Highland Daydreams

by April Holthaus

  “Ye need to get out of yer wet clothes.”

  “Pardon me!”

  “Ye will get sick if ye stay in them and ye will get nay benefit from sitting next to the fire all wet.”

  “I will do nay such thing. No’ in front of ye!” she retorted.

  “I am no’ trying to take advantage of the situation. If ye will only see the right of it, I only have yer best interest at heart. I am no’ a spiteful mon, Lara. But I will no’ sit here and allow ye to be irrational over the matter. If ye prefer, once the plaid dries ye can take off yer gown and cover yerself wit’ the plaid until yer dress is dry enough to put back on.”

  Lara did not at all like being treated as a child, nor did she like the idea of sitting with nothing but a plaid to cover her, but she knew he spoke the truth. She was shivering in her wet gown, and did not know how much longer she could withstand the cold. The flames of the fire offered some warmth, but it was not enough. She felt the chill in her bones.

  Bram took the apple and sliced it in half with his dirk. He handed her one of the halves, and in two bites he finished the other.

  “I will need to go out and get us some food before we lose the light. It will soon be too dark” Bram informed her as he stood up.

  “But it is still raining out,” Lara said.

  Bram smiled at her show of concern. But he had spent many days in rain such as this, and he had little choice in the matter but to find food.

  “I will be fine, lass. Stay here and keep yerself warm. I will nay be long.”

  Lara crept closer to the fire and clutched the plaid. It appeared dry enough to wrap around her. Waiting until she could no longer hear Bram’s footsteps outside the cave, she slid her gown off her shoulders. Its silk fabric clung to her body. Slipping out of the gown, she stood naked in front of the fire for a moment. Once she was warm, she donned the plaid, doing the best she could to cover every inch of her exposed skin.

  After a long while, Bram had still not returned and Lara’s stomach ached. She decided there was only one thing to do: find her own meal. But how?

  Digging though Bram’s bag, she found a small dagger in the side pocket. Taking the dagger, Lara tightened the top of the plaid around her bosom so that it would not fall down. Creeping towards the exit, Lara poked her head out and called out for Bram. No answer. The rain had stopped, so Lara decided to go in search of something, anything she could eat. Quieting her movements, she heard a rustling noise coming from a small bush. Taking one step closer to it, she listened to the noise and waited. Holding the dagger up like her brother had shown her, she waited until the creature showed itself.

  The bush shook and a small hare jumped out into the open. Lara flung the dagger towards it hitting her mark. Bending down, Lara picked up the dead rabbit and carried it back inside the cave.

  Shortly after, Bram returned with a small skinned boar hanging upside down from a branch. Rainwater dripped off him and puddled under his feet.

  “Ye must be freezing. Best ye come sit by the fire to warm yerself before ye succumb to fever,” Lara cautioned.

  Bram laughed wickedly; its sound echoing through the small cavern.

  “I can only think of one way to warm a mon in these circumstances,” he said, giving her a meaningful smile.

  “Please dinna look at me that way,” Lara replied turning her head away from him and tightening the plaid around her shoulders.

  “Look at ye like what?”

  “Like I am a harlot and no’ a married woman.”

  Bram slapped his leg and chuckled.

  “Ach lass. Ye think I mean to bed ye. I promise that as tempting as that may sound, I only be talking about drowning myself in a tankard of whisky,” he replied shaking his head at the lass’s silly assertion.

  Lara felt like a fool, embarrassing herself with her assumption. She shifted in place as she became increasingly uncomfortable with his laughter as he looked at her. It was bad enough that she was sitting half naked in his plaid as she waited for her dress to dry.

  She did not think that believing he wished to bed her was such a ridiculous notion. After all, he had given plenty of indications that he wanted more than just a friendship. She considered the thought that perhaps she was wrong. Perhaps he did not care for her in that manner. In truth, she should be pleased, for if he did have feelings for her, there was nothing either of them could do about it.

