Semfeld’s smile faltered. After a moment’s consideration, he decided on the simplest, most direct answer: “A good town.”
The group walked in silence for a short while, then Sage and Liverioso began to chat. By the time they reached the shop, Semfeld was walking beside his partner and Coriander, her cousin.
After the quartet found a suitable backpack of holding, they went to the tavern next door. Several courses and drinks later, the sun was going down before they returned to Sage and Coriander’s shop.
They were most definitely missed in Julesville.
Chapter 38
The Lost Picman’s Mine!
(Sorry for the Delay)
Grimbledung stood in the wagon. “Look!” He pointed. “Look at that rocky outcroppings. This has to be the place!” Grimbledung held the map out at arms’ length. He lowered it to peer over it as the wagon rambled up what could only be marginally called a road. Ahead, what was in fact a rocky outcropping, got nearer. “It’s getting nearer!” It began to look just like the one on the map.. “It looks just like the one on the map!” Exclaimed Grimbledung. “Nearer and more like-er!”
Because it was.
Drimblerod sighed. “That's what you said the last time.”
“But this time it is really rocky!” Grimbledung pointed at the sharply inclining road. “There were it sharply inclines! See Rat? See?” Grimbledung clambered forward onto RatShambler's shoulders. “See?” He pointed at the map, then at the outcropping.
RatShambler sighed. “That is what you said last time. That stupid map is wrong. Which is why a garden-variety map is often better to have than a map given to you by a clown.”
“But this time...” Grimbledung grasped the top of RatShambler’s head. “Oh… Oh… Let's turn around.” He finished quickly.
“But it's a rocky outcropping, Grim.” Drimblerod said in his partner's voice. “A rocky one.”
“I know what I said,” Grimbledung turned and moved back to the front of the wagon. “But this isn't the right outcropping.”
“How can you tell which...” RatShambler skidded to a halt. “You have got to be kidding.” RatShambler looked down the other side of the steep incline. “You just got to be.”
Drimblerod lurched forward as the wagon came to an abrupt stop. “What is going on up there?” He sat up. “Rat, what are you doing?” Since Drimblerod was still seated in the wagon, he couldn't see over the incline- only the sky above.
“Turn around Rat!” Grimbledung pleaded. He took the reins from his partner and snapped them “Turn around, Rat!” He snapped them again and again. “Coming about!”
“Grimbledung. Grimbledung poet imposter Sixtoes esquire.” Rat turned to look at his friend. “You have outdone yourself this time.”
“What are you going on about, Rat?” Drimblerod snatched the reins from his partner. “And today is my day to steer. No steering for you until tomorrow, Grim.” He tut-tutted.
“I expect Grim just wants to skip the rest of this day,” offered Rat. “Right, Grim?”
“Yes! Let's just skip back to the shop!” Grimbledung skipped in place. “Skip to the end; that’s fine by me!”
Rat started walking again.
“Grim, I told you we were going to look for two more days yesterday so we still have all of today.” Drimblerod smiled. “So let's give it until we... stop... night...” Drimblerod stammered to a stop.
Rat kept walking.
They were now close enough to hear music.
Drimblerod sat in silence as they approached what appeared to be an extensive carnival.
Grimbledung looked in the opposite direction.
Rat came to a stop next to an immense sign.
“Grimbledung Sixtoes,” Drimblerod managed to say. He looked up at the sign.
“Hmmm?” Grimbledung was still furiously looking the other way.
“Hmmm? That's all you have to say for yourself?” Drimblerod gestured at the large sign. “I am sure you can make out what this is.”
“Part of the East Shambler plains.” Grimbledung shielded his eyes with both his hands and squinted at the distance. “I should imagine.”
Drimblerod took his partner by the shoulders and turned him around. “This. This here is what I am talking about.”
“Yon sign?” Grimbledung stalled.
“Yes, yon sigh. What do you make of it?”
“Well constructed, it seems to me.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Brightly colored?”
