“That’s because you’re fucking dirty,” I say. I move the gun from his head. “And I need you alive. I own you now, Declan. Got that? You no longer report to Mama. You report to me. If you fucking mess up even once, you’re done. Do you understand?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I get it. Anything you need, Mac.”
I put my foot to Declan’s back and shove him forward.
Then I walk to the apartment door.
I came to kill Declan but didn’t.
Because of Jolie.
I’m mad at myself.
I’m mad at her.
I’m mad at the world.
And in a way I already know what’s going to happen next.
18
JOLIE
I stand outside the car.
When the door opens and Mac steps out, he shows me his hands and shakes his head.
He didn’t do it.
My heart sighs a little with relief.
But the tears I just can’t help.
Everything that surrounds me is one big lie. And the lie keeps changing and getting worse.
The second I feel like I have something figured out, it all changes.
I thought things with Mama Dae were okay. She and I could exist together.
But… no…
She sent Declan to my apartment. To scare me.
I could have gotten hurt or killed.
Then Declan had the nerve to show up later and be a cop.
To pretend to help and find whoever did it.
When it was him all along.
That’s how they are though.
How they all are…
I watch Mac walk to the car.
He gets inside and starts it.
I slowly open the door and get inside.
“Mac, I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says.
“Okay.”
“Tell me what happened with your mother.”
Mac starts to drive.
He drives really fast.
Really… really… fast…
I take a deep breath.
I wipe my eyes.
“You’re all I have now,” I say to him.
“What does that mean?” Mac asks.
“My father told my mother everything,” I say. “She didn’t know. But she does now. He came by the house, told her then left. I really didn’t get the full story there. Because my mother has protection.”
“Protection?”
“Some bodyguard named Bullet. He looks like an action movie star. And she’s been…”
“Been, what?” Mac asks.
“She’s been fucking him,” I say.
“Shit,” Mac says.
“So that’s my life,” I say. “My father is in debt to really bad guys. And he’s been having an affair. He wants to run away with that woman. And my mother has a bodyguard that she’s sleeping with. Awesome, right?”
“That’s their life, Jolie,” Mac says. “Your mother is smart for not getting involved. She has to keep her distance too. Stay away from him.”
“And me,” I say.
“What? Why you?”
“Because of you, Mac,” I say.
“Because of me,” he says. “Why?”
I wipe the corners of my eyes again. “I was told to choose, Mac. Either that life or this life.”
“Choose…”
“Yeah,” I say. “So I lost everything, Mac. I lost everything for you.”
“That’s why you didn’t want me to kill Declan,” he whispers.
“I can’t lose you too,” I say. “But now… what Mama did. What Declan did. I feel like it’s all one big lie. Everything has been said and done to me. Everyone got their answers though, right? Everyone got what they wanted. But I have to keep fighting for what I want.”
“And what is it that you want, sweetie?” Mac asks.
The answer is so simple…
I look at Mac.
“You.”
Mac parks his car next to mine.
The rest of the crew is waiting outside.
With the exception of Ado.
“What’s going to happen to Ado?” I ask.
Mac looks at me. “So you’re going to keep worrying about stuff that doesn’t matter?”
“Everything matters, Mac. You can say it doesn’t, but it does.”
“It’s taken care of, Jolie,” he says. “Okay? Everything is taken care of.”
“Is it?”
Mac gets out of the car and slams the door.
I feel like I can cry again but I turn that switch off. I know I’ll have time to cry later. Right now… I’m angry.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I call out to Mac as I climb out of the car and slam the door the same way he did.
He looks back at me. “Wait there, sweetie.”
“Fuck you, I won’t,” I say.
I walk around the car.
Mac says something to Les and Taz.
Taz hurries to hug Mac.
They go into the warehouse, toward the room where the table is.
Mac lights up a cigarette and turns to face me.
“Are you really mad at me because of Declan?” I ask. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“You made your choices, I made mine,” he says.
“What?”
“If I want to kill someone, I’m going to do it. I didn’t tell you to choose me, did I?”
I gasp. “Seriously? What else would I choose, Mac? Everything I’ve ever known is a lie. You’re the one that exposed all of that to me. For me. Remember?”
He shakes his head. “I’m just doing my thing. Whatever happens, happens.”
“What the fuck is your problem right now, Mac?” I ask.
“Nothing.”
“What would have happened? Huh? If you did that to Declan… then what? You’d get caught. You’d be in jail for the rest of your life. He’s a cop. Dirty or not. Like, are you serious?”
“My choice,” he says.
“No, it’s not. It’s supposed to be our choice. Together. Everything is exposed finally. I know what I want. I know the truth. And so do you. I’m sorry about Mama Dae…” My chin quivers. “I’m so sorry for all she’s done…”
Mac steps toward me and touches my chin. “No, no, sweetie. Don’t do that right now. Don’t play that emotional bullshit card right now.”