  As Bram sat down, he noticed the dead hare lying on a slab of stone.

  In surprise, he asked, “Where the bloody hell did that come from?”

  “I caught it. Ye were gone so long I thought perhaps ye could no’ find food.”

  “Ye? Ye caught that? How?” he asked still surprised that the lass could perform such a task - and without a weapon!

  “I found yer dagger and hit him like a bow would hit a moving target.”

  “Where the bloody hell did ye learn that?”

  “My brother. He taught me many useful things. I may be a lass but I am verra capable of taking care of myself,” she stated very proudly as she handed the dead creature to Bram.

  Lara watched Bram as he cleaned, then began roasting, the rabbit and small boar. It did not take long until they were fully cooked. With the small dagger he kept tucked in his boot, he carved the meat from the bone and handed her a slice.

  “How did ye catch that wit’ out a bow?” Lara asked, never seeing a man catch a boar with only his hands. Boars were very strong and quick and could jump right out of a predator’s grasp.

  “I am good at hunting. When I was a lad, my father and uncle would take my brother Rory, my cousin Ewan, and me hunting wit’ out weapons. They taught us how to use the land and use what is around us to hunt and survive. In hunting, as in fighting, ye need strategy and can no’ always depend on yer weapon, fer the only weapon ye truly have is yer wit.”

  “Ye dinna talk much about yer brother. Are ye close to him?”

  “My brother and I are two verra different people. What about ye? Are ye close to yer brother?”

  “We were close when we were young, but as he got older he grew distant.”

  “If he is no’ blood to the throne, why do ye suppose he could be passed off as the King’s only successor?”

  “I dinna ken. When my father lived in Norway he met my mum and married her, returning to her home in Scotland. He never talked about Norway or anything of his or her past. After the death of young Lady Margaret the Queen of the Scots, he began traveling back and forth stating that his interest in Norway was purely business. Perhaps he decided to offer John as a loyal subject, worthy of the crown.”

  “Dinna ye think it odd, that ye only found out after yer father married ye off to Laird Moray?”

  Lara thought hard on his question. Searching her memories, she did not recall any announcement or talks of John ever taking over the throne. What were the reasons behind waiting for her to be married off to announce such a thing? And why would they not have invited her? So many unanswered questions danced around in her head. She wondered what other secrets they had kept from her. She was almost afraid to find out.

  Chapter 13

  Over the next several days, Lara regaled Bram with stories about her past, and he found himself sharing bits and pieces of his as well, though leaving out certain details of his cavalier love life. The more time Bram spent with her, the more he came to want her. He had honestly never spent this much time with a woman and he certainly never had been inclined to talk to one outside of everyday conversation. But with Lara, he found himself truly listening to her. And he was enthralled by every word.

  Bram was fascinated by how well educated she was. Not scholarly by any means, as she knew nothing about reading or writing, but by the world around her. She paid a great deal of attention to the art of healing, the teachings of the church, and even some matters of politics. She was a free spirit, and regardless of what had happened to her, she loved life. He was completely baffled by her.

  Bram did not know how a woman could
have so much resolve and determination with her history. In her situation, he would have expected the lass to be docile and submissive; she was anything but. She had a wicked tongue and was a little too opinionated for a lass. He could see why Dermot thought her to be defiant, and the thought put a mischievous smile on his face.

  What he admired the most about her was her heart. The way she spoke of fond memories and of her dreams made Bram think about his own life and unfulfilled dreams. Bram found himself suddenly regretting his promise. It was not his promise to protect her; it was knowing how this journey would end.

  Bram and Lara crossed the stone bridge in Aberdeen which led into the market square. People crowded the market, buying and trading their goods, while a group of minstrels played their instruments.

  Suddenly Lara called out, “Watch out!”

