“Me too,” said another. “Went to get some flint for... pipe.”
“You must be present to win.” Rat declared.
“Not valid at all locations,” added Grimbledung. “Some assembly required.”
“You’re not helping.” Rat glanced at the Gnome. “As usual.”
“Some restrictions apply.” Grimbledung waggled his ear again. He winked. “I get a drink too, right?”
Rat shook his head. “This is a limited time offer so I suggest...”
Grimbledung slapped his hands on the bar.
One ale please. Light on the föam
From yon barrel if you please, kind sir
Before ‘round the room, fillin’ mugs
you roam.
He recited
Several patrons clapped.
Drimblerod exhaled slowly. There wasn’t much more he could do. Or wanted to when the bartender returned with fresh drinks for the three of them.
After almost two hours of drinks -and several more poems- Drimblerod, Grimbledung, and Rat stumbled up the stairs to their room. There was a long table set up across the top of the landing and a Dwarf sitting at it. He looked up from the book he was reading. “Can I help you?” He asked in typical Dwarf-gruffness.
Chapter 36
Finally Heading in the Right Direction
“We’ve got a reservation for a room,” said Grimbledung. He rested his arms on the counter. “We’d like it and a bath.”
Drimblerod nodded at his partner.
“Well, I can definitely help you with a room.” The Dwarf scrunched up his face. “But I’ll not be giving you a bath.” He raised an eyebrow at Drimblerod. “Nor your friend, for that matter.”
“Listen, Arbuckle...” Began Grimbledung.
“That’s fine,” interrupted Drimblerod. “We’ll just take the key to our room and find our way down to the bathhouse on our own.”
“I just call them like I see them,” said the Dwarf.
“Fine, fine, don’t get your butt up on your shoulders about it,” said Grim.
“What?”
“You know what I mean!” said Grimbledung.
“No. What do you mean? That’s not even possible.”
“Oh you know what I mean. You know.”
The Dwarf looked at Drimblerod for help. Drimblerod just raised his hands plaintively.
“Yeah, I guess I know.”
“Fine then, fine.” Grimbledung smiled. “So... Where’re we staying?” He pointed left and right. “Yon that side or the other will we find our slumber?”
“Not a poem out of you, laddie,” warned the Dwarf.
Grimbledung put out his lower lip.
“Last room on the left,” said the Dwarf. He handed a key to Drimblerod. “And keep the noise down. Any complaints and you’re out on your ears.” He pointed at Grimbledung. “And no refunds.”
“We’re on our best behavior,” assured Drimblerod.
“Bestest in his case.” Rat pointed at Grimbledung.
Grimbledung waggled his ears. “That’s what I’m always on.”
“Wait!” Rat did a little hop on Grimbledung’s shoulder.
“It’s true, I assure you.”
“No, not that Grimbledung.” Rat shook his head. “I was supposed to ask some clown about a map and I completely forgot”[25] Rat looked down on the bar. “And now I don’t see him anywhere.”
“A clown?”
Rat nodded at Drimblerod. “A guy I met on the street said he might have a map we could use.” He considered that for a moment. “Never saw either come in.”
“He probably would have bogged down the scene even more.” Offered the Dwarf. “Truth be told, watching from up here, I really had no idea where it was going.” He picked up a parchment from the table. “But, now that you mention it, that joker is a regular here. He leaves a stack of maps for travelers.” The Dwarf hesitated for the slightest of moments. “He gets a copper for them.” He offered it to Drimblerod. “Best deal in town.”
“A free map would be a good deal in town,” observed Rat.
“Well maps don’t just draw themselves you know,” said the Dwarf. “Lots of work goes into them. One can’t rightly make a living giving away hard work for free.”
“I suppose that’s right.” Drimblerod said. He looked at Rat. “And this guy on the street said this was what we needed?”
“It’s what he said,” confirmed Rat.
“Thanks.” Said Drimblerod. He took the map. “And you’re sure this shows the way to…” He hazarded a glance at Rat.
“I’m telling you what he told me.”
