Another Angel of Love

by Henry K. Ripplinger

  “So,” he said at last, turning to his father, “Mom wrote me that you got promoted, Dad?”

  “Yeah, I guess they recognize a good man when they see one,” Bill winked. “Yup, I’m no longer fixing Coke machines or compressors, I’m selling them now.”

  “You should see him, Henry, he looks so handsome all dressed in a suit every day and he’s such a good salesman. Two Pepsi customers already switched over to carrying Coca-Cola in their store because of him.” Mary reached over and placed her hand on her husband’s.

  It made Henry’s heart glad to see that. It just made him feel good when his parents complimented each other or joked around.

  “Well, it does mean a lot of traveling, but it’s mostly nearby towns. Moose Jaw is the biggest area to cover and I’m usually home every evening, which I like.” And then turning to Mary, he teased, “Mainly because of your mom’s cooking, of course.”

  Mary rolled her eyes and Bill took the cue, “Honestly, honey, it’s really because I can’t stand being away from you. Not even for a night.”

  “Now that’s better!” Mary got up and checked the oven to see how dinner was coming along.

  “So Julean likes university too?”

  “She loves it—and she’s doing so well. Straight A’s”

  “That’s great. Oh, by the way, David called last night and said he’d be back in Regina on Friday and that he can hardly wait to see you. Of course, he also said that he can’t wait for one of my meals, either…I just can’t get away from it, can I?”

  “Nope, you’re doomed to being a professional home-grown chef, Mom—the best in the world.”

  “Well, your dad’s gotten to be a pretty good cook too, you know. On the days I work at Simpsons, he sometimes has dinner ready for me when I get home, and I must say they’re very tasty.”

  “It’s because you’re a good teacher, Mary. And, in all honesty, you have most of the meal prepared already. But I do a heck of a job in getting it into the oven and turning on the stove!”

  “Oh Bill, you do more than that!” Mary slapped him on the shoulder.

  “Well, Mom and Dad, I think I’ll get cleaned up. I may go over to Julean’s place for awhile tonight but I should be home early. It sure will be good to see Mr. Engelmann on Friday. It’s only two days away, so not too long a wait.”

  When Mr. Engelmann walked into their home late Friday afternoon, Henry couldn’t believe his eyes. In fact, his parents couldn’t believe their eyes either. For a minute Henry thought Mr. Engelmann had a younger brother. He looked years younger and had lost a good fifteen pounds. Perhaps it was no longer having all the stress of working long hours at the store and tending to Anna, or maybe he’d just grown closer to the Lord, if that were possible.

  “My gosh, Mr. Engelmann—or Father, should I say,” Henry corrected in jest, “man, do you ever look good. I hardly recognize you!”

  “I’ll second that,” echoed Bill. “What’s the secret, David? Been to heaven and back?”

  Mr. Engelmann beamed. “All this studying is a lot of hard work for someone who has been out of school for all the years I have. But I am up before the sun and retire when it goes down and I feel very rested. I love what I am doing: training to be a shepherd for the Lord.”

  “You already were that, Mr. Engelmann,” Henry said.

  “Maybe so, Henry, but soon I will be an officially ordained one.”

  “Well, come in, David, come in. Let me take your coat. It’s so good to have you here for supper and a visit. We’ve all missed you so much.”

  “And I’ve missed you all, too.” Mr. Engelmann handed his coat and hat to Mary and then gave each a hug in turn, keeping an arm around Henry as he asked about university and Julean.

  Dinner lasted almost two hours before everyone seemed to be talked out. It was so good to have everyone back together, like old times. Henry loved the family get-together and the fun, laughter and good will. It offered such a respite from study and work. Mr. Engelmann came over twice more for dinner, on Christmas Day and New Year’s, much to everyone’s delight.

  It was sad to see the holidays come to an end. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Julean was going back with him, Henry would’ve found it downright agonizing to return to school. The day they left, Mr. Engelmann came to see them off before heading back to Gravelbourg himself. After hugs and goodbyes, they were off.

  Henry and Julean returned home to Regina at the end of February and again at Easter. Before they knew it, their first year of university was under their belts and they felt like pros. Both of them had done very well in their studies.

  Travis, though, had failed two of the five subjects he’d taken in the College of Engineering and would need to repeat them. Too many late nights with the girls, they teased. Henry couldn’t get over the number of times Travis hadn’t come home at night and the wild parties he attended. Travis’ one-night stands caught up with him, though, when he contracted a venereal disease. Rather than stop, he vowed to be more careful and use a contraceptive. Henry and Julean found it difficult to understand how guys and girls gave of their bodies so freely without commitment or concern about the consequences. It was an eye- opener for them both.

  Back in Regina, Henry got a job over the summer working for the Department of Defense as one of the maintenance crew. Mr. Mahoney again offered him a job at the city taxation department, but Henry wanted to be outdoors and so took the government job instead. He looked after the building’s grounds, keeping the lawns and flowers watered. He worked with two other students and a horticulturist. The horticulturist was older and knew everything there was to know about plants and their care. The job required Henry to get up at five a.m. and be at the job, ready to start, by six. Henry soon eagerly anticipated watching the sun come up, basking in the peace that surrounded that part of the day. He actually often got up earlier and used the time before five-thirty to read the Bible and meditate.

