by Paula Kay
“But I’m a grown woman. Why didn’t my father believe that I had a right to make that decision for myself?” Arianna could feel herself bristling with the anger that was always on the surface when it came to her parents, even now, months after their deaths.
Douglas continued. “You’re right. And that’s what I told your father. And Lia did call me, basically saying the same thing. We had been discussing all of this the weekend that the accident happened. Lia called me right after and I asked her to give you some time. So, it looks like the time ran out for her today.” Douglas attempted a slight smile and Arianna couldn’t help but share one back, if only for a second.
“Wow. It’s all a lot to take in, you know? I mean, it seems like I keep getting hit with one thing after another. How much more can I take?” Arianna said.
“I know. And I am worried about you. But I’ve thought about Lia a lot since the accident and I think maybe this is going to be a good thing for you. I don’t think it’s bad. You’ve come through a lot and you seem to be coping with everything so much better. I’m sure that you will sort this out in a way that works for you during this time,” Douglas said.
Arianna sighed and suddenly felt overcome with fatigue. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m meeting Lia on Thursday and I’ll be talking to Doc tomorrow, so I should be able to prepare myself.” She laughed in spite of the seriousness of the conversation. “I’m sure she’ll help me to formulate some goals for the meeting and what I hope to get out of it.”
“That’s all fine, Ari. But I think it’s okay to let your heart lead you too, you know. This could be a really good thing for you now. It might be exactly the thing you need the most.”
At that Arianna uncharacteristically burst into tears. Douglas seemed to have that effect on her ever since she’d opened up to him. He pulled her to him and she left herself be comforted. She couldn’t help but wonder why her father had never hugged her this way. She knew he’d loved her but he rarely showed any emotion. She was still learning in therapy how much that lack of physical love in her life had affected her.
“I’ll be okay. Thank you for coming over. Thank you for caring about me.” She gave Douglas a last squeeze before she got up to walk him to the door.
“I love you Arianna. You’re the daughter I never had. Giving me gray hairs and all, lately.” They both laughed as they said goodbye.
Arianna excused herself after dinner and went upstairs to get ready for a night out. Since she hadn’t been able to reach Blu on the phone earlier, she planned to go by the bar where she was working. She needed a good stiff drink anyways, after the day that she’d had.
After a nice hot bath, she pulled on a pair of her favorite designer jeans and a new top that she’d bought earlier that week. Arianna loved fashion, and it had been her biggest expense out of the hefty allowance her father had been giving her. Right before the accident, she had been looking with her father at apartments in the city. They were all set to buy something that she loved in Pacific Heights, and then the accident happened. She sighed at the thought of how much everything had changed. Now she knew she would stay here in the home she’d grown up in.
She grabbed her handbag, leather jacket, and keys and headed downstairs to say good night to Gigi.
Not finding her in the kitchen, Arianna walked down the hall to Gigi’s room and knocked on the door. “Gi, are you awake?”
“Si, come in,” Gigi said. “I’m just watching one of my programs.” She laughed as she paused it with the remote.
“I’m going out now. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Gigi looked up, and Arianna knew the look of concern before she could voice the question.
“I’m taking my car, but don’t worry. I’ll use a cab if I end up drinking. Which quite honestly, I’ll probably do tonight.” Arianna laughed. “Honest. I’ll be fine. Have a good night and enjoy your TV.”
“Okay, bella. Have a good night too. And be careful. I know you will be.” Gigi smiled and Arianna turned to close the door.
As she stepped outside, she noticed that the night air was unusually warm. A perfect night for keeping the top down. I could do with some fresh air.
Driving over the bridge to make her way into the city, Arianna almost felt as if nothing had happened. It would be so nice to feel carefree again. To have nothing to think about except meeting her friends, out for drinks and dancing. She did love to party. It had been the source of many arguments with her parents, and it didn’t seem to be any better once she had turned twenty-one this last year.
Tonight she’d forget about everything. Well, maybe after she got Blu all caught up about Lia. She wondered what Blu would have to say about it all. Her best friend was a straight shooter, especially when it came to Arianna. It was what she loved about her the most.
She made her way through the city traffic with the top down and one of her favorite operas blasting. Tonight she definitely needed a drink. She needed to forget her problems for a little while. She felt that familiar feeling of letting go…of not caring…as she pulled into a parking space close by the little bar.
Chapter 7
Arianna was relieved when she walked into the bar and found it nearly empty. It wasn’t great for Blu and her tips, but she had really hoped that they could have a nice long talk.
Blu grinned when she saw Arianna headed towards her. “Well, look who the cat dragged in.” She winked and reached for a glass. “What are you drinking, my friend? Your usual red wine?”
Arianna nodded. “You know it. I can’t wait to have a sip and talk to you. You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had.”
Blu looked at Arianna with concern on her face. “Sorry, I forgot my phone at home. I was kicking myself because I wanted to check in with you—to see how your chat with Gigi went. Are you okay? Tell me what’s going on.”
