Bill nodded and waved a hand, indicating it was nothing.
Mr. Engelmann turned back to Henry. “You have a natural talent to be a businessman. In fact, Henry, I believe no matter what you do, you will be good at it. You are multi-talented, and you put your heart and soul into everything you do.”
He paused for a brief moment and then said, “I was happy to hear on the drive home that you have decided to teach. We need people who have big hearts and know how to live right. You are a fine young man, honest and upright, and will be a good example for all those young people who need someone to emulate and look up to. Although you would make a fine businessman, you will be a superb teacher.”
Henry just sat there, taking that all in, trying to keep his head from swelling too much. Finally, he found his voice, “Thank you, Mr. Engelmann…I—”
Mr. Engelmann shook a finger at Henry. “No need to thank me. It is I who owe you the thanks.” With that he reached into his breast suit pocket, exactly where he had reached for the letter Anna had written for her funeral.
Henry thought he might be pulling out her letter again. Instead, Mr. Engelmann pulled out an envelope and handed it to him. It was sealed, with Henry’s name written on it. All eyes were now on Henry, waiting for him to open up the letter and see what was inside. Henry looked at his mom and dad and then at Mr. Engelmann.
“Go on, Henry, open it,” Mr. Engelmann pressed, his tone one of excitement and pleasure.
Henry slipped a finger into the tiny opening at one end of the envelope and tore it open. He took out the letter inside, and as he unfolded it, a cheque fell out and fluttered onto the table face down. The letter was only a paragraph long:
Dear Henry,
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and Anna’s, too. You have made our store very successful, and if it weren’t for you, I’m sure it would have failed. But more than the success you have brought to our business, you have brought great joy and happiness to our lives. Perhaps more than you will ever know. On behalf of Anna, who is with us now in spirit, thank you. As I’m sure you know, we love you very much, as if you were our own son. Enclosed is a small token of our thanks and love, to help you out with university. May the good Lord richly bless you always.
Love, David Engelmann
Unbidden tears came to Henry’s eyes and a drop fell onto the back of the cheque lying on the table. He quickly wiped it away with his finger, picked up the cheque and turned it over. His eyes were so blurry he had trouble making it out. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then looked up and, slightly embarrassed, laughed nervously.
Mr. Engelmann beamed at Henry. Henry dropped his gaze to the cheque. The cheque was made out to Henry Pederson, in the amount of $10,000.
Henry gasped, his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. He looked at Mr. Engelmann. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, yes, it is yours.”
Henry looked at his parents, who were now on the edge of their seats, wanting to read the letter and know what the cheque was for.
“This is unbelievable,” Henry said, looking at the cheque again.
“Well, what does it say, Henry?” urged his mother.
Henry handed her the letter and the cheque to his dad.
“My, my,” his dad said, “that’s awfully generous of you, David.”
Mr. Engelmann raised his right hand and waved it off as if it were nothing, mimicking what Henry’s father had done earlier.
Mary’s eyes filled with tears as she read the letter. She got up and kissed Mr. Engelmann’s cheek.
“Thank you, David, that’s a real nice letter.” Then she read the cheque and let out a high-pitched squeal, startling them all.
Henry pushed back his chair, almost toppling it, went over to Mr. Engelmann and hugged him. “Thank you so much, Mr. Engelmann, thank you! For everything.”
“Well it’s been a long day and I think I will go home early tonight.”
“I can drive you, David,” Bill offered.
“Oh no, it’s such a pleasant evening, the walk will do me good.”
After Mr. Engelmann thanked Mary for another wonderful meal and said good night to everyone, he stepped outside. Henry followed him down the landing and the two men stood at the fence gate.
“Thanks again, Mr. Engelmann, for coming today and for the money.”
“It was my pleasure, Henry.” He patted Henry’s shoulder and repeated, “It was my pleasure and Anna’s too.”
“Can I share something with you before you go?”
Mr. Engelmann gazed at Henry tenderly, the streetlight putting sparkles in his eyes, “Yes, yes, of course, Henry. What is it?”
“You know, of all the great things that happened today, the one I’m most proud of is that my speech caused Eddy to come up to me after and apologize for what he and his friends did to Jenny and me back in the summer before Grade 9. But—but, more important is how at that moment I completely forgave him and wanted to hug him. All the lingering anger, hurts, revenge…everything vanished. It was like a heavy stone I’ve been carrying on my back for so long suddenly fell off. You have no idea how light and good inside it makes me feel.”
“Yes, Henry,” Mr. Engelmann nodded. “I do know how you feel. I have been there in my life as well. Today, Henry, you have completed the journey. For years you have forgiven Eddy from the head, but today it reached your heart. Today you loved like Jesus would want us to love. When we do that, we feel incredible peace in our heart.”
Henry felt such joy he couldn’t speak. He used all his strength trying to hold back the tears welling up inside of him. He just nodded.
Mr. Engelmann gave Henry a hug and another pat on the shoulder. “Well done, Henry. What greater evidence of God, His Son and His Holy Spirit do we need to prove their existence? Our spirits cry out to Him, to come to Him, to do His will, to love. This is who we really are, Henry. At the core of our being is love, there where our Creator resides, and when we touch it at moments like this, we know beyond a doubt we have come home.”
