The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “Shhh. Jolie. I’m here. I’ve got you,” I whisper hoping she can hear me in her sleep and take a little comfort.

  Her chest rises and falls from her labored breathing, and her arms twitch in mine, but then she begins to calm down. Finally, her body relaxes into mine, and I hear her light breathing. I lay my head down on the pillow, her hair tickling my nose, as I feel her warmth. Was it the sound of my voice that calmed her? My arm around her that made her feel safe? I hope so, it’s the least I can do.0

  It’s only a few more hours when I awaken again, mainly because I need to go to the bathroom. I look down and see she’s still asleep and peek over her at her alarm clock. It’s almost five in the morning, and I feel like I slept better than I have my entire life. I creep out of the bed and walk blindly through her room, knowing where the bathroom would be, just like my apartment. I stub my toe when I walk right into a wall. “Shit,” I whisper turning my head back towards the bed. I walk back the other way, hoping it’s there and find the door frame, stepping inside and closing the door then flip on the light. I guess the rooms are backwards than they are at my place. I relieve myself then wash my hands, drying them off on the hand towel folded over a towel rack behind me. I walk back to the door, flip off the light, and open it, only to stop by her voice as soon as I walk through.

  “I thought you’d left,” she whispers, her voice groggy with sleep.

  I can’t help the smile that comes quickly as I walk back to the bed and climb in. I get settled beside her and grab her arm, pulling her over to me. She comes willingly, laying her head on my chest. Her arm is bent and her hand is resting on my chest. “Nah. Just had to go to the bathroom.” I start playing with strands of her soft hair, loving the feel of her warmth invading me. She moves her leg over mine, like we do this all the time. “I’m feeling way too comfortable here,” I whisper and hear her sigh.

  “I know.” She starts moving her finger over my skin and my cock stands at attention, more than it already was. She raises her head and looks at me. “What time are you going to see the house?” I start rubbing the soft skin across her arm.

  “Around nine. Think we can get Hailey to keep an eye on things for a little while?” I really want her to see the house, see what I envision there.

  “I think she would.” I look down and smile at her.

  I grasp her arm. “Come on.” I push the covers off us and take her hand, pulling her out of bed with me. “Let’s get cleaned up and ready for work.” I need to stop by my apartment to change clothes, but I’ll be damned if I don’t take advantage of being alone with her a little longer.

  I take from her, more than I deserve, up against the tiled wall in her shower. The sound of my name as her orgasm hits her has to be the best sound I’ve ever heard, and I want to keep hearing it over and over. As she gets dressed, I go over to my apartment and change clothes, shave, and brush my teeth. By the time I walk out of my place, she’s locking the many locks on her door. I walk straight to her, and as she turns around her eyes look up into mine. I cup her face, my brows lower in seriousness. “You know, I’ll always protect you. Just like always,” I whisper. Her eyes widen. Her body stiffens.

  “What did you say?”

  My heart stills. I put on a smile quickly but don’t feel it. “I mean. You don’t have to worry with so many locks. I’m right next door.” She can’t know. Not yet. It’s too soon. I’ll lose her.

  She relaxes and leans into me, letting out a small laugh. “My hero.”

  I take her hand and thread my fingers through hers. It feels good. Feels right. It’s sprinkling outside so I tell her I’ll take her to work. She doesn’t argue. I like having her in my truck, like having her walk with me inside. I like having her around me.

  Hailey huffs when we ask if she can watch the gym long enough for us to run an errand, but she does it anyway. I’m finding that’s just typical Hailey. So, once we’ve made sure everything’s taken care of, we head out in my truck to the house. I’m lost in my thoughts as I drive over, hoping I’ll be able to get this house and finally have a home again. I want something of my own, something I can fix up and be proud of. My eyes shift down as I feel Jolie’s hand slide into mine. Warmth.

  “Are you okay?” Her eyes twinkle at me. Something in them causes me to shiver. I give her a grin and let out a breath.

