Children No More-ARC

by Mark L. Van Name

  My voice wavered. I tried to control it, but I couldn't. I kept talking anyway.

  "These people—" I gestured toward Lim and her team, "—they tell you over and over that it's not your fault, and I see in your eyes that you don't believe them, not most of the time. But you should. It isn't your fault." I paused. "It's not your fault." I pointed at Nagy's body. "It's not Nagy's fault. Yes, he ran where he shouldn't have. He did a stupid thing, and he got himself killed. But if you aim a gun at a target and pull the trigger, the round will hit the target. When the rebels turned you into soldiers, they aimed you and pulled the trigger. They aimed Nagy, and he hit the place his path was always going to take him: Death. He died."

  I stared at the corpse for a bit and looked back at the now quiet boys.

  "You don't have to join him there. You don't have to die. The rebels trained you and aimed you, but you are not weapons! Not if you choose not to be. You can stop it now. You can try what the counselors tell you or find your own way or do whatever it takes, but however you do it, you can stop. You can learn again what it's like to be a kid, and you can live again. Just live."

  I turned around and walked back to where I'd initially stood. A step away, I stopped and faced the boys once more. "I won't lie to you. You'll have many bad nights and some bad days. Sometimes, the awful past will wrap so tightly around you that you'll barely be able to breathe. Sometimes, the ghosts of Nagy and your other dead friends will invade your dreams. But you'll be alive. You'll be alive."

  The circle was silent.

  "And you'll have won. Every day you stay alive, every day you refuse to be that weapon, every day you live a normal life, you'll be beating the rebels, winning against the people who tried to ruin you, who did stupid and senseless and wrong things to you. You'll be alive." I took a deep breath. "You'll be winning."

  I wondered at myself, at how I'd lost so much control, at the sudden need I'd felt to speak, at my inability to stop.

  I had to go. I left the circle, the boys, the counselors, the death. I couldn't stay there any longer. My pulse drummed in my ears. My fists clenched and unclenched. My body shook.

  Lim began speaking again, but I couldn't focus on her words.

  I picked up my pace. I wanted to get back inside Lobo.

  I heard the footsteps closing on me and whirled around to face the attacker.

  Bony ran to me.

  I put my arms behind my back to hide my fists.

  The kid studied my face for a few seconds. He nodded his head. "You gave Nagy respect," he said. "My brother would have liked that." He moved his foot back and forth on the ground and stared at it before he looked again at me. "I don't know about all that other stuff you said, but I'll think on it. I'll think on it."

  We stood in silence for a bit, both of us out of words. I knew I should do something, but I had no clue what.

  Finally, Bony nodded his head again, turned, and jogged back to the other boys.

  I watched until he disappeared into the crowd and no one was looking at me any longer. I started for Lobo. I walked a few steps, but it wasn't enough. I picked up the pace until I was jogging, but that wasn't right, either. I pumped my legs harder, forcing myself to move faster, slamming into the ground with each footfall, my breaths coming harder and harder, my body hurtling ever faster forward, my eyes blurring, my heart pounding with effort and fear and anger, and still I could not escape. Though I ran alone and nothing was chasing me, I could not escape.

  Chapter 49

  In the former rebel complex, planet Tumani

  Lobo's side hatch slid open when I was fifty meters out. It shut as soon as I crashed into the wall opposite it. I leaned against the cool metal and struggled to breathe.

  "I'm not sure I've ever heard you reveal so much about yourself at one stretch," Lobo said over the speakers, his voice lower than usual.

  I pushed off the wall and walked to the front. I paced back and forth in the pilot area. Moving was good. My breathing slowly returned to normal.

  "For whatever my opinion is worth to you," Lobo said, "what you said to the boys was right."

  My heart stopped pounding.

  "Damn it!" I said.

  "Everyone loses control sometime," Lobo said. "All you did was talk. It could have been much, much worse—and you know it."

  "That's no excuse," I said. "And, you never do."

  After a very long pause, Lobo said, "So far, that's been true. There are things, though, that could make me. You have to know that." He paused again. "Stay around so we don't have to find out."

  I smiled briefly. "That's my plan."

  "Lim is approaching," he said, his voice back to the usual volume and all business.

  I leaned against the wall farthest from the entrance. "Let her in. We might as well get this over with. She has every right to be furious."

  "Okay," he said.

  I stood in silence, not even trying to understand my loss of control. All I wanted was to be sure I was over it and had regained command of myself.

  Lim entered the small area a few minutes later. She leaned against the wall opposite me. Her face was tight with tension, her body as taut as if she were already in a fight.

  We faced each other across the empty space.

  I'd said all I had to say, so I stayed quiet.

  After a bit, she nodded her head and said, "Thank you."

  I hadn't expected that reaction. I tilted my head in question.

  "You were right. Long made a small error in expression, but still, you were right, and your correction—" she chuckled "—your tirade, it helped us reach a lot of the boys." Her face and stance softened. "Jon, I know what it cost me to listen to you and think about what I've seen, about some of what we've seen together, so I have a sense of what it must have cost you to say."

