Alicia

by Laura Matthews

  “Then of course we shall go. I am ashamed that I did not think beyond myself.” A flush rose to her cheeks, but she met his eyes earnestly. “I would do anything in my power to help you and the children. For so long there has just been Felicia, and I am not accustomed to my new family as yet. You will have to remind me when I am selfish. I don’t mean to be.”

  “Dear Lord, Alicia, I would that you knew how to be selfish!” He rumpled the auburn hair affectionately. “You must not think of going to London as purely a trial. There are delights to be found there that you could have nowhere else, and the sooner you are accepted there the more you will enjoy them. Not for the world would I hide you away at the Court when I know what pleasure you will find in the sights and the shops, the balls and the theater.”

  “Felicia will be seventeen in March; that is young for her to come out.”

  “Under the circumstances it is necessary, and I believe she won’t mind. Do you feel easier now, love?”

  “Yes, Nigel, but I am exhausted,” she replied tartly.

  “Just so,” he murmured with a grin. “Good night, my dear.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  “I am too old to be jauntering off to London, Nigel,” his mother claimed pathetically. “The life here is perfectly suited to me at my advanced years. What need have you for me to accompany you and Alicia to town? I would be de trop.”

  He regarded his mother’s woeful countenance with fond exasperation. “We are going to bring Felicia out, Mother. You will know precisely how to go about it. You cannot expect Alicia to fathom the workings of London society. She has only once been there.”

  “The girl is young; I see no reason why you should not wait until next year when Alicia will have had a chance to familiarize herself with the pattern.”

  Nigel drew his chair closer to hers and commanded her attention with his penetrating gaze. “I need your help, Mother. No one but you can provide quite the same protection for my wife and her daughter.”

  “Protection? Whatever are you talking about, Nigel?”

  “I suppose you will need to know the whole story if you are to come with us, but I have no intention of telling you unless you plan to do so.”

  Her curiosity piqued, the dowager grumbled, “If you do indeed need my assistance, I will of course accommodate you.” Her eyes widened as he related the events of the past few months, with some information on Alicia’s history before she arrived in Tetterton. The light of battle grew in her eyes, and she proclaimed, “The poor dear! I had no idea. You might have told me.”

  “No, but I tell you now because you will need to know what we face. Alicia is especially concerned for her daughter. I want no snubs or smirks to mar her visit. It will mean a very careful selection of guests at first, until the truth is established. I rely on you for that, Mother.”

  “You may safely do so,” the dowager replied enthusiastically, already turning over in her mind the most propitious plan of attack. Her new daughter-in-law had accepted the management of the house from the dowager with unusual consideration and frequent applications for advice, but the old woman could not deceive herself that her assistance was great. Alicia was not unfamiliar with the running of a house, although Katterly Grange could not compare in size or complexity with the Court. But here was something the dowager alone could accomplish, and she was grateful for the opportunity. “Leave everything to me, Nigel. No breath of scandal shall attach to our name or that of your wife and Felicia, I promise you.”

  * * * *

  In London the dowager had started her program with a dinner followed by cards, an evening which was notable for its quiet elegance. Amongst the guests were to be found nodding matriarchs of her own age, a larger number of couples of her son’s, and a sprinkling of younger people. These last included one of the Maple girls, as well as Charles March and his sister. Nigel had had no objection to Rowland’s coming to town with them, as he was still at the Court when the marquis and Alicia returned from their honeymoon. The young man’s attentions to Felicia continued steadily if less conspicuously in town.

  “Let her spread her wings a bit, Rowland,” Nigel had urged. “She will look to you for support when she needs it, and appreciate your being there, but this is a time for her to make her own place in society, to find new friends.”

  Rowland did not protest at this pronouncement as he might have done several months previously. Although he knew his own mind, and had for some time, he agreed that Felicia should enjoy the freedom of learning hers. The bond between them had strengthened, but he could not be sure that she did not view him as a brother since he had made no advance toward her after Tackar's attempted rape. He was content for the time being to be around when she needed him.

