by Paula Kay
“And what does Chase think about all of your upcoming travel?”
“Well, I haven’t really told him the extent of it,” Blu said thoughtfully, and felt the lurch in her stomach. It really would be hard to be gone from him so much. She sighed as if she was just at this moment realizing her feelings for him.
“What’s that about?”
“What?” Blu responded, noticing the funny look on her friend’s face.
“What are you not telling me about Chase?” Victoria teased. “Did something happen last night?” She quirked her eyebrow, which made Blu laugh. “As in, did you finally spend the night with him?”
“No, no. That hasn’t happened yet. Much to his dismay, I’m sure,” Blu said while gazing out towards the water as if collecting her next thoughts. “The man does have the patience of a saint. I will say that about him.” She laughed lightly.
“Well, I think that he respects your wishes. It does say a lot that he hasn’t been pushy with you. I mean, it’s not as if you’ve not slept with guys before, so he must wonder a little bit what’s up. Not that it’s any of my business, of course.”
“Hey, it’s not as if I have a reputation for sleeping around, you know,” Blu said, lightly slapping her friend on the leg in a teasing way.
“Oh, I know. That’s not what I’m saying. Really.”
“I know. I’m just kidding. It’s hard to explain, I guess. I just feel like waiting with Chase is better.” She felt her face growing warm and felt a bit embarrassed with her friend, which was unusual for Blu, typically pretty vocal and outspoken about pretty much any subject including sex. At least when Jemma wasn’t within earshot.
“Hey, I get it. You like him. A lot, Blu. It’s okay to admit it, you know.” Victoria was smiling at her.
“I guess I do. Yes. I just don’t want to mess it up. I really think he’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. And I—I guess I do worry that either I’m going to get too close to him and then end up out of my mind when he leaves me. Or I’m going to push him away before that can happen.” Blu didn’t know why she had sudden tears threatening.
“Hey, you’re not going to do that. And it doesn’t have to end up being either of those things, you know. It is possible that everything in your life is going right, including this amazing relationship that you are in. But I think you’re going to have to let go of some of that worry to really give it a chance.”
“I know. Chase says as much to me himself. Somehow I seem to push to a certain point and it’s only because of him that he doesn’t let it go so far—so far that he won’t come back, I mean.”
“He’s a keeper, Blu. And I think he really adores you.” Victoria was grinning widely, as if daring Blu to disagree with her.
“He told me that he loved me again last night.” Blu said this quietly, as if afraid that Jemma might be lurking nearby waiting to hear her mother’s deepest secrets.
“Blu. Trust your heart. Go on. Love him back. I think that whatever you are fearing is the worst thing that could happen is much less of a concern than your not taking a chance with him at all.”
“You’re probably right.” Blu said. But she doesn’t know all my secrets. The things that no one knows, the things that I’m sure Chase can’t accept.
“I know I’m right,” Victoria said with a laugh.
“Well you did manage to land yourself a heart surgeon that’s pretty hunky. So I suppose you know something about falling in love.” Blu laughed, knowing from Victoria that she and John were still pretty frisky in the bedroom, even after twelve years of marriage.
“Hey, we’ve had our share of problems to work out. No marriage, or relationship, is perfect. Just remember that and you’ll be fine.”
“Thanks for the advice. I’ll be sure to take everything into consideration.” Blu laughed, happy that she’d had the time to talk about some of her concerns with her friend. “Now I better round up Jemma if we have any chance of making it to the beach today. She’s certainly not acting like she missed me very much, is she?”
“Oh, you know kids. They are such self-involved little creatures—Claire included in that statement most of the time.”
The two woman laughed as Victoria crossed the room to the intercom to buzz the girls upstairs, convincing Jemma to come down with her things after much protesting.
Chapter 6
Blu and Jemma walked up the slight incline from the Banks’ home to their own a bit further up the hill, Blu listening to Jemma’s excited chatter as she filled her mom in on all the news and everything that she and Claire had been doing together the past few days.
“Mom, see that bus stop over there?”
Blu was slightly distracted, half listening to her daughter and half thinking about her to-do list for the next week.
“That’s where we got the bus with Nathalie,” Jemma said.
“Wait—what?” Blu’s attention was fully back on Jemma again. “Victoria let you take the bus?” Nathalie was Claire’s fifteen-year-old sister and Blu knew her to be very responsible, but still the thought of the girls taking the bus made her stomach lurch. She’d loosened up quite a bit when it came to how protective she was with Jemma, but she would have thought that taking the bus would have been something that Victoria would have cleared with her first.
“Where did you girls go on the bus?”
“To the mall. Nathalie had to return something, and Claire and I thought it sounded like a good adventure.”
“I’ll bet it was.” Blu said carefully. “And Victoria couldn’t take you?”
“No, she was going to but we just decided to go on the bus. Mom, Nathalie does it all the time with her friends.”
“I know, sweetie, but Nathalie is much older than you and Claire.”
