Against Her Will

by Nicole Sturgill

  “Good. Now you go on and rest now and send Wilma back in. I’d like to speak with her.”

  Temperance nodded and with tears welling up in her eyes she kissed his papery cheek and stood straight. Temperance all but fled from the room and found herself colliding into Tanner.

  The man wrapped her in his arms and kissed her air as she sobbed against his shirt. She saw Wilma and motioned toward the room. Wilma dabbed her face with her apron and then went inside, closing the door behind her.

  “Temp, I love you. I don’t know what else to say to ease your pain. I just love you.”

  “You’re in pain too,” Temperance whispered, clinging to his shirt and breathing in his comforting scent.

  “I guess we’re in pain together,” he agreed.

  “Why, Tanner?” Temperance’s voice broke. “Why are such good people taken away from us?”

  Tanner sighed. “Felix lived a long life, Temperance, and our lives were made better because he was here. We just have to remember that.”

  Temperance’s tears fell harder and she heard Tanner let out another long breath. She nearly cried out with shock when he lifted her from the floor and cradled her against his chest, but she was crying too hard and too overcome with grief to fight against the gesture.

  And she didn’t want to fight against it.

  In Tanner’s arms she felt a peace that she had never found anywhere else.

  He carried her into her bedroom and laid her gently upon the mattress. She was already in her nightclothes and had been sleeping peacefully when Wilma had come flying into her room to let her know that Felix was dying. Temperance had quickly ordered him brought into the main house and made comfortable before she’d gone and fetched Tanner.

  “You need to rest, Temp. Sleep.” Tanner urged.

  Temperance took a shuddering breath to stop the steady flow of tears. She swiped at her face and held herself tight. She didn’t want to be alone. “Stay with me,” she whispered.

  She could see the surprise in Tanner’s eyes. She had never asked him to stay with her throughout a night and other than the night that they had camped out with Jackson, Temperance had never slept in his arms.

  Tanner appeared wary. “Are you sure?”

  Temperance nodded. “I don’t want to be alone, Tanner… I don’t think I could stand it. Please.. Please stay with me for tonight?”

  Tanner glanced at the walls and Temperance suddenly knew where his hesitation was stemming from. They were inside and she was asking him to sleep in the bed. She remembered his fears. He hadn’t slept inside since he’d left prison and Temperance suddenly felt guilty for asking him to do it for her now.

  “We can sleep out there,” she nodded toward the balcony. “I just want you with me.”

  Tanner’s gray blue eyes met hers and she could see the love shining out them as well as the happiness. “Nonsense. If you need me then I’m here, Temp.”

  Temperance swallowed hard as Tanner got into the bed behind her. She felt his arm snake around her waist as she lay on her side with her back to him. Her mind tried to take her back in time and breathing became more difficult. She felt that panic beginning to build in her veins and then his voice was whispering in her ear, “It’s me, Temp. It’s Tanner. I’d never hurt you and you know that so whatever it is you’re seeing, whatever it is you’re feeling, tell it to go to hell.”

  His words were like a hand suddenly appearing at the surface of the water she’d been drowning under and she frantically took hold of them and let him pull her up out of the depths.

  She relaxed in his arms and he pressed a gentle kiss to her hair. “Rest, Temperance. I’ll be right here holding you. You’re safe.”

  Temperance nodded and held his arm tight. “I know.”

  ***

  Two days later found them burying Felix. The weather fit the mood of the day. The clouds were low hanging, gray and dropping the occasional burst of rain upon the mourner’s heads.

  A couple of people from town had come to pay their respects but not many. A colored man was no great loss to the world in the eyes of many but to the eyes of those at the plantation who had loved him, the loss of Felix was devastating.

  Tanner held his son on his hip with one arm and kept his other tight around Temperance. She wore a black dress and her hair was pulled tightly back on her head. Her face was pale and her eyes were puffy and red from her tears but Tanner was proud that through it all she had remained strong enough to not lose herself to her anxieties and attacks.

