Escapade

by Walter Satterthwait

  ‘Sir David is playing with you, Mrs Allardyce,’ said Mrs Corneille. ‘Of course we’re safe here. Lord Purleigh shouldn’t have said so if it weren’t true.’

  ‘No,’ said the Allardyce, blinking. She pressed her hand against her bosom, or against that portion of it that could be covered by a single hand. ‘Certainly he wouldn’t. Certainly.’ She blinked again, patted herself again, looked vaguely around the room. ‘Oh dear,’ she said, again to no one in particular, ‘I suppose I must go find poor Alice. She’ll be needing the comfort of her family now.’

  And with that she got up and waddled vaguely away. I left shortly afterward, and came up here, to my room.

  I’m exhausted, Evy, and sore all over. My bruises are throbbing. I’ll drop this in the post box and then try to get some rest. I’ll write again later, after dinner. And after the seance!

  All my love,

  Jane

  Chapter Twenty-three

  The closet door swung open. Mrs. Corneille stepped out in her white dress, her sleek black hair swaying along her shoulders. She saw the gun in my hand and she smiled. “You’re not going to shoot me, I hope.”

  I put the gun away. “You saw me drop that piece of paper,” I said. “Out on the patio.”

  “Yes,” she said. “And I read it.” Her smile faded and she lifted her elegant chin. “Alice is a good friend of mine. I shouldn’t want you or anyone else to harm her. It seemed to me that if you were having secret meetings with one of her servants, someone ought to be there to represent her interests.”

  “You think her interests are in jeopardy?”

  “Not at all. But she might need looking after.”

  “You feel better now?”

  “Not remarkably so.” Suddenly she frowned. “Oh dear, what time is it?”

  I pulled out my watch. “Twenty minutes to eight.”

  “I’d forgotten—dinner. I must run and change.” She crossed the carpet, put her hand along my arm, looked up at me with those big black eyes. “Come to my room tonight,” she said urgently. “After the seance. We’ll discuss this.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  THE GREAT MAN'S was still shut when I got back to the suite. As I crossed the room, I stripped off my jacket and flung it to the bed. I knocked on his door and tugged loose the knot of my tie. “Harry.”

  I pulled the tie from my neck, balled it up, threw it to the bed.

  I started unbuttoning my shirt. I rapped my knuckles at the door again. “Harry?”

  His voice came through the door. “Phil? Are you alone out there?”

  “I brought along a tuba player. Does that count?” I tore off the shirt, balled it, fired it at the bed.

  “Are you alone, Phil?”

  “Yeah, Harry, I’m alone.”

  The door opened a notch and the Great Man stuck his head out. He glanced at me, glanced around the room like a pickpocket at a policemen’s ball. He looked back at me. “She is gone,” he said.

  “Who’s gone?”

  He jerked open the door and darted into my room, his gray eyes wide. He was wearing his dinner jacket and a crisp black bow tie. He had brushed his hair back, and pomaded it, but it still cropped out from his temples like clumps of steel wool. Quickly, he glanced around again. “Where have you been, Phil?”

  I unbuckled my belt. “I told you. Snooping around. Who’s gone?”

  “Cecily Fitzwilliam. She was here. ”

  I stepped out of my pants, flung them onto the bed. “What’d she want?”

  “She said she wanted to talk to you. But she wouldn’t go away, Phil. She kept pounding on the door, demanding that I open it.”

  I stalked over to the wardrobe. “But you didn’t, right?”

  “Of course not.” Indignant.

  “Good for you, Harry.” I snatched a clean shirt from the hanger, put it on.

  “Why is this woman harassing me?”

  “Maybe she’s still smitten,” I told him. I took out the dress pants and the suspenders, both of them rented in London, and buttoned the suspenders to the back of the pants.

  “Phil, you said this would not happen again.”

  “I’ll talk to her, Harry,” I said.

