How to Bake a New Beginning

by Lucy Knott

  Amanda let out a deep sigh as Louisa linked an arm through hers, warming her up slightly. She felt a little lighter, and colder, than she had done in days; no doubt the pure happiness she felt spending the weekend with her family, and Sabrina being home, had everything to do with that. She navigated the crowds with Sabrina to her left and Louisa clutching on to her right.

  Manchester was jam-packed, the Christmas Markets in full swing. The giant Santa proudly sat on display front and centre. Amanda was taking it in, enjoying the freedom of having a weekend off. She had no Jeff to contend with and no hot and tense kitchen to see to. As much as she loved her job, a weekend off every so often was rather wonderful. If she just had Dan here with her too, it would be perfect.

  ***

  Dan carefully placed a cup in Amanda’s hands, his own hands then wrapping around hers, so she didn’t drop it. She had her eyes closed and a bright smile on her face. The tip of her nose was red from the frosty night air.

  ‘OK, take a sip, but be careful – it will be hot,’ Dan said, his warm hands guiding the cup to her lips.

  Amanda felt something cold touch her lips first. She licked them, and the delicious taste of vanilla whipped cream danced on her taste buds. She knew it was a hot chocolate of some kind, but she didn’t want to spoil the fun just yet, and Dan was smarter than that – he knew not to make it that easy.

  She blew in the direction of the cold whipped cream and slurped to get past it. She could taste a rich coffee, with a smooth blend of chocolate and something she couldn’t put her finger on. Damn it, she thought, her pride not wanting to let Dan win.

  ‘Any guesses?’ Dan asked. He still hadn’t removed his hands from on top of hers. Though Amanda kept her eyes closed, she knew he was smirking. Her brain tried to come up with the right answer. She took another sip, stalling for more time, but she could not place the mystery ingredient.

  ‘Ooh should we have Nutella crepes next?’ she said, to change the subject.

  ‘You have no idea what it is, do you?’ Dan questioned as she opened her eyes and looked down at the cup. ‘You are a cheat,’ he added, removing his hands from around hers and placing them in his coat pockets.

  Amanda blinked a few times to ease the glare of the lights. ‘No, I’m just hungry for crepes,’ she teased, shaking her head at Dan’s mock disappointed look.

  ‘You call yourself my best friend and you can’t even recognize eggnog,’ Dan scoffed, a playful grin playing at his lips. Dan liked his eggnog because he loved all things Christmas. Amanda knew this, but still, she never would have guessed eggnog.

  ‘I said eggnog,’ she noted, batting her eyelashes and taking another sip. Dan laughed and put an arm around her shoulders and started walking in the direction of the crepes.

  The Manchester Christmas Markets felt magical this year, having Dan by her side. He loved the food huts the best, just like Amanda did, but he also enjoyed the details and craftsmanship of the many homemade gift stands. He was an artist through and through.

  Amanda’s toes were numb by the time they headed for home. She hadn’t been able to get Dan away. They had to see every stall, drink another chocolate eggnog – the man was obsessed – and explore every nook and cranny of Manchester city centre before he agreed that the toastiness of Amanda’s house was calling his name too. It was safe to say Dan liked the place, Amanda thought to herself as they walked arm in arm, and for some reason that made her feel good.

  ***

  Amanda cleared her throat and shook her head, angry with herself for letting Dan seep into her thoughts. She had been doing so well to keep phone calls and texts to just once or twice a week over the past few months. She wasn’t about to let the romance of Christmas ruin her efforts of keeping thoughts of her best friend just that, simply thoughts of a best friend and nothing more.

  ‘Ooh, that’s gorgeous,’ Louisa said, pointing at a piece of clothing that looked more suitable to adorn an art gallery wall than an actual person.

  ‘If you say so,’ Amanda said, sarcasm dripping from her tongue. She laughed, glad of the distraction when Louisa hit her with her handbag.

  ‘Can we go in?’ Sabrina asked, eyeing the sales sign. ‘I bet they’ve got tons of dresses on sale now that summer is over,’ she added, excitement in her voice.

  Amanda was about to tell her that she needed to stock up on warmer clothes now she was in England, then it hit her that it wouldn’t be long and Sabrina would be back in LA, no doubt needing a floaty dress for every day of the week. ‘Lead the way,’ she said instead, with a forced smile.