Henry simply nodded still unable to speak.
“Can you now really see the truth and depth of His words and teachings? Can you now understand why it is so important to obey Jesus’ commands not to judge, not to seek revenge no matter how justified you are? Rather than squander our precious moments endlessly feeding our minds reasons why we are right to be angry or to hate the other, inner peace should always be our goal; to forgive, to love in every situation. Only in this way do we promote healing and growth in ourselves and others, which in turn makes the world a better place.”
The light of truth burned in Henry’s consciousness so brightly he found himself squinting as he softly said, “I understand, Mr. Engelmann.”
“Remember this moment; sear it into your heart so when others hurt you in your life’s journey you will remember the freedom and joy of forgiveness and do so quickly.”
Mr. Engelmann stepped back and added, a twinkle in his eye and the corners of his mouth turning up, “Today, Henry, you have put a huge smile on the Lord’s face.”
What Mr. Engelmann had said earlier about bringing and seeing love in every situation suddenly made such sense to Henry. The more we see beauty in life and in others the more we see beauty in ourselves. We feel good and proud of who we are. If we dwell on resentment and anger and look for the bad in others, it simply is a reflection of ourselves. We see what we are filled with…we choose every moment to really live, or half live, and, all too often, live not at all.
Henry’s eyes brightened as he realized even more fully what he had said in his speech: “to be or not to be,” really is the question we must ask each and every moment of our lives.
As Mr. Engelmann walked off down the sidewalk under the night sky, Henry knew that the bright light glowing around his mentor was neither the streetlight that had just flickered on nor the moon.
“Yeah—David E
ngelmann,” Henry whispered, “angel man…”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Henry never fully realized how his speech affected his mom. She never talked to him about it. But later that same week, Henry arrived home to two trucks parked in front of their home. One was from Brown’s Auction and the other, Sears. They pulled away just as Henry arrived at the gate. He knew what had happened and smiled, pure joy welling up in him.
Henry burst through the front door.
“Henry, is that you?” called his mom.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Home early?”
“Yeah, they let us out early today.”
His mother emerged from the bedroom, and as she passed Henry, she kissed his cheek. When she’d disappeared into the kitchen, he looked down the hallway. She had purposefully left the door open. Henry heard the water running in the kitchen and felt it safe to have a quick look. He tiptoed to the bedroom and looked inside. In the space where the twin beds had been was one large single one!
Henry could hardly wait for his dad to come home so he could see his reaction. Henry settled at the kitchen table with a National Geographic, completely aware of the number of times his mother checked the oven unnecessarily and how many times she glanced towards the front door. She suggested several times that he go into the living room, but Henry stubbornly stayed in the kitchen. He didn’t want to miss his dad’s reaction.
Finally, Bill arrived home. As usual, he came in, kissed Mary on the cheek, then headed into the bathroom for a shower. Although Henry had a magazine in front of him, it might as well have been a piece of cardboard for all he read of it. Henry had prayed for this so long he didn’t want to miss anything. Five minutes later, towel wrapped around his waist, his father darted across the hall to the bedroom and closed the door.
Ten minutes later, a little longer than usual, he emerged from the bedroom, wearing a clean shirt and a pair of trousers. Henry glanced up quickly and then back down at the magazine.
Bill had a wide grin on his face.
“Hi, Henry,” his father said as he entered the kitchen. He walked over to his mother, who as always had her hands in the sink. “Hi, honey,” he said, touching her waist and kissing her cheek. “When’s dinner ready?”
“Oh, in about ten or fifteen minutes. The casserole needs just a little longer. Enough time to start the paper. I’ll call you.”
What? Was that it? No passionate love scene or anything? What was going on here? Henry had fully expected his dad to swoop his mom off her feet and carry her into the bedroom and try out the new bed. Supper could wait! Henry couldn’t believe his mom had told his dad to go read the paper, that she’d call him—as if tonight were no different from any other night! What was romantic about that? Why the small talk? Why not a conversation about the new bed? Or how exciting it would be to try it out? Henry guessed maybe they were a little embarrassed or felt awkward about it all with him sitting there. As far as Henry could guess, they hadn’t slept together in several years, ever since his dad returned from Vancouver. Henry wondered if he should tease them a little about it but immediately thought better of it.
Supper was quiet. Too quiet. It just drew more attention to what his parents were trying to hide. His mom kept looking down at her plate rather than at either him or his dad, while his dad couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Mary’s face flushed and when she looked down, her long eyelashes veiled unsettled eyes.
Henry began to feel he was hampering them with his presence. He began to eat faster so that he could be excused.
Right after dinner, Henry decided to sort out his closet and drawers in preparation for leaving for university. Several shirts were missing buttons and he headed out to the kitchen to give them to his mom to mend. When he peeked into the kitchen, his dad was behind his mom with his hands wrapped around her, kissing her neck. Her hands rested on the edge of the sink, her fingers in the dish water.
