by Paula Kay
“Go on. I’ll bring your tea up by the bath and we can chat later.” Gigi smoothed Arianna’s wild hair and kissed her on the forehead before she turned to make her way back to the kitchen.
Arianna walked through the massive foyer to the great room with its floor-to-ceiling windows and incredible view of the bay. Looking out at the bridge and city that she loved, she felt a panic rising up inside her.
When would it stop? This feeling like she was living someone else’s life. Everything had changed. She couldn’t count on anything, and if she was being honest with herself, she really didn’t want to have to count on anyone either.
At the sound of Gigi’s call that the bath was ready, Arianna started up the long staircase. For now, she’d not think about anything. All she wanted was a long soak in the bathtub that had become heaven to her on days like today.
After a nice soak in the tub, Arianna entered her suite to find that Gigi had turned down her bed and drawn the curtains. Pulling her cashmere robe tighter, she sunk onto her mattress and brought the down comforter up close around her. Sleep. That was what she needed right now. And something for her headache. She rubbed her temples, thinking that the pain seemed a bit worse. She reached into the drawer of her nightstand for the bottle of prescription pills. She had never in her life taken so much medication as she had in the last few months. But she trusted Doc and she knew that the circumstances warranted extreme measures. She was hardly in her right mind these days. Whatever her right mind was anyways. She’d been on an emotional roller coaster. One she couldn’t wait to get off. She’d do anything to get off.
Arianna woke up a few hours later feeling refreshed. With a new resolve, she reached for the journal on her nightstand. She just needed to gather her thoughts. She’d been keeping a journal for as long as she could remember, and it had seemed especially important to her these past few months since her parents had died. It was the one place she could truly talk about her feelings. There were thoughts she had a hard time expressing, even in therapy. But it felt good to get it down on paper somehow. Her journal knew the real truth, every fear and dark thought she’d ever had.
Arianna knew that she could be labeled with the “spoiled rich girl” stereotype and, to be honest, she didn’t care all that much. It was something she had been discussing during therapy, so her self-awareness was getting better. Life had always been easy for her. The Sinclairs had seen to it that she grew up wanting for nothing. It had been that way for as long as she could remember. Fancy dresses and parties when she was young. Private schools, horseback riding lessons, and summers away at the family beach house in San Diego.
She didn’t know exactly when things had changed between her and her parents. But thinking back, and also after logging her recent hours in therapy: once she was old enough to realize it, she started to resent who her parents were in her life. Sure, they said that they did love her, but it always seemed to be about appearances, and it didn’t feel like there was any real closeness there.
Doc got her to open up about feeling unloved and thinking that this had partially caused the rebellious stage she had gone through during her teenage years. Well, the fact that she was adopted only compounded the intense feelings. She could say the words now without feeling too much behind the thought.
Arianna stopped writing, closed her journal, and let out a big sigh. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Go through the motions until you get to where you want to be.
She’d take this trip next month and if she was lucky, she’d meet lots of cute men and spend most of the time partying the nights away. Or she’d shop her way around Europe. For now, she’d just focus on her trip because that’s what seemed to make her feel the happiest these days.
Arianna sat on the small sofa in her room, feeling relaxed and hopeful as she sipped her glass of Chianti and listened to her favorite opera playing quietly in the background. “La Boheme.” It reminded her of her mother. It had been one of the first operas that her parents had ever taken her to as a child, and she immediately fell in love with the music.
She unfolded the world map that displayed the places that she would go on her trip. She had been working on this for the past two years, and it had become one of her favorite things to do. She’d start in London. It was the only place in Europe that she’d been before with her parents, but she enjoyed it and knew that it would be the perfect jumping-off point for her international adventure.
There were several cities marked throughout Europe, and she hadn’t made her final decision yet as to when she would visit each or if she’d even make it to every place on her wish list. She planned to jump on a train and go where she fancied. She’d opted for train travel, rather than the first class flights she was used to, because she felt it would give her the more authentic travel experience that she was craving. On her list of countries that she didn’t want to miss in Europe were: Portugal, Spain, Germany, Greece, and Italy. Italy was actually at the top of her list, and out of all the places on this map, it was where her heart led her the most.
After Europe, she’d go to Turkey and India, before heading to Southeast Asia. Thailand was also high on her list of places she wanted to go. She figured that she would rent something spectacular on an island beach there for a few weeks, assuming she was feeling pretty tired from the travel at that point. She sighed as she thought about all of the places still marked on her map: Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Central and South America. When she’d been planning the trip with her father’s travel agent, she’d planned on taking six to nine months to do it all. Now—well, she’d have to just play it by ear.
She thought about Gigi and Blu and their reluctance to support her when it came to this trip. She needed for them to be on board with it, but she also understood their concerns. Her whole world had changed—collapsed even, since the time that her father had paid for this ticket for her. She’d changed.
She turned towards the knock on her door, folding the map as she called out. “Come in.”
“Ah, La Boheme. My favorite.” Gigi entered, twirling her way over to Arianna.