“Blu, you’ll never guess who called me today…” Arianna didn’t wait for a response from her before continuing. “My mother. My birth mother.”
“What? That’s kind of incredible.” Blu looked genuinely shocked at the news. “How did she find you? Where does she live? Ari, how are you feeling about all this?”
“I don’t know. Believe me, I’m still in shock after speaking with her. I don’t know a lot, but I do know a few more details after speaking with Douglas this afternoon; he apparently knows quite a bit about her.”
“Go on. Tell me everything that you know. I’m so curious,” said Blu.
“Well firstly, to answer your question, yes, I’m okay. I was definitely in shock about it and I’m sure that I’m still processing everything, but I’ll be meeting with Doc tomorrow. I’m sure it will help, as our sessions lately usually have that effect on me. I’m meeting Lia—that’s her name—the name of my mother. Wow. That sounds a bit surreal now that I’m actually saying it out loud,” Arianna said.
Blu nodded in agreement. “I’m sure it does. So when are you meeting her?”
“Right. So I’m meeting her on Thursday. For coffee. In Little Italy. I just got a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach when I said that just now. What do you think? I mean, I could cancel and forget about everything.” Arianna took a big gulp of her wine as she waited for Blu to respond.
“Well, I would say that the timing is very interesting, isn’t it?”
Arianna could always count on Blu to be logical with her viewpoint on things. This is what she was counting on now.
“What do you mean? With the timing being after the accident?” Arianna asked.
“Yes. I mean unless she’d been living under a rock around here, she’d know about the death and wealth of your parents. Look, I’m not saying that she doesn’t want to meet you or that your inheritance would have anything to do with her calling you now, but it’s something to think about,” Blu said.
“Well, here’s the thing. When she called me, I thought that too, honestly—once I hung up and was able to collect my thoughts about the conversation—but I need to tell you more—the bit about my conversation
with Douglas.” Arianna stopped for another swallow of wine.
“So where does he fit into all of this? Go on then,” Blu said.
Arianna knew that Blu also had a lot of respect for Douglas. Though she could be slow to warm up to, she was a good judge of character, and Blu had said on more than one occasion to her that she knew Douglas was someone Arianna could count on.
“So, when I called Douglas to ask him about Lia and this phone call that had taken place, he wanted to come right over. Obviously this meant some seriously big information. It turns out that Douglas did know about Lia. And actually Lia had called my father before the accident. So I really don’t think it’s about the money. That makes me feel a lot better about everything, you know?” She looked to Blu for some reassurance at this latest bit of news.
“Oh, yes. That makes me feel a lot better about it too. So what happened when she called your father and why did Douglas know about all of this? And why didn’t he tell you about it, for that matter?”
Arianna filled Blu in on the rest of the conversation that had taken place with Douglas.
“Ari, this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. And it’s making me slightly annoyed at your parents. I mean, it’s not like your birth mom even needed your father’s permission. You’re an adult and you were an adult at that time. He should have left the decision up to you. And why was he so worried about your mom? What’s that about?” said Blu.
“I know. I ask myself the same questions and honestly, it’s just another thing for me to be angry at my parents about.” Arianna sighed. “Can I get another wine, please?” She laughed. “I definitely need to relax a little bit, and after we finish talking about this, I’m not planning to think about it for the rest of the night.”
“Sure.” Blu grabbed Arianna’s glass for a refill. “I get what you’re saying about all the anger that’s coming up, and I’m glad that you’re working through that with your therapist. She’ll be able to help you with this also. I’m sure of it. Wanna talk about something else then?”
“Yes, I do actually. How’s J-bean?” Arianna could feel her mood instantly shifting when she asked about Jemma. She had known the child for three years now, and the nickname was a recent one after her discovering Jemma’s love for the jelly beans that Arianna had started bringing her whenever she’d see her.
“You know Jemma. She’s doing amazing. I hate working so much and having her in daycare for the summer, but she seems to be enjoying it and she doesn’t complain much about going.”
Arianna noticed a wistful expression on Blu’s face and had the familiar thought about how easy it would be to help her out with her finances. But she would tread carefully about that. She knew she’d finally get her to accept something. She had to.
“Hey, I want you to think about something, okay?”
“What’s that?” Blu asked.
“You know I’m planning this fantastic trip.” Arianna didn’t stop for Blu to respond. “I want you and Jemma to come. It’s all my treat, and you know that I can easily afford it. You, of anyone that I know, needs a vacation. And I want you to come with me. I really do. Please say yes.” Arianna waited for what she was sure would be resistance.
“How long is this actual trip that you’re planning?” Blu said.
“I’m still in early stages with it all, but I’m thinking I’ll do an open ticket with no exact planned date to return. Hopefully, I can stretch it to a few months at least.” Arianna met Blu’s gaze and the seconds of silence said everything that they were both thinking in that moment.
“But, Ari, don’t you think you should be home—”
“Honestly, I keep having this same argument with everyone. I’ll come home. I’ll come home when I need to come home. Can you just trust me on that?”