  She had stayed so strong. So brave.

  And even Tanner had done something he’d never imagined he’d be able to do again.

  He had slept under a roof.

  Yes, he had woken up in a panic each night more than once but he found Temperance in his arms each time and it had helped to calm his heart and reassure him that the roof and walls were indeed not closing in on him.

  God, he loved this damn woman. And he was a big enough man to admit that he needed her more than anyone had ever needed another human behind.

  The preacher finished speaking over the grave and the men from the plantation began shoveling dirt into the hole. Each load thudded hollowly on the oak casket and Tanner shivered.

  Death was part of life but that didn’t make death any easier to deal with. “Here, Jackson, go to your mommy,” Tanner urged.

  He put the boy in Temperance’s arms and kissed her forehead. “Why don’t you both go in out of this weather. I’ll help cover the casket and I’ll join you.”

  Temperance nodded and Tanner watched her until she and their son were safely in the house. He then picked up an extra shovel and got to work finishing to lay one of his oldest friends to rest.

  Chapter Fifty

  Temperance stood in the mirror and trembled like a leaf in the wind as she took in the sight of herself wrapped in white lace. The eyes looking back at her were her own but nothing else seemed familiar.

  The lace hugged her body and the sleeves were fitted to her arms before sharpening to points on her hands. The waist flared and draped to the floor covered in beads and detailed tatting patterns.

  Wilma, Sophia, Millie and Sarah had worked hard to finish this dress in the three weeks since Temperance and Tanner had announced their engagement.

  The dress was a masterpiece.

  But it made her feel like a fraud.

  A white dress. White stood for purity and innocence. Temperance had neither of those things.

  “What’s wrong with ya, child?” Wilma asked gently.

  Temperance ran her finger along the delicate sleeve and swallowed hard. “The dress is beautiful but…”

  “But what?” Millie questioned, as her fingers placed intricate beads onto the strands of Temperance’s red hair.

  “I’m not an innocent bride…”

  “Of course you are!” Wilma scolded. “And ya had better not say somethin’ like that where Tanner can hear ya because he’ll get upset and you know it. You heart is pure, Temperance. Nothing else matters.”

  “Are you sure we should be doing this today? It’s only been a few days since we… Since Felix…” Temperance couldn’t even finish her statement because the sorrow of the loss was too great.

  Wilma nodded and laid her hands gently upon Temperance’s cheeks. “Felix wanted this weddin’, child. He wanted to see ya happy and he wanted to see Tanner happy and he wouldn’t have wanted his passin’ to put a stop to celebratin’ your love for one another.”

  Temperance took in a deep breath and closed her eyes as she thought of Tanner. Her love for him overwhelmed her and she could feel Felix’s presence as well and knew that Wilma was right. Felix would have wanted the marriage to continue. He wouldn’t have wanted his passing to cause them all sadness or to put a hold on their futures.

  She smiled through her nerves and her insecurities and forced them aside. “Then let’s finish my hair and go down to meet my groom. I think I’ve kept him waiting long enough.”

  “Mommy, y
ou look like a princess!” Jackson exclaimed when Temperance stepped into the entryway a short time later.

  “And you look like a prince!” Temperance replied, fixing the bowtie around his neck and adjusting the dapper suit that he had gotten from the tailor in town.

  “I have something for you,” Jackson added. Temperance watched him run into the kitchen and he came out moments later with a bouquet of red and white roses.

  Temperance’s eyes widened. The details of the wedding had been hidden from her but she hadn’t imagined a bouquet so beautiful. “Thank you, Jackson,” she gasped as she took the flowers from his hand and breathed in their lovely scent.

  Music began playing outside and Temperance felt her heart race.

  It was time.

  Sophia, Millie Sarah and Wilma were dressed in simple but new gowns that Temperance had insisted they splurge on instead of wearing their worn work clothes. She hadn’t wanted to be the only one that shone today. Today was a day of happiness for everyone--a chance for everyone to shake off the past and move on toward the future.

