Nulu rubbed her temples. “Oh man…”
“Tourist trap. Just like Magic Mountain. Not a bit of magic there either. Just smoke, mirrors, and high-priced, low-quality food.”[2]
Nulu pursed her lips.
“Ever been to the Gardens of Bush?”
Nulu shook her head.
“There’s not a single garden of bushes there. Not one.”
“Rolton chips.”
Wil smirked. “Seven Flags?”
“Now you’re just trying to push my buttons. There aren’t seven of them?”
“You need to get out more.”
“Steaming Rolton Chips.”
“So who told them about the mine?” Wil couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “That was a great dirty trick if they did it on purpose.”
“It was one of the gargoyles out front of Big Julie’s. I don’t remember which one, now that I think about it. But one of them definitely put the notion in Grimbledung’s head.”
“Maybe he misunderstood?” Wil smirked. “Listening isn’t one of Grimbledung’s better talents.”
“I think I’m going to go over to Julie’s later today to talk to them.” Nulu stifled a yawn.
“Julie’s? They aren’t at Second Hand Sorcery?”
“Nope. They didn’t last the afternoon there. Long story.” [3] Nulu stretched. “Ahhh… You’re killing me, Wil. Killing me.”
“Well, I’ll take care of the breakfast crowd if you want to get a little more shut-eye.”
Nulu smiled. “I think I may just do that. Then I’ll talk to those old goats.”
“Let me know what they say.” Wil smiled. “I’d love to hear how the confusion happened.”
“Sure thing.” She shook her head. “That Gnome.” Nulu yawned wide. “I’ll be back before the lunch rush.”
“No worries.” Wil shooed her off. “Go get some sleep, boss. Hate for some prospective male to see you looking like this and pass up on a good thing.”
Nulu raised an eyebrow. “Hey now; I never look that bad, thank you very much.”
Wil grinned. “Uhmm...” he tried.
“Just give a knock in a couple of hours or so.” Nulu walked through the door behind the bar into the kitchen. There was a ladder that led to a trap door in her room. Pinky had installed it for her so she could move quickly from the office she had set up in a corner of her room and the kitchen. Grimbledung had suggested a pole and even tried to convince Pinky to install one. Fortunately, Pinky listened more to reason than to Grimbledung.
After climbing up, Nulu flopped on her bed and fell to sleep almost immediately. She dreamt of the Gnomes taking a tour of the mine and Drimblerod shoving his partner off a ledge when the witch hostess wasn’t looking.
Just before lunch, Wil knocked on the trap door.
“Be down shortly,” she called. “In case there are any prospective males down there.” She smiled, anticipating a long day of teasing her bartender.
Chapter 3
Second Hand Magicians
Semfeld straightened out in the bed. His feet dangled off the end from his calves down. He stretched his arms out, hitting the headboard. With a curse, he swung around and put his feet on the floor. It was not far away. At all. “We really need some bigger furniture,” he remarked. He put his hands on his thighs to push himself up from his squatting position on the bed. “This’ll get old quick.” With a shrug, he opened the door and entered the living area. At least the Gnome had enough sense to make this furniture regular sized. Semfeld opened the door to the POOPA (he had been told it stood for the POle tO Personal Ablutions). Another good idea by those two idiots. “Liverioso, you awake?” He called at the other door in the room.
“I’m downstairs already!” Liverioso’s voice carried up the stairs. “First day open you know!”
Semfeld smiled. “First day open. Soon we’ll have enough money to set up on our own,” he called down.
“Isn’t it great?!”
“I’ll be down in a little; I’m just getting ready now.”
“Take your time; I’ve got the store!”
With a nod, Semfeld reached out and took the pole in both hands. He swung his legs out and after hanging just a moment, slid down the POOPA.