Arianna laughed at her sarcasm, because she knew that Gigi barely tolerated the music that she loved. “I think you missed your calling. Ever thought of being a dancer?”
“Not in this lifetime.” Gigi laughed too. “I was just wondering if you will be here this evening for dinner?”
“Are you cooking?” Arianna winked, teasing her.
“No. But I can order in from that lovely Italian place that you like so much.”
“Sure, that sounds great. Maybe for around seven?”
Gigi nodded as she came around the sofa to sit next to Arianna. “What are you doing, bella?” she said, eyeing the map. “I wish you’d think about—”
“Not now, Gi. Okay? Can we talk about this later, please?” Arianna wasn’t quite ready to have the conversation with Gigi again about her trip just yet. “How about another glass of wine outside in the garden? Join me?”
“Yes, I’ll meet you outside. The weather is perfect right now and I could use a little fresh air.”
“Okay, I’ll see you down there in a few minutes,” Arianna said. She wanted to jot a few quick notes in her journal before heading downstairs. “Tonight I want to just talk about you, okay? I want to hear all the scoop about what you and your friends have been up to all of these weekend evenings when you’re nowhere to be found.” Arianna winked.
Gigi laughed but looked as if she wanted to say something more.
“I promise I’ll fill you in on the meeting—on everything—tomorrow. When I get back from Blu’s. Deal?” Arianna said.
“You win. For now.” Gigi laughed as she walked out of the room.
Chapter 3
Arianna hadn’t had a lot of great girlfriends before Blu came into her life. She had been part of the popular crowd at her private high school and pretty much throughout her whole life. Money seemed to do that for you around here. But she didn’t have girlfriends to confide
in, or anyone that she felt really cared anything about her. She didn’t concern herself about any of that when she was younger, but she was now realizing everything that had been missing in her life back then.
Blu came into Arianna’s life three years ago when Arianna had popped into the little bar where she worked in the Mission District. She had been out partying with her friends and they were looking for a nightcap, trying with little success to use their fake IDs at one of the smaller spots in the city.
The small bar was quiet that night, with only a handful of people playing darts and another couple of guys at the pool table. While her friends grabbed the other open pool table, Arianna had sat at the bar, ordering a wine from the cool-looking girl who seemed to be in charge that night.
Blu had eyed her with suspicion, and after a last glance around the place slid the glass of wine towards her, promising her that it would be the only thing she’d serve her because she didn’t want to lose her job.
Arianna had spent that night talking to Blu well past the time that her friends had all left. Her blond hair with the bright pink streak and her rocker clothes perfectly suited her spunky personality, and Arianna was drawn to her because she was so unlike anyone within her social circle. They began hanging out and Blu became the best friend that Arianna had never had. Well, they hung out as much as Blu could working two jobs and raising Jemma, who had been three years old at the time. Arianna smiled as she thought about sweet Jemma. She loved that little girl, as much as she had tried to resist spending time with her at first.
Arianna pulled into a parking spot near Blu’s apartment and walked up to ring the doorbell.
“Come in,” she heard from inside.
“What are you up to?” she said as she walked through the living room to the little space that Blu had converted into a work area. Blu sat hunched over her sewing machine completely absorbed in what she was working on. There was one dress form mannequin in the corner near her and big piles of fabric coming out of the basket nearby.
Blu finished what she was sewing, and held it up for Arianna to see.
“I dunno. What do you think? Too dark for a little girl maybe?”
It looked like another tutu for Jemma, but instead of the pretty pastels that Arianna was used to seeing Jemma in, the skirt was black with one strip of bright blue around the waist. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s okay if you’re getting her ready to perform at a funeral or something.” Arianna laughed and then saw the look of distaste on Blu’s face.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” She reached over to give her best friend a hug. “I love it and I’m sure Jemma will too. But what’s with the black?” Blu was so excellent with her design and fit; Arianna knew that she gravitated towards black garments a lot with her adult pieces, but typically when it came to the clothes she sewed for Jemma, she stuck to much brighter colors, more suited for kids.
“Oh, I’ve just been thinking a lot about my signature style. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get away from wanting to do the black pieces; but even I know that I need some color to make them pop a bit.”
Arianna loved everything that Blu had ever made for her—and she’d given her quite a few pieces, saying that Arianna was her perfect model. They were edgier pieces than most of Arianna’s wardrobe, but she loved that about them and often wore her favorite tops and jackets made by Blu out to the clubs at night. She’d gotten a lot of compliments on them and was constantly begging Blu to get started on her collection.
Arianna had offered to back her with the funding many times, but Blu, being Blu, had not said yes to anything yet—even though Arianna knew what a huge dream designing was to her. She just couldn’t seem to get over her stubbornness when it came to accepting help, or more specifically money. Arianna made a mental note to bring it up again and frame it as a business partnership. That might be the thing that would help Blu to go for it. And Arianna did believe in her, so it was a no-brainer, really, for her.