  “We’re gonna go sit down, child. You come out and join your groom when you’re ready,” Wilma said gently as she hugged Temperance and laid a quick kiss to her cheek.

  “Thank you, Wilma. I was upset that my mother couldn’t be here but then I realized that, in a way, she is. You have been a blessing to me and to my son.”

  Wilma’s brown eyes filled with tears. “I’m honored that I could be that for ya, Temperance. Now let’s get this weddin’ going. Silas admitted to me that Tanner has shoved his hand through his hair so many times today the man is in danger of goin’ bald.”

  “He’s nervous that I’ll change my mind,” Temperance admitted. “He told me so just yesterday.”

  “Are you going to?” Wilma questioned.

  Temperance paused a second and the happiness that consumed her was the most welcome emotion she had ever felt. She let the warmth of it wash over her and smiled. “Not a chance.”

  Temperance waited a few moments after everyone made their way outside. She stared in the mirror and thought of her family. Her father and brothers would have given Tanner a hard time but she believed they would have loved and accepted him. Her mother would have instantly taken him under her wing and made him a part of the family and her sisters would have loved his good nature and ease with children.

  Knowing that she was finally going to have a true husband--one who would love her and cherish her and help her to grow nearly caused her knees to buckle.

  With a deep breath and not a single ounce of doubt Temperance gripped her bouquet and stepped out the new double doors.

  ***

  Tanner had never been such a nervous wreck in all his life. He had faced things in his thirty-one years of life that would have most people curling into a ball and running for cover and yet none of those things had scared him as badly as the fear that Temperance wasn’t going to come out those doors--the fear that this wedding wasn’t truly going to happen.

  He knew that she loved him. He knew that she hadn’t had any plans of leaving him here alone but her anxiety was unpredictable. Maybe she had a dream last night that would have her changing her mind. Maybe thoughts of her family or Felix would have her deciding that their marriage couldn’t happen today.

  There were a million things that could change her mind.

  Their son and all their friends--or family as Tanner chose to think of them--were seated on the white benches that had been built for the wedding. The white satin runner was stretched from the newly built stone steps and ended beneath the feet of the preacher standing with him.

  Rose petals covered the ground and large arrangements of flowers and plants of many varieties added yet more pops of color to the beautiful plantation.

  Rita Thomas, the organ player from the church in town, was playing a quiet tune on the piano.

  The only thing missing was Temperance.

  And then suddenly she was there.

  Tanner’s heart skipped a beat in his chest.

  Temperance stepped off the porch and the sunshine glinted off the golden highlights in her red hair causing the beads on the strands to shimmer. She was all wrapped up in white lace that laid beautifully against her alabaster skin.

  But that wasn’t the most beautiful part.

  The most beautiful thing about Temperance in that moment was the smile that lit her face when her eyes met his. It was a smile of pure happiness and as the music on the piano changed to the wedding march and she began to walk to him, Tanner realized there was not a single bit of doubt or fear in her emerald green eyes.

  She handed her bouquet to Wilma as she approached and then met Tanner before the preacher and took his hands.

  Tanner couldn’t take his eyes off of Temperance’s beautiful face as the ceremony began and he spoke his vows with the conviction of a man who knew exactly what he wanted and did not have a single doubt.

  And he didn’t.

  Temperance, the life the two of them had here with their family, it was all Tanner needed. All he wanted.

  Tanner felt his eyes begin to burn with tears as Temperance spoke her vows as well. He worked hard to hold them back but felt a single one slip free. Temperance quickly wiped it away with her thumb and stared at him with awe.

  Foolish woman.

  She was still surprised by how deeply his love for her went.

  The rings were slipped on their fingers and Temperance blushed and bit her lip when she took in the sight of Tanner’s trembling. It wasn’t his fault. He was having a bit of trouble just believing that this was happening.

