The Complete Legacy Series: Books 1 - 6

by Paula Kay

  Her mom had been in prison when she left and Blu had never looked back. For all these years since, she really hadn’t known if her mom was alive or dead. Either case was plausible, and each was one that Blu had been willing to live with when she left.

  After several minutes of silence, Blu spoke, quietly again. “How long?”

  Her mom looked at her with a question in her eyes.

  “How long have you been sober?” Blu held her breath without realizing it. She knew what the road to recovery was like for addicts. She had witnessed a few different periods during her teenage years when her mom had attended rehab, coming out a “new person”, ready to take on the world. Only to have everything come crashing down again, usually within a few months, always having to do with Harold being let back into the house. She knew the pattern. She’d decided after the fourth time that rehab wouldn’t work for her mom. That was the day she’d given up all hope for her.

  “Being in prison changed me. I was there for one year and let out on good behavior. I’d been clean the whole time, which was a record for me. I did mess up several times after that, but I’ve been sober now for four years.”

  Blu was shocked, and she was sure that it showed on her face as she tried to find her words. “You’ve been sober for four years?”

  “Four years, two months, and three days.” Her mother didn’t miss a beat. “I still go to meetings, working my plan. Every day. Day by day.”

  Blu was genuinely at a loss for words. For four years her mom had been sober. It was something she’d not expected in all the various scenarios that had played out in her mind since she’d received that first email from her.

  “And Harold?” She had to ask. She knew that this was the only other question that mattered.

  “Harold and I are done. We were done long ago when I realized that I was never going to be able to stay sober if we were together.”

  Blu was nodding her head, a little seed of hope beginning to make itself known to her.

  “I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t easy to disengage myself from him. Well, he didn’t make it easy. Even now, I still get the odd phone call from him, begging me to see him.” She looked Blu in the eye. “But I don’t want him any more. I don’t want anything to do with that life.”

  Blu looked at this woman sitting in front of her, with a face worn by rough times and the signs of past neglect, but she was clear-eyed and beautiful to Blu. And God, suddenly Blu desperately wanted to believe her.

  Just as fast as the thought entered her mind, she hit against her remaining wall of doubt, up and yet to be knocked down. She still had to be careful. She had Jemma to think about—to protect.

  Her mom looked relaxed sitting across from her, not anxious as she waited for Blu to say something in response to what she’d just told her about Harold.

  “That’s really great. Really great.” She didn’t know what to say.

  “Thank you,” her mom said quietly, and Blu thought it looked like she wanted to say more.

  “What is it?”

  “I just want to be totally honest with you.”

  Blu felt herself tense up a bit as she waited for her mom to continue.

  “It’s nothing bad, really. Just that because of the mistakes I’ve made in the past, I’m still working on stuff—other stuff too I mean.”

  Blu didn’t know if she should ask more questions or just leave it alone. Finally she spoke. “Are you okay?” And what will I offer her if she says that she isn’t?

  “Yes, I’m fine. Really.” She smiled and Blu believed her.

  Chapter 19

  Blu found herself little by little believing everything that her mom was telling her, which was pretty incredible to her. Letting her guard down with Chase lately really did seem to have her looking at life through a different lens. She seemed to be turning into someone who had the ability to trust, which was a novel idea for a skeptic such as herself. She wanted to trust her mom. Sitting here across from her now, she wanted this more than anything.

  “Blu?”

  “Yes?”

  “Will—will you tell me about Jessica?”

  Blu could tell by the way she’d spoken that it was a difficult thing for her to ask for, and she didn’t blame her for feeling that way. But if she did really trust her gut about all this, her mom deserved to know some things, didn’t she?

  Blu took a deep breath. “Yes.” She smiled at her mom, who was eagerly leaning forward as Blu picked up her phone to find a picture to show her.

  “Here she is.” She showed her a picture taken just last week of Jemma on the beach, her long blonde hair blowing in the breeze, her grin as wide as ever.

  Her mom smiled. “She’s so lovely. Isn’t she?” She glanced down at the picture again and Blu noticed tears making their way down her cheeks.

  “Her name is Jemma.” Blu said quietly. “I changed both of our names when—when we left New York.

  Her mom looked up. “Yes, I assumed that you did.”

  Blu nodded, knowing that it wasn’t a secret by this point.

  “I did try to find you. Not right away when I got out of prison. I was still too caught up in trying to make something work. But after I’d been sober—for about a year—a friend of mine who’s good with the Internet tried to help me. We searched all kinds of records, but nothing was turning up.”

  Blu nodded, knowing that she would have been hard to find—that she’d made it that way on purpose when she moved across the country to start a new life for her and Jemma. Now it made her kind of sad, thinking about her mom doing so much better and searching, trying to find them. But she’d made the choices that were best for them, determined to not have any regrets when it came to Jemma and what was ultimately best for her.

  “Then after all this time, to look up and see you on the TV—it was like a miracle, honestly.” She smiled and wiped the tears away from her cheeks with a swipe of her hand. “I was so proud of—I am so proud of you.”