  As Charles March approached him during the card party, Rowland smiled ruefully. “I hope I told you how much I appreciated your coming to France with me. The journey home was a bit hazy.”

  “I’m just glad you were around to make the journey home,” his friend retorted, “and, yes, you thanked me, as did your uncle.” His gaze wandered to where Felicia sat with his sister. “She doesn’t know anything about the duel or the letters?”

  “No. I trust you will do what you can to see she is not bothered by any whisper of that gossip.”

  “Glad to do what I can, Rowland. Are you still seeing that friend of your uncle’s?”

  “No, I do not intend to resume the connection.”

  “Mind introducing me to her?” March asked with an impudent grin.

  Rowland laughed. “I’ll take it under consideration. She’s a very gentle lady, Charles.”

  “I can be a very gentle man, Rowland,” his friend retorted.

  “Then you shall have an introduction.” Rowland noticed that Felicia had turned her gaze to him, and he smiled in return. “Shall we join your sister and Miss Coombs?”

  * * * *

  The court dresses chosen by Alicia and her daughter were flattering, but unwieldy. The night before their presentation Felicia practiced walking gracefully and curtsying in the hooped skirt. “Will that do, Mama?”

  “Yes, love, even the queen will be enchanted,” her mother assured her, laughter dancing in her eyes.

  “How can you jest with me? I have never been so nervous. What if I trip or am tongue-tied? I would disgrace you and Papa Nigel.”

  “Never think it. You would not be the first, in any case. Have you not been attending to the dowager’s tales of disaster at presentations?”

  “Yes, and I can picture myself committing every faux pas she has mentioned,” Felicia groaned.

  “But you won’t, love. Remember that I am in the same position. Think instead of your ball; that should cheer you.”

  “I cannot see why! The dowager has spent hours instructing me in how I should behave, and I know I shall not remember the half of it. Every moment I am not with Samantha Maple or Lucy March she seeks me out and bombards me with etiquette.”

  “You are not alone.” Her mother gave a lamentable sigh. “She finds my education as lacking as your own. I have no doubt she means well, but I find myself at the theater unable to attend to the performance because her voice is echoing in my ear, ‘And never mention Methodism to Lady Rumtouch or you will not be quit of her for an hour.’ I am sure I have never met Lady Rumtouch and could well live my life without the pleasure!”

  Felicia giggled. “She’s probably the one who fell asleep at the Maples’ on Tuesday—and snored.”

  “No, no, I feel sure that was Lady Lowther. Seriously, love, do you not look forward to the ball?”

  “Oh, yes. Several gentlemen have already asked me to save a set for them. I am to open the ball with Papa Nigel, of course, but Rowland has insisted that I be his partner for the second set.” Her eyes glowed with happiness as she curtsied to an imaginary partner and accepted his arm, her head held high. Suddenly she stopped and asked, “Is it pleasant to be kissed, Mama?”

  “Very, my dear, so long as you like the man who is kissing yo
u. I have meant to speak with you again about men. When we talked before, I had nothing but bad experiences to speak from. It is otherwise now, Felicia. Intimacy can be a truly joyous expression of love, and I hope you will not fear it. If your husband is understanding and considerate, you need feel no embarrassment or uncertainty, but rather a marvelous physical release and spiritual joining.”

  “I am so happy for you, Mama,” Felicia said simply as she hugged her mother. “All the men here treat me just as they ought, you know, and I have come to believe that there are few like Mr. Tackar. I would not want just anyone to...to kiss me, but I am not so frightened at the thought anymore.”

  “You may always come to me with your fears, Felicia. It is not unnatural to be nervous of what you have not experienced.” Alicia kissed her daughter’s forehead and asked, “Shall I have Mavis come to you now?”

  * * * *

  The ballroom occupied the entire rear portion of the second floor, and it was aglitter with candlelight and the scent of the spring flowers that adorned every possible niche. The dowager surveyed the room and its occupants with satisfaction, her pleasure heightened by her son’s words of praise earlier in the evening. Alicia, too, had hugged the older woman and exclaimed, “It is truly magnificent! How can I thank you, ma’am?”