Liverioso looked at the wands under the glass then the ones on the walls. There was plenty of inventory on display and, he had been told by Grimbledung, there was ‘a whole heap of wands’ in the magic-proof storage locker in the back. He decided when his partner came down he would go check the locker. A lack of inventory would lead to a lack of profits. He had no idea where they would even look for new wands to sell so he hoped they had plenty for the duration of the Gnome’s travels. “Open for business,” he said as he moved around the ‘L’ shaped counter and flipped the sign in the window. With a smile, he opened the front door of the shop.
As he walked back to the counter, the door shut behind him. Liverioso looked over his shoulder. “That’s odd.” He returned and pulled the door open again. He swung it back and forth. It didn’t seem to be off balance, remaining in whatever position he put it. He pushed the door completely open again. Once again, when he turned his back to the door and started to walk to the counter, he heard it click shut. “Hey!” He looked around the shop, hoping to see some interloper. With a frown he went back to the door and opened it roughly. He narrowed his eyes at the door, and with a grunt, dusted his hands off and started to walk to the counter. After two steps, he stopped and looked over his shoulder. The door was halfway closed. While he continued to look, he took another step. The door closed a little more. He backed up a step and the door opened a little. “That’s about enough out of you!”
Door swung open. It clattered its latch at the Magician.
“Yeah, yeah. Real funny. Are you going to behave yourself now?”
Door rattled its latch again.
“Well good because it’s a nice day out and an open door is a welcoming door. And we want customers to come in right?”
Door remained silent.
“Listen, Door,” said Liverioso, “the Gnomes entrusted us to watch the shop while they were away, right?”
Door rattled its latch.
“And part of that means making sales while they are gone to make money. So, we want people to come in and buy wands just like always because otherwise the shop will go out of business.”
Door remained silent.
“Then we’ll be forced to sell off the remaining inventory and any furniture and appliances that are no longer needed.”
Door managed to push open a little wider.
“That’s better.”
“Arguing with the furniture?” Semfeld shook his head as he came through the curtain. “That’s not a good sign, Liv.”
“He started it.”
Door rattled its latch. Because it had.
Semfeld moved to the counter beside his partner. He looked at the glass. “Lots of inventory. That’s good.”
“Yeth. And Grimbledung said there was more in the back. But if there’s not, we’re going to need inventory.”
“That’s true.” Semfeld nodded as he pulled a Traveler’s Emberstick from under the glass. “Can’t very well sell nothing. There’s no profit in it.”
“But, Themfeld, where do we even get more wands to sell?”
Semfeld opened his mouth, then closed it. “You know, I have no idea. That may be a problem. You should go check the back to see what sort of reserve stock we’ve got.”
An Orc stomped angrily through the doorway.
Semfeld and Liverioso both took a step back. “Are we being robbed?” Liverioso whispered to his partner.
Semfeld dropped his arms. He was still holding the Traveler’s Emberstick. If it was a robbery, at least he was armed. “I don’t know.”
“Have wand!” said S’Am.”
“I suppose so,” admitted Semfeld. Because they did.
S’Am stared at the two Humans.
The two Humans stared at the Orc.
> “Tho...” Offered Liverioso.
“Though what?” Asked S’Am.
“Though what, what?” asked Semfeld.
S’Am squinted at him. “Where Gnomes? You pushing my buttons!”
“No, no Mith-ter Orc,” Liverioso said quickly, not wanting to have an altercation on their first day of business. “We are definitely not pushing anything.”
“Oh, yes you do!”
“No, no Mister Orc. Honest.”
“Yes; you push wands!” S’Am laughed. “That joke!”
Liverioso looked at the Orc. “I thuppose it was.”
The Humans stared at the Orc.
The Orc stared at the Humans. “Laugh at joke!” He shouted.
Semfeld clutched his belly and laughed loudly. “Oh, that’s a good one, Orc!”
“I don’t get it,” admitted Liverioso with a frown.
S’Am’s eyes got large. “Really?”
“It happens,” offered Semfeld. “Just push on; maybe you’ll get him next time around.”
“What?” Asked Liverioso.
