Straightjacket

by Meredith Towbin

  “I thought we were talking about you.”

  “And now we can talk about you.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know if we should.”

  “Come on. I promise I won’t freak out.” Now she was the one to shut her lips tightly, twist her pinched fingers, and throw away an imaginary key. He laughed, and the sound of him happy made her feel dizzy.

  “Okay, okay,” he said, leaning his head back on the bench so that he was squinting up at the sky. “Heaven is…heaven is whatever you want it to be.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Isn’t that enough?” He laughed again.

  “Are there big pearly gates, angels sitting on clouds playing the harp, you know, all that stuff?”

  “I guess there could be if you wanted it. That wasn’t really my thing.”

  “What was your thing, then?”

  “I thought you threw away your key, Miss Chatty?”

  “Come on! You have to tell me,” she said. “It’s not every day you get to ask somebody what heaven’s like.”

  “All right. I had a studio where I could sit and draw for as long as I wanted. I didn’t have to stop working to sleep or eat or do anything I didn’t want to.”

  “That drawing of the studio in your room, that was it, right?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. “What about that drawing I saw, the one with the fountain? Was that part of your heaven?”

  “No, that was part of the commons. If you want to see other angels, you can go there.”

  “What about—what’s his name, your guide? Where did he live?”

  “Samuel, yeah, he’s a golfer. Golfs all the time, but he still sucks.”

  She laughed and thought about his answers, which she was accepting as facts. She tried to picture him walking around in heaven. He would fit in perfectly.

  Still giggling, she caught sight of a strange man near the doors to the courtyard. He stood like he was ready to pounce.

  And he was staring right at her.

  Squinting at her through the drifting clouds of smoke, he looked as though he hated her. His hands were formed into tight fists. Her giggling trailed off as her gaze traveled up his arms and she saw the veins popping up over the surface of his skin and his tightly flexed muscles. He had a tattoo running up one arm, but she couldn’t make out what it was. His thin black T-shirt stuck to his chest, exposing the outline of his muscles underneath. She turned toward Caleb, reasoning that if she waited a few seconds, the man would find someone else to scowl at. But when she returned to him, he was still staring at her, and she started to feel uneasy. She focused her attention back on Caleb.

  “What’s wrong?” There was a hint of alarm in his voice.

  She’d always hated that her face was so easy to read.

  “It’s nothing.” She tried to answer calmly. “Just, that guy over there is staring at me.”

  Anna watched his face as he checked it out. Caleb’s expression changed instantly to match the hatred staring back at him. In seconds Anna’s mouth dried up and a wave of nausea passed through her. She couldn’t tell if it was from the medication she had started the day before or from fear.

  “Just ignore him,” Caleb said. He started to tell her more about heaven, about Venus from some painting, but she couldn’t help but look over at the man every few seconds, checking to see what he was doing. Her horror mounted each time. After a few minutes, he began to walk toward her. She reflexively grabbed Caleb’s arm. Her urgent touch made him stop midsentence. He joined her in watching the man as he continued to approach them. Caleb stood up, then Anna, and he moved in front of her, trying to use his hand to guide her behind his body. She obeyed, but only because the unwelcome familiarity of a sickness in her stomach began to stir.

  The man finally reached them and stopped only inches from Caleb. They were about the same height, which was almost half a foot taller than Anna. Their noses were almost touching. She could see him more clearly now. He was completely bald. The tattoo on his arm turned out to be a sleeve of black flames that disappeared up into his T-shirt.

  The man twisted his head around Caleb. “I wanna talk to you,” he said to Anna. His voice was deep and cruel.

  She was about to answer something, she didn’t know what, but before she could, she heard Caleb.

  “There’s nothing you need to say to her,” he said flatly.

  “I wasn’t talking to you.”

  “Well, I’m talking to you. Like I said, there’s nothing you need to say to her.”

  The man clenched his fists even tighter. He refused to look away from Caleb or even blink. And then he took a step back and raised his fist.

  “Wait!” Anna pushed her way out from behind Caleb. “Just wait. What do you want?”

