I nod my head, turn around, and start walking to Jackson’s room. I get to his door and take a few deep breaths, bracing myself for what I am about to see. I know it won’t be good, but I have to do this. I love him and nothing will stop me from going to him.
Taking in one more deep breath, I open Jackson’s door and gasp. I knew it was going to be bad, but I had no idea I would see him like this. I put my hands over my face and start to shake my head back and forth.
HIs face is so bruised, it’s black and purple. He has a tube in his mouth, a bunch of needles sticking out his arm and I see that his leg has a huge cast on it. Walking closer to him, I see that his arm is wrapped up and his chest has bandages on it. I hold the side of the bed to try and get a grip on my emotions. This doesn’t look anything like my Jackson. I am crying so hard that I start to lose my breath again. I put my head in between my legs to try and control my breathing. I hear a voice behind me, but I don’t turn around. I see white shoes and start to look up. It’s an older nurse. She rubs my back and tells me to take deep breaths, just as Jared did before.
Finally calming down, she brings a chair next to the bed for me to sit. I slowly walk over to it and sit down. The nurse smiles at me and says, “Sweetie, I know this is hard, but try to keep your emotions under control. I know how you feel, but just keep taking deep breaths and you will be okay.” I shake my head yes and she continues, “Talk to him sweetie. I’m a firm believer that they can hear you, even in a coma. Talk to him as if he is awake. You will feel better, trust me dear.” She taps my hand and checks all his vitals before leaving the room.
Taking a deep breath, I grab Jackson’s hand, the one that isn’t wrapped up and rub it soothingly. “Hey baby.” I say with a hoarse voice. “I love you and hope that you get better soon. I need you here with me and Rhys. Pull through this okay?” I think about our unborn child and what would happen if he doesn’t make it. Our child will never get to meet him.
I stay in the room a little longer. Getting up off the chair, I lean over to his hand and kiss it. “I love you, Jackson Daniels, and don’t you forget it. I’m going home for a bit to Rhys. I need him close to me. I will be back, I promise.” I kiss his hand once more and leave the room.
I walk back into the waiting room and Demetri and Jared hug me at the same time. Hugging them back, I say, “I love you both, but I need to go home to Rhys. I know Jules is with him Demetri, but I need him in my arms right now. I need to feel a part of Jackson close to me.”
Demetri nod and smiles a weak smile and says, “Guess I’m not good enough,” which causes me to chuckle a little bit. He smiles and I can see that he accomplished what he was trying to do.
Pressing my hand to his cheek, I say, “You definitely are, but I need Rhys.” I smile and he smiles back. He hugs me a final time and then lets me go.
Jared wraps his arms around me and says, “Do you need me to drive you back?”
I shake my head and say, “No, I’ll be fine. Go in and see Jackson, I know you really want to. Go on. I love you Jared.” His hug is so tight and almost unbearable, but I know he really needs it before going in there.
“I love you too, sis. Now, get home to your boy.” Hearing him say my boy, makes my eyes start to water. I say okay and walk to the elevators.
Once I get outside, I walk to my car and get in. I’m going home to see my boy, my Chubbs.
I start my car and head home.
Chapter 36
Pulling up to the driveway, I turn off the car and sit for a minute. Trying to take in everything that has happened, I start to cry again. Jackson and I have overcome so much and I feel like we just got each other and not this. I can’t believe something like this has happened.
Drying my eyes, I get out of the car and head up to the house. I just need Chubbs right now. Putting my hand on the doorknob, I open the door. The second the door opens, all different memories come flooding back to me.
“You’re so beautiful, sunshine. So fucking beautiful.”
“God Jackson, don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”
“This is goodbye Jackson.”
“That color looks good on you Sunshine.”
“Let’s go and watch a movie and relax.”
“It’s all about you Sunshine, all about you.”
“I love you too, Jackson, so much.”
“Just move in already.”
“Rhys loves you too.”
I grip the side of the door frame and start to cry as I think of everything that has happened in this house, the good and the bad. I want Jackson to be okay. Looking around, I see that Jules is coming out of the kitchen with a bottle. She rushes over to me and hugs me hard. I grip her as if my life depended on it. Jules and I have gotten close since Jackson and I have seen together. She is a sweetheart.
Pulling back from each other, we both give weak smiles. I am the first to say something. “Where’s Rhys?” I ask as I look around.
“He’s in his crib. He’s a cranky little thing so I think he is tired. Um, how is everything so far? When Demetri got the call, he flew out the door. I knew it couldn’t have been good so I stayed here with Rhys. He hasn’t called me yet to let me know all of it.”
I look down and start to cry again. Shaking my head to try and stop the tears from flowing, I say, “It doesn’t look good. He is really banged up and broke some bones, but what they are really worried about is his head. They put him in a medically induced coma to reduce the swelling. He’s also on a ventilator to help him breathe, but the doctor said that nothing is guaranteed because his injuries are so severe.” Jules gasps and covers her mouth and starts to cry and engulfs me in another hug. “What am I supposed to do Jules, tell me?” I ask in between sobs.