  Instantly, Bram pulled tightly on the reins causing the horse to halt. Bram felt Lara hug him tighter around the waist as she had almost been tossed off the large beast. Unexpectedly, a wee lad ran out in front of them being chased by three other lads.

  “Bloody hell!” he cursed under his breath. “Ye coulda been killed ye hellions!” Bram shouted, but the lads could not hear him over the crowd’s noise.

  Bram righted himself in the saddle, and directed the horse down the road.

  “Have ye been here before?” Lara asked.

  “Aye. ‘Tis similar to Dumfries, only the goods imported here are verra different. They come by sea from other countries such as the Orient and the Holy Land.”

  “What sorts of things?”

  Bram looked down at Lara. Her eyes were wide, looking at the carts as they passed by them. Bram smiled at her and her child-like expressions. She looked as if she were devouring a sweet roll with her eyes.

  “Weapons, fine silks, exotic foods, and precious stones.”

  “Do ye suppose the journey to Norway will take long?”

  “Aye. Tis two or three days’ travel across the sea. We will follow the river to the harbor, then board a vessel that will take us there.”

  Once they reached port, Lara could not contain her anticipation. She felt nervous and excited all at once. The only ships she had seen before were rowboats along the lochs. She marveled at the size of these ships.

  Leaving their horse behind, Lara followed Bram up the long gangplank to the main deck of the vessel. Several other passengers followed closely behind.

  Aboard was a small crew of no more than ten plus the captain. Once everyone was on board, Bram and Lara moved to the stern of the boat. Three members of the ship’s crew pulled hard on a rope, turning the yardarm high on the mast. Within moments, the sail dropped and the wind caught hold, causing the sail to flutter. The captain called out the order to bring up the anchor. When the anchor was lifted, Lara felt the waves crashing into the side of the boat as they turned, bearing north and east towards Norway.

  “Lara, ye may want to hold on or sit down. The ride can be verra bumpy and it is easy to get sick from the rocking if ye are nay used to it,” Bram suggested.

  “Nay, I will be fine. Thank ye.”

  Peering over the side of the hull, Lara gazed into the deep blue waters. It was so different from the Firth of Clyde near Castle Foley. Darkness clouded the sea floor. The only thing she could see was her own reflection staring back at her. The water rippled as the bow cut through the surface like a sharp knife. The open ocean was like nothing she had ever seen. It looked endless. She could not tell where the ocean ended and the sky began.

  As the wind blew stronger, the ship gained speed, and Lara’s hair waved wildly in the wind. She closed her eyes and felt the breeze and cool mist on her face. She thought that this must have been what a bird felt like when taking flight.

  Over the next hour, Lara watched and listened to the crewmen as they told tales of pirates and selkies. Their animated expressions and dramatic gestures made the stories come to life as they acted out each scene. Once they finished with their tales, Lara turned to ask Bram whether he believed if their fables were true, but he was no longer sitting by her side. Lara looked over her shoulder in search of Bram and found him standing against the hull looking out across the sea.

  Lara realized she had grown quite fond of him. She found herself smiling every time he was near. It was hard not to. He had offered her his protection, his comfort, and his friendship, and there was no denying the feelings that were developing inside her. She tried to will them away and think of him only as her escort, or like a brother; anything other than the wanton thoughts and feelings she was having about him.

  Like a young lass, she found herself daydreaming of what could have been. Distracted by her wandering thoughts, she had a hard time keeping her mind in the here and now. Her heart hammered in her chest as she secretly watched him. Even though he was a beast in height and strength, he was chivalrous and steadfast, and possibly the most handsome man she had ever laid her eyes upon.

  Lara found herself yearning for his kisses, for him to wrap his protective arms around her and shield her from the world. But her mind overruled her heart. While she wanted to allow herself the freedom to open her heart to him, common sense brought her back to reality; that even though her marriage had not been consummated, bound by law and contract, she still belonged to Dermot. Only Father Bolbec, who’d performed the ceremony, had the authority to annul the marriage. Even if she could prove that there was no coupling between them, many years’ acquaintance with Father Bolbec told her that he would not be easily swayed. His position gave him the authority to arbitrarily set rules and laws outside of what the Pope would declare, and pass judgment on what he believed was unholy or against the laws of the church. Lara knew his decisions often had little to do with the church, and were more about power and control.