  ★ ★ ★

  The MOOD at dinner was strained. No one was supposed to know that the Earl was dead, but I think that everyone did, except maybe Mrs. Allardyce, and maybe Miss Turner. Lord Bob never showed—Lady Purleigh said that he wasn’t feeling well. She was wearing a regal black dress that could have been a mourning dress, if you wanted it to be, or just a regal black dress, if you didn’t. She looked tired, but from time to time she smiled, a fragile smile, and from time to time she encouraged this guest or that one to talk. Some of them tried for a while, chattering away until they heard the sound of their own voices echo in the surrounding silence. And then they slowed down, like sightseers nearing the lip of a chasm, and then suddenly they stopped.

  Miss Turner never said a word. She again only sat there and glanced around the table. Whenever she caught me catching her at it, her glance skittered away. I wondered what went on beyond that bright blue dazzle.

  I think that everyone was worried that too much enthusiasm would bother Lady Purleigh.

  Everyone except Mrs. Allardyce and the Great Man. The Great Man’s conversations were usually monologues, even in better times, and he had never in his life worried about bothering anyone. Mrs. Allardyce kept feeding him questions, and he kept giving the rest of us his answers. He told us about his incredible dip beneath the ice in the Detroit River. He told us about his incredible escape from the prison wagon in Moscow. He told us about his incredible single-handed airplane flight in Germany in 1909, and his incredible award-winning flight in 1910 in Australia, the first ever in that country. The airplane stories were mostly true.

  Almost all the guests listened politely, even Madame Sosostris and Mr. Dempsey—and both of them had to know that the Great Man was there to prove she was a fake.

  But not Sir David. He scowled occasionally, or looked deliberately away. Now and then he leaned toward Mrs. Corneille, who sat beside him, and whispered something. Whatever it was, usually she frowned at it, or ignored it. Once he whispered while she was cutting a bite of roast beef, and she froze in mid-cut and turned to him with a stony look and spoke quickly under her breath. He smiled, blandly, and ate another forkful of creamed peas.

  It seemed to me that trouble was coming, but I knew there wasn’t much I could do about it until it arrived. If it did.

  I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Cecily alone. But she didn’t seem very anxious to talk to me. She spent most of her time watching the Great Man. Like her mother, she smiled wanly but in all the right places.

  The trouble arrived in the drawing room. We were all sitting around at different tables. Doyle, smoking his pipe, was telling me about the afterlife, and how life was better there. On Doyle’s right, Sir David and Dr. Auerbach and Mr. Dempsey were sitting with Lady Purleigh, Mrs. Corneille, and Madame Sosostris. On my left, the Great Man was telling Mr. Dempsey, Mrs. Allardyce, and Miss Turner about his stomach.

  “Years of conditioning,” he said, “have turned Houdini’s muscles into steel.” He stood up and yanked open his dinner jacket. Doyle and I looked over. “Here,” the Great Man said to Mrs. Allardyce. He nodded toward his stomach. “Go ahead. Hit me.”

  Mrs. Allardyce sat there. “I beg your pardon?” she said.

  I saw Sir David put his cigar in his mouth, watching.

  “Hit me,” said the Great Man. “Feel free.”

  The others were watching, all of them. I was watching Sir David.

  Mrs. Allardyce blinked again. “You want me to strike you?”

  “Yes, of course,” said the Great Man. “As a demonstration.”

  Mrs. Allardyce blinked some more. “But really,” she said. “I couldn’t. ”

  “But I could,” said Sir David. He set his cigar in the ashtray and stood up. “With great pleasure.” He was almost a foot taller than the
Great Man.

  “Ah,” said the Great Man, still holding open his dinner jacket. He smiled. He was pleased. This was a chance to prove his superiority over someone he still thought was vermin. “Feel free to hit as hard—”

  Sir David rammed his right fist into the Great Man’s stomach, pivoting on the ball of his left foot, slamming the weight of his

  heavy shoulder behind the punch. Hissing, the Great Man doubled over and grabbed at his belly.

  Doyle pushed himself up from his chair. “Now see here!”

  Sir David stepped back, smiling. The Great Man hung there, bent forward, clutching himself. Sir David said to Doyle, “It was his idea, after all.”

  “But he wasn’t prepared!” said Doyle.

  The Great Man abruptly threw out his right arm and held it there, parallel to the carpet. For a moment no one spoke. Holding his left hand to his stomach, he slowly raised his torso until he was fully upright. He let both his arms fall to his sides. His face was white and shiny.

