Jameson

by Grace Brennan

  Jameson watched Cady as she rubbed her belly, completely taken with the huge, genuine smile on her face. She was rubbing her belly, and he thought maybe she felt the baby move.

  When she first pulled her hand away, he was disappointed. He thought maybe she was freaking out and decided touching him was a bad thing. Still, he hadn’t expected her to allow it at all, so even though he was disappointed, he was still encouraged. It meant progress was being made.

  And then she put her hand on her belly with this look of awe on her face, and he realized what happened. She hadn’t pulled away because she was freaking out. She pulled away because something far more important than holding hands was happening.

  He watched as she cupped her belly, rubbing it softly. He wished more than anything he could feel the baby move with her, but it was far too soon for that. One day, though. One day he’d get to experience it all with her. Hopefully.

  No hopefully about it. You will make this happen. That baby’s ours, too, his tiger said.

  Only if she lets it be, and we have a long way to go before that happens.

  Cady glanced over at him, still smiling, and he couldn’t have stopped smiling in response any more than he could stop the Earth from spinning.

  “Is the baby moving?”

  She was basically glowing as her smile widened further. “Yeah. I’ve felt it before, but never that strongly. It was amazing. It’s still moving a lot. Really active tonight.”

  He was pretty envious. He’d never once thought about touching a woman’s stomach to feel a baby move, but this was different. She was different. If everything went the way he was praying it would, her baby would be his one day. Truly his. It didn’t matter to him a bit that the baby didn’t biologically belong to him. It was still his.

  “Feeling it must be amazing. I can only imagine, because I’ve never felt a baby move, but surely it is. Babies are miracles, plain and simple, and feeling one move must be like feeling a miracle right under your palm.”

  She glanced over at him, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip. “Do…” she trailed off, hesitating. Squeezing her eyes shut her a moment, she looked at him again, wariness lurking in her chocolate brown eyes. “Do you want to feel it? The baby’s still moving a lot.”

  Freezing, he stared at her in shock. He never in a million years thought she’d give the okay for him to touch her, not this soon. He longed to, but he wanted to make sure she was okay with it. It wasn’t worth it if it made her uncomfortable. “Yeah, I want to, but are you sure?”

  Her teeth bit down harder on her lip, turning the surrounding skin white as she thought about it. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m fairly certain, at this point, that you wouldn’t hurt me. And honestly, having anyone’s hands so close to my baby makes me want to break out in hives, but you—well, I trust that you wouldn’t hurt the baby any more than you’d hurt me. Just… don’t make me regret that trust, okay?”

  Fuck, what her words did to him. His heart swelled as warmth, and affection for her, washed over him. Trust from this woman meant fucking everything to him. “I promise I won’t, Cady. I would never hurt you. Ever. And I’d never break your trust.”

  She nodded slowly as she looked at him. “It kind of shocks me, but I believe you.”

  Turning sideways to face her, he stared at her belly. Her position made her shirt hug it, and he could see her baby bump clearly. He started to reach out and then paused, looking back up into her eyes. “How do I do this? I don’t know where to touch, and I don’t want to do something that hurts you.”

  She laughed, the sound caressing his soul and making his heart happy. Jesus, that sounded corny as hell, but still, it was the truth.

  “You won’t hurt me. Here, I’ll show you.”

  She took his hand, and he sucked in a breath at the awareness that zinged through his body, tightening his skin as it woke up every nerve ending in his body. It was potent as fuck and unlike anything he ever felt before, but even still, it all flew out of his mind when she put his hand on her belly. Moving it slightly, she pressed her hand on his, pushing his hand harder into the hard swell of her stomach.

  The baby moved, nudging his hand, and it was stronger than he imagined it would be. Almost as strong as his emotions. He thought if he was standing, he would have fallen straight to his ass, he was so overwhelmed. The baby nudged his hand again and he pursed his lips, fighting to keep the emotions he was feeling off his face.

  That’s our baby. Our cub, his tiger whispered.