  “I wanna know what you’re doing with him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do you think you’re doing with him?”

  “We were talking—sitting and talking,” she said quickly. Her hands began to shake. Caleb tried to move her back behind him with one hand on her hip, but she resisted and stayed glued to his side.

  “Do you think I’m stupid? I know what’s going on here.” He paused and spit out two more words. “You whore.” Caleb took a step forward, raising his own fist this time, but Anna stepped in between them in an instant.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Now her voice was shaking as much as her hands, but she stood stuck to the spot in front of Caleb.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t find out about it? I knew you’d do me like this.” The features of his face twisted. She desperately searched for a way to diffuse him.

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t even know you. I think you’re confusing me with someone else.”

  “What?” Everyone in the courtyard looked over. His jugular was popping out of his neck, and he was bright red. “Shut up! You bitch!”

  Anna heard skin slapping skin and lost her balance. The side of her face burned like she’d just been branded, and it was only when she felt the pain that she realized he had slapped her. Within seconds, Caleb grabbed the man’s T-shirt, scrunching it up into his fist and pulling him toward him. He pounded his other fist into the side of the man’s face. He stumbled backward, screamed with rage, and charged at Caleb, punching him first in the face and then in his gut.

  “No! Stop!” Anna yelled, and jumped between them. The man’s next blow, which was intended for Caleb, hit her in the shoulder and knocked her to the ground two feet away. She screamed in pain and grabbed her arm as she lay on the brick. She tried to get up, but the searing pain seemed to take over her entire body. She rolled onto her side and watched, horrified, as Caleb and the man took turns beating each other. She screamed for help but all she could see were a dozen terrified eyes looking on. It was silent except for the sound of grunting.

  “Caleb! Somebody help him!” Four huge attendants were running toward them. One of them pinned Caleb’s arms behind him. Another tried to do the same to the man, but he broke free and started punching whoever was nearby. The other two attendants ran over and jumped on him, and the man fell crashing to the ground. It took three of them to hold him there, his cheek and stomach pressed hard to the ground while he screamed and struggled. Then Carlene came out, shuffling her feet along the ground as she tried to run. She stuck a syringe in the man’s arm and then jumped back, staring fiercely at him with her chubby hands raised and ready to pound him. In a few moments, he stopped struggling altogether. His screaming died to a mumble, and the three men dragged him into the building.

  “Let go of me!” Caleb yelled, struggling to get free. “I need to see if she’s all right!”

  “Take it easy,” the attendant yelled, pulling Caleb toward the building. “I’ll have Carlene shoot you full too, if you don’t calm down.”

  “Please, go see if she’s all right!” he screamed at Carlene as he was led, struggling, back into the hospital.

  Anna was too dazed to stand up. She tried to yell for Ca
leb, but nothing came out. The sliding doors opened to receive him.

  Then everything went black.

  Chapter Nine

  Caleb didn’t know how long he’d been locked in the isolation room. He had no connection to time. There were no clocks or windows. When they threw him in and left him there, he’d yelled, begging them to tell him if Anna was all right. But no matter how loud he screamed, his voice sank into the white padded walls, leaving a dead silence.

  There was a door, too, with a small rectangular window in it. He couldn’t jiggle the door handle since there wasn’t one. He tried banging, but his fists made only a dull thumping noise. He started to think that no one else in the universe knew he existed. He’d been left in a white void, and for all he knew, they’d forgotten about him forever. But then he saw a nurse peek through the tiny window. She looked at him for only a few seconds, and then she was gone. Every once in a while her head would fill the window, but she stayed there only long enough to see what he was doing. So he wasn’t quite alone. They were watching and he was blind.

  The soreness had snuck up on him. He’d taken some strong punches to the stomach and face. His right side hurt badly, and he gently poked each of his ribs, trying to locate the exact injury. A pain radiated inward when he touched them. There was no mirror to see the extent of the damage to his face, so he used his fingers. He felt around his right eye and found that the skin was already brutally swollen. He moved his sore jaw from side to side as he cupped his hand around it, searching for broken bone. Dry, crusty blood stuck to the skin underneath his nose and he attempted to wipe it away with the bottom of his T-shirt.

