by Paula Kay
“You look so beautiful.” He was looking at her intently. “Thank you for calling me, for meeting with me.”
“Thank you, Antonio. And for coming. I—I’m happy that you agreed to see me after the way I blew off our date the other night. I really do apologize for that.”
“It’s okay, bella. All that matters is that we are here now.” Antonio reached for her hand, and Lia pulled it away as she moved towards the front door, trying not to look at his face while doing so.
“Shall we walk for a bit? There’s a park with a nice footpath nearby. We can talk there.” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as odd as it did to her own ear. She was so nervous.
“Si, that sounds nice. Can I take your hand now, please?” He winked at her, and she found herself laughing in spite of her admonition to herself to be serious.
She allowed him to take her hand. As they made their way to the park, they walked in easy silence, Lia lost in her own thoughts about how to start the conversation that she must have rehearsed in her head one hundred times. Antonio just looked happy.
She stole a glance at him as they walked along the path. He was the boy she had fallen in love with and more. So much more. If she allowed herself to think about it, the possibility of knowing him now, as a woman—she grew weak in the knees, and her heart, just thinking about it. He was every bit the type of man she or any woman would be lucky to have, and in moments the very idea of anything between them would be crushed. Lia sighed, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Antonio.
“What’s wrong, Lia? You seem so sad. Do you not trust me?”
“No, it’s not that. You’ve been lovely. Really.” She pulled him over to a bench at the side of the path and they both sat down. She took a deep breath as he watched her intently.
“What is it?” He reached over to put a strand of hair behind her ear. “I promise you it’s going to be okay.”
She couldn’t help the tears from falling as she tried to find the words that seemed impossible. “God, I really don’t know how to tell you all this.” She looked at him and willed him to tell her to “never mind”. But she knew better, and only had to do what she knew was right.
“Lia, just tell me.” He reached for her hand, holding it gently in his lap.
Lia took a deep breath. “When I left you here in Italy for America…all those years ago…Antonio, I found out that I was pregnant.” She looked at him then, seeing the first glimpse of shock across his face.
“What?”
“I had a baby girl—Arianna.” She didn’t want to stop and think about it now. She had to keep going with the information. “I—we had a daughter.” She looked at him, tears streaming down her face.
“Where is she is?”
She couldn’t quite read Antonio’s face but she guessed that he was still feeling the shock of it.
“Antonio, she—I—” She looked up at him, willing herself to continue. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”
She felt Antonio’s body stiffen next to her as he dropped her hand. “Tell me what, Lia? Where is my daughter? This is a lot to—to take in.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. “I want to know about her.”
“Antonio, she—she died last year.” Lia looked down at her hands, quietly sobbing and unable to look at the man beside her.
Antonio was on his feet and she could sense his confusion, his anger. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking like he didn’t quite know what to do with his hands.
“I—I don’t know what to say. God, Lia.”
Lia sat in the stillness for a minute looking down at her hands sobbing. She could feel him waiting for her to look up, to acknowledge his confusion. She raised her face to meet his eyes and the pain she saw there was like a punch to her gut.
“Antonio, I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry.” She stood to reach out to him and he pushed her hand away, taking a step back.
He sat back down on the bench and she sat next to him. He looked at her then. “Tell me everything. I really don’t understand any of this.”
They sat there for quite some time as Lia filled him in on all the details, trying her best to answer all of his many questions.—Lia crying throughout most of it and Antonio barely containing the anger that she felt sure was right there at the surface of his confusion. And she didn’t blame him at all for it. She knew that he’d be dealing with so many different emotions, and that it would all take a long time for him to process. She had prepared herself for that and guessed that there would be more questions to come.
Antonio stood up. “I need to go now.” He didn’t ask her to follow him and Lia didn’t make a move to get up off the bench. His face was stern as he looked off into the distance, barely able to look at her. It was what she’d expected. She wasn’t surprised.
“I’m sorry, Antonio. For everything.” Her words sounded so silly, even to her own ears.
There was no way to really convey the depth of her feelings. All she could do was move forward, and at least she no longer had the burden of knowing that it was a secret kept from Arianna’s father. Finally, he knew the truth; and maybe eventually she’d be able to share all of the wonderful things about his daughter with him. He deserved that. For now, she just watched him walk away, as she sobbed alone on the bench.
Chapter 21
Lia stepped back to admire the pictures she’d placed on the mantel, wondering if she would ever have more things to make the giant space feel lived in. God knows she didn’t really think that she needed more things. Just people and laughter, she thought.
“I love the pictures,” Rebecca said, stepping up to take a closer look. I feel like I know them all already.” She reached for the picture of Arianna. “She’s so gorgeous.”
“That was taken when we were together in Italy. In Florence.” Lia remembered the day so clearly. They’d been out shopping in the market and Lia had snapped the shot of Arianna, looking so happy and carefree in the late morning sunlight, her thick, dark hair wild and loose around her face.
She turned to Rebecca as her friend set the picture back down with care. “Yes, she was beautiful, inside and out. I wish that you could have met her,” Lia said.