  But when he smiled, his smile seemed perfectly normal. “Sir Arthur is correct,” he said to Sir David. “I was unprepared.”

  His voice was slightly higher than normal, but no one could hear the difference unless they knew him well. “So,” he said, “if you do not object, we shall not count that punch.” He drew back his jacket, put his balled fists on his hips. “Now,” he said.

  Sir David smiled at the Great Man. “I should tell you,” he said, “that I got my Blue for boxing when I was up at Oxford.”

  “That,” said the Great Man, “is completely irrelevant.”

  Sir David planted his feet on the carpet like a lumbegack, drew back his right arm, and then hauled off and let go, knifing his fist into the Great Man’s midsection.

  The Great Man’s upper body moved forward a bit, and I think that his feet skidded a few inches backward on the carpet. But he didn’t move otherwise. His smile hadn’t wavered. He said, “You see? Like steel.”

  From the women came a smattering of applause. I glanced over to see who was clapping. Lady Purleigh, Cecily, Miss Turner.

  “Wunderbar!” cried Dr. Auerbach.

  “Well done!” said Doyle.

  Sir David frowned. He pounded his right fist into his left palm. “Once more,” he said.

  “Nope,” I said. I stood up, and he turned to face me. The two of us were the same height. “You already had your shot,” I said. “Two shots. Next time, try it with someone who might hit back.”

  Sir David grinned and pounded his fist into his palm again. “You, for example, Beaumont?”

  “For example.”

  “No, no,” said Doyle suddenly, and he stepped forward, putting his body between Sir David and me. He looked back and forth between us. “I won’t have this. Not in Lady Purleigh’s house. And certainly not on the night of a seance.”

  Sir David smiled blandly. “You heard him, Doyle. He challenged me.”

  “As any right-minded man would've done. Sir David, you oblige me to say that your behavior has been deplorable. I ask you to remember yourself, sir, and remember what is proper.”

  Sir David raised his handsome jaw. “The man has challenged me.”

  “There will be no violence here tonight,” said Doyle.

  For a moment or two, Sir David looked like a man who was thinking about taking a pop at Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Then he nodded. Casually, he adjusted the fit of his coat. “As you wish,” he said. “Not tonight. I shall be delighted to meet with him at any other time.” He looked over at me and smiled. “Unless Beaumont would care to withdraw his challenge?”

  “I don’t think so,” I said.

  “Tomorrow morning, then?” he said. “At seven, shall we say?” He turned to Doyle. “And let it be a proper match, by all means,” he said. “You may referee, if you like.”

  Doyle thought about that. It had caught him by surprise, but you could see that a part of him liked the idea. He looked from Sir David to me, and back again, as though he were trying to gauge our respective weights and potential skills. I think that probably, when he was younger, he’d done a bit of boxing himself. He turned to me. “Mr. Beaumont, what do you say to that?”

  “Fine with me.”

  He looked back at Sir David. He frowned. “But of course this isn’t for me to decide.” He turned. “Lady Purleigh, the decision is yours. Would you object to two of your guests engaging in a brief boxing match tomorrow morning?”

  Lady Purleigh didn’t hesitate. She looked from me to Sir David. “Do you both wish this?”

  Sir David smiled. “Most acutely,” he said.

  I said, “Yes.”

  She nodded. “I shall permit it,” she said, “on three conditions. The first is that, my permission having been given, the two of you will forget about this affair for the remainder of the evening. You will dismiss it from your minds, both of you, so that we may all proceed with the seance. The second is that after the event, whatever its conclusion, this matter is ended. Both the victor and the defeated will accept the outcome. Do you agree to these conditions, Mr. Beaumont?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Do you, Sir David?” she asked him.

  He gave her a single small nod. “I do.”

  Doyle spoke. “You said three conditions, Lady Purleigh?” “Yes.” She smiled. “The third being that this competition does not take place anywhere near the garden. We have trouble enough with the flower beds as it is.”

  Doyle smiled. “I think we can promise you that we won’t disturb the flower beds, Lady Purleigh.”

  “Very well, then,” she said. “Permission is granted.”

  Doyle turned to Sir David. “Marquis of Queensberry rules?” He nodded. “Without the gloves, of course.”