  The only thing to do in the room was to stare at the walls and terrorize himself with images of Anna’s limp body lying on the ground. He was desperate to see her. He’d meant to get her to talk—for the sake of the mission—but now he couldn’t care less about what he was supposed to do. He was going out of his mind, not knowing what happened to her. He wished that maniac who’d hurt her was in the room with him so he could pick up where they’d left off. Instead he was probably dozing in a peaceful medicated stupor. He could only hope he’d wake up to find himself strapped down in a room like this.

  At one point, the door opened and Dr. Blackwell stepped in. Caleb stood up and faced him squarely. The panic he’d tried to beat down rose up again.

  “Anna—how’s Anna?” Caleb asked with no attempt to hide his desperation.

  “Caleb, calm down.”

  “Just tell me if she’s okay!” He took an aggressive step forward.

  “Caleb, I’m warning you. Stop yelling and try to control yourself, or I’ll have to leave.” He wanted to punch Dr. Blackwell, beat it out of him how Anna was. His fingers rolled into his hands to form fists, but he backed away slowly. He decided to obey until the moment that Dr. Blackwell wasn’t cooperative. Then he’d fight his way out if he had to and find Anna.

  “Thank you. Now please tell me what happened.”

  “Please,” Caleb said softly and with great control, “please tell me if Anna is okay.”

  “Yes, she’s fine. She’s currently in a room in the main hospital.”

  “Why? What did he do to her?” He took a quick step forward.

  “Back up.”

  Caleb glared cruelly at the doctor but took a step backward.

  “She has a broken collarbone, but she’s going to be fine.”

  “A broken collarbone? No, no,” Caleb muttered to himself. “That bastard. The next time I see him, I’m gonna kill him.”

  “No, you won’t,” he said. “We’re dealing with him. You need to worry about yourself, Caleb.”

  “What kind of place is this? You let some psychotic maniac roam around, beating up innocent girls, and I’m the one who’s in trouble?”

  “We have zero tolerance for violence here,” Dr. Blackwell said. “No matter the circumstances, you engaged in a fight with another patient. We can’t overlook that.”

  Caleb dropped his head in his hands, with his fingers resting on his temples. “Well you’ve already put me in isolation for…I don’t even know how long. What else are you going to do to me?”

  “This is your first offense, so you’ll be released back to your room shortly after a doctor examines your injuries. But you need to stay calm. Are we clear?” Caleb glared at him and didn’t answer. “Are we clear?”

  “Yes,” Caleb whispered, lowering his head. The doctor turned around and headed toward the door.

  “One more thing,” he said, turning back around. “We’ll have to notify your father about this.”

  Caleb didn’t look up from the floor. “Is that really necessary?”

  “It is. That’s what you agreed to.”

  Caleb knew Dr. Blackwell had walked out because the room was quiet again, but moments later he heard a different voice.

  “Come on.” One of the Bouncers waited at the door for him. “And don’t try anything or you’ll be right back here.” The attendant grabbed him violently by the arm.

  “Easy,” Caleb snapped, trying to rip his arm out of the hand, but the attendant held on even tighter.

  “What did I tell you? Behave yourself.” He pushed Caleb out, down the hallway, and with the swipe of an ID badge, the double doors to the ward opened for them. They waited at the elevator, and when the doors slid open, an elderly woman stood inside. She had a sweet smile on her face in anticipation of another passenger, but when she saw his face and, shortly after, the attendant’s hand on his arm, her smile evaporated and she moved cautiously to the side.

  The doors slid closed as the attendant pressed the button. Caleb sensed that the woman’s eyes were on him. Although he stayed focused on the numbers over the door, he could see that she had shifted her purse to her other shoulder, away from him. So he was a dangerous freak. Part of him wanted to show her just what she expected. Maybe he could start howling or shake his tongue wildly at her. That would freak her out. But no, he wanted to maintain some dignity, so he just kept staring at the numbers. When the doors opened, he put out his hand, motioning for her to exit first. She gave him a startled smile and moved outside without turning back. The attendant jerked him forward and to the left.

