The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “Shit. What in the hell did you do to yourself?” she mumbles as she takes some cotton balls and pours antiseptic on them. She picks up my hand, hers warm to the touch, and I hold back a grimace as she starts dabbing the open wounds on my knuckles. “You seem to think you’re so fearless. Guess you bleed like the rest of us.”

  “Ow!”

  “Quit being a baby. I swear, you think you can take so much but you hurt like everyone else.” She whimpers. “I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head, missing something she said. “How did you do this, Tanner, or what does the other guy look like?”

  I shrug. “I got mad. It’s no big deal.” She applies the liquid antibiotic on the cuts and I hiss.

  Her eyes move to mine. Blue. Caring. Sympathetic. “You always hit when you get mad? Seems like there could be a less destructive way to let release your anger.” She looks through the doorway at my punching bag, then down at my hand as she starts to wrap it in gauze. “Isn’t that what your punching bag is for?” I shrug again, not wanting to divulge how I hurt my hand. As usual, I add to my overwhelming list of secrets. Some I’ll take to the grave, some I hope to share. If I can. Someday. Her skin is so soft as she holds my hand. It makes me want to go hurt my other one so she’ll feel the need to doctor it too. Always so helpful. Always caring. Forever strong. “There.” She lays my hand back onto the counter and I feel the loss of hers immediately. I watch as she puts everything back in the kit and closes the lid. She eyes me under her long lashes as she walks around and sits down on the stool beside me, pushing one of the plates in my direction.

  We eat in silence until I let out a “Thank you” quietly, staring at the food on my plate, afraid to look at her. Scared. Again. You’re better than that now. Stronger. I turn my head and look at her, sitting up straighter. “Thank you. Really. That was nice of you to do.” Her head turns my way, a small smile raising on that beautiful mouth. She shrugs, like it wasn’t anything. I know she shies away from those she doesn’t know and she doesn’t know me, that well. Yet. I plan on changing that.

  “You’re welcome. It wasn’t anything.”

  I let out a quiet chuckle. Just what I knew she would say. Looking back down at my plate, I take another bite and let out a long sigh as I swallow. I set down my fork and wipe my mouth with the paper towel she’d set by the plate and turn to her, catching her in mid bite. “Look. I get that you don’t like me much. That’s cool. You might be surprised that I’m not that bad of a guy. In fact, I’m a pretty good guy, one you might find you want to spend time with, get to know. Who knows, you might even find out that I can be a pretty good friend.” I smile, hoping I don’t sound like a lunatic. This might be a mistake. The biggest one I’ve ever made. If she allows it, could I just be her friend? Would that destroy me? What if she doesn’t even want to be my friend? That would definitely destroy me.

  She takes the bite, wipes her mouth with her own paper towel as she swallows and turns halfway towards me. Her eyes burn into mine, and suddenly it feels way too warm in here. “I never said I didn’t like you. It’s just…” She looks down, and I follow her eyes. She’s wringing her hands in frustration. I look up as her eyes meet mine again. “It’s just kind of hard for me. I’m not used to having friends, well other than Jase and Alena. Hailey’s kinda cool too. It’s just weird for me.” I wait, hoping there’ll be more then she turns forward, picks up her fork and starts eating again. Well, that’s that. Maybe in time she’ll let me in, let me try to be a friend. At least we both work at the gym, there’s gotta be times that I can try to get her to relax more around me, show her I’m a good person. “I might be able to be friends,” she whispers so quietly I almost didn’t hear. My head snaps towards her. She’s looking down, picking up her toast. Her eyes shift my way then forward quickly as she takes a bite. I turn back and pick up a piece of bacon, smiling as I take a big bite. We didn’t speak after that, just ate our food. It wasn’t necessary. The seal had been broken. She’s gonna try to let me be a friend. I won’t let her down.

  Not this time.

