Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shoppe
Book 5 - Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine
By Robert P. Wills
Illustrations By Rio, Nikki Taylor, and unfortunately the author.
Sorry.
Copyright April 2016
Any similarities between actual amusement and/or themed parks and ones mentioned by the author is purely coincidental. And probably unintentional. That’s our story and we’re going to stick to it. Some restrictions may apply. See author page for details.
Your wordage may vary.
“Life is a journey. Until it kills you. Then you don’t travel so much.”
-R.P. Wills
Chapter 1
Fortune, and Glory, and Road Trips!
Oh…Why?
Grimbledung clambered onto the wagon. “Let’s go, Drim!” He flopped down on the seat. “Daylight is wasting!”
“It’s still night, Grim.”
“Nightlight is wasting,” Grimbledung said without missing a beat.
“This is going to be a long trip.”
Drimblerod nodded at Rat. “Going to be? We haven’t even left yet and it already seems like a long trip.”
“What’s that I just heard? Long? You know what this trip is going to be?” Grimbledung didn’t wait for a response. “I’ll tell you! It’s going to be Grrreat!” He thrust his hand in the air, finger pointing upward as he said it.
“Great isn’t the word I was going to use,” admitted Rat.
“Oh, I’d use great. And I’d combine it with rewarding.” Grimbledung stood and struck a heroic pose. “Like this: Grrreatly rewarding.” He thrust his hand in the air again.
“What do you mean; like morally rewarding where we’re all going to learn something about ourselves that makes us have inner peace?”
Grimbledung put his hands on his hips. “What are you talking about? That doesn’t even make sense. I mean rewarding as in we’re going to all be absurdly rich once this is over.”
“Rich like when we learn something about ourselves during a personal journey that helps make us better folk and we treat others better as well because of it?”
Grimbledung stared at Rat. “Now you’re just doing that on purpose.”
Rat twitched his ragged whiskers. “Well, maybe a little.”
“Grimbledung, just keep in mind that this mine is called ‘the lost mine’ for a reason.”
Grimbledung nodded. “Right, Drim; because no one has ever found it, of course.”
“Including us?” Offered Rat. “We’re included in that group, I think. As far as groupings go, I’d say we’re the groupiest of that grim clan.”
“I’m warning you,” warned Grimbledung.
Drimblerod snapped his fingers. “Be right back; I forgot something.”
“Good decision making skills?”
Drimblerod shook his finger at Rat. “Now I’m warning you.” He shifted to pointing between Rat and Grimbledung. “Don’t you two go and do anything crazy so early in the morning.” He turned and jogged back into the shop so he did not see Grimbledung waggle his ears. Or Rat twitch his whiskers.
“I’m not liable to do anything,” Grimbledung called to his partner. “Nothing at all.”
“That’s what I figured.” Rat snickered. “Grimblebluffington Stubbytoes esquire.”
“Oooh! Now I’m warning you after Drim did and after I did, Rat! That’s like three times even!”
Rat sat on his haunches. “Or what? You’re going to leave me behind to lounge in the sun all day while you pull the wagon?”
Grimbledung brandished his wand.
“Yeah?” Rat tilted his head at the Gnome. “I’m waiting.”
Grimbledung slashed his wand at Rat.
Rodentus Grigio!
Transmutis Completes
Grimbledung paused for the slightest of moments
Ovibos moschatus!
He finished the incantation.
“What was that last part?” Asked RatShambler as a golden light enveloped him. “I’m not familiar with…”
“You’re fine, Rat,” assured Grimbledung as the transformation took place. He sheathed his wand. “Don’t be a baby rat.”
“I don’t feel fine,” said RatOx. “I don’t feel fine at all.” He smelled the air. “And what is that stink?”
“I believe that’s you.”
“That’s me?” RatOx sniffed the air again. “I smell horrible?”
“Well, sure.”
“You made me something that smells horrible?”
Drimblerod walked out of the shop. He tossed a small pack in the back of the wagon as he climbed aboard. He sniffed. “What is that smell?”
“I blame Grimbledung,” said RatOx.
“Well whatever you’re eating, Grimbledung you need to stop or you’re going to have to walk along, downwind from the wagon.”
“No, I mean Grimbledung did that to me.”
“Well whatever he’s feeding you, you need to stop eating it.” Drimblerod stuck out his tongue. “That’s gross.” He looked forward and did a double-take. “What in the lands is that?”
“That’s Rat, of course,” said Grimbledung.
“Well, I figured it was Rat. What I mean is… what… is he?”
Grimbledung gave a wink. “I got him a disguise so the Halflings won’t kill him or us.”
“But the smell might,” offered RatOx.
“Well, let’s get going. Maybe a breeze will help,” said Drimblerod. “Let’s get going Rat.”
“Ox,” corrected Grimbledung.
“An Ox? I’m not calling him that. I think those things are mythological anyway.”
“There isn’t a gear in him. I’m sure of it.” Grimbledung smiled. “Remember when I whipped up that steam powered ostrich that I rode around the Lands on? That was a hoot!”
“No, I can’t say I do. That’s the most absurd sounding thing I’ve ever heard. Who ever heard of a Gnome making a steam-powered anything?”