“I wish that too.” Rebecca gave her quick hug and then took a survey of the empty boxes sitting around them in the big living room. “I think that’s the last of it, yes?”
Douglas had hired a service to ship all of Lia’s things to her; the week prior to moving into the villa had gone quickly as Lia, with Rebecca’s help, purchased the items she would need to settle in. She’d ordered a lot of beautiful things from shops in Rome, and still had to put the finishing touches on the bedrooms that would be used by her guests in just a few weeks time.
She felt tired and a bit out of sorts as she looked around the big villa the owner had decided to rent to her month-to-month. It had taken some doing and a hefty price, but she was happy that it was done for now. She felt she’d get used to the size of it. It just all seemed so strange and foreign to her right then.
“Thanks so much for your help. I could never have done all this without you.” She hugged Rebecca, feeling so grateful for their friendship. “I’d love to have you and Marco over for dinner soon.”
“That would be great. We will never pass up your delicious cooking,” Rebecca said, sitting down on the sofa and putting her feet up. “I say it’s time for a little break.”
“Good idea. I’ll get us a glass of wine.” Lia busied herself in the kitchen, thinking about the big elephant that had been in the room all morning—well, really it had been for the past weeks now, ever since she had filled Rebecca in on what had happened between her and Antonio. She had guessed that Rebecca didn’t want to be involved in it—or more correctly that there wasn’t anything positive to say, so she had nothing she wanted to relay to Lia. And Lia understood that. But she couldn’t help but wonder about him, no matter how hard she tried to banish him from her mind.
She set their glasses down on the table in front of the sofa, taking a
seat herself.
“So, how is Antonio?” Lia said.
Rebecca eyed her carefully before speaking. “I thought this was a topic that you didn’t want to talk about?”
“True. But I can’t help it. I mean, I know he’s got to be incredibly hurt and angry with me. I just wonder how he’s doing—if you know how he’s doing?”
“I honestly don’t know a lot. The last time he was over, I heard him talking to Marco and yes, he seemed very upset. I’m not going to lie to you about that.”
Lia nodded for her to continue.
“But you knew that was coming,” Rebecca said.
“Yes, I did.” Lia couldn’t keep the tears from starting. She had been going through the motions the past few weeks—making decisions about her move, working in the restaurant, trying to just get on with her life. But Antonio was never far from her thoughts. She didn’t know if she would ever not think about him and how he was doing. Reconnecting with him in Italy had done that to her: rekindled feelings that she’d never dared to revisit before.
“Maybe he just needs time,” Rebecca said quietly. “I can tell you that his purchase of the vineyard was finalized. I’m sure he’s been keeping busy with all there is to do with that. You never know,” Rebecca said.
“I’m not holding out any hope for the two of us. I just hope that one day I can share more about Ari—about his daughter—with him. Show him her pictures, the music that she loved, the memories that I do have of her.” At this Lia felt intense guilt. Memories that she’d not given him the chance to have with her. If only she’d tried to make that happen a year ago, maybe then things could be different. Except they wouldn’t be. Not really. Arianna would still be gone.
“Well, I still think he just needs some time. He might come around.” Rebecca reached over to hug her friend. “You’ve done the best you could with a really difficult situation. I think you are handling it all pretty well.”
Lia sighed. “Well, I’m not really sure how else to handle it, except maybe to have a nervous breakdown.” She laughed lightly. “And I don’t think that would be pleasant for anyone, so I’ll just keep going forward.”
Rebecca nodded in solidarity.
“I have enough to focus on right now, with the restaurant and everyone coming in just a few weeks. I really can’t wait to introduce you to Gigi and Blu. Of course, I’d love to have you and Marco come to the party. I’m sure that you all will fit right in with this little family of mine.
“That sounds really nice,” Rebecca said. “We’ll look forward to it.”
Chapter 22
Lia kept herself busy over the next few days. Between cooking in the restaurant and working to get the villa ready, she had more than enough to keep her mind occupied—except her thoughts did continually turn to Antonio, much more than she would have liked.
One day as she was busy cleaning up after the lunch service, Sofia stopped her in the kitchen.
“Lia, Antonio is here to see you.”
Lia’s heart pounded as she slipped into the restroom to check her hair in the mirror. She took a few deep breaths, mentally preparing herself for what she knew could be another difficult conversation. She walked out into the restaurant and Antonio was beside her within seconds, crossing the room to embrace her the moment she was in his sight.
She let herself sink against his chest, feeling the strength and his forgiveness all at once. She brought her head back to look him in the eye. “Antonio?”
He smiled at her and pulled her close again, whispering into her ear. “I’ve been so lost these past couple of weeks, bella. I’ve been so angry and confused.”
She looked down and knew her tears were coming.
He placed a finger under her chin, tilting her face up, forcing her to look him in the eye. “But I also know that I want you in my life. I want to know more about Arianna—I want to get past the hurt and anger. I think I can do that if you’ll allow me—allow us—a chance?”
Lia looked into his eyes and felt shocked. She almost couldn’t believe that it was happening. She didn’t deserve it. That much she knew was true.