  I nodded. She did. I could never forget standing with her among the corpses of murdered children in a village on Nana's Curse. We were both in the same Saw unit. We'd seen a lot, enough that we foolishly believed we'd seen it all, but not enough to know better, to know that you can never see, never even imagine all the bad things that people can do to one another.

  I still had nothing to say to her, though, so I kept listening.

  Lim nodded in return, as if we'd agreed on something. Maybe we had.

  "The timing sucks, but Wylak will be here soon. You were gone a big chunk of the night, so I have to ask: Did your trip go well?"

  "I think so," I said, "but I won't know for sure for a while."

  "What does that mean?"

  I'd contemplated explaining it all to her, but there was too great a chance that knowing what I was planning would affect the way she behaved. We couldn't afford that. We needed her to do what she was doing: Everything she could to buy time with Wylak.

  "It's still too early and too risky to be worth discussing," I said.

  "Have you considered the possibility that I might be able to help?" she said.

  "Yes, and you can't."

  She rolled her shoulders. "You're asking me to trust you with a lot," she said, "and without explaining why."

  "Yes."

  "Okay," she said, "okay. So what do we do now?"

  "Meet with Wylak as planned. Do what I'm sure you were planning to do: Yield on as many points as you can to buy more time to reintegrate the boys."

  "Do you really believe that strategy can get us the kind of time we need?"

  "No," I said, "I don't. I do believe you have a small shot at persuading him to give us more time, and right now we can use every day we can get."

  "I'll do my best."

  "I know you will." She turned as if to leave, and I said, "One more thing: Take me to the meeting with you."

  "Why?"

  "Because the more I can learn about this guy, the better. It shouldn't be hard; he already thinks I'm your aide."

  We stood again in silence.

  "This isn't easy or natural for me," she said. "Yielding to your demands while you give nothing in return, spe
nding time prostrating myself before this asshole—none of it sits well with me."

  "I know."

  She took a long, deep breath. "I'll do it because this effort—these boys—matter that much to me."

  I nodded and smiled. "I know that, too."

  She smiled, too, a full-on grin that lit her face. "Okay. Enough of this talking with each other crap; let's get ready for the meeting with Wylak."

  Wylak's shuttle was larger and more clearly a military vehicle than the one that had flown him here last time. More guards surrounded this one, and they acted much more serious than their predecessors. Even from thirty meters out, they looked like they knew what they were doing. They kept moving, and their weapons were always at the ready.

  I put my hand on Lim's arm to stop her. "Call your people," I said. "Tell them not to let any boy come within sight of this shuttle."

  "You don't really think—"

  "Yes I do. Compare this crew to the help he brought last time. These guys are with him because they'll follow any order he gives. All we need is for some boy to approach them while carrying just about anything, and they'll have all the excuse they need to shoot—and more proof of our failure to reintegrate the boys."

  "I can't believe he'd kill an innocent kid."

  "He wouldn't," I said. "He'd have these guys do it. That's how people like Wylak always work—and you know it."

  She made the call.

  When she finished, we resumed walking. I held my arms out to my side, palms facing forward.

  "I could solve this problem for you," Lobo said. "I could be in position to trank them in less than a minute."

  "No," I subvocalized. I wanted to avoid letting Wylak have any data about Lobo's capabilities in case we needed to fight seriously. I had to hope it never came to that.

  "Your choice," Lobo said, "unless they shoot you. If they do, I'm coming for you."

  "Good," I subvocalized.

  Lim stared at me. "What?"

  "Nothing worth discussing," I said.

  The guards stopped us and scanned us for weapons. They were thorough, very thorough, particularly with Lim, who showed no reaction to their groping. Wylak had definitely opted for a rougher group this time around.

  When they couldn't find any excuses to detain us any longer, the one nearest the door whispered into a comm.

  The door opened. They motioned us inside.

  It shut as soon as we were clear of it.

  Another guard stood in front of us and blocked our way.

  We waited. Government officials and corporate bigwigs often feel the need to flaunt their power. It's always struck me as stupid, because those with real power don't need to prove it, and those with none aren't going to convince anyone with a senseless display of their own importance. I'm good at waiting, though, so I just stood there.

  Lim glanced at me in annoyance.

  Behind her, the guard smiled slightly.

  Wylak wasn't showing off his power. He was hoping to annoy us into acting foolishly and giving him an excuse for taking over earlier than he already planned. That was also not a good bet, but from his perspective it was a tactic worth exploring: It was cheap to try, and if it worked, the payoff was huge.

  I responded to Lim by closing my eyes for a second, opening them, and shaking my head slightly.

  She faced forward.

  The guard caught our interchange and shrugged a question: Why not? He lowered his rifle in invitation.

  I smiled at him and turned my palms outward: Not today.

  He shrugged again.

  We waited some more.

  After half an hour, another guard emerged from the door behind the man in front of us. "The Senator will see you now," she said.

  We followed her into a spare, functional space with rows of seats along the external walls and a row of back-to-back seats running down the center. Wylak sat in one of the seats nearest the rear right corner. The guard led us down the narrow walkway and pointed to two seats opposite the Senator. She took up a position beside him. Her eyes never left us.

