Delphine doesn’t give a damn! She’s sleeping! She’s snoring again! She’s sprawled out against the old guy… I close my eyes to see if I’m not sleeping… I feel myself… If it’s not a dream… Hell no!… No it’s not a dream!… It’s true enough all right!
“Listen!” I say to Boro… “I can’t get over what happened…”
He can’t get over it either… I say:
“We’ve been acting drunk!”
I’m talking about the incident…
He doesn’t answer… he pukes… He’s the first one sick.
“It’s the booze, all right!”… I point out… “Maybe the cigarettes too…”
Ah! That’s my idea… I stick to it… The cigarettes!… I always said so!… That’s Delphine’s fault too!… That old faker!… But what about the guy there on the floor?… The skull there!… The hole!… Ah! Take it easy!…
I try reasoning a little!…
“Say, you drunk!… Didn’t you see his dome?”
“It’s you, you bastard!” he answers right back at me… “It’s your business and that’s all there’s to it!…”
He’s accusing me!
Ah! That’s a new one!… He’s waking up! He stops vomiting… Now for the complaints!…
“Ah!” I say… “Aren’t you ashamed, you big louse? I suppose it wasn’t you who banged him?… It wasn’t you who jumped up and down on him like that on the floor?”
I point to him…
“It was you!… It was you!” he insists… “All you had to do was hold him up… You were the one holding him!…”
Listen to that!… Some gag!… I can’t get over the phoneyness of it! Such dishonesty!… Ah! The pig!
“It was you!… It was you!” he insists…
“Oh!” I exclaim!… “Disgusting!… I suppose it wasn’t you who split it open?… I suppose you haven’t seen his poor head?”
“His poor head!… His poor head!… Ah! Listen to him!… His poor head!… Talking to me like that! To me…”
He’s outraged by my insolence!… He sits down on the edge of the bed, he can’t stand my guts, he’s choking with fury!… He’s gagging and snorting with such rage that he can’t even say a word!… He’s rocking… jumps up… Delphine wakes up, she’s crying… she doesn’t know what she’s bawling about…
She looks at us… she’s all shaken with sobs… I go at him again, the matter’s not settled!… It’s still on my mind!…
“But it was you, Boro!… You were the one!…”
I want him to realize… to stop shooting his mouth off!
“Me?… Me?…” he repeats… in a real daze…
“Me what?… Me what?…”
He doesn’t understand a thing.
Outside it’s getting a little light… it’s starting… you can see it through the blinds… sort of vague… greenish… then grey… It’s not ordinary daylight… it has an effect on me… it’s different from the usual daylight…
“You got to be careful you know, you dog!…” I’m warning him… eye to eye!… “Got to watch out for draughts!… You see the old guy there?… He died on account of them…” That’s how I talk to him. To me it’s funny!… Jigging! There! Writhing around!… Let him laugh too, the dirty gorilla!
“What about the gal?… Is she moving?…”
She’s stretched out… she’s crying again!… I give her a kick in the ribs… so she’ll straighten up!… She lets out a yell… She’s reacting and pissed off!… Her eyes are all stuck together… she rubs them, she gets the moths out… bango, a riot!… She spits at me… she insults me… She calls me a garbage pail!… Who’d’ve thought it!… She, usually so ladylike!… She forgets all about her politeness!… Just a little kick!
“You little pirate!” she yells!… “You little hyena!… You cholera!…”
Ah!… Some nerve!… I answer back!…
“You pig!…” I say to her!… “You bitch!… Look at your guy!…”
She hasn’t even seen him!… The imbecile hasn’t seen a thing… I grab her by the back of the neck, I force her, I make her bend down so she can look! Right up against him!… With her nose on top of him!…
“What do you say about that?… There!… Take a look!… Now say something!…”
But it’s too dark in the room… she doesn’t see a thing… I bring over the lamp, right against him… the water globe… That does it!… She sees him all right! She sees it all… she wobbles her head… she stands there gaga, without moving…
“Ah!” she says. “Ah! Oh!” She can’t believe it… just petrified… and then wow!
