by D. N. Carter
“You mean this place…but clearly neither of them came back here then,” the farrier stated as he looked around the inn.
“No…but as I shall explain, many changes were afoot, but in France and Outremer. Like a gathering storm that could not be held back. A storm like no other,” the old man stated solemnly.
La Rochelle, port side, Templar headquarters, 1178
Paul stood outside the main entrance waiting for Stewart. A cold hard wind blew in from the harbour and he tucked himself just inside the main archway to be shielded from it. He wrapped his leather surcoat around himself tighter as the wind cut in. Several Knights Templar and their sergeants and squires came and went as he waited. The port itself was unusually quiet.
The old woman who always sat on a barrel near the harbour entrance was once again sat in her usual place. Paul laughed to himself as he looked at her. For as long as he could remember, she was always there no matter what the weather. His thoughts drifted back to Alisha, his heart still jumping as he did so. Here he stood on the cusp of starting a whole new way of life, one which required him to swear chastity and total obedience, yet his heart burned for Alisha still. But she no longer wanted him and that was a pain he was finding very hard to deal with. He thought of Tenno and wondered how nearer to home he was by now. Suddenly a convoy of Templars rode into view led by Odo. Stewart appeared from the headquarters pulling on his gloves and laughing, talking to Alisha who was walking out with him. Paul’s heart almost stopped and he tried to turn away but too late as Alisha looked directly at him hard.
“Little brother, I shall be with you in a moment. I just need to greet Master Odo, so wait here,” Stewart practically ordered.
As Stewart approached Odo, who was dismounting, Paul looked at Alisha. She stood perfectly still looking at Stewart. The wind caught her hair momentarily blowing it up to reveal her neck. She pulled up her large hood on her dark green cape, which immediately hid her face from Paul’s view. He shook his head and felt sick.
“Is it not inappropriate to be seen mixing with a Templar? A Muslim girl, alone with a knight who has sworn a vow of chastity,” Paul blurted out and immediately grimaced wishing he had not just said that. Alisha did not reply but carried on standing still. She tightened the draw cords around her hood. Her total silence angered Paul more than anything. As Stewart showed Master Odo towards the entrance, Alisha stood aside looking down so as to not look at Paul. Master Odo smiled at her, then stopped and looked at her again.
“Ah…I see you arrived here safe and well after all, young lady,” Master Odo said politely and part bowed his head.
“Yes…thank you I have.”
“Well I do hope our Master Gerard has made amends. I shall be checking on that matter first.”
“He…he actually has indeed. In fact, he has been most helpful in organising my safe passage and a suitable vessel to take my father and I away to Alexandria next week,” Alisha explained as more knights formed up in a line waiting to enter behind Odo and Stewart.
Paul’s heart sank when he heard this. He slowly moved himself backwards and into the shadows of the arched doorway just out of site. He rested his head back hard against the stone walling. He felt even more sick now. He recalled what Sister Lucy had told him. Maybe she is indeed right after all. ‘Any relationship with Alisha is doomed and would be toxic anyway. Be strong, stand proud and move on’ he reminded himself. Quickly Paul stood up straight and moved out from the shadows and pushed past Stewart hard. Alisha gave him a quick look as she smiled at Odo and continued to listen to him. Stewart looked at Paul quizzically as he hurried away.
“Paul…,” Stewart called out but he kept on walking away fast. “Sorry, Master Odo…that was my brother. Please, come inside as Master Gerard awaits your arrival,” Stewart explained.
3 – 3
“Good. Glad to hear he has sorted out his attitude with this fine lady,” Odo replied with a large smile and bowed his head again slightly at Alisha. She feigned a smile back.
“Will you be home later this eve?” Stewart asked quickly. Alisha nodded.
“All right for some,” one of the Templars said loudly, which made several others laugh and cheer. Stewart smiled at Alisha and quickly followed Odo inside.
