Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5)

by Robert P. Wills

  “Well look on the bright side,” said L’owen.

  “There’s a bright side to total annihilation?” Nulu took a drink. “I’d love to hear it.”

  “Just give the spices back. Once they get their original thousand-year spices back, they’ll be fine. They will add what they have already put together and the tradition can continue and they’ll leave you alone.”

  “But Grimbledung’s on some fool adventure,” said Julie. “He’s gone for who knows how long.”

  “Did he take the spices with him?”

  Julie opened her mouth to answer the Elf then stopped to consider it. “That is an excellent question; I’ve no idea.”

  L’owen picked up his mug. “Well, we can go down to his shop and look around.” He took a drink. “They’ll be in a leather pouch.” L’owen put his mug down then held his two hands apart, fingers and thumb forming a circle about the size of a small saucer, “About this big with a leather strap so the Chief can wear it around her neck for ceremonies. Shouldn’t be too hard to spot, really.” He gave a wink.

  Julie hugged L’owen. “Perfect! Will you come along to see if you can spot it? I’d love for the town to actually be around for its upcoming election.”

  L’owen nodded. “Sure, sure. Let’s finish our drinks then head over.” He smiled. “Those spices aren’t going anywhere and you can send a runner to deliver them well within the deadline of late next week.”

  Nulu sat back in her chair. “That Gnome is able to cause trouble even when he’s not around. A toast to that unstable Gnome!”

  Everyone at the table picked up their mugs.

  “To Grimbledung and the practically found spices!” Nulu lifted her mug high. “May he come home soon so we can bonk him on the head.”

  “Here, here!” Julie took a drink. “I claim first bonkings.”

  At the bar, Flora raised a glass. “Oh, you’ll have to wait Julie” she said to herself. “You’ll all have to wait to deliver your bonkings.” She downed the drink in one gulp. “I’ve bonkings of my own planned.”

  The group at the table had seconds on their drinks and even a round of snacks before leaving for Second Hand Sorcery two hours later.

  The delay allowed Semfeld and Liverioso to make it to Herbs and More, Much More and back.

  Chapter 19

  Love, and Reunions, and Road trips?

  Oh Yes!

  Semfeld and Liverioso stood in front of Second Hand Sorcery.

  “That took long enough,” said Liverioso sourly. They had stopped by the bank and put the shop’s accounts on hold. The banker suggested they do the same for the butcher, baker, and ale shop. So they did. “Did we miss anyone?”

  He thought for a moment. “I don’t think so; that’s pretty much all the deliveries that would show up during the day. I don’t’ see how those two stay in business with how much they spend on food and drink.”

  “Well, we’re not going to have to worry about it anymore,” said Liverioso. “Once we’re gone, any deliveries that come by will see the shop missing and just go back to wherever they are from.”

  “We should make a sign,” suggested Semfeld. “Just in case.”

  Liverioso frowned. Another delay. “Fine. You make the sign and I’ll find a backpack to put the shop in and get our traveling cloaks. Make it a simple sign because I want to get going.”

  Semfeld patted his friend on the shoulder. “We’ll be on our way in no time, buddy. Promise.”

  After only ten minutes, Liverioso closed the door to Second Hand Sorcery and moved to his partner. “You ready?”

  Semfeld turned a crudely fashioned sign so his partner could read it. “How’s this?” He lifted a hammer. “I even remembered to keep a hammer out.”

  “Perfect.” Liverioso drew the wand. “Let’s get going.” He pointed the wand at the shop.

  Minisculate ’emmm!

  He intoned.

  A silver light flashed around the shop as it immediately began to shrink.

  As the shop got smaller, Semfeld moved beside his partner. “How small is it going to get? Did you get the right number of ems on it?”

  “I believe so,” said Liverioso.[16]

  Finally, the shop stopped shrinking at the size of a small dollhouse.

  “That’s just about perfect,” said Liverioso as he knelt down to put the shop in the backpack. He was careful to keep the shop level as he did it. “Get the sign in the ground and we’ll go get that teleport thing from that coat rack.”