Drimblerod nodded. “Fine, fine.” He handed a copper to the Dwarf. “Thanks.” He rolled the map and put it in his belt. He smiled at the Dwarf. “Thanks very much.”
The Dwarf nodded then returned to reading his book- Ten Habits of Highly Successful Dwarves and Three Destructive Ones You Might as Well Try.
After retreating to their room, Drimblerod and Grimbledung took their baths. While sitting in bed, Drimblerod looked at the map.
He was not pleased.
Chapter 37
Sage and Coriander’s Shop
of Magic and Herbs
“Huh... Huh... Huh...” Stammered Liverioso. He reached out to his partner for support. “Z-band?”
“What?” Said Semfeld. “But Cherí said that she was unattached!”
“Hah cha!” The Sherriff said as he splayed his hands out, fingers waggling. “I deal in shock humor.”
In two bounds, Liverioso was on top of the Sherriff. Choking him.
And banging his head on the wood floor.
“I’m going to KILL you!” Liverioso screamed as he bounced the man’s head off the floor.
“What are you doing to the Sherriff, you madman!” Sage yelled from behind the counter. “Help! Someone help!” She pointed at Semfeld. “Get that madman off our Sherriff!”
“Sage?” Semfeld asked.
“Coriander!” Yelled Sage.
Liverioso bonked the Sherriff’s head on the floor again. “Coriander?”
“Toss in some peppercorns and you got a rub!” Rasped the Sherriff. “Ha cha?”
“I’ll show you a rub!”
“Coriander!” Sage yelled again.
“Sage!” Semfeld yelled.
“Sherriff!” Yelled Liverioso. “No, wait.”
“What is all the racket about?” Coriander asked as she stepped out from the back room.
All eyes turned to look.
Except the Sherriff since he was looking at the ceiling. He put his hands on Liverioso’s wrists. “Enough’s enough. Le’go of me or you’ll go to jail for sure. Lost love or not.”
“Get off that man,” Coriander commanded.
“Cor... Cor... Cor...” Stammered Semfeld.
“Iander, if you please,” Coriander said. “Only my brother calls me ‘Cor’.”
Liverioso hopped to his feet. “Sage!”
“Do I...” Sage began. Her eyes got large. “know...”
“Sage!” Liverioso took a step towards her, reaching his hands out. “Sage?”
Sage gaped at Liverioso. Then fainted.
The Sherriff rolled to his feet. “Now look what you did!”
“What I did?” Liverioso wheeled on the Sherriff. “What I did?” He took a step towards him. “You and your husband crack caused this!” He gestured to the counter where Sage was standing only a moment before. “Look what you did!”
Coriander moved to Sage and took her hand in hers. She peered over the top of the counter. “Who are you people?”
“I’m the Sherriff, of course.” The Sherriff said He tucked his thumbs into his bent and rolled back on his heels. “Keeper of the peace.”
Coriander rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ve seen your shtick at the saloon.”
“Yeah?” The Sherriff waggled his eyebrows. “Good, huh?”
Liverioso moved to the counter and scooted across the top of it. “Sage?”
“After a few drinks you’re almost tolerable.”
“Thanks!” The Sherriff crossed his arms and rocked back and forth from heel to toe. “It’s always nice to meet a fan. You know, I’m reminded of the time...”
“Shut up!” Liverioso took Sage’s other hand and patted it. “Sage? Semfeld, find some water or something!”
Semfeld flourished his wand. “Find water you say? Why, that is mere child’s play.” He raised the wand. “Any douser hack can do that.” He waved his wand over his open hand.
Gimme some water!
'Cause I got Sage fainted behind the counter.
Cool, cool water
Oooh, gimme some water
I need a little water!
A large glass of water appeared on Semfeld’s palm.
“Nicely done, Semfeld!” Liverioso dropped Sage’s hand and applauded.
Semfeld took a little bow, causing the glass to wobble on his hand. He quickly shoved his wand in his belt and took the glass. “Here’s the water. Cool, cool water.”
