by Paula Kay
Chapter 10
Arianna woke up the next morning to the sound of the alarm on her phone going off. For a moment she forgot why she had bothered to set it and then remembered what day it was. Today was the day that she was going to meet Lia for the first time. Meet her mother for the first time. God, the thought of it was so weird. She still didn’t quite know what to feel about it, but had vowed to keep reminding herself about the conversation she’d had with Doc yesterday. Just go with it Ari. Let it be what it will be.
She popped out of bed and stopped to buzz Gigi on the intercom. “Gi? Are you there?”
“Si, good morning. Would you like some coffee, bella?”
“Yes, please. Can you bring it up here for me with a slice of toast? Thank you,” Arianna said, heading into her bathroom.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror, wondering what it would be like to look her mother in the eyes. I wonder if I look like her. Arianna had wondered about her birth mom throughout her life, but she never let herself dwell on all of the questions that were in her head. Now, here she was about to meet her and she couldn’t think at all of what they might talk about. Well, at least subjects that wouldn’t cause too much pain or friction. Not for a first meeting anyways. But she had learned a lot in therapy about being honest when it came to her feelings. Somehow she knew that she’d get through this, and the feeling of fear was mostly being replaced by that of curiosity.
Arianna didn’t have time to dwell on these thoughts, as Gigi was knocking on her door with the coffee. “Come in, Gi. You can set it over on the table by the window please.”
Gigi placed the tray down on the table and turned to Arianna as she seated herself. “How are you doing, bella? Are you feeling okay?” Gigi had the normal look of concern on her face that she had these days when it came to asking how Arianna was feeling.
“Yes, I’m feeling fine. Just a bit nervous about this meeting, but I suppose that’s to be expected, right?”
“I really hope it goes well. It would be pretty amazing to have your mother in your life, especially right now with—”
“Gi, I’m not planning to tell her everything. It’s too soon for that.” Arianna looked out the window and paused before finishing her thought. “I’ll just see how it goes. I want to learn about her, and of course I have so many questions. I certainly don’t need to be dumping all of my stuff on a woman I barely know.” She could guess what Gigi was about to say and stopped her before she had a chance. “Yes, I know technically she is my mother, but I doubt it will feel like that. Maybe not ever. Right now she’s a stranger to me and that’s just the way it is.” She looked to Gigi now for some assurance of understanding.
“You know what you’re doing. Yes, I suppose you’re right. Get through today and see how it goes. You can have more time to spend with her if it goes well, yes?”
“Well, I haven’t gotten the ticket yet for my trip, and I will want to do that soon. Probably next week.” Arianna noticed the worried expression on Gigi’s face that always seemed to show itself whenever she mentioned going away on this trip. “I’m still going, Gi,” she said gently. “Regardless of what happens with Lia.”
“I know,” Gigi said. “But you can’t blame me for being worried about you. You’re like a daughter to me.” She paused for a moment. “And I love you as if you were my own. I can’t help but worry about you.”
“I know, Gi. And I adore you too.” Arianna smiled and gave Gigi a big hug. “Now, let me spend a little time with my coffee and my journal, and then I need to start making myself presentable.” Arianna winked.
“Call me if you need anything at all. I’ll be downstairs in the kitchen.”
Gigi left the bedroom and Arianna opened the journal, poised to start writing with her favorite pen. How was is that she’d never written like this before this year? Writing her thoughts over the past months had been so cathartic for her. It was really incredible how much better it made her feel. As if finally she had someone who would listen to her cry and scream without any judgment or interjection. She’d never had that with her parents. She always felt so judged by them.
She couldn’t help her thoughts from turning to Lia once again. Would Lia judge her if she knew everything about her past? Arianna thought that it would be crazy if she did, but it was hard to say really. She had heaped enough judgment on herself, anyways. It was something she was constantly working on with Doc. Working through the guilt which Doc said served her no purpose at all.
Before she knew it, an hour had passed. Arianna put her journal away and walked over to her closet. She loved her closet full of designer clothes. Her father had always given her a big allowance to do with as she liked, and her favorite things to purchase were the latest fashion items. She had a closet that any woman would die for. All the latest styles, including matching shoes, handbags, and accessories.
She had a gift for fashion, and before she got into modeling she had thought that maybe she’d go to fashion school. But her father had laughed when she suggested it. Oh, he would have given her the money, but he said that he didn’t know why she should bother when she could just continue on with her modeling if she wanted to work at all. Arianna sighed. She realized now that her parents’ attitude towards her in regards to work hadn’t done her any favors at all when it came to her own sense of self-esteem.
Back on the task at hand, she thought hard about how she wanted to present herself to Lia. She didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by being overdressed. After several thoughtful minutes, she chose her favorite designer jeans, a simple white blouse, and some short black boots. She’d add her favorite simple necklace and some stud diamond earrings and she’d be all set. She couldn’t help but smile as she made her way to the shower. I’m gonna meet my mother today.