  “Can you stop with the shoving? I’m coming.”

  “Shut up.” The attendant yanked him even harder. When they came to an exam room, he pushed him inside.

  “Go sit on the bed. And don’t move.”

  Caleb did as he was told, but not before curling his lip up at him in disgust. The Bouncer positioned himself outside the room with his massive back pressed up against the window.

  Caleb caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He blinked a couple of times, not believing the reflection was his own. He knew his eye was swollen, but the skin around it had bloated to massive proportions. Dried blood was smeared under his nose and on his cheek. A bruise had already formed on one side of his jaw.

  Not wanting to look at himself anymore, he started searching for something to read. There were no magazines, only pamphlets on heart disease and hepatitis vaccines. There was a large poster, a diagram of the human body, to his left. It showed all the muscles with each of them labeled. His eyes started at the feet and moved upward. It looked like a man. The red tissue stretched over a bony frame as the figure flexed his arms, stomach, and back. The man was hairless, skinless, sightless—and repulsive. The doctors saw that when they looked at him: just a collection of bones and muscles and body parts. A name for everything. And if his body and brain didn’t match up to their diagrams, it was their job to fix him. He couldn’t stand to think of it.

  Still sitting on the bed, he stretched out his arms. Out in the hallway everything started moving fast. A doctor seemed to bolt into the room, followed by a nurse in green scrubs. He didn’t want to be bothered with listening to them. He felt them touch him, tug on him, but he ignored it and instead tried to focus on what he knew would happen next.

  “What were you thinking?” Samuel said.

  Althou
gh his arms remained stretched out in front of him, the tension dissolved and peacefulness settled over him. In an instant he found himself in the blazing bright room without walls.

  “Shut up.” Although Caleb was annoyed with Samuel’s tone, he had made the loneliness go away and brought him closer to home.

  “Caleb, what did you think you were doing?”

  This time Samuel hadn’t come with the golf club.

  “What do you mean? That guy was gonna kill her.”

  “You didn’t just protect her. The way you pounded that guy—you were trying to kill him. I warned you. I warned you not to get so wrapped up in this.” Samuel paused, trying to gain some control. “You’re not doing your job.”

  “Really?” Caleb barked. “It’s not like you gave me a handbook on how to do this. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re blinding yourself.” Samuel shook his head. “You’re in love with her, you idiot.”

  “I’m not talking to you about this.”

  “Caleb, you can’t see clearly anymore. You’re not yourself.”

  “Of course I’m not myself! They lock me up, they treat me like I’m nothing. No—no, that’s just part of the time. The rest of the time, they treat me like—like a disease. They don’t care what else I am. I’m an illness that needs to be cured or a pest that makes their job suck.”

  Samuel was firm. “You’re using her to cope with what’s happening to you. You need to take a step back from her.”

  “I can’t do that. It’s too late.”

  “You have to. Everything’s messed up and you need to fix it.”

  “Easy for you to say, sitting up there without a care in the world.”

  Samuel ignored him. “You’re going to have to do something to separate yourself from her without jeopardizing some of the progress she’s made. You fix this and then come home.”

  Samuel vanished. The brightness disappeared and the walls of the small examining room took its place. The skinless man without eyes came back into view, and it gave him an idea. He would pretend he was still in a stupor so he wouldn’t have to deal with being shoved around and told what to do. In a few minutes an attendant came in, lifted him up, and placed him in a wheelchair. The man pushed Caleb’s arms down and placed them on his lap. They felt uncomfortable like that, but he wouldn’t dare move them and give away his secret. He was wheeled into his room and laid down on his bed. When he heard the attendant leave, he sat up and looked at the clock glowing in the darkness. It was 11:03 p.m. He tried to twist and stretch out his back, but winced when he felt pain in his side. He’d forgotten he’d been hurt.