Can Dreams Come True?

by Oliver, Marina

  'Shh! Not in front of the kids, Sam!'

  He glowered, but didn't reply. They waited, expecting the police to come round any minute to say Hattie had been found in some distant part of the city, but midnight came and at last they went to bed.

  'There's nothin' yer can do,' Sam insisted.

  Maggie went to the local police station the next morning, and they promised she'd be told as soon as they heard anything, and with that she had to be content. It was almost midnight again when they heard a motor car outside. Maggie ran to open the front door, and met a tall policeman half-carrying her mother across the pavement.

  'Is she hurt? Where did you find her?'

  'Let's get her ter bed, missus. She's soaking wet. Slept in a ditch, by the looks of her.'

  Hattie's new coat was wet, muddy, and drooping. Maggie and Sam carried her up to her room and despite her protests Maggie stripped off her wet clothes, rubbed her down with a towel, and bundled her into bed.

  'I'll get a hot brick,' she said.

  The policeman was still downstairs, drinking a cup of tea in the kitchen.

  'Ma could do with a cuppa,' Maggie said tartly. 'Shift yerself, Sam, I want that brick I've been keeping warm in the oven.'

  'Dain't want ter disturb yer, Maggie,' Sam said, hastily pouring out a cup of tea.

  'Put plenty of sugar in it,' the constable advised. 'She's said almost nothing, just told us your address. She was found out at Meriden, half way to Birmingham.'

  Despite Maggie's care Hattie developed pneumonia, and Maggie had to take time off work to nurse her. At the beginning of January Sam said he could take off a few days, and Maggie, guilty with the relief she felt, went back to her job. By the middle of January Hattie was well enough to be left alone, but it was the end of the month before she came downstairs again.

  Kate had not replied to her letter, but Hattie swore she'd posted it.

  'She don't want us no more,' Hattie said, wheezing. 'If yer goes the stuck-up little madam won't thank yer. Allus was too big for her boots, and yer Pa encouraged it.'

  Maggie clamped her teeth together. She would not argue. And having lost so much time she could not ask for a day off to visit Kate. She'd have to go one Sunday, but just in case she'd write again and make sure she posted the letter herself this time. Hattie had usually posted the letters, and until now Maggie had never doubted her. But suppose she had not? It was clear she both hated and resented Kate.

  Maybe Kate hadn't known about their move? Maggie tried to think back, whether she had posted letters to Kate herself before then. On the way home from work one day she called at their old rooms, and asked Mrs Lloyd if any letters had come for her there. Perhaps Kate had been writing and the woman had not sent on the letters. She too had been feeling resentful at the implied criticism of her treatment of Maggie's children.

  Mrs Lloyd denied having seen any letters addressed to Maggie, and that was the end of that trail. Maggie could not demand to search the house, and if any letters had come they'd probably been destroyed by now. She'd go to Oscott as soon as she could.

  *

  Kate spent Christmas Day with one of the other girls in the shop. Nellie Hapgood lived in Mill Street with her parents and a big, cheerful family. She had found Kate in her kitchen one morning, with her head resting on her arms as she sat at the table.

  'Kate, you look pale. Do you feel ill?'

  Kate shook her head, though she was feeling more tired and lethargic than usual. It was missing John, she told herself, even though he had written to her twice since he'd gone back to his job.

  'I'm OK, thanks, just tired. I'll be glad when we shut for Christmas Day. Just think, three whole days off! I shall sleep all the time.'

  'You can't do that! Won't you go and visit your family?'

  'It – it's too far,' Kate said. She couldn't admit to Nellie, a girl she hardly knew since she worked in the haberdashery department, that her family appeared to have deserted her.

  'Well, you can't spend it here, on your own. You must join us on Christmas Day, and then you can sleep for two days if you like.'

  To her surprise Kate enjoyed herself. Nellie's parents were kind, her younger brothers and sisters friendly and boisterous, effusively grateful for the sweets she had taken along as gifts. They ate a huge dinner, beef and chicken and pork sausages, and Mrs Hapgood carried in an enormous plum pudding soaked in brandy and flames licking round it. Afterwards, despite Kate saying she was unable to eat another thing, Mrs Hapgood pressed her to eat mince pies and a slice of the rich fruit cake covered in marzipan and icing.