“Old Dan would be proud,” remarked the Sherriff. He raised his hands and waggled his fingers.
Everyone ignored him.
Semfeld walked to the counter and put the glass on the far side of it. “Here you go, partner.”
“That should help,” said Coriander. She smiled at Semfeld. “That was a very nice trick.”
Semfeld beamed at the very attractive woman. “Uhm..” He managed to say.
Sage groaned.
“She’s coming to,” said the Sherriff. “Hit her with the water, you!”
Liverioso nodded. He took the glass and splashed the entire thing onto Sage’s face. As soon as he did it, his eyes got big. “What kind of Sherriff are you?” He started to throw the glass at him but Sage began to sputter so he just put it on the counter.
“I think it helped,” said Coriander.
Semfeld moved to the counter to not only look at Sage, but to get a better look at Coriander.
Coriander looked down at her cousin. “Are you alright?”
Since she was looking down, Semfeld couldn’t get a good look at Coriander’s face. So he looked down her shirt instead.
“Liverioso?” Sage said as she opened her eyes. “Is... Is that you?”
“It is me,” said Liverioso. He kissed the back of her hand. “After all this time, it is me.”
“I hoped you would find me.” A tear ran down her face. “I knew you’d find me.”
“You’re Liverioso?” Coriander asked. “The Liverioso?”
Liverioso nodded.
Sage looked up at Semfeld.
Semfeld quickly moved his eyes to her face. “Uhm...”
Coriander smiled. “And you are?”
“Uuh... uuh... Semfeld.
“Uuh Semfeld, it is nice to meet you.” She smiled again.
“No, just Semfeld.” He straightened slightly. “Semfeld the Astounding, actually.”
“Oh, well, if you say so.”
Semfeld put his hands on the counter. “Yes, in fact, after what was to date the longest engagement as the Royal Magician to the House of Naru, I embarked on an equally successful...
Sage sat up. “Liverioso!”
“Sage!” Liverioso said.
“Sherriff!” Exclaimed the Sherriff. When everyone looked at him, he smiled sheepishly. “Oh, I thought we were starting that roll call again.”
“Sage, I came to take you back with me.”
Sage looked at Liverioso, then Semfeld, then Coriander. “Coriander?” Reflexively, her hand went to the jagged scar on her forearm.
“Home is where the heart is, Sage.” Coriander put her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “So follow your heart.”
“But.” Sage rubbed the scar. “But...”
“If you want my opinion,” the Sherriff said, suddenly serious. “I think you should seriously consider this man’s offer.” He uncrumpled the parchment and held it up for her to see. “Seriously consider it.”
“Is that your lost cat? We can find him before we go.” Semfeld pushed up his sleeves. “I have a great location spell that’s really worth the look!”
Sage met eyes with the Sherriff. “No, there is no need Semfeld.”
“Yeah, that cat’s not gonna turn up.” The Sherriff said flatly.
Liverioso put his hand on Sage’s. “If you think that after all this time, a little scar is going to make me leave you...”
“It’s not that.” Sage lowered her eyes. “It’s...
“It’s settled,” said the Sherriff sternly. “Pack your things and go.” His voice softened. “After all we’ve heard about this Liverioso fellow and the water tower, I’ll shackle you to him if I have to.”
Sage smiled. “Why don’t we go to the house to discuss things.”
“And stop by the bank to close your account there,” added Semfeld. “Sherriff, how about you settle their outstanding debts and…”
“Just hold on there Mister Astounding,” said Coriander. “This is our business here and that makes it none of your business.”
“I thought.”
“You thought.” Coriander frowned at the Magician. “You thought that since Sage here is reunited that I’d just blindly follow along to be your… your I don’t know what… because I’m just some love-needy female who will follow some strange man after a moment’s introduction?” She stood. “Maybe love’s first kiss would make it all better.” She puckered her lips and leaned toward him. “MMMMMmmm!”
Semfeld looked at his feet.
“Oh, well, I guess not then.” Coriander turned back to Sage. “Let’s get upstairs to discuss matters.”