Blu nodded and sighed. “Yes, okay. I will stop bugging you about the trip. You’re a grown woman and you’ve been through a lot. You’re still going through a lot. I get it. And I want you to have the best time. As long as you are taking care of yourself while you are away. And not too much partying, right?”
Arianna laughed. “Okay, deal. Not too much partying. But there will be partying. I promise you that. I just need a fun escape plan from my life right now.” Arianna looked down at her wineglass and then back up at Blu. “So you’ll think about coming then, will you?”
“Well, for sure I can’t come for too long, but I might see if I can get a week off, if that would work for you? It’s a bit tricky with the two jobs, but I suppose I can give enough notice and work some overtime. The boss at the restaurant has been happy with me lately, so it’s possible he’ll give me the time even though I don’t technically get vacation. Now that we’re talking about it, a vacation does sound nice.” She smiled at Arianna. “And Jemma would be delighted to go on an adventure with you. She adores you, you know.”
Arianna could feel her face light up at Blu’s words. “And I adore that little munchkin.” She felt a touch of something familiar in her heart. It hurt for a moment, but she was so used to ignoring the feeling that it passed quickly. “And yes, a week would be fine. Whatever you need to do, and I’ll arrange everything. We can decide where you’d like to go. I’m thinking Italy might be fun for us together…”
Blu got a dreamy expression on her face. “Oh, Italy. You know that’s my dream destination. Okay, I really need to make this happen, Ari. And thank you. So much. Really.” She reached across the bar to give Arianna a quick hug. “You’re too good to me,” Blu said with a smile.
“Are you kidding? You never let me do anything for you. And that needs to change, in my opinion. There’s no reason for you to need to be working so hard,” Arianna said.
Blu turned around to help another customer at the bar, and Arianna took one last sip of her wine as she contemplated her next move of the evening. She thought she might call up some of her clubbing pals to see which spots would be hopping tonight. She could use a good night out dancing and a few more drinks. She’d refrain from anything harder than alcohol. It didn’t seem wise to partake of the other these days. Maybe the drugs were behind her now. Then again, why not? She didn’t feel that she had much to lose. But she was trying to be responsible. And she did have her appointment with Doc tomorrow. And Douglas. They would both easily be able to see a good hangover on her, and she didn’t know if she had it in her to be ready for heavy conversations with so much explaining on her part.
While Arianna waited for Blu to finish up with the customer, she noticed that her head was starting to hurt a bit. Her recent headaches were starting to get to her. She didn’t remember ever having felt so exhausted. She sighed. Maybe going out dancing wasn’t the best idea after all. She really was starting to get more responsible.
She chatted with Blu awhile longer and had a few glasses of water so that she’d feel comfortable making the thirty-minute drive home. Yes, she needed a good night of sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a big day, and Thursday an even bigger day in terms of her emotions.
Her stomach flipped as she thought about her meeting with her birth mom. Arianna wondered what it would be like to be sitting across from her, looking into the eyes of the woman who had given her up so long ago. She admitted to herself that, despite the anger that always seemed to be on the surface, she was very curious about Lia. Maybe she’d finally get some answers to the questions that she’d had all her life. Questions her parents hadn’t been able to answer, or at least had been unwilling to answer for her.
Chapter 8
Arianna spent a nice lazy morning curled up with a good book and writing in her journal. Before she knew it, it was time to get ready for her lunch date with Douglas. She’d been meeting him regularly for lunch one day a week before seeing her therapist. His office was downtown not far from that of her therapist so the routine had been an easy one to get into. She smiled as she thought about him. He’d been so good to her and he never broke his lunch commitment, even though she knew his schedule at the law firm was very busy.
S
he thought about her own father and how he had constantly canceled his plans with her and her mother throughout the years. It certainly had seemed that his family wasn’t the most important thing to him, even though that was not how he would have described his priorities. He had worked hard to provide them an amazing lifestyle, but then he’d never been around really. Looking back, through her adult eyes, she imagined that it had been a point of contention between her mother and him.
Arianna carefully picked a designer dress from her closet. One of her favorites, a deep blue that she’d been told was beautiful with her skin tone. She put on just a dash of make-up—some mascara to darken her already long curled eyelashes and a hint of pale blush. A quick swipe of her favorite lip gloss and she was ready. She grabbed her bag and car keys and headed out to her convertible, very happy with her decision to come home early last night so as not to have to deal with taking a cab into the city.
Arianna enjoyed her drive in. Making her way across the bridge with the top down on her car had always been one of her favorite things to do. She had a lot on her mind these days, and these simple normal things seemed to give her a feeling of peace and a memory of how easy her life had been mere months ago. God. Had it really been just five months ago that she didn’t have a care in the world? The only things that she had worried about back then were who to spend the evening partying with and which apartment her father was going to buy for her in the city.
Arianna sighed. This was her life now and she might as well just keep dealing with it. And she was. The best that she knew how. At the stoplight she glanced down at her phone to the address that Douglas had texted her. They were going to try a new restaurant today and she was trying her best not to be late. She hated to keep him waiting for her when his work schedule was so busy.