An hour later, Arianna was headed into the city. She was nervous, but also excited. She glanced at the time, hoping that she wouldn’t be late, and made her way over the bridge, headed towards one of her favorite parts of town, Little Italy. Really it was mostly a small collection of restaurants and shops, but she loved to sip a drink there and imagine what it would be like to finally be in Italy herself. She’d wanted to go there ever since she was a small girl and found out that she was full-blooded Italian.
Gigi had been helping her with a school project on ancestry and she remembered the day that she asked her what that meant. Her parents had told her from an early age that she was adopted, that she had been chosen by them to be their daughter. Gigi had known this too, and on that day when an innocent Arianna had looked up at her and asked what it meant to be full-blooded Italian, Gigi had whispered down into her ear so that her mother wouldn’t hear from the other room.
“Bella, it means you are like me. You come from Italia. Your mother and your father by birth were from Italy. I think that’s true. It is where you get your beauty.” She had laughed when she’d said it, but then quickly turned serious. “Quiet now, Ari. Don’t let your mother hear you talking about it. It will make her sad.”
And Arianna remembered always feeling so guarded with her feelings about being adopted. Gigi’s words could not have been more truthful that day. Arianna’s mother and father hated when she brought up anything to do with being adopted. So she’d not ever pressed the matter.
Her thoughts turned back to her morning meeting with Lia and the issue at hand of finding a parking spot in the busy area. Tourists and locals alike seemed to be out enjoying the rare day of sunshine. She sighed with relief after noticing the time and the single available parking spot all in the same moment.
She parked her car, swiped some lip gloss across her lips, and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Today is the day. She took a nice deep breath to calm her racing heart. Arianna didn’t know what was about to happen but she did know that nothing would be the same after this meeting.
Chapter 11
Arianna walked into the cafe, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm her nerves. On her way to speak with the hostess
, her eyes did a quick scan of the tables and landed on Lia. She knew at first glance that it was her. Her mother. Their eyes met and Arianna waved slightly, willing herself to smile and not show how nervous she was feeling. Now just make your way across the room, Ari. Be normal. You can do this.
When she reached the table, Lia stood to her feet, looking every bit as nervous as Arianna felt. Arianna reached to shake her hand as she would do with anyone she was just meeting. After a slightly awkward moment they both sat and stared at one another while the waiter brought them a menu.
“Just a latte for me, please,” Arianna said to the waiter without opening the menu.
Lia nodded in agreement. “Yes, I’ll have the same. Thank you.”
After what seemed like several minutes, Lia smiled at Arianna. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe how beautiful you are.”
Arianna was no stranger to people remarking about her looks, but she could feel herself blushing instantly. “Thank you. I—I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. This is a bit awkward, and I don’t want it to be.” She took a deep breath, willing herself to take it all in.
She almost couldn’t believe it. She really did look like her mother. It was amazing, really. It was like she was looking at herself in a mirror years from now. Lia had the same thick dark wavy hair, cut to her shoulders, big brown eyes, and long lovely eyelashes.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare. It’s just remarkable to me. Sitting across the table from you right now. I’ve imagined this day so many times, Arianna,” Lia said. “I can’t tell you how happy you made me when you agreed to meet. I wanted to call you for months now, and I’m sorry I waited this long.”
Arianna took a sip of the latte that the waiter had placed before her on the table. “I talked to Douglas after we spoke on the phone. He told me everything. Or at least the parts he knew, about you contacting my father before he—before the accident.” Arianna’s voice caught a bit and Lia was quick to interject.
“I’m so sorry about your parents. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. The shock that you must have felt. Are still reeling from. I—I want you to know that I did want to call you sooner, but I knew that it wasn’t the right time. That it might be too much for you and I didn’t want to put you through anything else.” Lia reached across the table for Arianna’s hand as if it was the most natural thing for her to do.
Arianna instinctively pulled her hand away. She couldn’t help it. She wasn’t used to being touched so easily, and she had the same wall up that she would have with any stranger.
“I’m sorry. Arianna. It’s okay,” Lia said smiling.
Arianna believed her. “God, I didn’t meant to do that. That was rude. I’m sorry. I just—you know—I just need a little time, that’s all.” She stopped talking for a few seconds, staring at the woman across from her. “I really do look like you.” The shock of it was incredible to Arianna.
Lia smiled. “I think so too. If I’m being honest, you look just as I’ve imagined you would, if not even more beautiful. You’re certainly much more lovely than I was at your age. That’s for sure. And it’s remarkable. You have the smile of your father.”
Arianna noticed a wistful look cross Lia’s face, like she was flashing to a memory that she wanted to share out loud. But there would be time for that later. She didn’t think she could handle talking about her father too right now, even though she was more curious than ever.
Arianna laughed, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “I suspect there will be time enough to tell me about such things. Today I want to know about you. I’m confused as to where you are living… It was such a shock when you called the other day that I ended the conversation with a ton of questions unasked.”
“Oh, I know. And you’re right. There will be time to get to know one another. I hope that we can, Arianna. I mean that,” Lia said, and Arianna trusted the sincerity in her voice.