“Must have been with a different partner then.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Right, RatOx?”
“I’m just going to call him Rat; not some farcical beast you just made up.”
“Thank you.”
Grimbledung smiled. “Fine, fine. Let’s get going. Fortune awaits, you know.” He rubbed his belly. “But first Nulu’s place for some breakfast.”
“Sounds good to me.” RatOx started walking toward the Duck Inn and Dine. “Now that I’m this size, my belly’s all of a sudden empty.”
Drimblerod looked into the back of the wagon. “Hey, you sure that’s enough supplies and gear?”
Grimbledung looked back. “Absolutely.”
“You told Pozzuoli exactly what sort of terrain we’d be traveling across and how long we’d be gone?”
“Absolutely. And he said that’s all we needed. He packed it himself. Personally, even.”
“To get there and back again?” Drimblerod leaned back on the seat. “The back again part is pretty important.”
“It always is,” agreed Grimbledung. “It is expected on even an unexpected journey that goes to where it expects to be where it expects it or not, I suspect.”
“Can I just stay home?” Rat interjected.
“Maybe we should inventory it first, just to be sure. I’d hate to be stuck out in the wilds and find out we’re short something important.”
“Like food,” offered RatOx.
“Yeah, Rat; that minor little thing call
ed food comes to mind.”
“I suppose I can eat grass,” RatOx moved his mouth in a chewing motion. “Flat teeth. I should be fine grazing.”
“Well, I’m not going to graze.” Drimblerod looked at his partner. “I think we need to make sure Pozzuoli didn’t leave something out. That’s not a lot of stuff for a possible two-month journey.”
“Old Pozz is a professional, Drim. Stop worrying.”
Drimblerod frowned. “Well, as long as you let him know where we were going and this is all he said we’d need.” He looked at the boxes again. “Maybe it’s packed really well?”
“It’s packed really well.”
“Well if you say so.”
“I say so.” Grimbledung patted his partner’s shoulder. “So we’re going in to eat?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “No. We’re not going to lose half the day sitting in the Duck while you eat and chat folks up. I asked Nulu to set up some rations for us.”
“Rations? You mean like they serve those hapless soldiers?”
“Possibly. It’s whatever she comes up with.”
Grimbledung took his arm off Drimblerod. “Listen Drim. I know soldiers. Heaps of them. In fact, I was a soldier as one point.”
“So?”
“Soldiers are not what you’d call… picky eaters.”
“What would you call them?”
“Completely unaware of what a good meal is. Some cook just ladles goop at them and they eat it like it’s the best thing in the lands. When in all reality, they are just a step above eating mud pies.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true! They consider eating sub-standard food part of the job. They even brag about terrible meals and horrible living conditions and reminisce as if they were staying at a seven star resort.”[1] Grimbledung frowned. “So we’re not going in, huh? So some lackey is going to hand us a box and send us on our way?”
“Look on the bright side, Grim.”
“There’s a bright side?” RatOx chuckled. “Let me hear it too.”
“Maybe it’ll be Flora that gives us our rations and you can tell her goodbye again.”
“Again?”
“Sure,” Drimblerod nodded. “Since you went by last night and let her know we’d be leaving.”
Grimbledung looked up at the dark sky.
“Oh no. Don’t tell me you didn’t let her know.” Drimblerod rubbed his temples.
“What do you think those bright lights are in the sky?” Grimbledung pointed upward. “I think they’re our ancestors looking down on us.”
“Grim, please tell me…” Drimblerod tried again.
“I think they are big balls of burning gas, millions of leagues away.”
“With you everything is gas,” said Rat. “I’m going out on a limb, Drimblerod and guess that the answer is ‘no’. So our favorite Gnomess will be on the warpath.”
The wagon rolled up to the Duck Inn and Dine. “Grimbledung Sixtoes esquire, tell me you at least told that gal that you were leaving town for an extended period of time. Tell me Rat is wrong.”
“Well, I did tell her bye the last time I saw her. It was kind of open-ended, I think.” Grimbledung shrugged. “That should have done the trick.”
“You were supposed to stop by last night and let her know.”
“I was going to tell her in a letter but something kept me from doing it.”
“You can’t write.”
“That’s what kept me from doing it.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “She’ll be fine. It’s not like she’s going to miss me or anything, right?”
“If she’s bringing out the food, this will get ugly.”
The door of the tavern opened. All three turned to look.
Nulu was silhouetted by a bulls-eye lantern from inside the foyer. “Morning, gents,” she said. “And you, Grimbledung.”
“Bottom of the night, top of the morning to you, Nulu!”
“It’s early you know. Early.”
“The second early bird gets the cheese,” said Grimbledung.
“Or the first mouse gets the worm,” offered RatOx. “I think they’re both appropriate.”
“It’s too early for your antics, really it is,” warned Nulu. She sniffed. “Take your go-boxes... and...” She sniffed again. “What is that smell?”
“It’s me, Nulu, sorry,” said RatOx. “Seems I’m a little ripe nowadays.”
“It’s his disguise.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “So the Halflings’ll not recognize him.”