  Lara stood and began walking towards Bram. As she took a small step, she began to feel her head spin and her stomach turn. Stopping for a moment, she drew in a long breath and started to walk again. Feeling a bit wobbly, she slowed her pace. As she stood beside Bram, she instantly put her hand to her stomach.

  “What ails ye?” Bram asked with concern etched on his face.

  The world started to spin and Lara’s stomach felt as if it was tossing back and forth along with the ship. She opened her mouth to explain but strained to speak as she felt bile rising in the back of her throat.

  “Ye dinna look too well, Lass. Yer skin is pale,” Bram said as he raised his hand to her forehead. “And ye feel as cold as the winter air.”

  “Must...stop…rocking,” Lara mumbled as her hand went to her mouth. “Please, stop the ship from rocking,” she pleaded.

  Bram chuckled.

  “Lass, I can no’ stop the ship from rocking back and forth. We are in the middle of the sea. I warned ye that ye were goin’ to get sick,” he reminded her.

  Lara could see the smug, satisfied grin on his face. Now was not the time to be arrogant and thick-headed, she thought, as she saw him trying to cover his smile.

  “Ye are finding enjoyment in this, nay?”

  “Aye. Dinna say I dinna warn ye lass. Most people think they won’t be affected by the motion of the sea, but most of the time the sea wins,” he replied.

  Lara’s stomach clenched. Holding on tightly to the railing, she retched over the side of the ship. As she continued to empty her stomach, Lara could feel one of Bram’s hands on her back and the other holding her hair up and out of the way. After a quarter of an hour, Lara felt her stomach ease and slumped down to sit on the deck. Bram joined her, scooting himself beside her. He handed her a handkerchief so she could wipe her mouth.

  Against her better judgment, Lara leaned into him. Bram instinctively wrapped his arm around her. As much as she wanted to, Lara did not allow herself to take comfort in his arms. Within three days or so, he would be gone from her life, and she could not bear the disappointment she was already beginning to feel at the thought of leaving him. If only things were different, and she could express her feelings; but she knew she coul
dn’t. Instead, she would lock them away in the deepest recesses of her heart.

  Bram’s humor faded as Lara rested against his chest and in his arms. They were still two days away from port and there were no healers on board to ease her discomfort. He had only hoped that rest would offer her the comfort she needed.

  Bram did not understand why Lara couldn’t see how he felt about her. He had tried to be agreeable and careful of her, but apparently it wasn’t enough. He was becoming angry with himself. He was a coward.

  There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he was either too proud or too daft to say the words. He had never felt this way about a woman, and he didn’t like having so little control over his own heart. She was opinionated, stubborn, brash, irrational, and completely illogical, but he loved her with every fiber of his being. He was certain of it. But did she love him in return? Aye, she was married, but their union was just a minor inconvenience, and one that he would make certain was rectified.

  As she lay there in his arms, Bram could still smell the lavender scented soap she’d used in her hair days ago. Her nearness was the sweetest torture he had ever endured. He would do anything to be with her, even ride across Europe to Italy and demand that the Pope terminate her marriage contract; or take his blade to that bastard husband of hers, leaving her a widow. He would ride to the ends of the earth and back for her. But first, he needed to win her heart.

  In the following two days at sea, Lara’s condition worsened. She threw up several times and was not able to keep much food down. Bram encouraged her to rest as much as she could, as it was the only relief she had. Lara swore that she would never set foot on a boat again.

  As if angels were answering her prayers, she heard the captain call out to his men, “Ease off the line laddies, ‘tis land ahead.”