“She’s not much older. Mom, I’m not a baby, ya know.” Jemma was pouting now, and Blu wanted to try to lighten the mood so that they could enjoy the rest of the day together.
“Honey, I’m not saying that you’re a baby. It’s normal for a mom to be worried about her kid, you know.” She reached over and gently tugged the end of Jemma’s ponytail.
“Well, I don’t think you need to worry so much.” She reached out to take Blu’s hand, something that took her mother by surprise, as it was a rare occurrence these days.
“Okay. I’ll try not to,” Blu said. They walked the remaining distance up their driveway in silence until they were steps away from the front door.
“Mom, is Gigi my grandma?”
Blu felt her whole body tense up at the question. “No, sweetie, Gigi is not your grandma. Why do you ask that?”
“Claire went to visit her grandma in Ohio last week. They baked cookies and she let her hand out the Bingo cards to the people in the rec hall there. Claire said that it was lots of fun, and I just wanted to know why I couldn’t maybe do that with Gigi.” She glanced at her Mom as if a new thought had just occurred to her. “Or whoever my grandma is. Mom, who is my grandma?” She had put her hands on her hips as she stood in front of the door. “And why don’t we ever go to visit her?”
Now Blu had a headache. The timing of the questions struck her as incredibly ironic, as if a sign of her worst fears coming true. Don’t think like that, Blu. She’s just asking normal questions that any kid would ask sooner or later.
“Honey, Gigi is kind of like a grandma to you. I’m sure that she would be delighted to think of you as a grandchild because she doesn’t have any of her own, you know.” Blu was making a mental note to pull Gigi aside to talk to her about this latest line of questioning from Jemma before the child caught her totally off guard. Blu looked at Jemma, who was staring at her as if she was thinking hard about something else as she entered their house.
“That’s fine. I’ll ask Gigi to bake cookies with me when she gets here, but I want to know about my real grandma.”
Blu knew that Jemma wasn’t just going to let this go. Gone were the days when any answer would satisfy the inquisitive nature of the chil
d. Now she’d just become completely headstrong, incapable of letting anything go without a fight. She takes after me. Blu couldn’t help but smile, even though her head was now pounding trying to find a solution that would stop her daughter from asking more questions. She knew that the questions were only going to keep coming as Jemma got older, so she might as well start thinking about how much she was going to tell her about Blu’s mother—about the past that was starting to catch up with her now. She could feel the sense of foreboding deep in her bones.
Jemma turned to look at her before heading to change for the beach. “Mom, are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Well, you look kinda funny.” But Jemma wasn’t laughing.
She’d always been very sensitive, a quality that Blu found incredibly perplexing. She didn’t think she’d done anything special in raising her to be that way, so it must have been something she was born with. A baby fully tuned into the chaos of her environment—God, Blu hoped that wasn’t true, that the bad things happening around an infant stayed locked away forever in their not yet fully formed little brains.
“Honey, I’m fine. Now go put your bathing suit on while I pack us a lunch for the beach.” Blu really needed a quiet minute to herself, one that she wasn’t likely to get for the rest of the day.
Jemma obeyed, scampering up the steps to her room, and Blu poured herself a glass of the wine that she’d opened late last night when she’d returned to the empty house after leaving Chase. She sat down at the small table in the breakfast nook that she loved as much as the one in Victoria’s kitchen. She laughed. Before she’d known Arianna, she never knew that breakfast nooks existed or that there was anywhere to ever have a meal except for the dining room table—or more often than not, in her case, the living room coffee table that she’d picked up at a local flea market.
Blu crossed the room to call Jemma upstairs on the intercom.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, sweetie, I was just wondering what you thought about me inviting Chase over for dinner tonight?”
“Is he gonna cook or can we still order pizza?”
Blu had promised this earlier when they’d been planning their beach day. “I’m sure he’d love to join us for pizza. He’s been asking me about you, and I know he’d like to see you.”
“Yes, I want to see him too. I have to show him the new level I just cleared on the game he bought me. It’s so cool.”
Blu smiled, thinking about the relationship that had formed between the two. From the moment he’d first met them, years ago with Arianna, a then six-year-old Jemma had taken a strong liking to him. And their relationship had only grown stronger. Blu had a fleeting thought: if only Chase would travel with them to her shows. She trusted him with Jemma, and he’d also do a great job with the schooling piece. She pushed the thought away. Chase wouldn’t want to leave his cooking jobs, and she knew that he had a lot scheduled.
She quickly made some sandwiches for herself and Jemma, allowing the child to take her time getting ready as she sat out on the deck sipping her wine. She pulled out her phone to send Chase a quick invitation by text, to which he responded right away. He was doing a luncheon at a party close by and would be able to make if for six o’clock, which was perfect. Blu could spend the whole afternoon with Jemma and then if she was very lucky, and not too tired, Chase would keep Jemma entertained for an hour before dinner so that she could knock out a few things in her workroom.