I smack his hand away. “And you’re going to play the super tough guy douchebag card right now?”
Mac takes a drag of his cigarette. “I’m just me.”
“No, you’re not. You want to hide right now? Why? Because you know I was right. Killing Declan would have ruined everything.”
“For you,” he says.
“What?”
“For you, sweetie. It would have ruined everything for you. Maybe you should work shit out with your mother. And maybe you should get back into law school. Or show up to class. Look around you, Jolie. This is my life. This isn’t going to go away. This isn’t going to change. This is me, sweetie. Take it or leave it.”
Mac puts his cigarette between his lips and opens his arms.
He steps back a few steps and curls his lip.
He’s nothing but a dangerous bad boy.
A guy.
A man.
But I’ve seen the other side to Mac.
I know what he does… why he does it…
Because he cares.
My mind frantically tells my heart to believe that.
But my heart is kind of tired of being pushed around.
Mac’s the easy target.
He’s staring right at me, you know?
“That’s what you want me to do?” I ask. My words are gasoline to the fire. “You want me to just walk away? Disappear? That’s what this has all come down to then? I just… vanish…”
“Do whatever you want, sweetie,” he says as he takes the cigarette out of his mouth. “Just stay the hell out of my way. Everything I’ve do
ne for you and you get in the way like that.”
“In the way. I saved you from yourself.”
“I don’t need to be saved,” Mac says.
“Don’t do this, Mac. You’re going to regret it.”
“Regret what?” he asks. “That you were just walking that beach… so innocent, right? With your fucking friend who’s trying to do the same as you.”
“The same as me?”
“You wanted to get too close to flames, Jolie. Then you touched the tips and got a little excited. When’s it enough? When you get a little burned? Huh? Last time I checked, things were moving along. Didn’t have to worry so much about your family. Or Mama. Or anything else. Now look at it.”
I gasp. I step back.
My right hand curls into a fist and I show it to Mac.
“I feel like hitting you right now for what you just said,” I say.
“Then hit me, sweetie. Do what you have to do.”
“You’re really going to try and blame me for this?” I ask. “That’s the best you’ve got, Mac? You’re going to convince yourself I ruined everything…”
“No,” he says. “I’m hoping you convince yourself that you hate me. So you can get back to your normal. It’s better that way.”
“Fuck you,” I snap at him. My teeth chatter. “Fuck. You.”
Mac drops his cigarette and grabs at his jeans. “Let’s go then. Turn around and bend over the hood of your car, sweetie. I’m ready.”
I take a swing at him.
But I miss.
I miss by a mile.
I spin around and let out a groaning cry. Probably the most pathetic sound I’ve ever made in my life.
“Want to try that again?” Mac asks.
He’s such a dick.
I stumble to my car and get inside.
Mac doesn’t move an inch. He’s too tough, mean, and stubborn to move.
He has to put on a show, right?
More than anything else, he has to protect himself.
From me.
I’m the one who’s ruined it all.
He was the one messing me up… no.
It was me messing him up.
I start my car and drive away.
It sinks into me how I went from innocent to wild to fake kidnapped to free to now…
Alone.
I make it two days in the same clothes before I shower.
At least there I can cry and pretend that I’m not crying.
Which sounds really pathetic.
And it is.
My care level?
Zero.
I step out of the shower, dry off, and find something new to wear.
It’s basically the same kind of clothes though.
Extra baggie.
Really comfortable.
Again… no fucking care in the world.
I look at my bedroom floor and shake my head.
There’s books everywhere.
All the books that used to mean something to me. The books that were going to provide me with a real future. Or at least that’s what I thought.
I was going to finish law school, get a job, and live a good life.
The reality though… I should have known better.
I can hear my father’s voice in my head. He’d be the one right there to cheer me on with graduation. Then he’d start asking small questions. Making it sound like fun. Then would come the serious stuff.
Everyone lied and cheated on me and around me.
I reach down and grab a stack of the books.
I take them into the kitchen and put them on the counter.
Then I find the biggest pot I can and put the books in there.
Someone starts to knock at my door.
My heart slams inside my chest, fearing the worst.
Is it Declan? Is he here to hurt me now? Or is it Mama Dae? Did she send someone to hurt me? Or is it Mac…
The knocking keeps going.
I stand in place, consumed by fear.
“Jolie, it’s me.”
Only Violet’s voice could penetrate the door and come into the kitchen and sound like she’s standing right next to me.
I race to the door and open it.
She’s carrying a bag in each hand.
“Did you kick my door?” I ask.