  Wylak stared at a display in his lap and occasionally mumbled a few words.

  We waited some more. I counted the seats; just this chamber, if fully packed, could bring in two dozen soldiers.

  After a few minutes, the man finished what he was doing and stared at Lim. "My apologies, Ms. Lim," he said. "The work of a servant of the people is never done, particularly during wartime."

  He ignored me completely. Fine by me; the more arrogant he was, the better for us.

  "The Tumani people are fortunate to have such a devoted Senator," Lim said. "How may we serve you today?" Her posture and her tone didn't match her words, but at least she was trying.

  He leaned forward and smiled. "Let me begin by apologizing for bothering you in the middle of such important work. We share a deep respect for the sanctity of childhood. Nothing matters more to me than the youth of our country."

  He was focusing to the right of Lim; he was recording this entire exchange, with the video aimed solely at him. The guard was his witness. When he pulled the plug on us, he'd leave no doubt with the public that he had done so for the sake of the boys.

  "Of course," Lim said. "The welfare of these boys is my top—my only—concern."

  He nodded as if both agreeing and thinking. "So I'm sure," he said, "that you must share my deep sorrow at the senseless loss of that poor child's life yesterday." He sat straighter. When he continued, his voice had hardened. "A loss for which I trust you assume full responsibility."

  "Excuse me?" Lim said.

  Wylak clasped his hands. "I appreciate your reluctance, but you had agreed to control these poor children, which is why our troops were so caught off-guard by the sight of one of the boys—a very tall, adult-looking boy, it must be noted—charging them and waving a weapon."

  "A weapon?" Lim said. "He was carrying—"

  "Now, now, Ms. Lim," Wylak said as he cut her off and stood, "this is not the time to try to avoid—"

  She interrupted him. "If you think you can—"

  "What I can do," he said, "is whatever the Tumani people need me to do, including kicking out of this system any off-worlder who puts the lives of our citizens at risk."

  Lim stood. Her eyes blazed. Her fists were clenched at her sides. "All we have tried to do is take care of these boys—"

  "And you have done all you could with your meager resources," Wylak said, his voice now smooth as oil, "but trying is not the same as doing."

  "Why you—" Lim said.

  I stood and put my hand on her shoulder as I interrupted her. "What I believe Ms. Lim is trying to say, Senator, is that the tragic loss of this boy is, as you've said, one for which someone must assume responsibility. We look forward to the full investigation that will surely be necessary to identify that responsible party. Would you be willing to divulge at this stage the timing of the government's inquiry?"

  Wylak stared at me. For the first time, he really saw me. He remained quiet for several seconds as he assessed me.

  I did my best to look like a bureaucrat who'd spotted an opportunity for career advancement.

  He didn't buy it, but it was also clear that he didn't care much about who I was. Lim had already given him the emotional reaction he needed to support his case. He could afford to be gracious and move on.

  He focused again on her as he continued. "Of course we all want to understand what in your process failed and allowed this poor, troubled boy to leave the compound while armed, but that can wait. Our focus now must be on the future, on the fate of the rest of the young men currently under your care."

  Lim stepped forward.

  Wylak didn't move. He smiled.

  The guard stepped toward Lim.

  I squeezed Lim's shoulder hard enough that she turned toward me for a second. I smiled at her and took a gamble that she'd understood me: I released her shoulder and sat.

  She forced a smile and sat.

  Wylak worked hard not to show
his disappointment, but enough was evident in the expression that swept across his face that I knew Lim had seen it.

  "The future of these boys should of course be your primary concern now," Lim said, "as it has been ours all along. As we've discussed before, the reintegration process requires a great deal of time. So far, you've given us very little. We are making great progress, quite frankly doing better than I had ever expected, but much work remains."

  Wylak nodded as if he were seriously contemplating Lim's words. "Though Tumani is still a small and poor planet, we are, of course, sophisticated enough to understand the difficulties you face. At the same time, I trust that you appreciate the fact that we have all invested a great deal of time already, more time than any of us had expected would be necessary."

  "That's not—" Lim said.

  Wylak held up his hands and interrupted her. "Please, Ms. Lim, I realize how difficult it can be to hear criticism of your work, but sometimes course adjustments are necessary in even the best of programs—which I'm sure you would admit yours is not. In this case, we in the government have an obligation to our people that should—no, that must—supersede any arrangement with any private organization such as yours." His voice rose in volume as it lowered in tone. He'd stopped talking and was now campaigning, though whether by habit or for some real goal I could not tell. "Given the terrible incident of yesterday and how far you still have to go after so long a time with these boys, I'm sure you'll agree that a schedule review is in order."

  "How long?" Lim said. "We've had so little time. We're nowhere near—"

  "The end?" he said. "I feared as much, which is why I am here."

  Lim opened her mouth to continue.

  I touched her shoulder again.

  She whipped around to face me. Her expression was so full of rage that she could barely speak. Wylak had manipulated her perfectly.