  Later, I follow her to the gym in my truck, hating that she’s on that death trap of a bike, and we open the gym together. We haven’t really spoken the rest of the day or evening, been too busy with clients, members, and potential new members who came in and out. Once everyone is gone, I lock up and then run upstairs, hoping to get in a few laps around the track before heading home. As soon as I reach the top step, I turn my head at the sound of running feet. She’s across from me. Running on the track. Her body already beaded with sweat. Her hair blows in the breeze as she’s running pretty fast. It’s like she’s mad or trying to exhaust her body. More likely the latter. I know how that feels. Wanting to go home and collapse into bed, to be so tired that nothing will enter your sleep. Seems like since I’ve gotten close to her, my nightmares that I’ve tried so desperately to get rid of have returned with a vengeance. I turn to my left and take off running, hoping she didn’t see me looking at her. She’ll catch up as I start out slow to loosen up, but it’ll look like I didn’t know she was here. As I make my way down the track, following the curve to the left, I hear her gaining on me so I pick up my pace a bit. My heart starts revving up its beat and my shoes start hitting the pavement harder. I get halfway around when she whizzes by me, the first genuine smile I’ve seen gracing her face.

  “I think you can run faster than that.” She smirks as she picks up speed. I can’t help how my own smile spreads as I open up, trying to catch up to her. She’s fast, I’ll give her that. But I’m faster.

  It takes a bit to get my speed up but finally everything around me fades away as I let myself go. Nothing like feeling the burn in your leg muscles as you push your limits. My eyes are on my target, watching her firm ass moving and her legs flexing as I gain on her. She doesn’t look back but she knows. She can hear me. Feel me. As I move up to her side, a determination overshadows her face, and she kicks it up a notch, inching farther away. So competitive. I push harder, catching up to her again as we round the next bend. The only sound in the vast room is of our heavy breathing and our shoes pounding the track floor. Sweat has taken over my skin, and I feel a drop slide down my forehead. We make it down the long length of track and round another corner, pacing ourselves a bit for the next turn. I turn my head and she shifts her eyes to mine. I nod, tilting my head down the length of the track. She nods and as we round the next corner, we both let go. It’s neck and neck for a long time then I pull out, letting go of everything my body can give. I race past her and stop when I get to the end, bowing over with my hands on my knees taking in much needed oxygen. It’s only a minute later I look up and see her mimicking my position. We don’t speak, both of us catching our breaths. Finally, she stands and places a hand on her hip, cocking it. Sexy.

  “No fair! My legs are shorter.” She practically whines but there’s a small smile there.

  I stand and put both hands on my hips and tilt my head. “You almost had me. Guess that’s my point.” I give her a wink and grin. Suddenly, something happens that I never thought would. She starts laughing, the sound so sweet to my ears that I start laughing too. My heart fills with her laughter, and it seems like we both can’t stop.

  “You’re both crazy.”

  Our heads turn and see Hailey striding down the track, but she veers off into the machine area, a towel over her shoulder. She puts her buds in her ears and steps up on a treadmill, pushing a button to start the belt. As she begins to walk, she looks over her shoulder at us. “Danny’s. Twenty minutes. Cold ones. Don’t be late. I’ll lock up.” Bossy.

  Jolie looks at me, and I shrug. “I could use a cold one,” I tell her.

  Her face scrunches. “Alcohol.” She shivers remembering last night. I let out a laugh as I walk towards her. I play punch her arm as I start to walk by, not wanting to hurt her but also not wanting to hurt my injured hand.

  “Bite the hair of
the dog. Come on. Race ya to the locker rooms.” I take off in a sprint and soon hear her laugh and then the pounding of shoes coming up behind me.

  Down in the men’s locker room, taking a shower, the thoughts that fill my head and heart, keep me smiling the entire time. This is the best fucking day ever!