  'I've packed up some of the meat that's left over, and a few mince pies and a slice of cake for you to have tomorrow,' she said when Kate said she really must leave.

  Hattie and Alf had celebrated Christmas, but with a scrawny chicken and a cake bought in the market, not the delicious home cooking the Hapgoods enjoyed. Kate's presents had been essentials like new shoes and socks for school, and Hattie had grumbled every time at the cost of them. She'd merely sniffed at anything Kate had given her, telling her she shouldn't have bothered, or criticising the stitching when Kate presented her with an apron she'd made in domestic science lessons at school.

  Kate thrust thoughts of her own family away. They clearly didn't want her, but other people did. John had sent her a pretty nightdress, and a card saying he was looking forward to taking it off her soon. The message had made her blush, but she was missing him dreadfully, and counting the days until his next visit home. Perhaps by then he would know about the new job, and they could begin to make plans. Meanwhile, she would learn to cook like Mrs Hapgood, so that she could make a good home for him and any family they would have.

  On Monday, when the shop reopened, Nellie commented how pale she looked.

  'Am I? Still tired, I expect. I shall be glad when it's better weather, and I can enjoy being outside. I love walking in the Park.'

  Kate didn't want to admit she had spent much of the weekend being sick. It would seem like a criticism of Nellie's mother's cooking. She had eaten far more, and much richer food than she was used to. She'd been thoroughly greedy, and paid for it.

  'Let's go dancing one Saturday,' Nellie suggested, and Kate nodded. It was good to have a friend again. She could afford the entrance fee now, might even buy herself a new dress. John would like that when he came home in a month's time.

  *

  'I'm so thankful you are going to Paris with me,' Daphne said as the train neared Dover. 'I don't believe I could face that crossing on my own in this weather.'

  Robert grinned at her. He was glad of the company too, and Daphne was a lively girl who seemed much older and more sophisticated after a few months in Paris. She was a good sort and he enjoyed her company. 'I shall turn away discreetly if you disgrace yourself,' he said.

  'Oh, please, I don't want to think of it!'

  'Think about all the parties you went to over Christmas. And Paris in the Spring.'

  'You'll be back home by then. How long are you staying this time?'

  'A couple of months, I expect.'

  'Good. Then I shall think about all the things we can do while you're there. I shall forget all the gloom there was about the King's abdication, and Spain and Germany squabbling about ships, and Germany building more ships.'

  'An aircraft carrier. Things don't look very promising. I've been thinking that we may have to adapt the factories to building more instruments for aeroplanes if we go to war.'

  'War! But why? They wouldn't start a war after the horrors of last time, surely!'

  Robert sighed. 'Germany never accepted the peace conditions imposed on them, and now Hitler is in power, who knows what they might try.'

  'Bluff,' Daphne declared. 'Oh, there's the sea. It looks rough.'

  Robert began to collect their belongings together. 'You'll soon be in France. Think about Paris and all we can do there together.'

  *

  By the end of January Kate was waiting with increasing impatience for
John's visit. His father mentioned that he had gone to Switzerland, and she began to fear he might not come home, but when she went up to her room one Saturday evening he was there, lounging on her bed.

  'John! Oh John, I've missed you so!' Kate beamed at him, her fears about his delayed return relieved.

  'Come here, sweetheart, I've missed you too! I wanted to come home earlier, but I'd promised these friends. I couldn't let them down.'

  They kissed, and within minutes, despite her protests, John had stripped off her clothes and his own and had pulled her onto the bed. 'Kate, my beautiful Kate, how I've missed this!'

  'No,' Kate protested and pulled away, wrapping a sheet around her nakedness. She didn't want this, not so soon and so suddenly. 'Not yet. I want to talk.'

  'Talk? What about?'

  'Have you got this new job, a house?'