  Semfeld moved to the now open area Second Hand Sorcery recently occupied and put the sharpened end of the sign onto the dirt. “How’s here?”

  Liverioso stood and put the backpack on his shoulders. He looked around the area. “That works for me. Hammer it in.”

  Semfeld obliged, hammering the sign into the ground enough for it to stay secure even if it rained. He looked at the hammer when he was done. “Can I put this in the backpack?”

  “Fine, fine.” Liverioso adjusted the straps as Semfeld dropped the hammer into one of the outer pockets. “Let’s go!” Liverioso pointed down the street. “We’ve wasted half the day.”

  “You know I had a date planned for later tonight.”

  “Maybe Sage has a friend.”

  “Maybe. If so, you better talk me up, and good!”

  “Deal.” Liverioso put his arm around his partner. “On to Sage.” The pair of Magicians walked quickly to the corner of the next block, turned left and headed towards Herbs and More, Much More.

  Only a couple of minutes later Big Julie, Nulu, L’owen and Flora rounded the corner from the opposite block. “I say you two check upstairs in the living area and the cooking area and Cherí and I’ll check the…” Big Julie’s voice trailed off as she looked at the empty space that was once occupied by Second Hand Sorcery.

  “Hey!” Exclaimed L’owen. “It was just here! Cherí and I were just here this morning!”

  Flora stared at the empty space. Words to express her fury were beyond her.

  “Were those two Magicians here then?” Julie walked to the sign. “Hmmm.”

  L’owen nodded. “That they were. In fact, one of them had a date planned for tonight. I don’t know why he would have... Oh…” His voice trailed off.

  “What?”

  L’owen looked at Julie. “Well, Cherí and I might have told that one… Liverioso?… Where his long lost love was.”

  “Oh great.” Nulu frowned. “And where is this long lost love, exactly?”

  “Cuticle.” L’owen turned and pointed in its direction. “At the base of the Devil’s Thumb. Probably a week, week and a half away. Depending on the weather and how many bands of Trolls you come across.”

  “So those two headed out as soon as you told them. Just great.”

  L’owen raised his hands plaintively. “Now Julie, I had no idea at the time that the Royal Spices of the Foreboding Forest Elves were somewhere in the shop! I mean, how could I have known that?”

  Julie sighed. “I know, I know.” She looked at the sign. “It’s just that now we have no way of actually stopping those Elves from rampaging over Julesville.”

  “Just head toward Cuticle,” suggested Flora. “How much of a head start could those two idiots have gotten if they were here earlier today? Why, I can’t imagine those two idiots are farther away than just the outskirts...”

  A peal of thunder tore across the clear blue sky.

  The group all looked up as it echoed throughout the town.

  “You know, it’s usually Grimbledung that says things like that. You two sure are a pair.” Nulu said. “I’m almost afraid to ask what that was.”

  “If I had to guess…” Began L’owen. He was cut off as an Orc barreled around the corner toward them at a full sprint.

  Akita was right behind him. “Stop that Orc!” He shouted.

  L’owen drew two daggers. He flipped one over to hold it by its point. “Got him.”

  The Orc skidded to a stop in front of the sign. “Hey! W
here shop go?”

  Akita slid beside the Orc, grabbing his arm as he stopped. “I told you to sto…” He looked at the empty space. “Where’d the shop go?”

  “I ask first!”

  “Quiet you!” Akita snatched the wand from the Orc. “Give me that! Don’t you know you don’t take things that don’t belong to you? What are you; some kind of animal?” He waggled a finger at him.

  “This no good.” S’Am crossed his arms. “Where my favorite fence go?”

  “Stop stealing wands!” Akita stuck the wand in his belt. “But while we’re on the subject; where did this Orc’s favorite buyer of stolen wands go?”

  “Apparently when Cherí and I told Liverioso the location of his long lost love, they packed up the shop and headed that way.” L’owen looked skyward. “Magically, I think.”

  “Nuts.”

  “Would you just go away?” Akita asked the Orc.