The water was running, which explained why they hadn’t heard Henry come down the hall. It was threatening to overflow, actually, and he thought about warning his mom about it, but he was so happy to see them like that he just couldn’t bring himself to put it to a stop. It gave him such a wonderful feeling of security to see his parents show love to each other.
He turned and walked back to his room.
At nine-thirty, Henry decided to make some popcorn, but when he opened his bedroom door all the lights were out. His mom and dad had already gone to bed. That was a first. His mom always was up until at least ten-thirty. Henry smiled as he thought about it. They had a lot to make up for.
As he silently returned to his room, exhilaration flooded him. A warm gush of emotion in the pit of his stomach rose swiftly and spread throughout his being. Tears welled up in his eyes as he let out a sigh of utter relief and pure joy. The undercurrent of unforgiveness in his home, which had held all of them captive for so long, was gone, leaving in its wake freedom and peace.
Henry loved it. He re-entered his bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him, knowing that all was finally well once again in the Pederson household.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
There were only two weeks left in June and Henry still hadn’t mentioned his plan to go to Ottawa. He wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret much longer. He was becoming very fond of Julean. He seemed to have that same dreamy-eyed look he’d had for Jenny.
Mary hoped that his relationship with Julean would change his mind about going to Ottawa. She hated to think what could be in store for him if he made it there. Would Mr. Sarsky even agree to talk to him? Was he even still with that company? Perhaps they had moved. Worse, Jenny might not be interested anymore. She knew Henry needed closure, but perhaps Julean was providing that.
She dried her hands on her apron, turned and looked up at the crucifix. “Oh, Lord, I know I shouldn’t be snooping in my son’s desk but I just have to. I promise this will be the last time. Please, forgive me.”
When she entered Henry’s room, she sat at his desk and stared down at the closed drawer.
“Oh, Lord,” she whispered, “in a way I am just trying to help my son carry his burden. There is a spiritual sharing between us.”
Although it was a weak excuse, it was strong enough to once again allow her to reach down and open the drawer.
The money, tickets and white folded letter were still there. All the pamphlets and what looked like the city map were stacked neatly and pushed into the corner of the drawer. Mary lifted out the envelope and set it on the desk. She wondered if he had added anything new to his plans or indicated what else he had accomplished.
Mary unfolded the letter, and her head snapped back so sharply that she almost tipped the chair backwards. The sheet of paper wasn’t his plan. It was a letter addressed to her. She leaned forward and allowed her eyes to fall on the letter again.
Mary shook her head and exclaimed, “You rat, you!”
Dear Mom,
I have decided to abandon my plan. Ever since Grade 9, I have been planning this trip to Ottawa, but after the last several months of thinking about it, I am going to let it go. If Jenny had sent me at least one letter, I’d have followed through on this for sure. Some kind of closure to all this would have been nice, but since meeting Julean, I have come to love her just as much, and who knows, maybe more. In any case, I no longer need to know Jenny’s whereabouts or what has happened to her as much anymore. I know I will always love Jenny, but it is time to move on.
How did I know that you’ve been following this? The first time you peeked in my drawer, you left your trademark. The teardrop stain on the bottom left hand corner of my plan never did fade away completely as you might have hoped. It was the same teardrop stain you left behind when you read my first love letter to Jenny back in Grade 9. I must say you managed to put the drawer back in the same position every time, and the envelope, too, but you had to be even more precis
e to make it appear untouched. You don’t know all my secret little devices that let me know the goings-on in my room. Ha, ha.
Am I mad or upset with you? Of course not, how could I possibly be? What could I possibly ever hide from you? You have shared my sorrow and burden for so long. You have every right to know where I’m at in all this. I know how much you care and worry and want the best for me. All I can possibly feel is a deep gratitude for you. I may not have said it often enough, but you’ll never know how much I appreciate your love and support.
And you have no idea how much I’ve enjoyed this secret little rendezvous with you. It was amusing to think that you thought you were doing this without my knowledge. How cautious you were and the guilty twinges you must have felt! It was all not necessary. You should’ve known that you couldn’t possibly fool your bright young son!
Thanks for all your caring over the years, Mom, and for always being there for me. I thank God every night that He blessed me with a mom like you. I so regret having this come to an end. It gave me something to look forward to when I came home. The first thing I would do was to check to see if you’d had another peek. It was fun. I will treasure this always.
Love, Henry
June 17, 1960
Several more of her trademarks landed on the page, but it no longer mattered. Henry was no longer going to Ottawa. Mary smiled through her tears as elation filled her spirit. He wasn’t mad at her. In fact, he’d known all along that she was snooping and was thankful that she had done it.
Mary read the letter over again, folded it, and put it into her apron pocket. She opened the second drawer in which Henry kept his writing paper, took out a sheet and wrote:
Dear Henry,
You loveable stinker, you. I should have known better than to think I could fool you. And the guilt I felt each time I snooped in your drawer, I confessed it three times to Father Connelly! My, my, what a shocking surprise. I almost fell over backwards when I saw your letter instead of your plan as usual. That was very clever of you!
Another Angel of Love Page 34