Sage smiled. “Always level headed, dear cousin.” She reached out to her. “Do you think you will stay here?”
Coriander shrugged. “Well, at least a little while. Plus, I would need to see what this other town looks like and if we could even be successful there.”
“Thanks for your patience, Sherriff. I will definitely take your advice.” She smiled at the man.
Semfeld looked from the Sherriff to Sage and back. “Patience?”
“It’s nothing. Nothing at all.” The Sherriff waved his hand dismissively. “All part of the service.” He smirked. “Besides, that means you can catch my next show this upcoming Grunsday.”
Liverioso jumped to his feet and extended a hand to Sage. “Then it’s settled. We pack up and head to Julesville.”
Semfeld nodded. “And I was worried someone would notice the shop was missing.” He patted the bulging backpack. “We’ll be back in no time.”
“You have a shop?”
Liverioso shook his head at Sage. “Not exactly; we’re watching it for someone.”
“We’re kind of between shops right now,” added Semfeld. “But things were looking up before we got word where you were.”
Sage grasped Liverioso’s hand and he pulled her up.
The two stared at each other for a long moment.
“Oh kiss her already,” said Semfeld. “You’re due.”
Liverioso kissed Sage.
Sage kissed Liverioso
Liverioso and Sage kissed.
Sage and Liverioso kissed.
“Well, I have things to attend to,” the Sherriff said finally. With a headshake, he left the shop.
Semfeld cleared his throat. “So, Coriander, where do you ladies live?”
Thankful to be able to direct her attention elsewhere, Coriander turned to face Semfeld. She pointed at the ceiling. “Upstairs from the shop.”
“That’s convenien...” Semfeld snapped his fingers. “Say, you wouldn’t by any chance have a backpack of holding, would you?”
Coriander shook her head. “No. Why would we need one of those?”
“Well, when… If you decide to come to Julesville, I can just Minisculate the shop and bring it back.” He gestured at the backpack. “Just like we’re doing with this one we’re keeping an eye on.”
The pair turned to look at Liverioso and Sage. The
y were still kissing.
“Let’s go buy one,” suggested Semfeld. “Just in case you decide you want to follow on later on.” He held up his hands. “Because you want to, not because of anything having to do with me.”
Coriander smiled. “Let’s.” She moved around the counter and to the front door. “I know where there’s a supply shop that should have one. She gestured outside.
Semfeld looked at his partner. “We’ll be back in a little bit.”
Liverioso and Sage stopped kissing.
Sage smiled. “Want us to come with?”
“Sure, you are always able to get a better deal than I can.”
“Let’s go then. We can buy the backpack, get something to eat, catch up, then head out,” said Liverioso.
“We’ll be back in Julesville before anyone notices.” Said Semfeld. He pulled Coriander out of the shop. When he got outside, he realized he had taken her by the hand. “Oh, sorry.”
Coriander pulled her hand from his and then punched him on the shoulder. “Stop that.” She smirked. “I see our relationship is going to involve me hitting you fairly regularly.”
“Well, that’s a start.”
As Liverioso and Sage left, Liverioso turned to the door. “Stay locked up until we...” He frowned. “Hmmm.”
“I’ll just use my key,” said Sage as she eyed him. “Talk to fixtures often do you?”
“Well, the ones I know are more… animated.”
“Let’s go then before someone notices we’re missing,” Semfeld said.
“Do the folks back in Julesville know you’re gone? I mean, the owners of the shop, that is.”
Semfeld shook his head. “No, no. They are out of town on some fool adventure. Couple of Gnomes.”
Coriander’s face got stern. “You associate with Gnomes?”
“Sure, sure. They’re alright once you get to know them, really they are. And I am sure you and Nulu will get along well too.”
“Another Gnome?”
Liverioso laughed. “Nulu? Oh no; she’s a Trolless. About as far away from a Gnome as you can get, I’d think.”
“What kind of town are you living? Folks mixing with other kinds?”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 20