  Blu smiled. It did feel good to hear her mom say that to her. To share even a bit of the amazement at the success that she’d had as a designer with her mom was something that she’d never thought would happen. To her, that was the miracle. That the two of them were sitting together now.

  “What you’ve done for yourself—despite my pathetic or nonexistent attempts at raising you—is incredible, Blu. I hope that you know that.”

  Blu grew serious. There were many things that her mother didn’t know about her—didn’t have a clue about the kind of life that she and Jemma had had.

  “It hasn’t always been easy—or good,” Blu said. “And I’ve—I’ve worked hard. Really hard,” she said, watching her mother’s face as she spoke. She saw a recognition in her eyes. In many ways, the two women were nothing alike, but in some ways Blu considered that they might be very similar, after finding out more about her mother and the last four years of her life. They’d both struggled, for sure, and if Blu had to guess, she thought her mom was still working through some of that struggle now.

  Blu continued. “And I’ve also been lucky.” She flashed to Arianna and everything that she’d learned and been given by her best friend. “Lucky in that I’ve had some incredible friends to help me along the way. Jemma has been a part of that too. It wasn’t always easy for us these past years, but we’ve had people that loved us—that had become a family of sorts to us.”

  Blu didn’t say this to hurt her mother, even though she recognized that the words had the potential to cut deeply. She only wanted to open up just a bit, the same way that her mother had with her. If she was going to be real with her, the good came with the bad, and some parts of it were not going to be easy for her mother to know or want to relive. But she seemed open. She was taking in Blu’s words, without interruption.

  After a few moments of oddly comfortable silence, her mother spoke again.

  “I’m glad to hear that you and Jemma have found such love and happiness. I never wanted less for either of you. I hope that you
know that.”

  Blu nodded.

  “Even back when I was strung out and going to prison, I understood why you did what you did. Why you left with Jemma.” She wiped away the quick tears again. “You were brave and determined even back then. I remember thinking that, when Harold showed up and told me that you were gone. I never blamed you for leaving even back then. Even when I became sober. You knew, better than I, what was for the best. You always knew that, even as a little girl.”

  This time it was Blu’s turn to wipe away tears. Everything her mother was telling her was like a salve to an open wound, applied little by little, bringing just a hint of relief. She could feel her heart opening up to her. What was a glimmer of hope now seemed a real possibility as the two spoke honestly to one another. Woman to woman. Mother to daughter. It appeared to Blu to be with no agenda, just a desire for honest communication.

  “Thank you for telling me that,” Blu said, trying to regain her composure. “If I’m being honest, it has haunted me over the years. Not so much the decisions that I made back then, but the fact that I had completely cut all ties with you. I had to, but it didn’t stop me from wondering, from hoping that you were okay—that you were alive.”

  Her mother reached across the table for her hand, and this time Blu didn’t pull away. They had said so much during their short conversation, and yet Blu knew that there was so much more to say.

  Blu looked at the time on her phone, knowing that it was getting to be time to leave but not quite ready to end the conversation with her mother.

  “Would you want to get together again tomorrow? Maybe we could go for a short walk on the beach or something?” Blu had blurted out the invitation before taking any time to second-guess herself.

  Her mother smiled in a way that lit up her whole face. “Yes, I’d like that a lot. Would—would it be possible to bring Jemma?”

  Blu froze, her heart beating fast. No, she wasn’t ready for that yet. There was too much to be said yet, too much to explain to Jemma.

  “No. I’m sorry. But I just don’t think I can do that.” She saw the disappointment in her mom’s face. “I’m not—I’m not saying never. It just seems too soon.”

  “It’s okay. Really.” Her mother smiled.

  Blu guessed it was in an attempt to reassure her and get back on track that everything really was going to be okay.

  “I’d love to go for a walk with you. I’ll take any time that I can get before I have to leave.”

  “Great, then we’ll plan for a walk tomorrow morning. Say for about ten o’clock?”

  Her mom nodded her head in agreement.

  “Why don’t I drop you back at your hotel so then I’ll know where to pick you up tomorrow? Are you staying close by?” Blu asked her mom.

  She thought her mom looked slightly embarrassed when she mentioned the motel chain where she was staying.

  “It’s no problem. I think that’s right on my way home, actually,” Blu said.

  Chapter 20

  Blu dropped her mom off at her motel, noting that it wasn’t exactly in the best part of town. She had a moment of thinking that it would be so easy to have her mom pack up her things and move her to a nicer place—a hotel where she’d be safe and lavished with some comforts—but then stopped herself. This was something that she had to be careful of, and dropping her off had put in front of Blu what had been a doubt in the back of her mind.

  Her mom hadn’t mentioned money at all, but from the looks of where she was staying, Blu guessed that a lot hadn’t changed with her mother’s financial situation. She’d grown up poor, and it was a life that Blu was very familiar with.

  Blu had seen it all, really, when it came to finances; she’d worked her butt off to provide a meager lifestyle for herself and Jemma once she’d moved to the west coast, so that Jemma could have more than what she’d had growing up. And eventually came the life they had now, the lifestyle that Arianna had made possible for them.