  During the last week of August before they headed back to university, Mr. Engelmann made a special trip to Regina to visit with the Pedersons and especially Henry. After another great dinner and visit with his parents, Henry drove Mr. Engelmann back to the rectory. When Henry parked the car, the conversation shifted to his deepening relationship with Julean.

  “So, Henry, if you and Julean are talking about marriage already, this is becoming quite serious.”

  “Yeah, in more ways than one. Not only can we hardly wait to get married, but we also really want to make love to each other. Do you recall the discussion we once had out back of the store about sex and waiting until you’re married?”

  Mr. Engelmann nodded. “I take it that you are struggling with that again?”

  “It’s all I think about, especially when we’re alone together.”

  “Yes, it is very difficult to abstain before marriage. It is such a strong desire, especially when two people love each other so much. Anna and I struggled with it, too, as I’m sure most young couples do.”

  “I just don’t know if I can wait any longer.”

  “I understand. The good Lord put this great desire in us and then He expects us to behave and control it.”

  “Yeah!” Henry turned to Mr. Engelmann. “Just what does He expect from us?”

  “Obedience, self-discipline, intelligence. Remember what I told you back then? We are not animals. We are not Pavlovian dogs conditioned to react to our base instincts. We are children of God, to whom He has given a beautiful body along with intelligence, a moral code and free will. And He expects us to use it wisely and diligently, and not recklessly. Our bodies are a rare gift to be treasured and honoured and respected.”

  Henry looked at Mr. Engelmann, suddenly angry. A moment ago Henry thought Mr. Engelmann had been agreeing with him, supporting his feelings, justifying them. Then Mr. Engelmann had said the Lord expected him to be some kind of high-and-mighty super-creature, rising above
the instincts that the Lord had Himself given him! It was infuriating!

  “I can see you are confused and frustrated, Henry. Yes, the Lord has instilled in us the desire to procreate. But he wants us to do this when we are married, in an atmosphere of commitment and respect so that children can come into the world in a home in which there is love and security. This is a special gift that only humans possess. And with this gift comes responsibility to do the right thing.”

  “You know, the guys I share the house with in Saskatoon go out all the time, party and have sex. One of the them even got a disease for doing it too much.”

  “That’s a perfect example of what we are talking about. Your friends lack moral responsibility and self-discipline. They are just using their female friends for self-gratification. We seek one pleasure after the other with no thought to the consequences of how a few minutes of pleasure can turn into so much pain and hurt. How many girls may already have become pregnant or received the disease your friend has? He has no intention of marrying any of these girls, does he? It is easy to see what the right thing to do is, Henry.”

  “But see, that’s why it’s different with Julean and me; we are going to get married.”

  “Now our discussion is going around in circles and getting nowhere. You either believe in your heart that it’s best to wait like the Lord wants you to or you don’t. You either make the sacrifice of waiting and giving yourselves to each other completely and purely or you don’t. Look at what your friends are doing now and the consequences of their actions. But more importantly, what are they going to bring to their wedding night when they do get married? What are they going to offer their spouse, their lifelong partner? A sinful past? Or a past that was chaste and showed restraint and moral conduct? It seems to me just over a year ago I listened to a fine speech a young man gave to his fellow students about being people of integrity,” Mr. Engelmann smiled, but his words were serious.

  “That insightful young man talked about choice; that every moment of our lives we choose to be a person of integrity or not. To live out the values we believe in or not. ‘To be or not to be’ was the way the young man put it. I will never forget that phrase. It’s short and filled with so much power…to be a man of truth, of integrity, of honour—or not to be, that is the question, isn’t it, Henry?”

  “Geez, Mr. Engelmann,” Henry sighed. “You do it every time, your teachings cut like a knife into my mind, always carving out the stupid stuff.”

  “It seems to me, Henry, you know full well what you should do but you’re allowing yourself to be distracted by all these thoughts of making love to Julean. As we’ve talked about before, the thoughts we entertain lead to feelings of arousal or hunger or whatever, and eventually our feelings, driven by our thoughts, lead us to act—either like an intelligent person in control and guided by his beliefs or like an animal driven by instinct.” Mr. Engelmann gazed into Henry eyes, “Is that not correct?”

  “Yeah, it’s more than correct.”

  “Well? What is the solution, Henry?”

  “Not to allow myself to think those thoughts. But I’ve tried to get rid of them, to push them out of my mind and the harder I try the worse it seems to get!”

  “Ah yes, that is true, but what if you don’t resist? What if you just let the thought come but chose not to get engaged with it? You cannot deny your thoughts and feelings, they are a part of you. The first and most important step is to accept those thoughts. Acknowledge them and then gently replace them with other thoughts and insights which are more wholesome. The imagination is a powerful tool that can be used either for us or against us. ‘Yes,’ you might say when a temptation comes into your mind, ‘I do desire Julean and would like to make love to her more than anything, but I choose to delay that pleasure until we are married. I can see I am mainly seeking sexual gratification. She is not an object of my desire but the love of my life and I am willing make this sacrifice for that special night when we can offer each other ourselves fully and freely, and completely without shame, guilt or regret.”