S’Am nodded. “Fine.” He cleared his throat. “It new month!”
“On that we can agree,” said Semfeld. Because it was.
“Have wand!”
“Alright, now don’t start that again.”
S’Am pulled a wand from his belt. He waved it around. “Got wand!”
“I think this is a robbery,” whispered Liverioso again.
S’Am shook his head. “Where Gnomes?” He looked around the shop. “They buy wand when it new month for full price.” He scowled. “Second wand pay half price because of taxes.”
“That doesn’t make thense,” said Liverioso. “Why would the second wand pay less?”
“Rat say something about government excise taxes on citizens.” He looked around. “Where civics professor rat?”
“He’s with the Gnomes. They went on a business trip and left us in charge of the shop while they were away. So you have a wand to sell?”
S’Am nodded. “Yes, have wand! It new month!” He shouted, exasperated. He was missing the Gnomes and truth be told, the rat. If nothing else, the transactions went quicker with them. Plus, he often got a free drink off Grimbledung. “So give coins for wand already!”
“What sort of coins?” Liverioso fished. He had no idea what the Gnomes bought wands for. Somehow the subject never came up.
“Legal tender is best.”
“Well, sure. That much we know,” said Semfeld.
Because they did.
“How much legal tender?” Liverioso cast again.
Without thinking S’Am blurted out. “Two copper!” Then he winced. “Maybe two silver.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Orcs colorblind you know. Whichever you have handy.”
“I think two copper is fair.”
S’Am frowned at Semfeld.
“Plus,” added Liverioso, “we’ll pay you two copper for any other wands you find this month!”
The Orc beamed. “Yeah?”
“Sure.” Semfeld pulled the coin drawer open. “Two copper per wand for any wand you find.” When no reasonable reason came to mind, he added. “We’re running a sale, you see.”
S’Am put the wand on the counter and held out his hand. “Deal.”
Semfeld put two copper coins in his hand. “See you next time, Mister Orc.”
S’Am gave a curt nod then stomped out of the shop.
“Thay, Themfeld, do you think we should have asked where he got the wand?”
“What do we care where he finds them? They’re probably just lying around on the ground in the wilds where he lives.” Semfeld picked up the wand. It was a medium sized, dark brown wand. “Wonder what this thing does.”
“Grimbledung thed the jousting dummy in the back tested the wands.”
Semfeld handed his partner the wand. “I suppose you could ask him while I tend the counter. Plus, you can see what’s in that inventory locker.”
Liverioso took the wand. “Thounds good.” He turned and pushed past the curtain.
Semfeld grinned. “Open for business,” he said.
Door rattled its latch because, apparently, they were.
Chapter 4
Dummy Is As Dummy Does
Dummy slouched over to one side, bored. No one had talked to him in several days; the Gnomes were so busy with their preparations they didn’t even stop to say goodbye when they left, and the two Humans seemed intent on ignoring him. He swung his arms back and forth, bored. It didn’t help with the boredom but he felt it helped convey his current emotional state.
Liverioso cleared his throat.
Dummy swung his arms a little more- there was, after all an audience now.
“You awake?”
Dummy lolled his head up. He gave a weak nod.
“You thick or thomething?” Liverioso turned to leave. Truth be told, he was not comfortable speaking with the jousting dummy. It wasn’t the Mechanimation that caused the unease; he wasn’t sure just how smart the thing was so he never knew how much to even talk to him. Or was it an it? “Want me to come back later?”
Dummy flailed his arms. His head-lolling turned into forceful head-shakes. He gestured the Human closer.
“Well, if you’re sure...”
Dummy gave him a thumbs up. And a hearty head nod.
“Alright then.” He held up the wand. “We just had an Orc drop this thing off.”
Dummy flexed his arms then gestured over his head.
“Yeah, he was a big one.”
Dummy gave a thumbs up again.
“You know him?”