“I needed to knock,” she says. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks for that. I just got out of the shower.”
“I brought treats,” she says. “Let’s get that broken heart of yours fixed up.”
“No, Violet…”
“Shut up, Jolie,” she says.
She walks into the kitchen and puts the bags down. “What the hell is this?”
“Law books,” I say. “I was going to burn them.”
“Burn books?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Why?”
“That’s… whatever. I brought alcohol and ice cream.”
“I have both here,” I say.
Jolie opens the refrigerator. “Oh, this crap? That’s just fruity stuff. No way. You need real alcohol.” She slams the fridge and opens the freezer. “And mint ice cream? Are you kidding me?”
“What? It’s good.”
“No,” she says. “You need chunks.”
She shuts the freezer and empties out the bags.
Three bottles of vodka. And three containers of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She opens the silverware drawer and takes out two spoons.
“Let’s do it,” she says.
I shake my head. “I don’t want to.”
“You have to,” she says. “You called me crying twice over Mac. You begged me to stay away.”
“Yet you’re here.”
“You haven’t told me what happened.”
“Yes, I did. Our lives are too different.”
“That’s crap,” she says. “Let’s go.”
She grabs a bottle of vodka and a pint of ice cream and walks away.
I shut my eyes and sigh.
I grab a bottle of vodka and pint of ice cream for myself.
Violet snorts and then coughs, sending ice cream flying across the living room.
“It burns!” she cries out.
“Have a drink, it’ll help,” I say.
She waves her hands at her face. “My brain is freezing up.”
“Take a small bite next time.”
“But it’s soooo fucking good,” she says.
She licks the air and laughs again.
She’s had more vodka than ice cream, if you can’t guess by now.
As for me… I’m doing okay.
I’m in my favorite spot on the couch and that’s good enough for now.
Violet calms herself down and takes another drink.
She points at me. “Talk to me, Jolie.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I was wrong.”
“About?”
“Everything. You know how you were wrong about Liam?”
Violet frowns. “Oh. That bad?”
I shrug my shoulders. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”
Kind of like… everything…
“Don’t give me that,” she says with a laugh. “I’m not stupid, Jolie. They’re all bad guys. Mac is probably the worst. Right? And let me guess… the reality of it all caught up to both of you.”
“Yeah,” I say.
Okay, you know more than I thought.
“Oh, and of course you were fake kidnapped too…”
“Okay, Violet,” I say. “Sorry for saying there’s a lot you don’t know.”
“So what happened?” she asks. She moves next to me on the couch. “Is it just the difference in your lives or what?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Things just exploded in a bad way. My father’s been having an affair.”
“Oh… Jolie…”
“I think my mother has been doing the same. Not as long though.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Everything hit at once, Violet. My father
is involved in some bad stuff. He’s going to end up in trouble. Or dead. My mother doesn’t care. And she told me to choose between her and Mac.”
“What did you do?”
“I chose Mac. Of course.”
“And then things went bad with him?”
I nod.
I swallow hard.
I don’t want to cry.
I really don’t want to cry…
Violet leans toward me and puts her head to mine. “Oh, Jolie. Fuck. That’s a shitty thing to have happen.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Welcome to my life.”
“Can’t you talk to your mother then?”
“Why? She’s going to do what she wants. Live her life the way she wants. I don’t want her threatening me over someone I love. Fuck that.”
“Okay, that’s a good point. Fuck that then. What about Mac?”
“What about him?”
“You know you can still talk to him, right? There’s no way he’s going to just ignore you.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “What if he does? What if this is it… for good?”
Violet inches away. “You have to know what you want then. What you’re willing to do and go through. These guys are all… I don’t know. Is it worth it?”
I don’t answer the question because the cliché thing for me to do is yell YES at Violet and then burst into tears.
So I decide to change the subject.
“Aside from that, I have to figure out what I want to do with my life.”
“So law school is done for good?”
I nod. “I don’t want it anymore. I probably didn’t even want it to begin with. It was just there. Forced on me. Now that I know the truth, I don’t want it.”
“So take some time off and enjoy life,” Violet says. “If you can’t live here, stay with me. We’ll live together. We’ll find a place together.”
“And, what, just live off of…”
“Who cares?” Violet asks. “We’ve earned it.”
I laughed. “We’ve earned it?”
“I don’t know. Screw it. Let’s have some fun. We can go somewhere else. Start over. Find a new beach. Wear skimpy clothes on the beach and enjoy guys that want one thing from us because we only want one thing right back.”
“That sounds like what you want, Violet.”
“I’m just giving suggestions,” she says. She pauses for a second and then looks at me. “I think I’m drunk.”
Mess Us Up (Brooks Crest Book 3) Page 18