  “Yeah. Guess I’m a little nervous. This is something I’ve always dreamed of, something I’ve wanted for a long time.” Her mouth turns up into a smile. Her lips part, showing me those white straight teeth, and her face lights up. My smile grows. “What? I’m excited.” She squeezes my hand.

  “Nothing.” Her smile grows. “I just like seeing you this way.”

  I squeeze back. “What way?”

  “Like a big kid going to get something he’s been dying to get. Like a toy or game he’s always wanted and finally gets to have.” Her smile is so big, it lights up her entire face. I love seeing her like this, like she has no worries, no cares in the world. When hidden underneath I know that’s not true. But for now – for now I can give her this. I owe her that and so much more.

  I pull up alongside the curb of the house, noticing the realtor’s SUV parked in front of me. I just sit there, unable to move, staring at the back of her car. This is it. This will be making my dream a reality. What if something goes wrong? What if I can’t get it for some reason? I have the cash. I have good credit. What if she finds something? My dreams will be shattered. I turn my head to Jolie as I feel her hand on my arm, the other still locked in my death grip.

  “Come on. Let’s go get your house.” She smiles, nodding in encouragement.

  I nod back, my stomach tied up in knots. “Let’s do this.”

  She doesn’t wait for me to open her door as I climb out and meet her beside my truck. “Mr. Clark. So nice to meet you.” The realtor walks up to me as Jolie and I get to the driveway. She extends her hand and I shake it, feeling like my palm is sweaty in my nervousness. Get yourself together, man. “I’m Amanda Johnson.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I release her hand and put my arm around Jolie and smile, looking down at her. “This is Jolie Ross. She’s my….” Shit! What is she to me? Well, I know what she is to me, I just don’t know what she thinks she is to me. What we are. Jolie leans forward and reaches out her hand, shaking Amanda’s.

  “Hi. I’m Tanner’s friend. Nice to meet you.”

  Friend. I guess that’s all I can ask. For now.

  “Nice to meet you, Jolie.” Amanda looks at me and smiles. “Are you ready to go look inside?” Am I ever!

  Jolie and I follow her up the driveway, onto the porch, and wait for her to unlock the front door. My nervousness and excitement has reached an all-time high until her hand moves into mine. I look down to see her smiling face, and I let out a deep breath, giving her a genuine smile back. She has no idea how much she helps me, grounds me. If she only knew she’s the reason for everything I do. The reason I can breathe. The reason I live. Someday I hope to tell her and pray she doesn’t go running when she knows the truth. She’ll hate you. At some point, it’s a chance I’ll have to take. My heart starts beating rapidly as Amanda opens the front door. I smile and lead Jolie inside, her hand gripping mine just as tightly as I grip hers. As we walk around, I’m mentally making notes of things I want to change, fix up. Knock a wall out here to open up the kitchen, paint all the walls, where I’d place the furniture I would buy. Everything needs to be new down to the appliances in the kitchen.

  “I’ll let you all walk around. I’ll just wait by my car and make a few phone calls.” I see Amanda smile from my peripheral as I squat down by the lower kitchen cabinets, opening doors to see if I need to replace them.

  “This is fantastic,” Jolie says excitedly.

  I stand and turn around, watching her look around the kitchen, her eyes wide in enthusiasm. I walk over and ta
ke her hand. “C’mon. Let’s go look at the rest.” I can’t stop my smile as I lead her from the kitchen through the rest of the house. It’s everything I imagined. The basement could be easily finished and has a nice walkout door to the backyard. We walk out the sliding glass door off the family room and onto the deck. Yeah, that needs to be redone but the grass is in mint condition. I look around the yard and over to our right. I can add on to the house, making it an ‘L’ shape, adding more rooms since it only has two bedrooms. Scanning around, I see a dilapidated shed over to the left that needs to be torn down.

  “I’ll take a lot of work.” She breathes. I look at her and see her blow out a breath, the hair covering her face lifts with her air.