Arianna turned her attention back towards Blu, who was holding up another piece for her to look at. It was a fitted black jacket, and she could see that the inside was lined in the same bright blue as the tutu. She reached for it to try on, looking at her reflection in the full-length mirror that was next to the mannequin. The bright blue was just noticeable around the collar, and Arianna’s eyes lit up as she admired the fit and expertise of Blu’s work.
“Oh, I love it.” She smiled broadly.
“Do you?” Blu said with a hint of disbelief in her voice.
“Are you kidding? It’s gorgeous. And very expensive-looking.”
“I found this great fabric sale and I had to have it, thinking of you of course.” Blu laughed.
“So…for moi?” Arianna teased, knowing the answer before asking the question.
“Of course. I made it with you in mind,” Blu said.
“I wish you would make more things for yourself.”
“To wear? You know how little I’m going out these days. I really have nowhere to wear it. I have little use for clothes other than my two different work uniforms.” Blu laughed.
“Oh, believe me. I know. You work too hard.” Arianna looked again at the perfect details of the jacket. “So tell me about the signature style.” She was genuinely curious, and she loved to hear Blu talk about her dreams for her collection. Her whole face lit up and it was as if all of her worries disappeared for a time.
“So, you know how I have a hard time getting away from the black?”
Arianna nodded.
“I just decided to go with it, but I wanted to add something to make it a little different. A signature look, if you will. So I thought it would be kinda cool if I used the same color someplace subtle in each of the garments. Thus this blue color. What do you think?”
Arianna reached over to kiss her friend quickly on the cheek. “I think you are a creative genius. And I love it.”
“You do?”
“I do, yes.” Arianna smiled. “Do you love it?”
Blu nodded. “I do. It’s settled, then. I’ve just created my signature style.”
“It’s on to the big time,” Arianna said.
“Now if I can only find the time to finish about twelve more pieces.” Blu laughed but Arianna knew the truth was that she wouldn’t find the time. Not unless something forced her too.
“So I have an idea.”
“Oh boy. Should I brace myself?” Blu laughed.
“Probably, because I’m about to ask you to take off work.” Arianna laughed, knowing that this was a hard concept for Blu even though she had earned several days that she had yet to use. “How about if you, Jemma, and I go to the beach house next weekend for a few days? I’ve been craving some time at the beach and you can bring your sewing machine and whatever else you need. I’ll book the private plane so we can be pretty flexible with the schedule.” Arianna was familiar with the look that she saw on Blu’s face. It was a cross between worry and wistfulness.
“I don’t know, Ari. It sounds nice but—”
“But what? Come on. I’ve been dying to get you down to San Diego with me. And you’ll love it. I promise. I’ll play with Jemma on the beach and you can have lots of time for working on your collection. Or whatever you want to do. Say you’ll come. And don’t say no because of money. I know you hate it when I offer, but I’ll help you if you need it to make up for the days off work. Please.” Arianna tried to give Blu her best look of desperation. “It will mean a lot to me because I don’t want to go by myself right now.”
Blu looked like she’d suddenly had a change of heart. “Well, I do know that Jemma would love it. She’s been begging me to take her to the beach here but it’s so darn cold all the time. Okay. Yes. And thank you.” She reached over to hug Arianna.
“I’m so happy. This is going to be fun. Now speaking of that little rug rat, where is she?” She was used to Jemma running out to greet her whenever she came over, but so far there had been no sound of her.
“O
h I let her go for a play date with her little friend from daycare.”
“Really?” Arianna raised an eyebrow. She knew how protective Blu was, and it was unusual that Jemma would be anywhere, other than with the two sitters that she knew Blu trusted.
“Yes, she was begging me so much when I went to pick her up after work today. The other mother was there and I had a hard time saying no. She took them to the park and normally I would have gone too, but I really wanted to try to get at least this one thing accomplished today with the collection.”
“Well, I’m sure she’s fine at the park. Honestly, I’m the last one to tell you how to parent, but you could stand to loosen up just a little.” She tried to keep it light, but noticed that Blu seemed to be tensing up a bit before responding.
“I know. What I can I say? It’s what I do.” She laughed. “Anyways, she should be home any minute. Stay and then you can tell her about the beach. She’ll be very excited.”
“That sounds great.” Arianna said.
Chapter 4
When Arianna arrived home a few hours later, Gigi had a salad ready for her and it looked gorgeous. She wasn’t the best cook, but she could make a few things very well, namely her homemade scones, which Arianna loved, and a salad to compete with any of Arianna’s favorite restaurants. Gigi said the key was being early to the farmer’s market twice a week. She was a regular, along with her friends, and all of the vendors knew them by name.
“Would you like to eat in the garden? You look as if you could use a little fresh air, bella.” Deep frown lines appeared on Gigi’s forehead as she asked the question.
“Sure, that would be great. Come sit with me, Gi, will you? Did you have your lunch already?” Arianna said.
“I did. You know me. Like clockwork, with my club sandwich and soap opera.” Gigi winked and Arianna smiled in response, because she did know where she could find Gigi come one o’clock each day.