  “Geez, Mr. Engelmann, it’s amazing how you can turn things around.”

  “You must use your thoughts and imagination to your advantage. The mind reacts to your thoughts and…”

  “Yeah, I know, the thoughts you think lead to feelings of arousal and then you act, and maybe do something stupid.”

  Mr. Engelmann chuckled. “I couldn’t have said it any better myself. But remember too, Henry, to continually pray for wisdom, strength and guidance from the Lord. Temptation can be very powerful and we need the Lord’s strength to keep us on the straight and narrow. Keep filling your mind with good thoughts. Remember, no two thoughts can occupy the mind at the same time, so dwell on the beauty of God and His creation. Fill your consciousness with the wholesome things of life and think thoughts continually that do not lead you into temptation. Why torture yourself needlessly?”

  Henry nodded, unable to think of anything that would be a reasonable rebuttal of Mr. Engelmann’s wisdom and understanding. He’s going to make such a good priest.

  “The problem with humans, Henry, is that we are selfish; all too often we seek one pleasure after the other and want it instantly. The Lord gave us a most beautiful and powerful antidote for this. Willpower. Many people act as it they don’t even realize they possess this gift or rarely exercise and develop it. Begin to deny yourself; maybe when you want a soft drink, say no. Refuse a second helping at meal time. I know how much you love popcorn, deny it to yourself every now and then.

  “That is part of the purpose of Lent; we give something up for the Lord. It’s also to remind us of this gift of the will He gave us and helps us to keep disciplined when we encounter temptation. The more we do this, the more conscious we become and our willpower grows. It creates self-discipline within. We begin to feel that we do have control over our thoughts and desires.

  “You see, Henry, God gave us the whole ball of wax. He gave us all the equipment and more. The Lord made us perfect, not helpless like a leaf in the prairie wind. It all comes back to choice again, Henry, doesn’t it? And our choices are based upon our values, what we believe in. See how everything is so beautifully tied together? If we believe in the sanctity of marriage then we will abstain from premarital sex. You see, Henry? To make the sacrifice now and give to each other yourselves completely on your wedding night is very possible indeed.”

  “Yeah, that’s what Julean keeps telling me.”

  “She is a wise girl. Her parents must have guided her well.”

  “Yeah, she says her parents, especially her dad, drilled into her the importance of waiting. She understands the importance of honouring herself like that and she wants to honour her parents, too.”

  “My, my, that is good to hear. Such a sensible, responsible young lady. You are a fortunate young man indeed to have a level-headed, self-respecting girl such as Julean.”

  Henry nodded in agreement and hung his head.

  “It is no longer a matter of just choice, Henry, it is a matter of honour, and respecting the wishes of your loved one and her parents. I will pray for you, Henry. I understand how difficult this all is,” Mr. Engelmann said as he opened the door. “I am going back to the seminary in the morning. If at any time you wish to call and talk, please do.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Engelmann.”

  Before getting out of the car, he patted Henry’s hand. “ ‘Come unto me all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ ”

  Henry nodded.

  Mr. Engelmann nodded back and smiled, then stepped out onto the sidewalk. Henry stooped over so he could see Mr. Engelmann and waved as his mentor walked towards the front door of the rectory and went inside.

  From the window of the rectory Mr. Engelmann watched Henry in his car. He knew his son was mulling over their conversation. He reached in his pocket and began praying for him and Julean, his fingers and thumb
fumbling fervently from one bead to another on the rosary. Please instill wisdom and purity of mind in our children, oh Lord, and give them Your strength.

  Henry reviewed his conversation with Mr. Engelmann, overwhelmed by his teacher’s wisdom and understanding, so clear and persuasive…and yet the desire was so strong.

  “Lord,” he said, looking up. “You put this desire in me for a reason, and I know it’s best to fulfill it when I am married, but unless You help me, unless You give me the strength, I don’t think I can carry this out. It is truly my heart’s desire to do what is right. Please, Jesus, please help me.”

  A warm peace soothed Henry, as if he were lying in a tub full of hot water and feeling its warmth as he sank into it. His worries and anxiety fled like a flock of birds taking flight. He felt at ease and in control. He thanked the Lord.

  After a long while, he turned the key, filling the silence with the sound of the Chevy’s motor. He put the car into gear, let out the clutch and drove slowly away.

  The second year of university flew by just as quickly, if not faster, than the first. Henry, Travis and the other two boys rented the same rooms, which were waiting for them. It seemed no one else was foolish enough to want to rent in that part of town. Travis didn’t return to university with them after Christmas break, though, since his grades hadn’t improved any. He was just too interested in girls to study.

  By mid-term break in February 1962, he and Julean were talking more often about their favourite topic: getting married. The main reason, of course, was because of their growing desire not just to be with each other more, but also to be with each other more intimately. So far, Henry had been able to honour Julean’s wish to give the man she married her purity; it would be her gift to her husband. In doing so, they were also respecting the rules and guidelines of their parents, especially Julean’s father.