  “By calling me Evelyn,” she had responded abruptly, “and remembering what I have told you.”

  “I shall do my best, Evelyn.” Alicia was aware of the affection that the dowager held for her under her typically gruff manner. “You have made our stay a pleasure, and I had feared it. I am grateful to you.”

  The dowager waved aside her thanks with an awkward gesture. “The vast numbers tonight make it impossible to assure you complete protection from that wretched rumor, my dear. Keep a sharp eye for any discomfort to your daughter.”

  Alicia was reminded of her words as she watched her daughter going down the set on the arm of a young man she had only met that evening. Felicia’s countenance, which had been glowing a moment earlier, was now set rigidly, and she stumbled slightly in the steps. Alarmed, Alicia cast her eyes about the room for Nigel and with relief saw him approaching the set from one direction, and Rowland from another. A glance was exchanged between the two before they reached her daughter. Without the least commotion, and almost before she was aware of the change, the young man was leaving the floor with Nigel, and Rowland had taken his place in the set. The dance floor was crowded and the dancing spirited; no notice seemed to be taken of the incident. Alicia found the dowager’s eyes on her and watched the older woman’s nod of satisfaction.

  When Nigel appeared at her side, she turned to him questioningly. “The Honorable Thomas Morgan has been called away rather suddenly,” he remarked dryly. “I do not think he will approach your daughter again.”

  “Do you know what he said to her?”

  “No, but it could not have been much considering their surroundings. She will receive a note of apology from him tomorrow.”

  “I hope it does not spoil her evening. She was feeling much more easy about men when we talked the other day. Your mother has arranged our entertainments so carefully that no previous cloud has darkened them, but she warned me that she could not warrant that tonight would be as secure with this press of people.” She turned to observe Felicia, who smiled confidently up at Rowland as he led her toward them. By the time they arrived they were bickering good-naturedly.

  “Rowland says it does not count as a dance, so that he should still be allowed one other this evening,” Felicia explained.

  “And Felicia claims that the dowager instructed her that she must not stand up with anyone more than twice in the evening, so that I have used up my quota,” he returned mournfully.

  Their laughing appeal to Alicia calmed her fears and she said judiciously, “I think, as you did not enter the dance with him, that he may have his second dance, but I would advise that it be later in the evening.”

  “There. You see, Felicia? Not the least need to question my judgment,” Rowland admonished her with a grin.

  Felicia regarded him almost shyly. “Then in future I shan’t, sir.”

  As he watched the young people move away, Nigel remarked, “She is growing up, my love.”

  “I know, and it is suddenly happening too fast.” Her gaze rested proudly on her daughter. “Your mother must be pleased with her tonight; all her lessons have been well applied. Thank you for acting so quickly, Nigel, for she seems to have disregarded the incident.”

  “I doubt either of you will be much troubled in the future, Alicia. Are you glad we came to London?” he asked teasingly.

  “You know I am, wretched fellow, but I look forward to returning to the Court, too. After all this bustle I will enjoy settling into a normal life with you and the children.”

  “And Rowland, and my mother, and Miss Carnworth, and the general, and…”

  Chapter Twenty-six

  The brilliant June sunlight streamed through the windows of the folly, a gothic jumble of bricks in a state of organized decay. Felicia surveyed the distant buildings of the Court fondly, then turned to Rowland with a mischievous smile. “Mama is not to be a shopowner any longer, you know. Mr. Dean, bless his soul, left his estate to Mr. Allerton, who is to purchase it from Mama.”

  “Thank God,” Rowland replied fervently, his eyes dancing in the light. “Now it will not be necessary for me to marry the daughter of a shopowner.”

  Felicia regarded him wonderingly as he took her unresisting hand. His eyes became serious as he asked, “You will marry me, will you not, Felicia?”