“Oooh!… Oooh!…” she starts howling, and what screams! She plunges forward!… Throws herself on the body… she grabs it… hugs it… she kisses it all over… mouth!… Eyes! She lies on top of it!… She kisses the head, the blood… she slobbers all over it!… And then she goes for us!
“You murderers! Murderers!…” she calls us, and she points at us!… She’s counting us!… “One!… Two!… One! Two murderers!…”
“Fuck off, you whore!”
It’s getting on Boro’s nerves… “Sh! Sh!” he whispers… she doesn’t give a damn!… She’s high! She’s in a trance, that’s all!… Now she’s at us!…
“Why, you murderers! Don’t you know me?… You don’t know who I am?… Finish your job!…”
She’s offering herself up like that as a victim… her too!… The martyr! The volunteer! Right off! Immediately!… She’s egging us on!… She’s challenging us!…
“One more to kill!… Here! Here!…” She shows us her skinny chest… she bares herself…
“Finish your job!…”
All exalted… panting!…
“I’m Mary Stuart! Yes! I’ve just arrived from France!…”
She’s proclaiming it… Then she dashes to the body again… she kneels over Claben in prayer… all shuddering… she lifts her veil high up, over the feathers… her hat… she uncovers her neck… she’s offering it to us!… To cut it off… her slender neck…
“Cut!… Cut!…” she wants us to behead her… It’s her last breath… “Cut!… Cut!…”
She’s ordering it… she starts all over…
“I’m Mary Stuart, from France!…”
Same refrain!… Damn it! That’s enough!… Boro’s enjoying it, the big ape!… Ah! I’ve had more than enough!… He doesn’t see it’s getting light outside!… Almost day… I point to it.
“Look!…” I say to him… “Look!…”
I sit down again… I’m too tired… and the other idiot’s still yelling her head off!… I can’t kill them all!… Ah! It’s getting too light!… The yataghan’s back!… It’s on the table… I see it there!… I’m going to take it now!… I’m going to grab it!… No!… Not worth the trouble!… Everything’s been said!… First of all, it’s getting cold!… Dawn’s breaking… the cold… No denying it… Cold and anxious… Boy, but it’s cold!… I’m shivering… the questions going through my mind!… Loads of ’em, real ones… not drunken nonsense!… Real questions with the cold!… You can’t just go on raising hell, it’s got to come to an end… and then you’ve got to get out of it!… Doesn’t work out all by itself!… You finally come to realize it!… I throw up a bit… gives me some relief… it was the right moment!… Boro’s puking too… We sit down in a reasonable state of mind!… Enough foolishness!… We try to think!… It’s cold now!… It’s almost daytime!… Delphine interrupts us!… Ah! That old fart!… She’s yelling again… whining louder and louder!… Mary Stuart’s over… She’s got a headache now… Like pincers twisting her head around!…
“What a headache!… What pain!”… She turns to me… “Do you hear me, Froggy?… Froggy?…”
She’s insulting me as a Frenchman!… Then she starts putting on her act again… she plunges into prayer… kneeling over
the body… with tears streaming!… She starts begging us to cut off her head!… Her headache’s too bad!… That’s how she is!
“Go on, you rascals!… Go on, you brutes!…” she begs us… “Here’s Mary Stuart for you!… Here’s Mary Stuart! The poor little queen!… Go on, you brutes!”
She gives us a pain in the arse!… All the same, we’re going to have to get out! Arrange things in the place… at least try to!… I was used to it, I’d already seen bodies and bloodier ones than this!… Much more messed up!… I’d seen much worse!… Especially in Artois!… Under the mortars… really chopped up!… I was quiet, in a way, it was Boro who was worried…
“You think it’s really him?…” he asks me again.
Some idea.
It’s a funny question to ask me… he touches him again, he’s in doubt! He messes around!… He leans on his belly!…
“Say!…” he calls to him… “Say!…”
He’d even like to make him talk!… He picks up the turban… He puts it back on the head… It’s hard for him to realize… It doesn’t seem possible to him… Still he’s sobered up… he sees straight… But he still doesn’t realize…
He doesn’t yield to reason…
“You think it’s really him?…”
Ah! The idiot!