  “Sure, sure!” S’Am paused for a moment. “Want me to return wand?” He tried to stifle a smile but wasn’t very successful. “I do that for you. Save you trip.”

  “No,” said Akita, “just get going before I lock you up.”

  Not wanting to be arrested for what would surely end up being his first actual conviction, S’Am made a quick exit.

  “Magically, you say?” Akita asked.

  “If that’s what that crack of thunder was on this clear blue day,” offered Julie, “then the answer is yes.” She smiled. “Which means they went to Maca’s! Let’s go see what she gave them.”

  “Maca’s not here. She heard that the Council of Elves were convening and she went to it. Seems the Elves are riled up.” Akita’s eyes got large. “I wonder if it has to do with those three you had me follow out of town.”

  “Uh oh,” said Nulu. “That Gnome.”

  Akita scowled. “What’d Grimbledung do now?” He spread his arms wide. “I mean, he’s not even here and he’s causing trouble!”

  “Seems while he was captured by the Foreboding Forest Elves, he stole their thousand-year old spices.” Explained Julie.

  “Of course he did.”

  “And,” she continued, “they have just delivered an ultimatum that if they are not returned by late next week, Julesville will be no more.”

  “Seems reasonable.” Akita crossed his arms. “That Gnome.”

  “But if Maca is gone, who is running her shop? Or is it closed?” Nulu looked at Julie. “And, if she’s closed up, who else would have magical transportation items in town?”

  “Well, Maca’s gone but she might have someone running it for her. Let’s start there,” suggested Julie. “Akita, want to come along in case those two broke in and stole something to transport themselves to Cuticle?”

  Akita shrugged. “I’ll go, but there’s no way those two broke in. If they did, there’d be more than one crack of thunder on this pleasant day.” He smiled.

  “So this gal has a pretty good security system?” L’owen asked.

  “Oh, it’s a Demon.”

  “That tough?”

  Akita shook his head at the Elf. “No, no; it’s an actual Demon.”

  No one said anything for a moment.

  “Well, let’s go there and maybe get a clue on how they got to Cuticle,” said Julie. “We need to get ahead of this impending destruction.” She shook her head. “If anyone even suggests I run for reelection, I’ll bop them on the nose.”

  As the group started toward Maca’s shop, Flora lagged behind- she was staring at the sign.

  “Flora, you coming with?” Julie asked.

  Flora shook her head. “I’ve got an errand to run before the mood leaves me.”

  “Oh, alright then, I’ll see you back…”

  Flora turned and walked away as Nulu was speaking. Overtaken by fury.

  And the need for a whip.

  Chapter 20

  Taking Stock of Stocks

  Grimbledung stretched as he woke up. “Are we there yet?”

  “Where?” Drimblerod asked as he put down the book he was reading.

  “There.”

  “Technically, I think we’re here,” said RatOx.

  “So, we’re here?” Grimbledung sat up. “That didn’t take long.”

  “Well, we’re always here,” said RatOx. “Of course.”

  “And once we get there, it becomes here,” said Drimblerod, picking up where RatOx left off. “And there is someplace else because then we’re here not there.”

  “Alright you two. Where are we?”

  “Here,” said Drimblerod and RatOx at the same time.

  Grimbledung stood in the back of the wagon and looked around. “How close do you figure we are to Old Jute?”

  Drimblerod stood and looked ahead. “Well, I can’t see the town yet so I’d say another hour or so.”

  “Why don’t you use that looking glass and see what you can see,” suggested RatOx.

  “We should have gone by carpet.” Grimbledung frowned. “We’d have been there by now.”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “I’m not getting on one of those temperamental things. Getting dumped to the ground from two hundred feet when it gets tired of flying is not how I want to end up.”

  “Well, if you find a nice stable Nain, I can’t see that happening.”

  “I’d rather fly on a broom.”

  Drimblerod nodded at RatOx. “Now there’s a nice, stable flying device. Never heard of a broom just up and dumping a passenger.”