  Amanda absent-mindedly flicked through the dress racks. It wasn’t that she disliked shopping, she quite enjoyed it. Though she didn’t have Louisa’s flair or guts for exquisite pieces or Sabrina’s penchant for floaty ensembles, she knew a knockout dress when she saw one. Her work outfits weren’t much to be desired, so she enjoyed making an effort when she was out of the kitchen, but effort for her still had to be comfy. She was a boots and pants kind of girl and couldn’t say no to an oversized slouchy jumper.

  No, it wasn’t that she disliked shopping, it was more that she kept getting the itch to pick up her phone. As they weaved in and out of the racks, it was like a battle was going on in her brain. She was starting to get on her own nerves, with this whole inability to live without Dan. When had she become so dependent? She needed to get lost in a book or some music or something because shopping clearly wasn’t doing the trick. Then again books and music would be pointless too, she realized. Why did he have to like all the same books she did? And why did Dan have to be a bloody rock star?

  ‘Are you OK over there?’ Sabrina asked, peeking at Amanda from over a rail. ‘You look like you’re trying to solve an algebra equation in that brain of yours and we know maths isn’t your strong suit,’ Sabrina added with a laugh.

  Amanda hastily looked down and focused on the dresses before her, spotting one she knew Sabrina would adore. She grabbed it and held it up, which immediately changed the subject.

  ‘Oh, that’s beautiful,’ Sabrina gushed, moving in to claim it.

  ‘Wow, that’s perfect for you,’ Louisa said, surveying the peach floral number and giving it her approval. ‘Good job, Amanda.’

  ***

  A few hours later, weighed down with bags of clothing, they walked through Amanda’s front door. They deposited their bags in their bedrooms and made quick work of getting into their comfiest PJs. Then Amanda set about making snacks as Sabrina and Louisa got the DVDs ready in the living room. Within the hour they were settled quite comfortably in their favourite spots.

  Amanda lay sprawled out across the single couch, her legs stretched out over the armrest. Louisa made herself cosy on the three-seater couch and Sabrina had taken blankets and cushions to the floor of the white, blush and gold washed living room. It was warm and snug and much to Sabrina’s delight there was pizza and an array of Italian cakes at arm’s reach and What’s Your Number? was playing on the TV. This had been their go-to movie for the past five years and these moments were what the girls lived for. Family was everything to them.

  ‘Could you get any dreamier than Chris Evans?’ Louisa sighed. Her eyes were glazing over with every word Chris Evans spoke.

  ‘Hmm, I’m more a Harry Styles circa 2015 girl myself,’ Amanda replied matter-of-fact, pulling her legs back over the armrest and tucking them under the blanket she had draped over her middle.

  ‘Ooh, tattoos and a man bun,’ Sabrina teased, grabbing another slice of pizza.

  ‘He kind of looks like Dan,’ Louisa piped up, causing Amanda to shove the whole slice of pizza into her mouth.

  Sabrina noticed Amanda’s jaw tense. Something was up because Dan was usually more of a happy topic of conversation, apart from when Sabrina and Louisa pestered Amanda about her feelings for him and whether she liked him more than just as a friendly companion. Louisa hadn’t suggested anything of the sort tonight, just that Dan resembled Harry Styles, albeit a slightly more broad and bearded version
of Harry Styles, but tattooed and luscious hair all the same, with a chiselled jaw and piercing eyes. But at that suggestion Amanda’s whole body had closed off.

  For a while a calm silence enveloped the living room as the girls dug in to pizza and helpings of sfogliatelle, while gazing at the TV screen, as though it had them hypnotized. Chris Evans could have that effect on a person.

  Amanda broke the silence. With her eyes firmly fixed on Chris Evans, she asked the question that Sabrina knew was burning on her lips. Amanda asked her every time she saw her, but this time it had taken her two whole days to bring it up and Sabrina wasn’t sure why.

  ‘Speaking of Dan, how’s he doing these days? And can we invite Chris Evans round for tea? Have you not bumped into him yet, Brina? Really you need to get on that. You can’t be all high-profile LA, getting into all these hip places and not have arranged some sort of meet-up for your dear, sweet sisters with all these gorgeous men.’ Her voice came out in a rush as she tried not to linger on the Dan question, clearly wanting to keep it more as a flyaway query.