Alisha turned in time to see Paul walking away and out of view as he passed the old woman and went down a side street. The old woman looked up and directly at Alisha. She was some fifty yards away, but Alisha saw the woman clearly shake her head at her, almost disapprovingly. Paul hurried to the one place he felt safe and secure at now, his home having become more like hostile territory. Niccolas’s chapel.
Niccolas was not in, but Paul made himself at home in his upstairs office. He made himself a drink and sat down alone feeling pretty miserable and sorry for himself. Stewart was getting far too friendly with Alisha, he thought. He knew that Master Odo was coming as he had heard his father and Firgany discuss his arrival with the local Templar Marshal. In part to check up on Gerard but also to organise a recruitment drive for new Templars. Paul knew that the Templars’ headquarters in the East was known as ‘The Convent’. Lands were divided into provinces managed by a ‘Grand Commander’ to oversee it. Within each province the orders property was organised around ‘Commanderies’, or ‘Preceptories’ in Latin, each commanded by a Commander. Outlying properties were called ‘camerae’ or chambers. Payments from these went annually to support the Order’s work and were called ‘responsion’. Yearly meetings with the Grand Commander annually were called Chapters. Master Odo, along with Gerard, would be checking upon the Commanderie and overseeing new members take their vows with the Templar Marshal for the Holy Land. Paul’s mind flashed back to the night of Stewart’s initiation ceremony. ‘Does our Lord Jesus Christ have anything to do with any of this really?’, he asked himself. “Jesus Initiative, whatever that is,” he said aloud just as Sister Lucy entered the room.
“Talking to yourself is not recommended,” she joked as she placed down several leather bound parchments.
“Why not, at least I cannot hurt myself with cruel words,” Paul replied.
“Tut tut tut, young Paul. Melancholy and self pity does not suit you.”
“I am sorry, Sister Lucy. I tried to do what you advised. I tried so hard to do the right thing…which simply made Ali hate me…only for our fathers to then give their blessings…after it was too late,” Paul sighed.
“Nothing is ever too late. Now I hear you are to sign up as novice yourself. Now that, I will admit, I find wholly unacceptable and stupid,” Sister Lucy said without hesitation.
Paul looked at her, surprised.
“Please, do not hold back on my account,” Paul said sarcastically.
“Well…you are not that frail and sensitive not to be told how it is and as it is!”
“Sorry. You have lost me.”
“You…becoming a Templar. What are you thinking?” she demanded, her tone sarcastic almost.
“What…look, I came here to escape all the questions and recriminations I seem to solicit of late, not to get more.”
“Then find somewhere else to sulk. You come here, you come to learn not drown yourself in this display of weak and feeble self pity,” Sister Lucy shot back and folded her arms looking at him hard.
“I do not need this,” Paul replied and stood up fast.
“No you don’t. So what are you going to do about it? We can sit here all day if you wish, but no amount of talking will resolve this matter. Action… only action, as actions speak louder than words do to a woman. I take it that is what you want, isn’t it?”
“You know it is.”
“And that is why you cannot nor ever will be a Templar.”
“But it is not just any woman.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake…. I know that. But even if Alisha was not the issue here, what you are inside is an issue,” she shot back.
“I do not understand you.”
“Paul…for an intelligent man you can be incredibly stupid at
times. You hurt Alisha badly. She is a young woman with needs, wants and desires.”
“Yes…that I can see and it’s all directed at Stewart now.”
“Lord give me strength! Don’t be so bloody stupid!” Sister Lucy said loudly and banged her hands down hard on the table in front of Paul, making him jump. “Yes, I may be a nun but by Christ, the Lord would understand me this hour if I swore and cussed all day at you. Wake up, you fool. That girl loves you totally and utterly.”
“But I thought you were so against us…I mean.”
“Paul…I was. But as your path has now been chosen and set, I will do all and everything to make sure it damn well runs as smoothly as is humanly possible.”
“I am so confused.”
“Why. It is simple. You love Alisha, she loves you. You are artistic, insightful, gentle of spirit…but with a raw courage that will help you through even the toughest of times that would break the strongest of normal men,” Sister Lucy explained and sat down opposite him.