“And...”
“Neatly painted? Not sure much else since I can’t read it.”
“And what beyond yon well-constructed, brightly colored, neatly painted sign that you can’t read?”
“Seems to be some sort of park. Of amusements perhaps. Of some sort.”
“And the main attraction is?”
“Ferris wheel?”
“Grim...”
“Some sort of large opening in the ground?”
“What would you call a large opening in the ground?”
“A cave?”
“A grave for Grimbledung?” Offered RatShambler.
“That would be small square-ish hole with a bulge in the middle.”
“Hey now, that's getting personal.” Grimbledung waggled a finger at Rat.
“Grimbledung Sixtoes,” began Drimblerod.
“Esquire?”
“Deadsquire is more like it.”
“Rat, you are not helping. If you don't have something helpful to say, you should just wait until you do. Right Drim? I mean honestly, when we're in the market for something helpful to say, and the best...”
Grimbledung didn’t finish his sentence because his partner swatted his ear.
Hard.
Grimbledung swatted his partner’s ear.
Hard.
Ten minutes of mainly ear swatting later, Drimblerod and Grimbledung sat on the ground with RatShambler between them.
“Let’s go look around,” RatShambler suggested. “Maybe there is treasure to be had after all.”
“Sounds good, right Drim?” Grimbledung got to his feet. “Let’s go find that treasure and head home to finish off a successful adventure.”
Drimblerod shook his head. “There had better be some sort of treasure here.”
Grimbledung scooted to the front of the wagon. “There is, I’m sure of it! Let’s get you hooked back up, Rat!” He smiled. “Then we’ll go find it!”
Chapter 39
Queueing In the Queue
Drimblerod stood in line. Patiently.
Grimbledung far less so.
“Are we there yet?” Grimbledung asked. He had stopped hopping back and forth because the large human female behind him had threatened to spike his feet to the ground if he didn’t.
“I can’t believe I am spending two silver to get in here.”
“But this is why we came here, Drim,” Grimbledung whined. “We gotta go in. We GOTTA!”
“If you can’t keep your kid quiet,” warned the female, “he’s not getting out of this cave alive. Neither are you.”
“Back off lady,” Grimbledung pointed a finger at her. “No one talks to my Pops like that! Right Pops? Teach her a lesson Pops! Yeah, teach her a lesson!” He hopped back and forth shadowboxing.
Drimblerod lowered his head as he took another step forward. After seeing the exorbitant entry fees, he had realized the cheapest way they could get in was with the parent-child discount ticket. He had regretted it as soon as he explained the scheme to Grimbledung, who immediately began to call him ‘Pops’.
“Hey, Pops.” Said Grimbledung.[26]
“What?”
“You going to handle this lady?” Grimbledung tossed him. Underhanded and slow.
“Not even on a bet,” he answered, hitting the line full-on. He waggled his ears.
“Nice, Pops. Nice.” Grimbledung waggled his ears as well.
“You two talking about me?” The woman tightened her grip on her
purse, preparing to whack one of them. Or perhaps both if the ear-waggling didn’t stop.
“Next.” Said the bored-looking youth in the small ticket booth.
Drimblerod stepped up to the window. “Parent and a child.” He said as he put two silver coins on the counter.
“Thanks, Pops.”
Drimblerod closed his eyes. “Quiet, Rat.’
“Pets aren’t allowed,” said the youth.
“I’m not a pet,” said Rat.
“Are you a child then?” The youth asked. “That’s another five copper.”
“He’s over a hundred years old,” offered Drimblerod.
“Hurry up you people!” The female angrily called.
“We’re hurrying up as fast as we can hurry up. Or out even. Maybe down since we’re going into a mine.”
“Are you through?”
Grimbledung waggled his ears at the woman. “I can keep this up all day.”
“That is true,” said Rat.
“He could just ben an old kid,” said the youth. “Do you support him?”