Chapter 7
Blu loved listening to Jemma and Chase playing together while she worked. She smiled as she heard Jemma explaining the latest trick she’d learned about the current level of her video game. Chase had gotten them each the game, himself and her, when it came out a month ago, which really said a lot about his commitment to being in the young girl’s life; he rarely had time for video games these days. But he did often make time for Blu’s daughter. She smiled as the realization struck her. He definitely was a keeper.
She crossed her workroom to turn on the rock music that always seemed to get her in the zone creatively. She did really intend to get an hour of work in before the three enjoyed some pizza together. The current piece she was working on was going to be fantastic, and Victoria had promised to wear it to the opening of the opera this season. Thinking about the opera for that brief moment made her thoughts turn to Arianna, as they often did as she went about her daily life here in the beach house that her best friend had loved.
She smiled, thinking about that first weekend she and Jemma had spent here with Arianna and how her friend had set her up in this very room with the amazing view of the ocean. Yes, Arianna had been fiercely supportive when it came to Blu’s designs. She wondered if Arianna had already been putting the pieces in place for her and Jemma as early as that weekend that they shared. Even during her last days with them all, Arianna, with the help of Douglas, had been arranging everything for them, setting up the gifts that would change the lives of those she loved.
Blu was grateful beyond anything she could express. It was why she’d continued even through the hard times. It was the one thing that had reached through to her in her stubbornness against accepting anything at first. Arianna had taught her the gift of receiving help. She knew that her best friend would be incredibly proud of her for how far she’d come. She would have been Blu’s biggest cheerleader; and she still was, in a big way.
Blu turned her attention to the fabric in front of her, determined to get one thing done before dinner.
“Mom…”
She could barely hear Jemma over the loud music, so she crossed the room to turn it down before popping her head out the door. “Jemma, don’t yell. Come here, please.” Jemma was running down the hall towards her, screaming for her to come in the living room.
“Mom, come quick. You’re on TV.”
Blu knew instantly what she was going to see; she walked quickly down the hall to sit beside Chase on the sofa. On the TV was one of the big nightly entertainment shows and, sure enough, it was the interview that she’d done at the party a few nights ago. Her heart raced as she watched.
“Mom, you look so great. I can’t believe you’re—”
“Honey, shh. I wanna hear this, okay?”
Jemma nodded as she went back to the game that had been paused in her hand.
Blu felt Chase’s hand on her leg as she sat transfixed looking at the picture of herself on the television in front of them. Oh my God. This is happening.
Chase leaned over to kiss her cheek, whispering in her ear. “Babe, you look amazing on the big screen.” He laughed, clearly having fun with Blu’s moment in the spotlight.
They watched the quick interview, and the reporter then spoke a few more words about how successful Blu’s show had been and that she was definitely the next hot designer to watch out for. The piece closed with the details of Blu’s website and where to go for more information on her latest designs.
“I hope your website is going to be able to handle the traffic from this. Have you given your web guy a heads up on everything that’s been going on?” Chase said.
Blu had finally spent the time before Fashion Week to hire someone to do her website and work on her online presence, but she really didn’t know that much about it. Her assistant Kate, whom she trusted with the details of her business, had been handling all of that stuff.
“Nah, I’m sure it will be fine,” Blu said, barely paying attention because her mind was spinning.
“No, seriously. You’re probably going to need to increase your bandwidth,” Chase continued. “It happened to me last year when I was interviewed for a news segment, and that was just here in San Diego. My website traffic exploded and the whole thing was down for a good twenty-four hours.”
“Okay, I’ll send a note to Kate. She’s the one who’s been dealing with the website guy.” Blu really wasn’t very technical at all, and most of the stuff regarding her site she didn’t pay much attention to. She was more concerned with how the pictures of the p
ieces showed online and the overall design of the site, which she’d been quite pleased with. She sent a quick text off to Kate, who replied right away that she was on top of it.
Blu sat back down on the sofa next to Chase. Jemma had gone upstairs to phone Claire, so they had a few minutes alone together. Blu felt herself shaking and was trying to hold it together.
Chase reached out to pull her in next to him. “Babe, why do you look so worried? I’m sure that Kate’s going to take care of everything. I didn’t bring it up to freak you out.” He was teasing her, with no idea of what was really bothering her.
“I know. It’s not that.” She wondered how much she should tell him, how much she needed to tell him.
“Then what is it? I thought your interview was great. You looked a little surprised—towards the end when she was asking you about your family—but other than that I thought you looked completely natural—and sexy,” he added, rubbing his hand on her thigh and grinning mischievously.
But Blu was not in the mood for teasing, and she knew there was no hiding how she was feeling. She’d have to talk to Chase about her fears. Not everything, but she’d tell him about her past. She was shaking just thinking about it. It wasn’t anything that she ever talked about, and it would be a big step for her. She let herself relax in his arms, her head falling back against his chest, always so strong and available to her. She turned slightly in his arms to give him a kiss on the lips before sitting up.
“I need to talk to you—to tell you some things.” She was finding it hard to look him in the eye, but his silent nod and quick kiss was all the encouragement she needed.