  Not ours yet. But hopefully soon.

  Swallowing hard, he tried to find his voice. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he slowly pulled his hand away, clenching it into a fist to keep from reaching for her again. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so he cleared his throat and tried again.

  “That was amazing. Thanks for allowing me that moment, Cady.”

  She smiled, but her eyes were puzzled as she looked at him. “You’re welcome. Are you okay?”

  Nodding his head, he shrugged as he tried to look casual, but he thought it was probably a lost cause. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Pausing when she looked at him skeptically, he exhaled. Might as well just tell her the truth. “I’m just a little overwhelmed. I’ve never felt a baby move, and that was pretty fucking magical.”

  She smiled as she nodded. “Yeah, I think so, too. I’ve been around pregnant women before. Quite a few of my foster mothers were pregnant at one point or another. But like you, I never felt it until I got pregnant.”

  “You said you don’t know what you’re having. Do you want to know, or be surprised? Would you rather have a boy or girl?”

  “I’d love to know. I’m not sure when, or if, I will, though. Obstetrician’s are expensive. I go when I’m supposed to, but things like ultrasounds are astronomical. I won’t have one done unless it’s absolutely needed. And I honestly don’t care what I have. I’ll love either gender just as much, and teach them the same things.”

  “Like what?” he asked, curious.

  Pursing her lips, she hesitated for a moment before answering. “That women have value. That their feelings matter. I’ll teach a girl to be strong, to take no shit. To be a warrior. That she has just as much worth as a man, and she doesn’t have to put up with a man pushing her around, treating her like shit.

  “And I’ll teach a boy that it’s beyond wrong to lay his hands on a woman. To treat her like she’s less than the dirt under his shoes. That women are just as important as men are, and that he should have just as much respect for them as he does men. Maybe even more. That women aren’t necessarily delicate or fragile, but he should treat them like they are. I don’t mean treating them like they can’t think or do for themselves. I mean keeping in mind that they can break easily. And even if they’re strong and they don’t, he shouldn’t take that as a challenge to try to break them. Respect above all things.”

  Jameson swore his heart broke then and there. It was clear that the things she listed, the things she’d teach a son not to do, were things done to her. Fury toward the man, or possibly even men, who did that to her, burned through his veins. He wanted to find them all and crush them. Let his tiger free so he could take them out. But he wanted to hunt them first. Toy with his prey a little before he had his dinner. Make them suffer as much as they’d made his Cady suffer.

  It took every single ounce of his control to keep what he was feeling off his face. He didn’t want her to think he was pitying her because of the heartbreak he was feeling, and he sure as fuck didn’t want her to be scared by the anger coursing though his body. Especially not when it seemed like they were finally moving forward. It was slow as hell, a half an inch at a time, but it was progress, and he didn’t want to mess with that.

  “I think those are both worthy goals, and something every parent should teach their kids,” he said, thankful his voice came out normal and even.

  Turning sideways on the couch to face him, she searched his eyes. “You mean that, don’t you?”

>   “Of course, I do. Tarun and I weren’t taught much of anything one way or another, but I still know right from wrong. Even raised in a tribe like this. Men and women are equal, and I think women are deserving of all our respect. And I can only hope my sister is a badass, that she would never stand for a man treating her with anything less than respect.”

  Her brow furrowed. “Tribe?”

  Fuuuuuck. He hadn’t meant to say that. Shrugging, he thought fast. Gambling on her not having much knowledge of Indian culture, he said, “Just something we call the people in the village. It’s an Indian thing.”

  To his relief, she nodded, taking him at his word. Dammit, he hated lying to her, so much. But he didn’t have a choice with that kind of stuff. The truth, that he was a shifter who could turn into a tiger sometimes, would have her jumping in her car and peeling out of here, whether it was fixed or not, so fast it would make his head spin.