“Not the drinking, that’s for sure,” said Grimbledung. “No one should support the amount of drinking Rat does.”
“I’m warning you,” said the female.
“So he’s a pet. No pets allowed.”
“Fine then,” said Rat as he hopped off Grimbledung’s shoulder. “I’ll just ben an infestation.” He scurried past the youth and farther into the cave.
The youth frowned.
“For a mere silver coin, I can resolve your rat infestation,” said Grimbledung. “Before the authorities find out, even.”
“Hurry up!”
The youth looked from the Gnomes to the female, then into the cave, then back to the Gnomes.
“HURRY. UP!” The female lifted her purse over her head.
The youth took one of the silver coins. “Fine, fine.” He pointed at the entrance with the mandated-by-upper-management, two fingers. “Your tour starts in the gift shop.”
“If course it does,” said Drimblerod.
Grimbledung took the silver coin. “Come on, Pops. Maybe you can buy me an overpriced plush toy. They cost a silver, right?”
“Only the ones as big as your thumb,” replied Drimblerod. “The prices get more absurd as the toys get bigger. Let’s just stand quietly in the gift shop and try not to break anything. With any luck, that silver can buy us lunch.”
“Pish-posh,” said Grimbledung, “once we’re done finding the treasure, our money troubles are over, Pops. You’ll see.”
“You are not getting a plush toy with our last silver coin. And stop calling me Pops.”
“I’m telling you, they will be over and done… Dadcicle.”
“You are not getting a plush toy.” He narrowed his eyes “Dadcicle?”
“It would ‘a been ‘Popsicle’ but you said not to use ‘Pops’.” Grimbledung stuck out his lower lip. He returned Drimblerod’s narrow-eyed stare. His lip started to quiver.
“And throwing a tantrum will ensure that you don’t get one for the rest of the trip! So let’s get going.” Drimblerod walked into the cave.
Grimbledung turned to look at the female. “Grownups, right?”
“Why are you still here?” The female tightened her grip on her purse.
Grimbledung smiled at the female. “You know, this is supposed to be the happiest place in the lands, get with the program, toots.”
“I’ll get you, you stinking kid. And your little rat too!”
“If I had a coin for every time I heard that threat…” He scooted away to catch up with Drimblerod as the female swung her purse to deliver what would probably have been a painful blow.
Chapter 40
Yea Olde Shoppe of Gifts
Grimbledung continued to scoot all the way into the gift shop. It was full of customers.
“This place sure is full of merchandise,” Grimbledung commented.
And merchandise.
“Grimbledung, over here!” Drimblerod waved from beside a tall rack of plush toys. He was at the far side of the shop from his partner.
Grimbledung waved back. “And I’m over here!” He smiled wide. “Lookit all this stuff!”
“Come stand by me!” Drimblerod waved again.
Grimbledung picked up a snow globe.
Drimblerod quickly maneuvered his way to his partner. “Put that thing down, Grim; it looks expensive.”
Grimbledung shook the globe then looked at his partner through it. “I can barely hear you, Drim!” Grimbledung made a sound like blowing wind. “This blizzard is really picking up!” He shook the globe again since the snow had started to settle. “Helloooo!” He called as he shook the globe again. Violently.
“Would you give me that. You’re going to break the thing!” Drimblerod snatched the globe from his partner. “And like it said, it is probably expensive.”
Grimbledung leaned forward and peered into the globe. It was of a very tall building with a glowing sign above large doors. “How can you tell it’s expensive?”
“Because it’s in here.” Drimblerod carefully put the globe back in its place. “Everything in here is expensive.”
“What is that thing anyway?”
“It’s a snow globe of course.” Drimblerod waggled his ears.
Grimbledung stuck his tongue out at his partner. “I know it’s a snow globe. I mean what is it a snow globe of?”
Now Drimblerod peered into the globe. “Seems to be some kind of hospital. Never seen one that big though.” He pointed at the sign. “Seems it’s called Es Tee Elsewhere.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Me neither.” Drimblerod put his hand around his partner and turned him so they were shoulder to shoulder. “Let’s make our way to the front so we will be able to hear what the guide is saying.