  Sabrina knew her sister too well. Something was definitely going on in that head of hers.

  Sabrina fell about laughing. ‘I wish I could snap my fingers and make that happen. Jeez, Amanda, if I could do that, do you not think I would have done it already? And your darling Dan is doing fine – his usual focused self,’ Sabrina said, her voice softening. She kept her gaze on Amanda, but Amanda chose not to meet it and kept her own firmly on the TV.

  Dan was Amanda’s best friend and lead singer of San Francisco Beat – music’s hottest act – and, thanks to Amanda, Sabrina was their manager. Sabrina hadn’t been able to believe her luck when Amanda had sent them her way two and a half years ago. In addition to Dan, there was bassist Dylan, who was the shy type with a sweet nature; guitarist James, who had a penchant for telling jokes and never took anything too seriously; and finally you had Levi, exceptional drummer and heartthrob to many across the world.

  Levi was one to keep an eye on; though an absolute sweetheart, his charm, undeniable good looks and five-star flirting abilities could often lead to trouble. Sabrina had assured Amanda that she would be professional and always do right by the boys. Sabrina had been their big break, but they had also been her saving grace and she wasn’t about to screw it up. But there were times when keeping things professional was exhausting.

  She enjoyed the banter between her and Levi and his playful nature so much. She found that with him she gave as good as she got. Sabrina hadn’t told her sisters about the night she and Levi had kissed. She had worried that it would further cement Louisa’s theory that her life was perfect. Though she ultimately knew her baby sister would be happy for her, she hadn’t wanted to add to her ammo for teasing her.

  Furthermore, after Amanda’s last break-up Sabrina was all about encouraging Amanda to face her fears and not be afraid of love. Sabrina hadn’t wanted to confide in her big sister that she had run from Levi and her own feelings like a coward. It would set a bad example.

  ‘You do realize I have been in the country for over twenty-four hours and you are just asking me that question now. Is everything OK?’ Sabrina asked, Amanda’s fast-talking and intense gaze not going unnoticed.

  ‘Oh no, you haven’t broken up, have you?’ Louisa chimed in, picking at a piece of sfogliatelle they had brought back from the Christmas Markets. Sabrina cringed, wishing Louisa could read Amanda’s body language as well as she could. There were times to approach this subject with Amanda and tonight was not one of those times.

  Amanda’s eyes grew narrow. ‘How many times do I have to tell you, Lou? You can’t break up with someone you’re not dating!’ Amanda said, her tone unfriendly. She rested her head back on her cushion and closed her eyes tight for a few moments.

  ‘Well how many times do we have to tell you, Amanda? You can’t just be friends with your soulmate,’ Louisa replied copying Amanda’s sarcastic and mean tone while using air quotes at the mention of ‘friends’.

  ‘Whatever, Lou. Everything’s fine – just wondered that’s all. The question slipped my mind for a few days, no big deal. You actually get to see him every day, so I just thought I’d check in as per usual, make sure he’s not giving you a hard time,’ Amanda said, absent-mindedly picking at a piece of basil on the top of her fifth pizza slice.

  ‘You know as well as I do that Dan couldn’t give anyone a hard time. He’s awesome, Amanda. I love working with them. The past two and a half years have been incredible,’ Sabrina said, eyeing up her sister, deciding whether she could push this topic further tonight and figure out what was bothering her.

  Louisa had no filter when it came to pushing Amanda’s buttons about Dan, whereas Sabrina tried to be more tactful. Over the years, both she and Louisa had asked on many occasions why Amanda and Dan weren’t a couple. Neither the naive nor tactful approach had been very successful. The first year or two Amanda seemed perplexed by this question, genuinely confused as to how they could ask such a thing, so they had backed off. Amanda was happy, focused and more herself than they had ever seen her, and Sabrina and Louisa had concluded that whatever their relationship status was, they should just let it be – if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

  Gradually, though, Sabrina could see a flicker of sadness in Amanda’s eyes when she talked about Dan. After hours on the phone you could sense that she missed him and longed for more. Dan always asked about Amanda; in fact it had become routine. Whenever he entered Sabrina’s office he greeted her with a cheery hello and ‘How’s Amanda?’ before settling in to talk about work. Of course, Amanda did the very same with every Skype call or visit, always asking about Dan. It was frustrating and rather baffling to Sabrina that they couldn’t see what was in front of them, but she had faith that it would work out if it was meant to be.