  He'd tell her soon. Not only did he not have a choice if this went where he was hoping it would, but he wanted her to know. He wanted her to know everything about him, whatever she wanted to know. He wanted her to know him. And his tiger was a huge part of his life.

  He only hoped she could handle it when she found out. Some humans couldn’t, and she’d been through so much. Even muted, his gift still picked up on her having a troubled past. Curious, he cautiously opened it, almost flinching when the extent of it hit him. Hers was definitely worse than most. Fuck. He hated that, and not only because it might make it hard for her to accept his nature. But because he couldn’t stand that she’d been hurt, that her life had been anything less than perfect.

  “What do you do for a living? You said you weren’t a mechanic when I asked, but you never said what you did.”

  Stilling, his mind raced again. He wasn’t sure he could tell her he trained warriors. That wasn’t exactly a term used a lot these days. He could word it differently, though. “We have fighters here. And I’m a trainer. Head trainer, actually.”

  It was the truth, but damned if he didn’t feel like he was boasting when he told her. Hell, maybe he was, just a little. He was good. Why not let her know how good he was?

  She stiffened beside him, and when he looked closely, he could see the wariness in her chocolate eyes. Frowning, he tried to figure out why it was back, but for the life of him, he couldn’t think of one single reason.

  Glancing at the TV and back, she began easing off the couch. “Looks like the movie’s over. I should get to bed. It’s been a long day. Thanks for inviting me to watch it with you.”

  Mouth open, he watched, stunned, as she picked up her glass and quickly went upstairs. He was so surprised that he didn’t even tell her goodnight, let alone ask her what was wrong. Troubled, he faced forward, thinking hard as the credits of the movie rolled.

  But he couldn’t figure out what the hell he said that bothered her. That made her wary of him again. Clearly, something had, but he had no clue what. The night had been going so well, better than he’d thought it could. Real progress had been made, but he felt like they just took a huge step back. The problem was, he didn’t know why.

  When he offered to watch a movie with her, he hadn’t expected that she’d actually do it. And he hadn’t dreamed he’d get to touch her, to feel her baby move. It almost didn’t feel real, and it’d been amazing.

  So had getting to learn a little more about her. She hadn’t spoken about herself directly, but what she said about how she’d raise her child—that said more than she probably realized. And it made him want to give her the life she deserved, the life she should have had, even more than he had before.

  But he somehow screwed all that up. He just needed to figure out how the hell he did that, so he didn’t do it again. He wanted to keep making progress with her, not go backward.

  Exhaling, he turned the TV off and pushed to his feet, grabbing the almost empty bowl of popcorn to take it to the kitchen. The best course of action here was probably to back off a little. Not too much and not too long, because she wouldn’t be here much longer. Once she was gone, he knew he’d lose her forever.

  But he would back off just enough to give her a little bit of breathing room. He didn’t want to be all over her as soon as she woke up, although he wanted to, no denying that. He’d give her a little breathing room in the morning, but after that—it was on.

  Chapter Seven

  Cadence frowned as she wiped down the counters. She hadn’t seen Jameson at all today. He hadn’t even had breakfast. And she wasn’t sure what to make of that. He hadn’t missed a meal yet since she’d been here, and they’d had a nice night last night.

  Well, she fled when she learned what he did for a living, but surely, he didn’t know she’d been uneasy or wary.

  She still couldn’t believe she let him touch her. Hell, she didn’t just let him, she asked if he wanted to, and then took his hand and put it on her belly. And even though it was an innocent touch, it still made desire rush through her.

  As surprising as that had been, it hadn’t bothered her like she thought it would. Actually, she reveled in it. She was ninety-nine percent sure he was the good guy he seemed. He didn’t scare her anymore, or make her nervous. And she’d basically decided she wasn’t going to fight whatever it was that was between them anymore. She knew he felt it too. Besides, it wasn’t like she’d be here long term. Indulging a little while she was here couldn’t hurt, especially not with a good guy like Jameson.