  “By the power given to me by the state of Georgia and by the Good Lord Himself, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the preacher tipped his head. “You may kiss your bride.”

  Shit.

  Tanner hadn’t thought that far ahead. He was sure that Temperance wouldn’t be up for that and was about to politely decline that invitation when Temperance’s hand was suddenly cupping his cheek and pulling his attention back to her.

  He searched her eyes for permission and she nodded as her tongue darted across her bottom lip.

  Tanner felt his body tighten with want and need. He took a deep breath to steady himself and then dipped his head low and captured her mouth his own trembling lips.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Temperance had never felt anything in her life that could compare to this kiss….

  Tanner’s lips were warm and gentle against her own and his arms wrapped around her tenderly and held her body close to his in an embrace that was full of love.

  Temperance felt as if she were floating off the ground. Her heart thundered against her ribs but it wasn’t anxiety that was the cause. It was something else. A delicious tingling heat started in the top of her head and spread all the way to the ends of her toes.

  Slowly and with a moan of frustration, Tanner’s lips were taken from hers and he rested his brow against her forehead. “I love you, Temperance.”

  Temperance smiled, keeping her eyes closed and basking in the glow, heat and memory of their first true kiss--her first kiss with her husband! “I love you too.”

  “And I love you too!” Jackson’s voice exclaimed just before his arms were wrapping tight around Temperance’s legs. Temperance smiled and lifted her son into her arms as the onlookers applauded and cheered in their happiness for the married couple.

  The rest of the day became a blur. Dancing, games, food and happiness all swirled together. Temperance was exhausted but still floating when darkness fell and she walked out of Jackson’s room after tucking him in.

  Tanner was waiting in the hall and he held out his hand to her. Without a word, Temperance took his hand and let him lead her out onto the back porch to find that there was a blanket spread out in the grass beneath the stars. Flickering candles illuminated the cheese, grapes and wine that had been placed there with care.

  Tanner was giving Temperance something else that no one else had ever given to
her….romance.

  “Tanner…” Temperance looked up at him. “When did you do this?”

  “While you were changing your dress and tucking Jackson in. Come on and sit down with me.”

  Temperance let Tanner lead her to the blanket and they sat down together. She smoothed her simple brown wool skirt around her legs and couldn’t seem to wipe the happy smile from her face.

  “You seem to be in a good mood,” Tanner noted and Temperance couldn’t help but notice that he was smiling pretty big himself.

  “I am,” Temperance laughed lightly. “I never once thought I’d find a man like you, Tanner, not after Yancy found me… and then when you were gone I never imagined you’d be back. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and you gave that to me. Thank you.”

  “No thanks necessary, Temp.” Tanner leaned forward and kissed her lips gently. Temperance didn’t pull away and didn’t stiffen. Her eyes slid closed and she simply enjoyed the pressure of his mouth against hers. She enjoyed the racing heartbeat, the way her body seemed to come up off the blanket…

  “You don’t know how damn happy I am that I can finally kiss you, Temp. Thank you for giving me that.”

  Temperance didn’t say anything. Instead she just moved closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence a while each of them lost in thoughts and listening to the crickets and frogs serenading them.

  Then Tanner pulled away and reached in his pocket. Temperance frowned when she saw the velvet box he pulled out. She already had her ring--she spun the simple gold band on her finger--so what was this?

  “I wanted to give you something…”

  “Tanner, you’ve already given me enough!” Temperance assured him, referring to so much more than physical possessions.

  Tanner laid a gentle hand on her cheek. “Not nearly as much as you’ve given me but this is something I think you’ll like.”

  Temperance nodded and reached out to take the box. She opened it slowly and gasped at the porcelain cameo necklace that lay inside.

  “It’s a locket,” Tanner quickly announced and Temperance could hear the excitement in his voice. It seemed he was little better than a child when it came to giving gifts. “Open it…” he added with a hint of impatience.