Arianna wanted that too. She was surprised at how much she wanted that, now that she was sitting here with her mother. It was unbelievable, but just being with Lia made her feel comforted. She could already tell that it was just a matter of time before her guard would come down. She hoped they’d have the time to spend together before she left for her trip. She felt a twinge of something stir inside her when she thought briefly about her plans, but she didn’t dwell on it now. There would be time for sorting that all out later.
Arianna turned her attention back to Lia. “Sorry, I was a bit lost in thought there.” She laughed. “It seems to happen to me quite often these days, I’m afraid. Go on. You were about to tell me how you came to be in the area? I’m so curious to know how you found me.”
Arianna had already decided that she wanted to see Lia again, and there would be time enough later for the harder questions. Right now she wanted to learn more about this woman sitting in front of her.
Lia shared that she’d been living in New York, working as a housekeeper, when she’d gotten a phone call from one of her friends in San Francisco about a job opening here. She’d been doing this kind of work ever since she’d arrived in the Bay Area from Italy as a young girl.
Arianna knew that Lia must have been working in San Francisco at the time of Arianna’s birth, but she didn’t mention it now.
“So I began working for the family here. It was a good job. Some cleaning, but mostly cooking, which is what I prefer.” Lia smiled. “Then everything pretty much fell apart when the couple decided to divorce. I lost my job a month or so ago, but I have another starting in six weeks’ time.”
Arianna wondered about the type of families Lia was working for. How odd to think that Lia, her mother, had a role in someone else’s home as Gigi did in her own. Thinking of Gigi made her smile and she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that the two women should meet.
“Lia, you’ll have to meet Gigi, my house—” Arianna stopped herself mid-sentence. She wondered what Lia would think about her lifestyle, her wealth. But why should Arianna be feeling weird about it? It was Lia who had given her to her parents.
“It’s okay, Arianna,” Lia said. “I know that you are wealthy. That your parents are—were well off. It’s what I wanted for you and it makes me very happy. Please know that.” Her voice got quiet. “I knew that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved. I wanted something better for you.” Lia dabbed at her eyes with a napkin.
Arianna felt a bit stunned at the emotion she was feeling. She tried hard to hold back her own tears. Take a deep breath, Ari. Just let it be what it will be.
“I have so many questions. So many things I’ve wanted to ask you ever since I can remember. I almost can’t believe that we are sitting here together right now. It’s all a bit overwhelming, if I’m being honest.” Arianna glanced at her watch. “Are you hungry? Shall we order some lunch or do you need to be anywhere?”
“Si, yes. I’d love to eat. I was looking at the menu before you arrived and the food looks lovely. Do you like Italian food?”
“I do, yes. Well, I have my favorite restaurants but I don’t cook much myself. Really I don’t cook at all.” Arianna laughed. “Gigi, she’s our—my housekeeper—and she cooks too, but to be honest, that’s a bit hit-or-miss.” Arianna laughed again. “Don’t tell her I said that when you meet her.” She blushed a little as she realized the unspoken invitation that was insinuated. “Yes, let’s order, shall we?”
They both ordered the Tuscan salad, enjoying the meal as the conversation flowed. Lia asked Arianna about her childhood, and Arianna felt herself opening up a bit. Of course she didn’t delve into any of the tougher times, but she did share with Lia where she’d gone to school and what life had been like for her growing up in Marin as a child.
By the end of the meal, Arianna wasn’t ready for the conversation to end, but it was getting late; so it was probably time to make a move soon.
As if reading her mind, Lia chimed in. “Arianna, I’ve enjoyed this. Meeting you and talking to you. Can I see you again soon? My
schedule is pretty open right now. I have my resume in at the temp agencies in town, but so far they’ve not called with anything.”
“Yes, I’d like that very much.” And Arianna meant it when she said it. “What is best for you?”
“I don’t know how you’d feel about coming to my place? It’s just a small apartment in South City, but I’d love to cook you dinner, if you’re up for that? Something lovely and Italian. Maybe one night early next week?” Lia looked at Arianna with a hopeful expression on her face.
“Yes, I would like that. A lot, actually. Monday night would work for me. Let me know when and where and I’ll show up with a big appetite.” Arianna grinned.
“Perfect. Let’s say seven o’clock. And I’ll text you the address,” Lia said.
Lia insisted on paying the bill when it arrived, and Arianna finally relented after making Lia promise to let her treat next time. In her mind, she calculated that this meant at least two more meetings between them. She smiled as she thought about how much she wanted to get to know this woman. Her mother.
They walked out into the sunshine.
“Where are you parked? I’m only right here.” Arianna waved towards her convertible. “So I’m happy to give you a lift if you’ve parked a ways away.”
“Oh no, that’s okay. I don’t have a car, actually. I’m going to catch the bus.”
“Don’t be silly. I can give you a ride, Lia. Really, it’s no problem.”
“No, honestly. I’m going to run a few errands and it will take me no time at all on the bus. I do it all the time. If you don’t mind though, you could drop me right before you turn to go over the bridge. On 19th,” Lia said.
“Oh, I’m heading over to that area to drop by a friend’s, so I can drop you there, no problem.” Arianna was happy to have a few more moments with Lia. She wasn’t at all ready for their time together to end.
She unlocked the car and both she and Lia got in.