Dummy shrugged. He put his mitten above his eyes as if he were shielding them from the sun then leaned toward the curtain. Then he raised both hands questioningly.
“Well, I suppose if you’d have seen him.” Liverioso shrugged. “In any case, he dropped off this wand and we were hoping you could tell us what it does.”
Dummy held out his mitt. He bounced up and down on his box.
“Calm down or you’ll bust a seam.” Liverioso handed him the wand. “So you test wands for those stupid Gnomes?”
Dummy pointed the wand at Liverioso. He waggled it at him menacingly.
“Sorry, I meant those Gnomes.” He held up his hands. “No offense.”
Dummy nodded. He looked around the room, searching for the Abysmal Box. Spying it, he gestured at it with the wand.
“What?”
Dummy let his hands fall slack. Humans.
“What?”
Dummy pointed at the box then at the wand.
“The wand goes in the box.”
Dummy shook his head. He put the wand down on his pedestal. He put his mitts together, palms touching, he pivoted the top one up.
“Oh; open the box.”
Dummy rubbed his head.
“You can’t get headaches. I’m sure of that.”
Dummy clutched his belly and pantomimed laughing.
“Yeah, you’re a laugh a minute, I’m sure.” Liverioso moved to the box and opened the lid. “There you go.”
Dummy stared at Liverioso.
Liverioso stared at Dummy.
Dummy acted like he was going to toss the wand into the box.
“Hey! Don’t do that; we need all the inventory we can get!” He stepped between the dummy and the box. “What are you doing?”
Dummy pointed the wand at the box then stretched up to look into it.
Liverioso snapped his fingers. “But won’t it all spill out if I put it on its side?”
Dummy shook his head.
Liverioso moved behind the box and pushed it onto its side. When nothing spilled out, he leaned over the top and looked in. “That’s just weird.” He reached out a hand to touch the swirling colors.
Dummy clapped his mitts together loudly. When the Human looked at him, he shook his finger at him.
“No touching?”
Dummy gave a thumbs up then gestured for the box to be moved closer.
“Not a good shot, huh?” Liverioso snickered as he leaned over and began pushing the box across the room. When he bumped it against the dummy’s box, he looked up. “How’s that?”
Dummy put his hands on his hips.
“Just kidding.” The Magician pulled the box away. “How’s this?”
Dummy gave a thumb’s up.
“You need anything else?”
Dummy looked down at the wand. He held up his thumb and waggled it.
“Yes, just one right now, sorry.”
Dummy shrugged. He picked up the wand and waved it at the center of the swirling colors. A jagged bolt of energy streaked out of it and sizzled as it connected with the colors. After a few seconds, Dummy lowered the wand. He held it over his head.
“Real powerful, huh? So what kind of wand is it?”
Dummy shrugged. Truth be told, he knew that it was a Traveler’s Emberstick but there was no way he could explain that to the stupid Human. A thought came to him. He pointed at the table along the wall. There were several cans stacked on it.
“What’s over there?”
Dummy pointed from the wand to the table.
“You want those cans?”
Dummy nodded.
“Which one?”
Dummy stared at the absurdly annoying man. He forcefully spread his arms out wide.
“Fine, fine. There’s no need to shout.” Liverioso took several trips but finally had all the cans set up around the dummy. “How’s that?”
Dummy looked down at the cans. Seeing the one for Traveler’s Embersticks, he dropped the wand into it. He raised his hands over his head and took a deep bow.
Liverioso looked at the writing on the can. “You sure that’s what it is?”
Dummy straightened. He put his hands on his hips, tapping his fingers against his hips.
“Wow, you sure are a testy dummy.”
Dummy tilted his hand back and forth.
“Testing dummy. Fine.” He smiled. “Thanks for that. Now we can sell it.” He sat on the edge of the Abyssmal Box. “You know, we’re really trying to keep things running here so that when the Gnomes get back we can open our own place. So any help you give us is really helping the Gnomes.”
Dummy nodded and gave a thumbs up.
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 2