it was three a.m. I was shivering as I came awake instantly, sitting straight up on the narrow bed. The realization that I wasn’t in my warm bed at home with Callahan made my heart start hammering in my chest. I felt so lonesome for him that I wanted to cry, and I regretted the trigger quick decision to come with Gabriel and his women instead of sticking with the initial plan.
Still, I knew that if I’d done that, the other women with Gabriel would’ve most certainly been beaten again.
“Leah,” she whispered. “I’m Ivy. I’m sure you don’t remember my name. There are so many of us.”
I nodded, wanting to climb back under the covers. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to stop shivering.
“Gabriel wants to show you something,” Ivy said, taking my hand.
That was funny. I wanted to show Gabriel something too, the barrel end of a gun. Suddenly I realized I was pissed off that I was there. I was furious at Gabriel for even existing. The last thing I wanted to do was entertain him while he played show and tell to amuse himself. “What does he want to show me?”
“Come downstairs and you’ll find out,” Ivy whispered, leading me across the long, darkened room toward the staircase.
I heard the crackling of a fire as we descended the stairs, and I smelled wood burning. I’d seen two large fireplaces so far, and several wood burning stoves. Apparently the group used wood as their primary heating source. Yet barely any of the heat travelled upstairs. Gabriel apparently wasn’t all that concerned with the comfort level of his faithful flock.
He sat in a chair in front of the fire. Turning his blonde head, he smiled at me, gesturing to the chair next to him.
I couldn’t wait to get near that fire. I felt raw from the inside out. It occurred to me that this was one of the ways that Gabriel broke down the will of his members. By keeping them cold, he weakened them. Then he’d throw them a bone, like he was doing with me now, allowing me a chance to warm myself near the fire. He’d make them feel grateful.
“I love a fireplace,” I said. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He reached over to the side table next to his chair and lifted a mug of something steaming and smelling of heaven, and offered it to me. “I made you one, too. I hope you like marshmallows.”
“Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I want this right now.” And I did. I held the mug under my nose and breathed deeply of the rich, chocolate aroma. This was no pre-packaged stuff either. It was the real deal. He’d made the hot chocolate with milk and real cocoa. I lifted the mug to my lips and took a sip, and my eyes almost rolled back in my head with ecstasy. “Oh. My God.”
When I opened my eyes I was taken by how happy his smile was. He seemed genuinely glad that I was enjoying the cocoa. Pleased as hell with himself.
“Is it sweet enough, too sweet? I didn’t know what you like, so I just took a chance and made it the way I like it.”
“It’s absolutely perfect. Wow.” The man may be pond scum, but he made a mean mug of hot chocolate.
“Worth getting up in the middle of the night for,” He asked me, reaching for his own mug.
“Oh yeah. Though I am a huge fan of sleep.” I took another sip of liquid heaven, letting the fluid linger on my tongue. “I haven’t been sleeping much lately.”
“What happened to you, Leah?” His face was serious and beautiful in the flickering light of the flames.
I left the chair and sat cross legged on the floor to be closer to the fire, reveling in its heat and staring into it and watching it dance. “Hypnotic, isn’t it?”
“ I could stare at a fire forever.” His voice was soft and low. He waited for me to answer his question.
“It was a lot of things, Gabriel, just too many things. You know? I just kind of lost myself. And I don’t really know how to get myself back.” I was startled by the fact that I was actually telling him the truth.
At that moment, I felt the emotional gaping hole in the center of me so profoundly that I couldn’t seem to shut the hell up. It was a helpless feeling, but somehow I felt that I was the one gaining control of him, just by virtue of choosing to tell him.
He leaned forward, a barely perceptible smile on his lips, hanging on my every word. A light went off in my head. The clear sense of something clicking into place, and I grabbed on to it. I was the one with the power. It could’ve been just an illusion but right then I didn’t much give a damn. I’d put myself into a very bad position, and the alternative, running out into the freezing cold with Gabriel’s minions close at my heels like a pack of dogs, didn’t much appeal to me.
“What was the straw?” He asked me, his voice like velvet in the silence of the room. “There’s always a straw.”
The one that broke the camel’s back. That straw had been Caroline.
I modified the truth a little. I wouldn’t tell him that I was a private eye hired to find a girl kidnapped by her abusive and controlling boyfriend. “It was the daughter of a friend of mine. We got her back from her nutcase boyfriend. She was staying with me. I guess I was really tired and I didn’t hear him break into my house.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was still so hard to talk about. “He slit her throat while I slept in the next room.” I sipped more cocoa, swallowed back the scream that always rose from my throat whenever I spoke or even thought about it. The cocoa was losing its heat, but I kept my hands wrapped around the mug just the same.
“That,” his voice genuinely sad, “is truly horrible.”
He didn’t bother to tell me that it hadn’t been my fault. I guess he knew I’d heard it many times before and that I hadn’t believed it all those times and I wouldn’t believe it now. It was pointless to say.
I cleared my throat, which felt too tight. “Yes, it is.”
“You see, that is partly what is wrong with this world. Women and children aren’t safe even in their own beds or in the beds of trusted friends and family.”
I heard the creaking of the chair as he leaned further forward. I could almost feel his breath at the back of my neck, though he wasn’t quite that close to me. Yet. I felt like asking him how safe the women were here, at his compound, when their feet were so sore that they could barely walk.
Fuck it. I turned to face him. “What happened to the feet of the women who were with you today and of some of the others here? I noticed them limping, favoring their feet. They seem to have a hard time moving around.”
He leaned back into his chair again. “One of our sisters lost her way. A terrible thing happened. Her baby died shortly after birth. So she left. ” He sighed heavily. “I guess she couldn’t stand the memories. She went running out into the woods, and several of the sisters went after her. They got up out of their beds and didn’t stop to put shoes or slippers on. They went after her in their bare feet.”
I watched his face, saying nothing.
“They ran after her, through the woods, over the frost, ice, rocks, twigs, for hours. Even long after they’d lost her, they kept searching.”
I shuddered, chilled through my skin again. Part of me wanted to climb right into the fire to get the image of these women tearing up their feet in the frosty night out of my head. Was it concern for Noel that had kept these women running after her? Or was it fear of Gabriel’s wrath if they failed to bring her back?
“I had to send out a search party for that search party.” He chuckled.
“Wow,” I said. Feeling like I had to say something.
“We are committed to each other here, Leah. You’ve never seen anything like it. I can promise you that.”
“I believe you.” I really hadn’t seen anything like it. I hoped like hell I wouldn’t see anything like it again, if I ever got out of there. My eyes felt heavy. I was suddenly so tired I didn’t know if I could keep them open.