  “Yes,” said Doyle, frowning. “Of course. We haven’t any.” He turned to me. “You object to their absence?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Ten rounds,” said Doyle to Sir David. “With me to decide the winner.”

  “Ten rounds,” said Sir David. “But I doubt that deciding the winner will be an especially taxing process.”

  Doyle looked at me. “You agree to ten rounds?”

  “Sure.”

  “Right, then,” said Doyle. “Seven o’clock tomorrow morning.” He rubbed his big hands together. “And now,” he said, “for the seance.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  UNDER DOYLE'S DIRECTION, the men moved three rectangular coffee tables together into the center of the drawing room and then set chairs around them. Once or twice, while both of us were lugging chairs, Sir David glanced over at me and blandly smiled. Whatever he’d promised Lady Purleigh, I didn’t think that he’d dismissed tomorrow’s fight from his mind. But then I hadn’t dismissed it from mine.

  There were thirteen of us, and Lady Purleigh arranged us around the tables so that the men alternated with the women. I sat down next to Cecily. She glanced at me as if she had never seen me before and didn’t expect to see me again. Sir Arthur sat to Cecily’s left. To Sir Arthur’s left, at the head of the table, sat Madame Sosostris and her husband, Mr. Dempsey. After Mr. Dempsey came Lady Purleigh herself, and then Sir David. After Sir David, and opposite me, came Mrs. Allardyce and then Dr. Auerbach. On the doctor’s left, and at the table end opposite Madame Sosostris, sat Miss Turner and the Great Man. To the Great Man’s left sat Mrs. Corneille and her perfume. I was the one sitting to her left.

  Lady Purleigh had rung for a servant. The man who arrived was short and heavyset and his name was Parsons. At Doyle’s request, he pulled the entrance doors shut, drew the thick curtains over the mullioned windows, and then marched across the carpets clicking off electric lights.

  The seance was what we had all come here for, and no one said anything as the air grew more dusky, click by click. I looked at the Great Man. He was smiling at Madame Sosostris. I looked at Miss Turner. She had been watching me, and her glance skipped away. I looked at Mrs. Corneille. She looked back at me and smiled.

  Fina
lly there was only one lamp left, burning on a table that stood at the base of a tapestry. Shadows streamed along the floor and pooled in the corners of the room.

  Doyle asked Parsons to sit down beside the lamp and wait, and then he turned to Madame Sosostris. “Madame?” he said.

  Madame Sosostris’s hair was the same tonight, a white thicket above her round white face, but she was wearing a different silk gown. This one was black and shiny and spangled with golden astrological signs. Her hands, small and plump and jeweled, were perched along the wooden arms of her wheelchair. Slowly, in the hazy gray, she looked around the table like a general inspecting his troops. The glance from her shrewd dark eyes met the glance of each of us, one by one, before it moved on. Her glance didn’t waver when it met the Great Man’s.

  Finally she spoke. “T’e first t’ing you must all to understand,” she said, her heavy jowls quivering, “is t’at once we have, all of us, in the circle wit’ our hands toget’er joined, we must not to break t’e circle. Yas?”

  Doyle translated. “Once we join our hands,” he said, surveying the table, “we must not break the circle. This could be dangerous.”

  “Yas,” said Madame Sosostris. “The second t’ing. At t’e beginning, my husband will be to asking t’e questions for Running Bear. Afterwards, others may to speak wit’ him.”

  “Initially,” said Doyle, “Mr. Dempsey will ask the questions of Running Bear, Madame’s Spirit Guide. When Running Bear gives his permission, the rest of us may ask what we like.”

  “Yas,” said Madame Sosostris. “Now. We will all to join our hands toget’er, pliss.”

  I took Mrs. Corneille’s left hand. It was small and cool and soft. She smiled at me, then turned to the Great Man and offered him her right. He took it, but he was still studying Madame Sosostris, and still enjoying himself.

  I turned to Cecily, reached for her right hand. She gave it to me and looked away. Her fingers were warm. Suddenly they made a quick squeeze against mine, and her sharp little fingernails nipped into my palm. She was still looking away.

  “Yas,” said Madame Sosostris. “Now we are ready.”