“You and all of us are going to get through this Av, I promise. Jackson is a strong man. With all of us behind him, he will pull through, I just know it. I know it’s difficult right now, but we all have to be strong. I will be here for whatever and whenever you need me. I don’t have much family, you guys are it, and so I will always be here for you.” she says brushing my hair out of my face. I love that she is so positive, especially when I need to hear words like that.
“You’re right Jules, I need to be strong and think like you, no matter how much it breaks my heart right now.” I blow out a deep breath and continue. “Thank you so much for taking care of Rhys for both of us, I really appreciate it.” Looking down, I see that she still has Rhys bottle in her hand. “I should probably go and feed him. He’s been quiet; I wonder if he fell asleep?” She shrugs and we both walk back to Rhys’ bedroom.
Opening Rhys’ bedroom door all the way, we see that he is looking up at the mobile and playing with his baby blanket. We both look at each other and smile. I walk over to his crib and lean over the side just a bit, as I do, Rhys squeals and reaches his hands out for me. I instantly pick him up and hold him tightly. He puts his hands in my hair and lays his head on my shoulder. I will the tears not to escape, but they do anyways. Pulling Rhys back so I can look at his face again, I look into his eyes and see Jackson. He looks exactly like Jackson. I pull Rhys back into me and hug him again. This is going to be so hard, but I know that not only do I need to be strong for Jackson, but also for Rhys.
“Thanks again Jules. If you want to head to the hospital you can, I’m gonna take care of him and then clean up or something. I need to keep my mind busy.” She gives me an odd look and agrees. I want to be with Rhys right now. I’m used to helping take care of him and he is exactly what I need right now.
It’s been exactly 11 days since I got that God-awful phone call from Jared. I took a leave of absence from work so I could spend more one on one time with Rhys. Even though he goes to the daycare I work at, I just wanted to be home with him. I have brought most of my clothes over so that I’m not running back and forth. Jackson had already asked me a number of times, and it just feels right to be here all the time.
No changes have occurred with Jackson. The doctors warned us that with h
is injuries being as extensive as they are, he may or may not pull through. I have been trying to keep my mind positive and think of only the best. I want Jackson to get better and to come home where he belongs, with me and Rhys.
Demetri has been good with letting me continue to take care of Rhys, he explained that he knows exactly how important it is to me, but if anything bad happens, it is in Jackson’s Will, that because Demetri is is his only family, he will get custody of Rhys. Jackson and I aren’t married, so I understand that it’s what he wanted and this was before I came along, but I don’t think I could go a day without being with Rhys.
Jules is on her way over to watch Rhys for me so I can visit with Jackson. She has been good with watching him when I want to go and visit. Considering she is pregnant, I think she just wants more ‘practice’ as she calls it. She will be a great mother.
Hearing the doorbell ring and then the door open, I know that Jules has arrived. I see her walk in and I give her a nod towards the bedroom so she knows that I’m putting Rhys in there. Laying him in his crib, I cover him up, kiss his forehead and tell him I love him. I walk back out into the living room and give Jules a hug and rub her belly. Even though she is barely showing, I love rubbing her barely there baby bump. She laughs every time and shakes her head.
“How are you feeling today, Mama?” I ask her with a smile. She looks at the ceiling and blows out a deep breath. “I am doing well, except that damn morning sickness is killing me.” I still haven’t told anyone that I’m pregnant. I want Jackson to be the first one to know. I am glad that I don’t have any morning sickness.
“Awe, I’m sorry you’re going through that. Crackers and ginger ale in the morning should help a little with that.” I say to her.
“I’ve tried, but I swear this baby doesn’t care about all that.” She says and chuckles.
I shake my head and look at the time; I realize I need to get going to see Jackson. “Rhys should sleep for about two hours and I should be back by then, but if he wakes up, oh never mind, you know what you’re doing.” I say and then hug her. I grab my keys and head to see my man.
Chapter 37
Arriving at the hospital, I get out of the car and walk through the entrance. While I’m on the elevator, I hope that there is good news when I arrive. It’s been too long for me, and I need good news this time. The doors open and I walk to the waiting area to see if anyone is there. Seeing Jared, I walk up to him and hug him. He has been here every day and only leaves to eat or shower. He even does his homework here, he refuses to leave. I know he and Jackson have gotten close, but this shows me just how much he loves Jackson.
“Hey sis, how are you?” He says with a small smile.
I smile a little back at him and reply, “About the same as yesterday, I’m okay, hoping everything is going to be okay.” I take a breath and continue, “I hope they can tell us good news today, Jared, I really need good news.”
He sighs and says, “Yeah, me too sis, me too.” He runs his hand thru his hair and takes a seat.
Just as I’m about to say something, Demetri comes out and I go over to him and hugs him. He squeezes me and says, “The doctor will be out in a minute to talk to us about Jackson, I’m hoping it’s finally some good news.” I shake my head as if to agree with him. I pull him towards me and hug him again. We sit down and wait for the doctor to come out.