Grimbledung nodded. “Good idea. That way we can listen for clues on where the treasure is.”
Drimblerod sighed. “I don’t think there is any treasure, Grim.” He spread his arms out wide. “This is as far from a lost mine as you can get.”
“Are you saying you’re giving up?”
“It’s moving up on my list of things to do.”
“Well, getting filthy rich is still at the top of my list.”
“I thought getting a meal was at the top of your list.”
“That’s always on the top of the list. It just holds its own special spot.” Grimbledung rubbed his belly. “It does with most folks, in fact.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Ever heard someone say ‘That sure hit the spot’ after a really good meal?”
“I’m not sure that’s what they mean.”
“It’s what they mean,” assured Grimbledung. “Hey, let’s get to the front of this crowd.” He waggled his ears.
“What’re you planning?”
“Hey Pops!” Grimbledung called. “Where are you Pops?” He started pushing his way through the crowd. “Pops!”
Drimblerod pursed his lips.
“Pops? Where are you Pops?” Grimbledung repeated again. He was getting near the front of the crowd. “Pops!” When he reached the front of the crowd, he hopped up and down. “Where you at Pops?” He waved at Drimblerod. “Pops!”
Drimblerod waved back as he stifled a smirk. “That’s not too bad,” he said to himself. “I might need one of those myself. I wonder if Flora’s got a sister.” He called out: “Son, where are you? Son!!” He began to push his way through the crowd. When he finally reached Grimbledung, he grabbed him by the ear. “Oooh, you had me so worried you little rascal!”
“Maybe you should hold his hand or something,” scolded a nearby parent. An angry looking Dwarfess. She held up her hands showing she was holding onto both of her children’s hand.
“Hold hands? Don’t be gross.”
“You tell her, Pops.”
“I just did. Weren’t you listening?” Drimblerod picked up his partner’s ear. “Helloo!” He called into it. “T
his thing work?” He leaned in and bit it. “Yuck. Maybe I should just hold your hand after all.”
Grimbledung waggled his eyebrows at the woman. “Unless you want to hold my hand.”
“I would recommend that over biting his ears,” said Drimblerod.
“Hey, let her make up her own mind. Right, toots?”
The woman turned around.
“Well, I’m dashed.”
“Me too,” agreed Drimblerod. He stuck out his tongue. “And I need a drink now. When was our last bath?”
Grimbledung looked around- there was a fair bit of space between them and the rest of the crowded area. “Mayhap a bit too long.”
Rat scrambled up Grimbledung’s side onto his shoulder. “Here you are!”
“Of course we’re here.” Grimbledung pointed across the room. “If you looked over there, you wouldn’t find us. ‘Cause we’re here.”
“Unless you were there,” said Rat. He gestured across the room.
Grimbledung looked back across the room then frowned. “But how could I be anywhere but here?”
“When you are there, of course.”
Drimblerod shook his head. “Didn’t we resolve this dilemma south of Old Jute? Last week it was, now that I think about it.”
“That was then. This is now,” said Rat.
Grimbledung snapped his fingers. “South Jute was our last bath!”
“Mayhap we are due.”
Rat nodded at Drimblerod. “Probably, but wait until we’re out of this place.”
“Why’s that, Rat?”
“Because you two are real easy to find in your current olfactory condition.” Rat twitched his whiskers. “Real, real easy.”
“I think we should be offended.” Offered Grimbledung.
“That is true.”
“I think you mean we are offensive.” Corrected Drimblerod.
“That is also true,” Rat repeated. He twitched his whiskers again.
“What is it you needed exactly?” Drimblerod squinted at Rat.
“Hmm… Why did I come here? Now I forget. Did I insult you already?”
“Yes.” Drimblerod pointed at Rat. “And don’t twitch your whiskers again.”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 21