  I smile and squeeze her hand. “Yeah, but won’t it be amazing when it’s all done?” She smiles and looks at me. “Wanna help me fix her up?” Another dream. Both of us putting our time, our sweat into the house. Then one day, hopefully, it will be ours.

  She turns, her brows lowering. “Are you sure? It’s kinda your baby.”

  I turn to face her and take her other hand, holding them both. “I’m positive. It’ll be fun, and you’d really be helping me out.” She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and suddenly, I want to suck that lip. I tilt my head. “Know how to paint?” I give her a wink and she laughs.

  An hour later, I’m signing on the bottom line, buying my very own house.

  With the house keys in my pocket, the drive back to the gym is quiet yet I can’t seem to wipe the smile from my face. Jolie’s been holding my hand and smiling herself. It’s one of the happiest days of my life, and I’m so glad she’s here sharing it with me. It was meant to always be that way. The rest of the day is filled with working out, training clients, and by the time we lock up for the day, I’m filled with adrenaline.

  “Let’s have a drink to celebrate!” Jolie tells me as we’re walking to the locker rooms to take our showers. I’d rather just take one together but she laughed at me when I suggested it, looking all kinds of shy.

  “Great idea,” I say kissing her nose. I watch her walk away and into the women’s locker room and then head into the mens. My phone vibrates in my pocket as I reach my locker. I pull it out and see two texts.

  Jase: Take the next two days off, man. Alena and I will be in to take care of everything. I’ll let ur clients know. Thanks for everything.

  My smile returns. I text him back and thank him. Two days off. I can get started on my house. I open my locker, pull out my bag and walk to the shower area. After setting my bag down on the counter, I look at the next text.

  Barrett: New development but not enough to get them on. Talk to u about it later. I’ll be at Danny’s tonight.

  Fuck! I wonder what happened. Guess I’ll find out in a shortly. I’ll need to be careful with Jolie there.

  The bar is fairly quiet tonight but enough people to make plenty of noise with their talking and a couple playing pool. Jolie and I walk in and head straight towards the back booth. I leave her and walk to the counter to get us drinks then sit down next to her once I’ve gotten them. I scan the bar and notice Barrett isn’t here yet.

  “To your new house.” Jolie smiles, lifting up her shot of fireball so I follow suit.

  “Thank you,” I reply. We down our shots and both take a drink of our beers.

  “So, I got a text from Jase telling me to take off the next couple of days.” She frowns. Why would she get upset for getting time off? She lets out a breath. “I don’t like idle time. I don’t think I’ve taken but a few days off in the time I’ve been here.” I watch her take another drink, her throat as she swallows. I can think of things to do. Me sucking on the luscious skin on that throat as I bury myself so deep inside you. I shift in my seat, readjusting myself. “I mean – I appreciate him giving me time off, but I didn’t ask for it, don’t really need it.”

  I lean into her. She stills with her beer up in the air, the rim by her mouth. Her eyes shift my way, her chest rising and falling a little faster. “I can think of lots of things we can do.” I breathe into her ear. Shit, I’m just getting myself hornier. She leans into me, her eyes closing. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the side of her head. She sets down her beer and we both lean back into the seat, her head resting on my shoulder.

  “You’re off too?” Her eyes move up and meet mine.

  “Yup.” I smile.

  She sits up and half turns, her eyes wide with excitement. “We could start on your house!” Girl after my own heart.

  We sit there, drinking another beer, and plan our next two days off. Tomorrow morning, we go get paint, nails, wood, and other supplies, and start fixing up my new house. God, I can’t wait to start but am equally eager just to be alone with her for two days. We have another beer and discuss what all we’ll do tomorrow, getting me even more excited. At one point she throws her head back in laughter, while we argue about paint colors. I’m still laughing as I turn my head and see Barrett leaning against the counter. He nods at me and I stop laughing immediately, the look on his face giving me the chills. “I’m, uh….” I look over at Jolie and think quickly. “I’m gonna go and get us another drink. Want anything to eat?” She looks up at me as I stand, giving her a grin, hoping she doesn’t suspect anything.