  He laughed. 'Are you so very anxious to leave your job, be with me for ever, my sweet? No, the old man rallied, so it may be some time yet before my boss inherits. But don't worry, he will soon, and then we can be together always. Now come back here. I want you.'

  Kate slumped on the chair. This was terrible. But John would understand. He'd arrange something. 'John,' this was incredibly difficult, 'John, we have to get married now.'

  'What?' He sat up abruptly. 'What the devil do you mean? What does "have to" mean? We'll get married when I say so, when I can provide for you.'

  Kate sniffed. Couldn't he guess? 'I need providing for now. We're going to have a baby,' she said baldly.

  He stared at her, and she longed for him to take her in his arms and reassure her that it would be all right, he would look after her, they would marry and manage, even though he did not yet have the job and house he'd been expecting. Tentatively she smiled at him, but he did not respond. Then he rose from the bed and began to pull on his clothes. Kate watched. He was shocked, of course, but he felt it was not a subject to be discussed when both of them were naked. It didn't seem dignified, somehow. She reached for her own clothes and began to dress.

  'This isn't the reception I was looking forward to,' he said, his voice cold and expressionless. Then he dragged on his overcoat and reached for his hat.

  'John, what are you doing? Where are you going? You look angry.'

  'Of course I'm angry! You little slut! You're not going to trap me into marriage that way! How do I know it's my child?'

  'John, of course it's yours! I haven't been with anyone but you!' Kate said, appalled he could think this.

  He sneered at her. 'They all say that, but I'm not such a fool as to be taken in by it. You no doubt expected a nice easy life with what I could give you, and a good inheritance from the shop later on! Well, it won't work!'

  'But John, you said we would get married!' Kate was reeling. How could he deny her? This wasn't the kind, generous John she'd known. His face no longer looked handsome. His eyes were narrowed, mean-looking, his mouth pursed and bitter.

  'Prove it!' he snarled and walked towards the door.

  Kate sat back as if she had been slapped. 'John? I believed you! Do you think I'd have – done what we did, unless I believed that?'

  'You were hot for it! It didn't take much persuasion on my part to get you into bed.' He turned and opened the door, and Kate, terrified, tried to cling to him.

  'But – what shall I do?'

  'Get rid of it. You came from the slums, surely you can find someone there who'll oblige!'

  He wrenched away from her and left, slamming the door. She heard his footsteps on the stairs, and the outside door crashing to. She sank onto the floor and for a while gave way to her shock.

  Then she told herself that weeping did not solve her problems. What a fool she'd been! After Maggie's experience she ought to have known better, but she'd forgotten. It was no good remembering how lonely she'd felt, how much John had reminded her of Robert. She ought to have been stronger and resisted him.

  Now what could she do? Suddenly she longed for Maggie's arms round her, comforting her and taking charge. But Maggie had not replied to her letters, she'd deserted her too. And if she went to find her in Coventry Maggie would repulse her, tell her she was a fool and had brought it all on herself. She was on her own, more than ever before, and somehow had to find a way out.

  *

  Until now Kate had felt only mild nausea in the mornings, but after John's visit she seemed to feel queasy all the time, and more than once had to dash from the shop to her bathroom, vomiting helplessly and unproductively. She knew Mrs Wilson had noticed, and would not for long be content with the excuse that she had eaten something bad. She had to stay here as long as she could though, for it would be difficult to earn money elsewhere, and even if she could find it, doing the sort of heavy work she had once done in the markets would be bad for the child.

  Eventually she would be compelled to leave, thrown out of her job and home, and all she could think of when that time came was to go to Maggie. Even if she were angry, she would understand. Kate shuddered at the thought of confronting Hattie, but if she saved all her wages she would at least have some money to pay for a room while she waited for the baby to be born. Then, she knew, she would have to give the child up to an orphanage. She'd seen the Princess Alice Orphanage on Chester Road when she'd walked that way, and the children looked well cared for, happy even as they played in the grounds.