  She pushed the doubts aside as she continued the drive home. The solution would be to not offer her mom any money. She’d know soon enough if money was her motive for coming here, and so far she’d given Blu no indication that it had anything to do with her wanting to see her.

  Blu saw her mother two more times over the next two days. They went for walks on the beach followed by coffee and long lunches. They talked a lot, and many things that needed to be said were said, but there were still many layers to peel back—at least where Blu was concerned. She hadn’t yet fully let her guard down—fully letting her mom into her life—but surprisingly she was more open to the idea than she’d ever been. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to fully trust her; but little by little, she could see that her mom seemed genuine, that she definitely was not on drugs—Blu felt that she would have detected that right away, had she been lying about it.

  After her third meeting with her mother Blu was driving home just in time to pick Jemma up from school. She’d been playing phone tag, as usual, with Lia, so when she saw her ringing in on her phone, she pulled off the highway to take the call.

  “Lia?”

  “Blu, hi. So sorry it’s been so difficult to connect.” Lia’s voice over the phone, so happy and carefree-sounding, made Blu instantly feel relaxed about speaking with her about her mother.

  She didn’t have a clear idea of what Lia’s advice would be but she believed her to be objective, even though she’d been such a proponent of Blu’s seeing her mother in the first place.

  “Oh, no worries at all. I know that you are busy—that you have a life other than doling out your great advice to me.” Blu laughed and Lia did too on the other end of the line.

  “Are you kidding? Seriously, I always have time for you.”

  Blu believed her and the thought made her smile.

  “Tell me everything. I’m so anxious to hear how it’s been going with your mother,” Lia said.

  “Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Blu could hardly contain the excitement she was feeling now that she was finally talking to her friend about it, and the idea of that both astounded and terrified her. She’d come so far in terms of her feelings about her mother.

  “Go on. Tell me then.” Lia was laughing on the other end. “Have you seen her more than once? What’s she like?”

  Blu told her about their first meeting—how it was uncomfortable at first, but how amazed she was at how good her mother looked and how clear-headed she’d been, something that Blu really hadn’t been expecting if she was being honest.

  Lia listened attentively, waiting for Blu to finish telling her all about their first meeting in the coffee shop.

  “And I’ve seen her every day since then,” Blu went on breathlessly. “She’s leaving on Saturday, and things have been going so well that I thought we should really take advantage of the time that we have here now together.”

  “That makes sense,” Lia was saying on the other end of the line. “Blu, I’m so glad that it’s been going well. You’re glad, then, that you decided to see her, I take it?” Blu could imagine her wide smile across the miles.

  “Yes, I’m so glad.”

  “And Jemma?” She detected the timidity of her friend’s question. “Has she seen Jemma?”

  “No.” Blu took a deep breath. “That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”

  “Okay,” Lia said.

  “She did ask me that first day if she could see her—when we were making plans for the next day. And it—it caught me totally by surprise. I wasn’t ready then at all. And I told her that, which she did understand. We’d barely spent any time together at that point—well, not that we’ve had tons of time since then, but our talks have gotten more in-depth, and I can’t help but start to feel so much more at ease with her.”

  “So, now you’re thinking about it—about introducing her to Jemma?” Lia asked.

  “Yes. Well, she hasn’t asked again and I don’t think she would, given my first response to her. She se
ems happy that the two of us are spending time together before she leaves. And, I dunno. I guess it’s just something I’ve been thinking about as the time gets closer to her leaving.”

  “That makes sense,” Lia said evenly. “Do you think Jemma would want to meet her?”

  “Yes. That’s not even a question in my mind. As you know, she’s been asking a lot of questions lately about who her grandma is, mostly because of all the time that she’s been spending with Claire—who is quite close to her own grandmother, I suspect. It seems like something maybe I should do for her—for both of them.” She felt more confused now though, as she was talking about it out loud. She sighed. “Oh, I dunno. Maybe it’s better left alone. Who knows what could happen? I could be wrong about my mother.”

  “Yes, you could be.” Lia paused. “But what does your heart tell you? Your instinct?”

  Lia knew her well and she knew how much Blu had changed over the past months.

  Letting her walls down with Chase had really changed her as a person, softened her a bit. Her friends all noticed it, commented on it. There was a time when Blu would have laughed outright at Lia’s question about letting her heart lead her. She came from a past that did not trust one’s heart—a past where she learned that she had to protect herself at any price. And a big part of that had been shutting her heart off to anything as deceiving as her own emotions.

  But she thought long and hard about Lia’s question to her now. It was valid. She knew that. “Hmm. That’s a good question. Right now in the moment, after having just had a great long lunch with her, I’d say that I can’t think of a reason not to let her see Jemma. But ask me later tonight and I’ll probably have a different answer.” She laughed, but the conversation really wasn’t funny to her. It was driving her a bit mad actually—trying to make this decision—and she was still waiting for Lia to tell her what to do—even thought she knew that Lia would only help her to make the best decision for herself.