  “I really shouldn’t but I’d love one of their burgers.”

  I let out a small laugh. “How about we split one then and we both won’t feel as bad.” She grins and nods.

  I turn and walk over to the counter and stand next to Barrett. He turns and faces the front. I notice a bottled water in front of him. I order a burger platter and two more beers and wait. “So. What’s up?” I ask Barrett.

  He leans his arm down on the counter, shifting his eyes to mine. “There’s been signs of more bruising.” I lower my brows at the thought, but it means we’re getting closer. “Not enough for sufficient evidence yet, I’m afraid.” I hate this. Hate that someone has to go through this in order for us to put these assholes away finally. For good. I feel his hand on my back. “I get that you’re anxious, but you know we have to make sure.” I do know this, all too well. I let out a sigh.

  “I know. It’s just hard to wait, after so long.” I turn my head and look at him. “I appreciate all you’re doing, man.” He smiles. He really is a nice guy. I’m glad he’s there overseeing everything when I can’t be.

  “Don’t worry. The guys are keeping a close eye on things. I’ll head over there tomorrow and checkup. I’ll make sure to keep you informed.”

  “Thanks.” I turn my head over my shoulder and look at Jolie. She’s sitting there moving her head to the music that’s playing throughout the room. “I – uh….”

  “Go ahead, man.” I turn back at Barrett. He’s smiling, lifting his chin her way.

  Reaching over, I pat his shoulder. “Thanks. Keep me posted.” About that time, our drinks and the food are set in front of me. I grab them and carry them back to the table. We eat, sharing the burger and fries, laughing and continue talking about everything we want to accomplish tomorrow. I feel lighter. Like everything is finally falling in place. Everything I’ve always wanted, dreamed of, is within my reach.

  Chapter 8

  I’m in heaven. I’ve actually died and gone there as we lay in my bed and I’m in his arms. He made love to me or maybe love is too strong a word. I know he has feelings for me. I’m just not sure what they are, other than friendship. Okay, maybe friends with benefits? I dunno. All I know is he’s swept me off my feet and that’s difficult to do with my past. My heart belonged to one boy, all my life. A boy who swore to protect me. A boy who told me he’d come back from me. But didn’t.

  Once I turned eighteen and was graciously allowed to leave the nightmare of the house I’d grown up in, I wandered aimlessly for a safe place to go and start my new life. I had very little money so I slept in homeless shelters while working
my ass off as a waitress. I scrimped and saved every penny I could and took online college courses at the nearest library. That was until Jase walked into the diner I was working at. We hit it off immediately. I could tell right away there was no sexual tension between us, that he just wanted to be my friend. Back then he was fighting his own demons. Neither one of us told each other what nightmares were in our lives but it’s like there was a common ground, an unspoken understanding. He helped me so much. He gave me money to attend the college there in town, me swearing I’d pay him back if it took the rest of my life. He still yells at me when I give him part of my paycheck from the gym now. But I won’t owe anyone, especially him. When we graduated, he offered me a job at Battle Ground, a gym he’d bought and refurbished. I couldn’t say no. I mean, he was the only friend I had, and he’d done so much for me. Besides, what else was I going to do? Even though it was only a couple of towns away from where my old life was, one I wanted to forget, I jumped on the chance to get away, start over, really try to rid myself of my past. Little did I realize that your past follows you wherever you go. At least in your mind.

  Over the years, the nightmares have lessened. At least enough that I’ve been able to be happier. Some things I’ll never forget. Wondering what happened to the boy who saved me more times than I can count, all the times we spent in the vacant lot, and the beatings from those people who called themselves foster parents. So many times I tried to find Stephen, googled him on the library computer, and came up empty handed as I didn’t know his adopted last name. The hurt is still there, the questions. Why did he never come back for me? Why did he not keep in touch? What happened to him? Was he okay or did something bad happen to him? Those questions are still in the back of my mind and always will be. I may never know the answers to them, but sometimes I still try to search for him on my laptop – with no luck.