“Probably because their eyes will be watering too much to see,” said Drimblerod.
Nulu shook her head. “Oh dear. Well, be off with you.” She handed a largish box to Drimblerod. “Food and hot coffee await.” She sniffed again. “And be quick about it; folks are going to be eating their breakfast soon you know.”
“Thanks, Nulu.”
“You sure that’s all you need?” Nulu asked as she peeked under the cover at the contents of the wagon.
Grimbledung nodded. “The shoppe is taken care of. We’re all packed and ready to go. We just got some hot breakfast and coffee. We’re set.”
“Look in on the place, will you, Nulu?” Drimblerod asked. “Just in case.”
“Sure thing, Drimblerod.” Nulu shook her head. “You’re both nuts. You know that?”
RatOx nodded. “We’d already established that as we rolled up.”
“Why Flora puts up with…”
“Well, it’s time to go,” interrupted Drimblerod. “We’re on a tight schedule you know. Tight.”
“Drimblerod?”
“No time to talk, Nulu. We best be going.” Drimblerod snapped the reins. “Let’s go, Rat. Quickly.”
“Grimbledung…” Began Nulu.
“See you in a little while,” said Drimblerod as the wagon turned in a circle. “Back before you know it.”
“Did you talk to Flora?”
“Can’t hear you, Nulu,” Drimblerod called. “You’re…too… far… away.” He said as the wagon completed its turn. About ten feet away. “See you soooon!” He waved over his shoulder.
Grimbledung waved as well. “See you soooonish!” He called as if he were very far away.
“Think she bought it?” RatOx asked.
“No way. No way in Niflheim she bought that,” said Drimblerod. “We need to get out of town before there are any fireworks.”
“There’ll be fireworks?” Grimbledung asked.
“Most likely when we return,” said RatOx.
Grimbledung bounced on his seat. “Those are always fun. I hope I have a front-row seat!”
“That’s pretty much guaranteed.” Drimblerod dropped the reins. “Head south, Rat. We’re heading east of the Rolling Foothills once we cross the toll bridge.” He looked at his partner. “Grim?”
Grimbledung nodded. “Yes, according to S’Am and the Gargoyles, it’s out toward EternCity in some rocky outcroppings overlooking a small lake.”
“And they’re certain that’s where it is?”
Grimbledung nodded. “Sure, sure; S’Am said he’d been to the mine. SO it wasn’t so long ago that he’s forgotten…”
“How long is that?”
Grimbledung shrugged. “There’s no telling with Orcs. I suppose it depends on how much he gets hit on the head.”
“And the Gargoyles?”
“I don’t think they hit S’Am on the head.”
“Grimbledung…”
Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Only about fifty years ago.”
“Fifty?”
Grimbledung waved dismissively at his partner. “Don’t worry, Drim. It’ll be just grand.” He nodded at RatOx. “Just head to the bridge, Rat.”
RatOx nodded. “Sure thing. You know this is going to be a disaster, right? I just wanted to put that out there now so I could say ‘I told you so’ later on.”
“Pushaw!” Grimbledung grinned. “What could possibly go wrong?”
Chapter 2
The
Journey’s The Thing
Nulu startled awake as someone prodded her- she had fallen asleep at the bar.
“You sleep down here?” Wil asked as he sat on a stool. “Don’t look good when the owner of the joint sleeps at the bar you know.”
Nulu shook her head. “I didn’t go back upstairs after giving Drimblerod and Grimbledung a breakfast go-box this morning.” She stretched. “Must have dozed off.”
“What are those two involved in now?”
“They’re heading for the Lost Picman’s Mine.”
Wil nodded. “Well, that sounds like a fun trip. After all the excitement we’ve had around here, a little relaxation does sound nice.” He shrugged. “As long as that old witch has moved on. She was not the friendliest of hosts.”
“You’ve been to the Lost Picman’s mine?”
“Sure.” He stood and hopped onto the bar, swinging his legs over, he completed the transition to the opposite side. “Twice, in fact.”
“The Lost Picman’s Mine?”
“That’s what the sign says.”
“There’s a sign on the Lost Picman’s mine?” Nulu rubbed her eyes. “It’s too early for this. Why oh why is there a sign on the supposedly lost mine?”
“So the tourists know when they’re there, I suppose.”
“It’s a tourist attraction?” Nulu put her hands on the counter. “I can’t believe this.”
“Well, it did really start out as a lost mine, then some Dwarf entrepreneur found it and he decided to make some money off it so he put in a gift shop, a campground, and a small restaurant. He gives tours to folks.” Wil thought for a moment. “Heard he was putting in some rides as well.”
“Drimblerod’s going to kill him.”
“The Dwarf?”
Nulu shook her head. “No; Grimbledung.” She put her hands on the counter. “You see, Drimblerod thinks they’re going to find the treasure of the Lost Picman’s Mine.”
“Well, you can buy trinkets in the gift shop.” Wil smiled. “Who gave them the impression that it was a lost mine?”
“It’s called the Lost Picman’s Mine!”
“Well sure, but honestly; you don’t think the Magical Kingdom is really magical just because it’s in the name, do you?”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 1