  “What about bubbles? I hear that’s a real fancy way to go.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I want to do is get inside a fragile soap bubble and float along with the wind. Takes a whole lot of powerful, evil magic to keep a soap bubble from popping. Never trust anyone who travels by bubble; they’re up to no good. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.”

  “You been crossed by someone who travels by bubble?” Grimbledung eyed his partner. “You seem kind of bitter.”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “Not me personally, but I had some drinks with this really well-spoken scarecrow that warned me about folks who travel by bubble.”

  Grimbledung nodded. “Well, if you can’t believe a scarecrow, we’ve got big problems.” He looked around again. “Say, we cross into the Shambler Plains from the Rolling Foothills yet?”

  “About an hour ago,” said RatOx.

  “Hey, you want to be a Shambler now that we’re on your plains?”

  RatOx considered that. “Well, I suppose it would be alright; after all, there are herds of Shamblers out here. That’s handy, right?”

  “Sure, sure; it gives the Trolls something to eat,” agreed Grimbledung.

  “Maybe I’ll just leave well enough alone then.”

  Grimbledung clambered into the front of the wagon. “Suit yourself.” He picked up the spying glass.

  “Do not look at the sun with that. Again.”

  “I swear it waved at me.” Grimbledung looked through the glass at the surrounding hills. “This looks like the Rolling Foothills.”

  “Probably because it is.” Said Drimblerod.

  “Now that we’re here but aren’t there yet.”

  “Rat, I’m warning you…”

  “How’s this: we’ll get there when we get there.” Drimblerod waggled his ears.

  “That’s not much better.” Grimbledung swiveled around and looked at his partner through the spyglass. He leaned back. “Not so close!”

  Drimblerod put his eye up to the large end of the glass. “You’re really far away, Grim!”

  “If this makes things seem closer, why can’t it just make them closer?”

  “Just be patient, Grim; we’ll be there soon.”

  “But I wanna be there now, Drim.” Grimbledung exhaled. “I’m bored, you know.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “Well, I figured we’d be at the mine already. I was asleep for a long time, I think.”

  Drimblerod looked at the sky. “It’s not yet noon.”

  “Of the same day I fell aslee
p?”

  “Yes.”

  “Rolton chips. I was hoping to miss most of the journey.” Grimbledung snapped the spyglass shut.

  “The journey is the best part,” said RatOx.

  “Really?”

  “Well, present company excepted, of course,” RatOx added with a chortle.

  “You’re a laugh a minute.” Grimbledung sat down hard.

  “I aim to please.”

  Drimblerod tucked his book into his pack. “I say we stop for lunch in a little bit. Stretch our legs and such. Then we’ll get into town in time for dinner.”

  “My legs are stretched enough as it is,” said RatOx. “I’ll just sit for a while.”

  “You tired?” Drimblerod asked.

  RatOx shook his head. “No, actually this is a very strong form to be in. I think I could walk for days without any problems.”

  Drimblerod scrunched up his nose. “Well, since we’re out in the middle of nowhere, maybe you can be a Shambler until we run into someone. As long as it doesn’t make you more tired.”

  “You don’t like my work?” Grimbledung tut-tutted.

  “It’s fine to look at,” Drimblerod said as he wrinkled his nose again, “but smelling it is a different story.”

  “You want a story?” Grimbledung bounced in his seat.

  “I don’t think that’s what he meant,” tried RatOx. But it was too late.

  Grimbledung cleared his throat. “Alright... there were these three brothers who were traveling at twilight….”

  “Are they related?” RatOx interrupted.

  “By blood and marriage, of course.” Grimbledung narrowed his eyes. “Quit interrupting.”

  “Did they marry into blood?” Interrupted Drimblerod.

  Grimbledung ignored him. “And as they walked, these three brothers reached a river too treacherous too cross.…”

  “Where are they going?”

  “What time of day is it?”

  “… sometime past evening time. Maybe close to midnight possibly. That’s not important,” continued Grimbledung. “Since they weren’t learned in the magical arts…”

  “Were they dumb?” Rat asked.