“I—I don’t know what to say. How can you possibly forgive me? It’s not something I would ever ask or expect of you, even though I want it so desperately.”
He reached out to wipe her tears away with his finger. “I’m not sure how things will turn out. I can’t promise you anything about the future right now. I just know that I’ve been a wreck these past two weeks. And I think that spending time with you will somehow help me to see clearly. Does that make sense?”
Lia nodded her head before placing it against Antonio’s chest again. “It’s more than I could ever hope for.”
He held her tight for a moment and she could feel his heart beating. She looked up at him. “I want to tell you everything about Ari. She was special and you would have adored her, Antonio.” She saw the tears threatening in his eyes as he took a deep breath.
“I’d like that, starting with pictures. I want to see what she looked like—our daughter.” He quickly wiped the single tear away across his cheek. “I picture her looking just like you.” He smiled at her then.
“Oh, she was much more beautiful than I was at her age.” Lia could feel herself blushing. “I’ve moved from the guest house.”
“I know.” Antonio smiled. “Rebecca told me about the villa. Or I should say that she warned me about the massive size of it?” He laughed.
“Would you like to come by? Maybe tomorrow for lunch? I’m sure Carlo will be fine without me for the day.” She could hardly believe this was happening. “Just to talk and to look at pictures.”
‘Si, yes, I’d like that very much.” His mouth grew a bit sterner. “I don’t know exactly what will happen. I can’t make promises, but I am willing to take it one day at a time if you are.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Lia brought the photo album of Arianna over to the couch where Antonio sat waiting, an expectant look on his face. She still couldn’t believe that he was there with her now. She’d been in a happy daze ever since leaving the restaurant the day before. Looking at him now, sitting here in the villa with her, was more than she ever could have dared to imagine.
She opened the book to one of the first pictures that she had taken of Arianna, the day that they’d arrived in Florence, her dark hair framing a face with little make-up and the wide grin that Lia had come to love so much.
Antonio brought the book closer to him to peer intently at this woman who had been his daughter. “She’s so beautiful.” His voice caught a bit and Lia could sense the magnitude of emotion as he turned each page, peering at the pictures. “She does look like you, bella.” He smiled, taking Lia’s hand.
“She has your nose, I think,” Lia said. “She was so lovely, Antonio.” It was hard not to cry talking about her now, with him. And Lia didn’t hold back her tears.
As Antonio flipped through the pictures of Arianna in Tuscany, including the ones with Carlo and Sofia at the restaurant, he grew quiet and Lia could feel his body tensing just a bit. “I can’t believe that she was here—that you both were here not so very long ago. I was in Rome then. But I—I would have come, Lia. I so would have liked to meet my daughter.”
Antonio wasn’t shy about the tears that had formed in his eyes; Lia looked at him, hoping that he really knew the depth of her sorrow over the mistakes that she’d made. “I’m so sorry. I wish so much that I could go back in time. For you, but for Arianna too. It’s a mistake that I will always feel guilty for, and I hope that one day you can forgive me.”
Antonio wiped at his eyes and pulled Lia in for a hug, stroking her hair and whispering to her. “I know, bella. I know you’re sorry. And I do forgive you.” He looked at her then. “If we have any chance of seeing if something can work between us, you have to know that.”
Lia nodded, trying her best to fully understand the scope of what he was telling her. She had barely allowed herself to think that she could have the second c
hance that she’d gotten with Arianna. Having it with Antonio as well was unbelievable to her. She didn’t want to mess this up. She felt that she owed it to Arianna to try to really give this a shot. She smiled as she thought about what Ari would have said about the fact that Lia was sitting there holding hands with her father, the love of Lia's life that she’d told her daughter about.
“What’s so funny?” Antonio asked with a grin.
“Oh, I was just thinking how pleased Ari would have been that I was sitting here with you right now.” She looked up at him, suddenly feeling a little shy. “I did tell her about you, you know. I told her that you were the love of my life.” She smiled, wondering if Antonio could feel the quickening of her heartbeat. She hadn’t really been this close to him, in proximity or emotionally, since the two had reconnected in Italy.
Antonio looked her intently in her eyes and reached for her chin, tilting her face slightly as his lips brushed hers, deepening into that first kiss she’d been waiting for, yet not dared to imagine.
Her whole body felt the shock of his kiss. It was as if the years melted away and they were the two young kids taking advantage of the few minutes alone on a sofa before their parents walked in. It was all they could do to pull themselves away from one another when Lia got up to get them a glass of wine.
“I can’t believe what you are doing to me, bella,” Antonio laughed. “After all these years. It’s crazy.”
Lia handed him the glass of wine, smiling. “Crazy good? Or crazy ‘what the hell am I doing?’” She laughed.
Antonio laughed too as he lifted his glass of wine for a toast. “Crazy good.” He leaned over for a quick brush of her lips. “To Arianna—to my daughter.”
They clinked their glasses together. “And to you, bella.” He kissed her again.
Lia kissed him back and then pulled away. “Wow. I really can’t believe any of this.” She laughed. “Do you think we should slow down a bit?”