“But I am normal.”
Sister Lucy leaned up and over towards Paul and without warning slapped him hard.
“Jesus…what is that for?” Paul asked as he rubbed his face.
Quickly Sister Lucy slapped him again even harder and sat back down. Shocked, Paul sat rubbing his face, his mouth wide open, confused.
“The first slap was to remind you you are not normal. None of us are. We are all truly unique and we all offer something. But what you can offer is truly way beyond normal. This you will learn if it kills all of us in the process. The slap is also so you will remember that fact, and if at any time I hear you ever say that again, I will slap you again, and again.”
“So what was the second slap for?”
“For taking the Lord’s name in vain,” Sister Lucy stated and then smiled.
Both started to laugh.
That evening Paul stayed late with Sister Lucy and Niccolas at the Chapel. Taqi was spending the day with Firgany and Philip going over details ready for when they would leave for Outremer. Sister Lucy’s words encouraged Paul about Alisha and he took great comfort from what she had said. His mind kept on drifting back to her. He knew she would be back at the house, no doubt with Stewart again. He could not understand how he was allowed so much time away from his duties and to spend so much time alone with any female let alone Alisha. Perhaps because the Marshal looked upon her as part of Stewart’s family, he thought. Or maybe Gerard was deliberately trying to stir up trouble?
“Paul…go on. Be off with you. Go and resolve this matter once and for all,” Niccolas said quietly as Paul became aware that he and Sister Lucy were sat in silence, and had been for some while, just looking at him deep in thought.
“I am sorry. I am not the best of company. And yes, I think it is finally time,” Paul replied and stood to leave.
He bade his farewell and quickly made his way back towards the house. He felt very nervous, but he had decided that tonight, once and for all, he would resolve the matter with Alisha. He knew in his heart he could not continue with things the way they were. It was making him physically ill.
In the main kitchen back at the Manor House, with just two candles lighting up the main table, Stewart sat next to Alisha as she finished a piece of apple and wiped her hands. He was leaning toward her looking at her as she finished it. She smiled as she looked back at him.
“Don’t stare at me. You embarrass me,” she said, smiling.
“Ali…forgive me for what I say…but I could stare at you forever,” Stewart replied. Alisha looked at him quickly. Her face went red. “I am sorry. I did not mean to embarrass you.”
“Stewart…you are a knight. You must not talk like that.”
“I am a man first…” He paused for a moment as Alisha blushed. “Forgive my forwardness but I am to leave soon, back to Outremer. But I swore to myself that before I left, I just had to tell you how I feel.”
“But Stewart, you are a knight,” she repeated. “You took vows.”
“I would break them in a heartbeat for you. Paul may be stupid and blind not to see what he had with you, but I do. I would resign in an instant. Just say the word,” Stewart said hurriedly and placed his hand upon Alisha’s. She looked at his hand then at him directly. His eyes were searching hers. With both hands, he grabbed Alisha’s hand. “I fell for you the instant I saw you arrive here last time. But I fought those feelings. When I left for Outremer, I told myself I could and would forget you, but when I saw you again out there…I could not deny it any more than I could deny the sun from shining,” Stewart said nervously.
Alisha shuffled on her seat and turned to face him properly.
“Paul…oh my….I am so sorry…I mean Stewart,” Alisha said softly and quickly placed her right hand upon his face.
“Paul…you call me Paul…that tells me much…too much,” Stewart said with hurt in his eyes.
“No, Stewart…yes I was just thinking of him and why his name just came out…he is your brother and…and.” She hesitated. “But Stewart, I could not ever ask you to leave your Order.”
“But I would. Without hesitation,” Stewart replied instantly and moved himself nearer to her clasping both her hands tightly. “I love you…and I will love you for the rest of my days that I swear. And I further swear I would always protect you and provide for you. I am not a dreamer like Paul. I am a realist,” Stewart explained. He hesitated just inches away from her face. Gently he leaned closer, their lips touching. Alisha pulled away briefly, as Stewart put his hand upon her face and kissed her again. Alisha felt herself responding to his touch as her heart beat faster and his lips pressed against hers. She slowly raised her hand to his face and as her hand reached his jaw, she thought of Paul. Instantly she broke the kiss and pulled her face away slightly away from him. Stewart’s eyes darted as he searched hers.