  Kate thrust away thoughts of Alf, how he had been abandoned as a baby, and had always resented it, longing to know where he came from, who his parents were. But there was no alternative. She could not ask Maggie to look after her child, as Hattie had looked after her. It wasn't that she believed Maggie would be unkind, but it wasn't fair to burden her with what was, after all, Kate's responsibility.

  Maggie had never written, though. How had things turned out for her on the move to Coventry? Kate told herself not to give way to frightened speculation. She had Maggie's address, and she would find her. If Maggie then rejected her she would have to make other plans, but she would not think about that now.

  It was the middle of March, early on a Saturday morning, when Kate knew her waist was beginning to thicken, that Mrs Wilson called her into the small office. She did not invite Kate to sit down, but sat behind the old desk frowning at her.

  'How long have you been expecting?' she demanded after an unnerving few minutes of silence.

  Kate gulped, fighting down the nausea that attacked her. 'I – I'm not sure. But some time in November, when John was here.'

  'John? Do you mean John – my son John – was responsible?'

  Kate closed her eyes briefly. She hadn't meant to mention John. Some parents would want to force an errant son to do the right thing and marry a girl they'd put in her position, and Kate could not bear the idea of that. Somehow she didn't think the Wilsons, kind though they had been about work, would welcome her as a daughter, and now she didn't want to marry John. They might be prepared to help her with money, she suddenly thought. Loth though she was to take anything from them, she would swallow her pride if money were offered. After all, John shared the responsibility for her condition.

  Mrs Wilson, however, did not look as though she believed Kate. Her face had got redder until it was almost puce, and she pulled herself up from her chair, leaning across the desk and thumping it with clenched fists. 'How dare you! How dare you accuse my son of such a despicable thing! He is a gentleman! I took you in against my better judgement, to oblige a friend, but I see I've been deceived, as no doubt she was to recommend you!'

  'But it's true! He did! I've never been with anyone else!'

  'Be silent! If you dare repeat these lies again I shall take you to the police station! They know how to treat girls who slander innocent young men! Collect your belongings and go. I'll give you an hour.'

  Kate had hoped to conceal her condition for a few more weeks, save more of her wages, to be less of a burden on Maggie, but that was not to be. She would have to make do with the few pounds she had now.

  'My wages for
this week?' she asked.

  'If you think I am going to pay you anything after the lies you've just told, you are wrong. You'll be leaving me a girl short, it will be expensive to advertise and the rest of us will have to work harder to make up for it.'

  'That's not fair!'

  'I've treated you well, given you a room, and we have trained you to keep simple accounts, a training you would have had to pay for otherwise. Be gone in an hour or I'll send for the police.'

  Kate, overcome by nausea, fled from the room. She wanted to stay and argue, not make an ignominious exit, but her wretched body dictated otherwise. When the bout was over she wearily began to pack her few clothes in the valise Mrs Carstairs had given her when she first came here to Sutton. As she did so she was calculating how much money she had, and the cheapest way of getting to Coventry. Should she go by train, or walk a few miles to the nearest tramway in Erdington? It was early, her belongings were meagre, not very heavy, and the tram was cheap, just a couple of pence.

  She would miss the walks she had taken in the Park. A small detour would allow her to walk at least along the edge, give her something to remember of the wide spaces before she was once more swallowed up by a cramped and crowded city.

  She tucked her purse into the pocket of the cheap coat she had bought, looked round the rooms where she had been so happy, and picked up her case. She could not bear to say goodbye to anyone, to see their shocked faces when they discovered, as they would, the reason for her sudden departure, so she went down the outer staircase and set out resolutely towards the Park.

  She was half way across, passing a grove of trees, when she was overcome by worse nausea than she had even before experienced. Her stomach cramped, and Kate bent double as she clutched herself. For a moment she wondered if she was losing the baby, and then she was kneeling down, retching helplessly into the grass, her valise dropped by her side,

  She was dimly aware of an arm round her shoulders and a soft voice murmuring comforting words. When the worst spasms subsided she turned and found an elderly woman at her side.

  'Thank you, I'm all right now,' she said weakly. 'Something I ate.' Even to a stranger she could not admit the real, shameful reason.