“Of course!…” I answer. “Of course!… And you’re the one who split his head open!…”
“Me? Me?”
He stares at me flabbergasted.
“Of course!… Sure!… And how!”
I want him to get it into his head! So I insist, damn it, I’ve got to!
“Say! Delphine! Listen! Listen to him!”
He’s calling Delphine to witness, he’s acting phoney again!… But Delphine’s not listening… she’s leaning her head forward… her neck bent over her body… she’s offering herself up… that’s all she wants… she wants to be beheaded… she’s dead set on it!
Boro’s wild with anger, with rage at me!… He’s acting flabbergasted, out of his mind!…
“But goddamn it!… But it’s a shame!”
Ah! The skunk, he’s trying to bluff me!… He flies off the handle!…
“Who fell on his head this time?…” he asks me… the nerve of him!
“The old guy!” I answer… “The old guy!… He fell from his stepladder all by himself! Now are you satisfied?… Is that enough for you?… He threw himself down… Does that explain it?… You understand!…”
I burst out laughing… Boy, that’s a hot one, the stepladder!…
Clears up everything, doesn’t it?
Ah! I’m proud of myself!…
I stand up… I want to take a look outside!… I want to breathe the air! I feel dizzy again… I sit down… I want to get it straight, still and all… But I’ve got an awful headache!… My ear’s buzzing bad… my arm’s throbbing… the orgies! The drunkenness! The cigarettes!… I try to figure out what might happen… I can’t think straight!… The old guy, that’s a fact!… There he is!… His head’s split all right!… No mistake about that!… He’s in a heap in front of us!… In all his embroideries!… the turban, the overcoats… It’s all there!…
“Well, got to get him out!…” the idea occurs to me… “Got to send for the police!…”
There’s a brilliant idea!…
“Shut up!… Leave him there!… We’ll go get Cascade…”
That’s the way he answers. It’s certainly more reasonable!… I immediately agree… I even congratulate him!… I wouldn’t have thought of that by myself!… And then I throw up again!… It’s some relief! But not much… I invite Delphine to come outside… She’s nauseated too… but she won’t go out at all… doesn’t want to get any air.
She never wants to leave the body again!… That’s Delphine for you!
“Come on! This way, little birdie!…”
Boro grabs her by her bun and ouch! She’s got to get up!… We’re all pretty seedy… We don’t look so good!… I’m staggering… It wasn’t an ordinary drunkenness!… Ah! Now I’m quite sure of it! We finally get to the door… We open it… The light comes rolling in. It blasts me!… Absolutely right in the eyes! Like a punch! I grab hold!… I don’t know what it is!… I open again!… It’s the park!… Right in front!… Right there!… The steps!… I grab the railing… it’s clearing up!… The veils are lifting… it’s grey… purple… in front of my eyes… it’s dawn… What time is it?… No bells are ringing!… Maybe five o’clock, six?… In my opinion… Delphine’s whimpering… that it still hurts… that she’ll never be able to move again!… She forces herself, anyway… She gets to her feet… Now she’s simpering.
“Gentlemen!” she calls out… “Gentlemen! It’s all a mistake!… It’s the fumes of drunkenness!… Just a mistake!…”
She straightens her hat, her feathers, her gloves… She puts on a smile… she’s enjoying herself… “What a mistake!…” A lady of fashion… just bantering… just a joke… She’s amused at the sight of us… woebegone, crestfallen… she finds us funny, childish… She treats us like little rascals…
“Boys! Boys!” she calls us. “You drank too much!… You’re sick!…”
She plants herself there in front of us!… She’s going to whip the little devils!… Going to restore us to reason!…
Ah! Then Boro grabs her… he lifts her up! Carries her to the back!… Throws her down on her knees so she can get a good look! So she’ll stop being a pain in the arse! So she can get a good look at the stiff! So she’ll stop dreaming!…
“Look!… Look!” he tells her… “That’s not him, eh?… That’s not him?”