  ‘Good to know,’ came Amanda’s response before she dug her spoon into the Nutella jar and took a huge scoop. Putting it to her mouth, she grinned at her sisters, clearly indicating she didn’t want to continue talking about Dan and most definitely looking like some sort of crazy chocolate fiend. Sabrina got the message and settled back against her pillow and blanket fort.

  ‘Speaking of working, do you actually get much work done when Levi’s around?’ Louisa asked Sabrina, her face creasing into a coy grin.

  ‘You sure are on a roll tonight with these questions, aren’t you?’ Sabrina said, grabbing a pillow and launching it at her little sister. ‘Right, no more boy talk unless we are talking about the American dream; plus, I don’t think I’m Levi’s type.’ She shrugged.

  ‘Aha, so you admit to liking him?’ Louisa said bouncing up off the couch.

  Sabrina couldn’t help smiling at her. Louisa wanted everyone to be happy. She loved love and believed in it with all her heart. It was incredibly endearing, if not a little annoying at times like this. Sabrina knew she should tell her sisters about her and Levi, but there was that niggling fear in the back of her mind. She didn’t want to be a hypocrite where Amanda was concerned, and she didn’t want Louisa to slip up and expose her feelings to Levi. Her baby sister could be sneaky like that; love was simple in Louisa’s eyes.

  ‘I didn’t say that – I just said that I don’t think I’m his type anyway,’ Sabrina replied, reaching for the Nutella jar before flashbacks of Levi and Lydia appeared in her mind from the night before she left LA.

  ‘You two are unbelievable,’ Louisa shouted as she made a huge deal of standing up on the couch. ‘You know I’m not so sure either of you would remember to invite me to the meet and greet should you ever stumble upon Captain America himself.’ Louisa was staring off into the distance, waving her arms around, bouncing from one sofa cushion to the next. She was now practically performing some sort of lonely, depressing monologue as though she had just taken centre stage.

  ‘I think you may have even secretly already met him and failed to mention it to me, because you both love secrets and don’t like telling me anything. If I had boys like Dan and Levi
in my midst I sure wouldn’t play all these games,’ she said, exasperated and now staring her sisters down. ‘Sabrina, you have an amazing job, where you get to go to all these fancy parties and rub elbows with celebrities galore. You’re kicking arse with the world’s hottest rock band and you are beautiful. If you like Levi, go for it and tell him. Then, not only will you have a glamorous, perfect job, but you will also get to go home to a rock god who’s good with his hands. What more could you possibly want?’

  ‘Louisa!!!!’ Sabrina shouted, gobsmacked and embarrassed by her little sister’s choice of words, but Louisa wasn’t done yet.

  ‘And, you.’ Louisa pointed at Amanda, whose eyes were slightly narrowed, with a hint of a smirk playing at her lips, her head tilted to one side, gently warning Louisa to tread carefully, but Louisa wasn’t fazed. ‘Dan isn’t like your ex – aliens in outer space can see that – and if you are speaking the honest to goodness truth when you tell us that you don’t see him as anything more than a friend, then you need to start dating again … properly – no one-night stands, no too busy with work, no excuses, because what, or more importantly, who are you waiting for?’

  Louisa finished and sat back down on the couch. Sabrina looked at her not quite knowing what to say. Amanda brushed a hand through her long wavy brown mane. Her eyes were still squinted, like she was thinking. There was a tension in the room that hadn’t been there mere minutes ago. The girls were typical siblings and rows and arguments broke out occasionally.

  Sabrina could feel the heat from Louisa. It seemed something had irked her, maybe something at work, maybe a boy, or maybe she really was on to something. It made Sabrina feel silly. She was supposed to be the older sister offering advice to Louisa, but she didn’t have a clue what she was doing with Levi; furthermore, she felt slightly irritated that Louisa always thought it so simple. And, had Louisa not piped up again about how glamorous Sabrina’s life was, maybe Sabrina would have chosen to do what she always did and keep the conversation light and playful, but she was getting a bit fed up.