  Chapter 4

  God, he reminds me of someone, someone I can’t place. Or maybe, he’s just someone I hope to know. That scares me. His mannerisms, the way he says some things, or a look, that grin. I dunno. Maybe I’m just going crazy. I must be since I’m starting to feel more relaxed around him. Thing is, I’ve made a few friends here, even Jase back in college, and if we become best friends, I still couldn’t completely open up to them. Especially him. No one can know my secrets, what I’ve been through. No one can know how weak I was. I’ve grown into a strong woman, not letting anyone give me any shit. I won’t put myself in a position of weakness or being overpowered ever again. Never again. Those days are over. I still can’t be with a guy or even think about having a boyfriend. Although if I did, I can think of one that I’d want.

  I’ve only known Tanner for a few short months and in that time it’s really only been to help protect Jase and Alena, not really having the time to get to know him. He seems like an okay guy. What am I saying? He seems more than okay. He’s one of those kinds of guys that if you saw him on the street, your eyes would be drawn to him instantly, like a magnet. You’d grow wet if he looked at you and gave you that sexy cocky grin and if his lips turned up into a smile, widening to show his white straight teeth, you’d melt in a puddle before him. Crap, I really need to lay off reading those romance novels. They’re turning me into a mushy girly girl.

  For the first time in my life, while taking my shower, I imagine it’s his hands that are wet with soap, running over my breasts and down my stomach. I imagine it’s his hand that cleans between my legs, and I swear I let out a gasp. Thinking about his hard body behind mine, reaching around me and feeling his hard muscles flex, is causing a fire to ignite inside me. The flame begins to kindle as I flick my clit, thinking it’s his finger that presses there, rubbing and swirling. “God,” I gasp as an orgasm begins to coil, my legs become shaky with my desire. My head tilts back, the water beating down on my throat, hitting the tenderness of my nipples, as I continue my torture, and thinking only of him. I start moving faster, harder, my mind conjuring his face, his dark eyes that burn into my brain. I scream out as my legs almost buckle with my release. I turn around and lean my back against the cool tile, the water cascading down my face and the front of my body. “Shit! That was even better than my vibrator,” I whisper. I smile, thinking about what I just did and in the gym shower no less.

  I dry off quickly and wrap the towel around me. I walk to my bag on the counter, blow dry my hair and apply some makeup. Holding the mascara wand up to my eye, I’m careful to give my lashes the appropriate coating.

  “You okay in there?”

  I jump at his voice and sigh when I see the line of mascara up the side of my eyelid. “Shit.” I reach into my bag and grab my makeup remover pads and start dabbing away at the unsightly painting on my face.

  “If you don’t answer, I’m coming in there,” he growls. Bossy. Protective. I look at my reflection and see my smile.

  “I’ll be out in a few minutes!” I yell. “Keep your pants on!” Or not. Shit! How can I face him after what I did? Embarrassment takes hold of me. It’s not like he’ll know I did that thinking of him. I shrug and start fixing my mascara blunder, put on some blush, and get dressed. I’d brought a pair of my favorite skinny blue jeans and a light sweater top that falls off one shoulder, knowing the ride home on my bike it would be chilly. Fluffing up my hair and puckering my glossed lips, I nod to myself in the mirror.

  “Sheesh! Hurry up! A man could die of thirst before you’re ready!”

  I scrunch up my nose and put everything back in my small bag, grab it, and walk through the locker room. As I walk out the doorway, he’s leaning against the wall, one foot propped up against it, his hands in his front pockets, his fingers laying on his thighs. “About time,” he says. I pay him no attention and walk through the room but grin when I hear him soon walking behind me. We leave the lights on since Hailey is still here, knowing she’ll lock up, and walk down the small hallway to the back door. The hallway that we were in this morning. So many things have happened since then. Funny how even the smallest things can change your life, change you inside, or at least put a small dent in how you were before.

  “Want me to put your bag in my truck?” he asks as we walk through the parking lot. I stop at my bike and turn to him.

  “Nah. I can take it on my bike.” I place it in the built-in box and smirk.

  “Why don’t we go drop your bike off at our apartment building and you can ride with me?” I look at him, thinking on it.

  Placing my hand on my hip, I get angry. “Why? Do you think I’ll get drunk again and need a ride home?”