  But then, he told her what he did for a living, and her fear kicked back in. Winston, for all he was a violent asshole, wasn’t a fighter. And he’d still managed to hurt her badly. But Jameson… he was a trained fighter. He had to be, to be qualified to train others. If he decided he wanted to hurt her, he’d know better than anyone the best ways to do it.

  By the time she fell asleep last night, the fear and wariness had abated a bit. Jameson was so different from Winston. She hadn’t known him long at all, but even she could tell that. And yeah, she’d been wrong before, but she didn’t think she was about him.

  There was still a small part of her that was fearful and wary of him, though. She hated it. Not only was it so unlike the woman she was before she met Winston, but she didn’t think Jameson deserved it. She just didn’t know how to make it stop.

  “Are you okay?”

  Shrieking, she slapped a hand over her heart and spun toward Tarun. She hadn’t even heard her come in. “Shit on a stick, you scared me.”

  Tarun looked at her sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I thought you heard me come in. I forget sometimes that your hearing isn’t as good as ours.”

  She frowned. What the hell did she mean by that? Before she could ask, Tarun continued.

  “Seriously, are you okay?”

  “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something. I thought you’d be at work now.”

  “I’m on my lunch break. I forgot something when I went to Anaya’s house last night and came home to get it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m all right.” Hesitating, she thought hard, but finally decided to go with it. “Tarun, does it bother you that your brother trains fighters? Is a fighter?”

  Tarun laughed. “Of course not. Why would it? Wait, is that what’s bothering you?”

  “Kind of. I’m not a fan of violence.”

  “Oh, Cady. You have absolutely nothing to worry about when it comes to Jamie. Yeah, he knows how to fight, and he’s damned good at it. Good enough to be head trainer, and we have some of the best fighters in the world here. You have to be very skilled to get that position. But he’s not a hothead, and he doesn’t have a temper. He doesn’t just go off, beating people up. It takes a lot to provoke him. It’s virtually impossible. He fights in earnest to defend Durga and its occupants, and trains others to do the same. That’s it.”

  Nodding, she blew out a breath, her shoulders releasing tension she hadn’t realized she carried. “That’s very good to know. Thanks.”

  “Do you
like my brother?” Tarun asked, eyeing her speculatively.

  “What? No, of course not,” she sputtered, trying to sound convincing and not sure at all she succeeded. She knew she hadn’t when Tarun snorted.

  “Sure. No judgment here if you do. Actually, I’d think it was great. Jamie’s been lonely for too long. And I worry about what will happen once I move out. Then he won’t have anyone. He’ll just be rattling around this big ole house all by himself, for God knows how long. Now, I need to go grab my stuff. My lunch break’s almost over and I don’t want to be late.”

  Before Cadence could protest and tell Tarun she had it all wrong, she was gone. A few moments later the front door opened and shut. Sighing, she turned around and wiped down the already clean counters.

  If she were being completely honest with herself, the truth was, she lied to Tarun. She did like Jameson, maybe more than was wise. And maybe Tarun wasn’t being completely honest about his true nature—everything in her past pointed to that being more than likely, because what man didn’t have a temper and wasn’t hotheaded?

  But everything in her said she was telling the truth. There was a big probability that he was just an anomaly. Making a career out of training men to fight suggested he enjoyed it, but she supposed that didn’t mean he did it all the time. She’d been a stripper, for heaven’s sake, but she certainly never did it all the time.

  So maybe she wouldn’t run from this like she did last night. She’d been thinking of giving it a go with him, seeing where it led—for the few days she was here, at least. She only backed off because of his profession.

  It kind of felt hypocritical. She’d be beyond hurt if they started something, and he found out she used to strip and dropped her like a hot potato. The difference was that stripping hurt no one—not the way fighting did.

  But, since it seemed like his profession didn’t mean he’d hurt her, she’d go back to letting things happen naturally between them. She’d just be cautious, and if there was any sign at all that pointed to him having a violent nature, or a temper, she’d be out of here in a heartbeat, whether her car was fixed or not.