“I am sorry…I cannot do this,” she said in a quiet whisper.
She pulled herself back and away and looked up. As she did, she saw Paul standing at the rear entrance, his arms hung loose, his face distraught and in shock. Alisha raised her hands to her mouth in shock. Stewart stood up quickly and flung himself around to face him. Paul just stood looking at them in utter bewilderment.
“Paul…this is not what it looks like,” Alisha said emotionally, beginning to shake.
“Oh yes it is. It is exactly what it looks like,” Stewart said loudly and looked back at Alisha. Alisha shook her head it wasn’t. “You saw with your own eyes, brother. You did not want her and I have fallen for her… tell him, Ali,” Stewart shot back as he moved his sword to his side out of the way as it had been hanging to the front.
Paul looked at Alisha as tears were welling in his eyes. ‘I will not cry this time’ he told himself, fighting to control his emotions.
“Two of the people I love most in this torrid world…and this is what you do to me,” Paul finally blurted out and stood down from the rear step.
“We do to you! You sanctimonious holier than thou prig…how dare you! You rejected Ali, you crushed her heart without so much as a second thought, and you dare to stand there now in judgement of us?” Stewart shouted.
Alisha cupped her hands over her mouth as tears began to well ever bigger in her eyes. She shook her head no several times just looking at both of them.
“Paul….please,” she suddenly cried as tears just streamed down her face.
“Well Ali…come on tell him…tell him you feel the same for me now,” Stewart said demonstratively as he stood up. Alisha shook her head more and stood up slowly. “Ali…tell him…please,” Stewart said loudly. All three stood in silence for several minutes as tears fell from Alisha.
Paul looked at her wishing he could just grab her and hug her, seeing the pain in her eyes, but also a large part wanted to scream and yell at her, the image of her kissing Stewart burnt deeply into his mind. Stewart stood up fully, pulled his chain mail and surcoat down straight and shook his head annoyed, anger clearly rising and evident upon his f
ace.
“I am sorry, Stewart…Paul…,” Alisha finally said, her voice broken and shaking.
“Damn you. Damn you both. You have played me for a fool. Gerard was indeed correct when he said you are nothing more than a she devil harlot who would bring ruination upon many a man…well thankfully I have seen the light of truth just in time…you are welcome to her, brother,” Stewart said bitterly, his face contorted with anger.
“And damn you, brother. You know full well how I felt…still feel… for Ali but it did not stop you from trying to bed her, did it,” Paul suddenly exploded in rage as he rapidly walked towards Stewart. Instinctively Stewart went to grasp his sword, Alisha screamed as Paul kicked his forearm hard away from his sword handle.
Stewart instantly swung his right hand backwards and up striking Paul hard across the face knocking him backwards. Paul fell hard against the stone step banging his head. Momentarily dazed he could not focus his vision as Stewart quickly loomed into view over him. Stewart drew his sword fast. Alisha screamed again and rushed at Stewart to stop him. She grabbed his arm holding the sword, but he flung his arm backwards hard flinging her hard against the wooden table. In pain she grabbed her side. As Paul regained focus, it was just in time to see Stewart’s sword tip waving dangerously close to his face as he knelt over him, his knee pressing down hard into his chest.
“I could kill you both this instant. You make a fool of me like this,” Stewart snarled.
“And yet you, brother, who insults me by having no respect for me over your own lust and base desires for Ali…not a second thought for me or my feelings, just your own selfish wants as always. Well go on then…kill me. This is not the first time you have wanted to, with that uncontrollable anger of yours. You are no better than Gerard…in fact I would say you are worse…at least he does not hide his arrogance and brutality behind some false mask of decency as you fake,” Paul said through gritted teeth as the pain in his chest increased. Stewart’s face was red with rage.