She hangs back… she grumbles… she doesn’t understand a thing… then suddenly she starts screaming again!…
“That’s the man!… Yes that’s the man!” she screams… “It’s he… It’s the Devil! Gentlemen, we are all damned!…”
There goes another riot…
She rushes towards the steps… She yells it across the park… to the trees!… To the open air!… To the echoes!… Boro grabs her again… He brings her back in… She throws herself on the stiff… she starts kissing it again!…
“Darling! Darling!” right on the mouth!… Above his wound… all around… she sucks the opening… she gets all spattered with blood!…
Boro yanks her away again…
“Go wash!” he says… “Go wash!… Shit!”
He pushes her under the faucet… he takes her completely in hand… he gives her a good rinsing.
“Come on! You mope!… Let’s go!…”
He holds on to her… he keeps her head under the running water!… She howls… she protests…
“But I’m Lady Macbeth!… Never! Never! Never shall I be clean again! Never more!…”
She thrashes about… but he doesn’t let go!
Now we’ve got to make up our minds!… Do we go?… Or don’t we?… Ah! I’m trying to think!… I want to put my word in too! I don’t say anything!… It’s sleepiness, my eyes hurt too much… sleep first… I couldn’t have told left from right!… Ah! It’s pretty bad, all the same!… I force myself… I take a look outside… there on the steps… I see the trees climbing in the park… I see them growing visibly… there in front!… Right in front of my eyes… branches and branches!… The way they’re going up and up!… To dizzying heights!… And then they get tiny… tiny little trees, tiny little branches, they all shrivel up small… they get into my pocket! Whole trees!… I don’t believe it! No!… I don’t believe! Ah! Can’t fool me! It’s just dizziness! A mirage! But I see them moving! Ah! No denying it! It’s a fact! They’re rising up!… It’s still the smoke I see!… As far as the Observatory up there! It’s in full blossom… All those moving treetops give me a pain in the arse!
Ah! But Boro’s in charge… he’s doing the talking… “Let’s go!…”
So we’re out i
n the chilly air… Boro’s dragging us along… We don’t go far… Just to the bench… We squat in front of the lawn… in front of the bed of heliotrope… I remember clearly… I still see it!… On the other side is the water! The bank!… And farther on Poplar… the grey house fronts… the anchored barges.
The three of us are sitting there… on the bench… We’re wondering… got to know!… Delphine’s between us… she’s afraid we’ll run away…
“What do you say?… Talk, wise guy!”
I wasn’t saying anything.
“Listen!…” I exclaim… “Listen!…”
It was striking six o’clock over London… Ah! It was true… exactly six o’clock!… I was right! Boom! Boom!… Real loud above the wharves!… From way off in the distance!…
“Say!… Say listen!…”
That was all I had to say!…
“Don’t you know anything, you dumb dope?… Don’t you know anything?…”
He insists on my knowing!… But goddamn it, I don’t know anything!… What I like is the booms!… It makes me fluttery… hazy… the sound of the chimes… especially as I’m already bleary, already off centre… I get lit up! That’s it! Lit up! I’m sensitive! I vibrate!… He can’t understand, the big lug!… Dirty filthy dope!
“They’re drifting!…” I say to him… “They’re drifting!… The chimes are drifting, don’t you hear them?… Listen, you slob!… You blockhead! You murderer!…”
Pop! Just like that! Whack, right in the teeth! It simply came to my mouth!…
The hell with him!
“What?” he gasps… “Wh-what, you louse? I’ll show you!…”
He’s about to leap at my throat… He thinks it over… He sits still…
“Shit!…” he mumbles… “Shit!…” he’s grousing…
“You don’t give a damn, you stinker!”
I do give a damn! But I’m cold… that’s the size of it!… I’m shivering!… So’s Delphine… Is he warm?… Delphine and I are shaking the bench… We’re trembling so much that we’re going to knock it over… People are passing by… the early-risers… men from the dock opposite… They stare at us… They wonder what’s up… why we’re yelling at each other like that… what the hell we’re doing there… We shouldn’t be talking so loud… But he’s the one shouting, not me!… He’s ill bred!… His voice booms through the park!… His Bulgarian accent…
Guignol's Band Page 18