  Then he does something I’ll never forget. He strides over until he’s right in front of me. He lifts his hand and smooths back some of my hair from my face. “No.” His voice is low, rough, the sound traveling straight down to my core. “Just being nice and saving gas.” He looks at me with such intenseness that I have to push my legs together as I swallow hard. He’s taller than me, by a few inches so my eyes are looking up into his. “Just … let me drive you, okay?” I nod, not able to speak or move. It’s like he’s hypnotized me or is trying to with his eyes. Suddenly, it’s like his spell is broken. He smiles and takes a step back. “Good. I’ll follow you.” With a shaky leg, I straddle my bike and turn it on, not sure if I’m even able to drive home safely even with no alcohol in my system yet. The familiarity of that intenseness hits me on the way home, those eyes, and the way he looked at me. Such a strange feeling of familiarity but there’s no way I could have known him before. We only met just a few months ago. Still, such a strange feeling passes through me, making me shiver.

  After parking in my spot under the street light, I get off my bike and secure it with a lock and chain around the pole. When I turn around, Tanner’s sitting there in his truck beside me. I love his big black truck, the color seeming to match his eyes. Heat warms me internally, and I almost think about telling him I’m gonna stay home, wallow in reading the romance novel I’ve gotten into lately. I like Hailey okay, and I’m fairly comfortable at Danny’s, but the thought of hanging out with him again makes me a bit squeamish. Not that I don’t like him or think he’s okay to be around, it’s just the way he makes me feel. I must need to get laid, not that I’ve ever done that before or would tolerate a one night stand. I’m not even sure if I could ever relish the idea, with how nervous I am being around people – the opposite sex especially. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here staring at his truck but suddenly the passenger window moves down and I get a clear view of Tanner.

  “Will ya hurry up? I’m thirsty!” That sexy grin that melts me so delectably in all the right place, forms on his mouth. Shit! I’m in so much trouble. Traitorous body!

  I give him a smirk back and open the door, grabbing ahold of the handle above and hoisting myself onto the seat. “Yeah. Yeah. Don’t get your boxers in a bunch.” I barely close the door and start to buckle my seatbelt when he screeches down the street. “Geez, give a girl a minute, will ya?” Finally, I’m able to lock the belt in place, my eyes shifting over to him. He’s smiling big now, looking out the front.

  “Your points are dwindling by the minute. You might want to up your game a bit.” He smiles, thinking he’s all cocky and shit.

  I pull the thin strap of my purse up on my shoulder. “Yeah, my points are just fine, thank you very much,” I grumble, eliciting a laugh from him. Jerk.

  The parking lot at Danny’s is packed, as I suspected. Tanner pulls alongside the curb down the street a bit and puts it in park. At l
east I have on my flat beaded flip flops this time so I don’t have to worry about walking and breaking my neck. I watch him climb down from his truck and quickly open my door. I unclasp the belt and grab the handle above. By the time I hop down from the truck and land on the sidewalk, he’s standing in front of me with a frown.

  “You could have waited. I would have helped you down,” he nearly growls. What the hell?

  Crossing my arms over my chest, hoisting up my girls a bit, I scowl right back at him. “I get that but I’m more than capable of getting out of a truck.” I start to walk down the sidewalk, not hearing him behind me. Sheesh, what a sore ass. I can tell, deep down, he’s a pretty decent guy, but he sure gets ticked off easily, at least I’ve noticed he does with me. By the time I’m almost to Danny’s front door, the sound of feet running behind catches up with me. Tanner just about knocks me over, opening the door for me. “I get it. Chivalry isn’t dead, but you don’t have to kill me in order to prove that.” Point for me. We both raise our brows at each other, and I walk in past him. I remember the first time I walked into Danny’s with Jase a little over two years ago. Of course, since Jase is from here he knew everyone, and I was so totally out of my element around people in general. I was beyond shy. That didn’t stop him though. He introduced me to everyone, and I was surprised that I ended up having a really good time. Now, it doesn’t bother me to come in here although I’m still very leery of people I don’t know. Guess that may never change. Not after....