  “I...I should like to, Rowland, for I cannot bear to think of a life without you. But I am only turned seventeen and Mama will think I am too young.”

  “We will wait a year, if they wish it. Uncle Nigel does not seem to mind that I have moved into the Court more or less permanently.”

  “He is the most accommodating man. Do you know he has invited my oldest cousin to come here with an eye to teaching him the management of his estate near Ambleside?”

  “Felicia, you are straying from the subject,” Rowland pointed out gently. “Will you...can you marry me next year?”

  “Yes,” she said softly, “of course I can.”

  “I know what happened last autumn.” His eyes held hers as she involuntarily tried to withdraw her hand from his clasp. “No, there is no need for you to be afraid of me, ever, Felicia.”

  “I am not afraid, Rowland, I am ashamed,” she murmured as she turned her head away.

  “There is even less reason for that. Will you come with me to speak with your mother and my uncle?”

  She nodded mutely and allowed him to assist her onto Dancer. Her hopes, her dreams, were being fulfilled, but the June day somehow did not seem as bright as it had. The young man riding beside her, familiar as he had become, was after all a stranger, who had for months known of her humiliation and not revealed his knowledge. It would have been horrid if he had, of course; she could not have borne that. But all his consideration was based on his knowledge. She reviewed in her mind the countless times he had avoided touching her, asked her permission to hand her onto her mount. How could she not have realized that he knew?

  Alicia and Nigel were seated companionably in the summer parlor discussing the visit of her nephew. They had appropriated the room for their own use, a desire which was respected by the residents of the Court. As it was unusual for anyone to seek admission to their sanctuary, Nigel raised his brows curiously at the tap on the door, but called, “Come.”

  The young people who entered displayed none of the radiance that might have been expected in a newly engaged couple. Felicia smiled hesitantly at her mother, but her overall demeanor was worried, while Rowland sought his uncle’s eyes anxiously.

  “I have asked Felicia to marry me, sir, and she has accepted.” He turned to Alicia and said gravely, “We hope to have your approval, ma’am, and are prepared to wait a year if you think it necessary.”

  The
news was no real surprise to Alicia, but her daughter’s expression certainly was. She had expected that unbounded joy would accompany such an announcement, for, although Felicia did not speak of her feelings toward Rowland, ever since the ball she had chosen his company over that of every other young man who had sought her favor. And Felicia’s acceptance of Rowland’s touch had become quite routine and unconscious, or so her mother had thought. Concerned, Alicia turned to Nigel for direction, and he appeared as troubled as she.

  “Sit down, if you will,” he suggested calmly, with a reassuring smile to his wife. “Perhaps we could get to the source of this unalleviated gloom. I myself remember feeling quite elated when your mother agreed to marry me, Felicia.”

  The girl lowered her eyes and spoke softly, her hands folded anxiously in her lap. “He knows about what happened...in the autumn.”

  “Yes, I told him, my dear, to forestall his upsetting you in any way inadvertently. I am sure he told no one else,” Nigel offered, and there was a quick, confirming nod from his nephew.

  “But I didn’t know that he knew,” she protested, with a pleading look at her mother. “Can’t you see, Mama? He has treated me differently, and I did not even know!”

  Rowland gave a helpless gesture and addressed Alicia earnestly. “I cannot see what difference that makes, for I could not have done otherwise.”

  “I was equally upset when I learned that your uncle was my partner in the shop,” Alicia informed him ruefully as she took her daughter’s hand. “Felicia, love, Rowland’s protection of you would not have been of any use if he had not been able to disguise his knowledge. I agreed to Nigel telling him at the time so that you might not be overset by any innocent exchange. You must not feel deceived, for Rowland heeded the advice out of his very real concern for you.”

  While Felicia brightened somewhat under her mother’s persuasion, Rowland grew more restive. At length he said abruptly, “I brought Felicia to you for a different reason, actually. I cannot leave her in ignorance any longer of...what happened in Paris.” His eyes entreated his uncle for support.