Just as we all sit and start to talk, Dr. Perez walks through the doors. We all stand up. “Please tell us there is good news, please.” I say in a whisper. I don’t think I can take any more bad news.
Dr. Perez looks down and then back at each one of us and says, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Jackson still has very little brain activity. We have run a few tests and scans and they are show the same thing. He still hasn’t woken up, which is rare. I want you to think of options and possibly taking him off the ventilators and start saying your goodbyes. Again, I truly am very sorry that this is happening. We will agree with whatever you all decide, but please decide in a timely matter.”
I start to scream and wail the second the doctor is done talking. There is no way that this is the end for me and Jackson, I won’t let it be. I need him! I don’t care that I am on the hospital floor letting my emotions go. Jared pulls me up and holds me.
Demetri walks over to me and I grab his shirt and scream, “Don’t you dare take your brother off of that ventilator! I need him dammit. I don’t give a fuck what those doctors say; you leave him on it, Demetri. I will never forgive you if you give up on Jackson, never.”
Before he can react, I run out of the hospital and head Jared calling my name over and over. I run down the steps instead of taking the elevator and run to my car. I drive to Ma’s house; I just can’t be at home right now.
Walking into Ma’s house, I run up to my room with blurry eyes. I leave the light off and turn on the radio loudly. Out of all the songs to play, one of the saddest songs known to man is playing through my speakers and I let out a blood curling scream as the song continues to play.
“What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do”
As the words of Rascal Flatts continue to play, I throw the lamp on my table at the radio, but it still doesn’t turn off. I grab the first thing I see and start trashing my room. I cannot go on without Jackson. Who would I be without him? How would I live without him?
All these thoughts are running through my head and I take my brush and throw it against my mirror and watch it shatters. That’s exactly how my heart feels right now. Shattered. I can’t do this, I can’t do this without Jackson. Oh, god! Our baby will never know its father. I fall to the floor and cradle my stomach and cry my eyes out.
I feel big arms pick me up and pull me against his chest. I know instantly that it’s Jared. Once again, my brother is coming to my rescue. I grab onto him as if he is my lifeline and squeeze with all my might. “I can’t do it without Jackson, I just can’t.” I say sobbing into his chest. He is rubbing my back and whispering for me to calm down.
I pull back and put my hands on his face, “Jared, I can’t do it without Jackson, I just can’t.” I sniffle and continue, “I have something to tell you, that no one else knows. I was waiting so Jackson would be the first one to know.” He cocks his head to the side and nods for me to go on. “I’m pregnant, Jared. I found out on the day of the accident. I had no fucking clue that I was pregnant at all. I was gonna surprise him that night, but then the accident happened. You’re the only who knows. This is why I can’t do this without him, I need him.”
He pulls me tightly against him and says, “Av, look at me. I am so happy that you are pregnant and you can go on without Jackson. I am here and I will help you, I know it won’t be the same, but I am always here for you.”
I lean back and say, “I don’t know what to do anymore. How did you find me anyway?”
“I followed you as you were running out.” He puts his head down for a minute and then looks back up and I see tears running down his cheek. “Sis,” he says with a choked voice, “Demetri is taking him off of the ventilator. We have to go back so we can say our goodbye.” I start to cry and shake my head. He grabs my face and says, “Look at me. You will go or you will regret it. I will be right outside the door when you are in there. I know this is extremely hard for you, but you will do it. I don’t want you to regret it. You go in there and you pour your fucking heart out to him. You love him, so you will be there for him. Don’t be mad at Demetri, Av, he just doesn’t want his brother to continue to suffer. What do you say you ride back with me?”
I shake my head okay. He puts his arms over my shoulder and we walk down the steps and out the front door. Getting into the car, I start crying again. I am going to say goodbye to the love of my life. I h
ave to say goodbye.
Chapter 38
Jared grips my hand as we walk into the elevator. I look up at him and give him a weak smile. Without Jared by my side, I wouldn’t be able to get through this. Stepping onto Jackson’s floor, I stop dead in my tracks. I don’t want to say goodbye. Jared pushes me a little to get me moving. “I got you Avery, it’ll be fine.” Jared says soothingly. I love Jared, but right now, I just want my best friend. She has stopped by a few times, but she has been helping at work since I’m not there. Even Colin has been here a few times.
I look up and see Demetri. I want to punch him for giving up on Jackson, but if that was my brother, I probably would’ve done the same thing. I squeeze Jared’s hand and then let go of it. I start walking to Demetri and as I reach him, I fall into his arms. “I am so sorry Demetri, I didn’t mean it, I swear I didn’t mean it.” I say between sobs.
He rubs the back of my head and says, “I know you didn’t, Avery, I know you didn’t girl. I understand where your head is at, mine is about to explode. I don’t want to take him off, but I can’t stand him suffering anymore. Please, please forgive me Avery. I know how much you love him and how much he loves you, but please forgive me for doing this.”
Found By You (The Found Series) Page 14