by KC Burn
“Yikes. Okay, I get it. I do. But I’m hoping we can still work out a compromise here. I don’t want to bring in a bunch of new stuff. I’m hoping for some color. Paint a few accent walls, get some colored throw pillows or curtains to go with those utilitarian white Venetian blinds. No wallpaper, I swear. Anyway, just think about it. Think about simple changes and see if you think you’d be able to handle it. Or wait until you set up some therapy. Talk it over with the therapist. Now that I know why things are the way they are, I’ll stop pushing.”
Hayden cupped Jez’s cheeks. “I like when you push. You’ve made me see things I was blind to, and made my life better by being in it. Please continue to push.” He dropped a small kiss on Jez’s lips. “But gently. I’ll think about it. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of Gran’s movie and sewing stuff. I think she retained some small spark of that love, because she closed off that room without storing any junk in there, and it was the only room besides the kitchen that escaped the mold. I’d love to be able to do something with the things she truly loved, but every time I think about opening those boxes, I break out into a sweat.”
“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we? And there’s no rush on your gran’s things. They’ll be there when you’re ready for them.”
Hayden lowered his voice. “You know what?”
“What?” A breathy hitch told him Jez was thinking about them being a pair in other ways.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“HEY, ARE you in here?”
Jez stared at Hayden, heart racing. It couldn’t be.
Miguel stuck his head in the open door, and his eyes widened. Jez jerked the sheets to his chin like his brother hadn’t already seen his very naked ass. Miguel’s gaze flew around the room before he stepped back out into the hallway, but he didn’t leave. “Oh my God. What is wrong with you two? No one fucks right before having guests over. Get dressed. I’m not the only one here.”
“Guests,” Hayden mouthed at Jez.
“Uh, how did you get in?” Jez called out even as he gathered up his clothes and started pulling them back on.
“Key, dumbass. I’ve had a key for years.”
“That doesn’t mean you just walk in.” His voice got shrill, like when they’d used to fight as kids. “Normal people knock.”
Had Miguel left his date, an engineering professor from Cal-Tech, downstairs? That was super embarrassing. And apparently he’d been dating her for a while, just wasn’t willing to introduce her to the group while Jordan and Vic were a part of it.
Jez groaned as the elastic on his briefs snapped against drying cum. Miguel had him so flustered that he’d forgotten to clean up. That was almost as uncomfortable as unloading in your pants.
“I did knock. And I rang the doorbell. Called. Texted. Then two more of your guests showed up and I just unlocked the door and let them in.”
God. Who could that be? Kevin with his wife? Marco, with or without a date? They were also expecting Paul and Tyson, both with dates, although Paul was bringing someone he called “arm candy boy toy.” Jez was a little worried how a twenty-six-year-old would define “boy toy,” but he guessed they’d find out. Tyson had managed to snag Jez’s costar, Darin. Jez worried about the state of everyone’s makeup if they broke up, but for now, Tyson was on the fucking moon, right there with Jez.
“Why are you all here early?”
Hayden waggled his hands like he expected Jez to suddenly be able to understand his made-up emergency sign language.
“We’re not early. You’re late. Dumbass. Get downstairs.”
Fuck.
“If you shut up and leave, maybe we can.”
“I’m going, I’m going.”
The creak of the top stair signaled Miguel’s retreat. “Offer them something to drink. We’ve got beer or wine,” Jez called out.
He was almost certain Miguel snorted, but whatever. He was family, might as well make himself useful.
Jez shucked his briefs and darted into the bathroom to perform the quickest cleanup in the history of sex. When he came out, he pulled a fresh pair of briefs out of his side of the dresser. Then he paused and smiled.
“It makes me smile when you stand around naked, but what’s your reason?” Hayden asked.
“Oh, I see you found your tongue,” Jez sniped in a playful way. “Did you think if you were mute, Miguel wouldn’t realize you were in here naked with me? He saw you.”
Hayden hadn’t required the same amount of cleanup and was already wearing jeans. He shrugged. “I don’t know. It just felt weird, talking to your brother when we were both naked.”
“And how do you think I felt?”
“Eh, you did fine.” Hayden sauntered close and placed those large hands on Jez’s shoulders before kissing him. “Maybe they can amuse themselves for a little longer.”
Jez’s still-sensitive cock brushed against the stiff denim, the atypical friction coaxing blood back into his groin. With a groan, Jez pulled away instead of pressing close and humping Hayden’s leg. Being naked while Hayden was dressed felt so decadent, but they definitely weren’t fucking again, with an audience this time. He pulled on his briefs quickly to help him avoid temptation. “Anyway, to answer your earlier question, I’ve already moved in. For real. I don’t just sleep here, I keep my clothes here. My toothbrush is sitting next to yours in the bathroom. My bodywash is in your shower. I guess you’re not the only one who’s had some temporary blindness.”
“Dammit, Jez. Now I want to throw you back in that bed even more.”
“No. You save that for later. We’ll have a little celebration after everyone leaves.”
“I will do that.” Hayden leaned in and bit his neck.
“Sneaky bastard. I’m not changing my mind.” Although Hayden had come very close to convincing him. Jez danced away and pulled on more protective gear in the form of jeans and a snug bright purple dress shirt. “I can understand us missing a knock on the door, and our phones are downstairs, but how did we not notice the doorbell?”
“I’m just that good, baby.”
For a man who claimed never to have brought a man home to his bed, Hayden was fucking spectacular, but Jez hadn’t been insensate or in an orgasmic coma. He tilted his head to the side and squinted.
Hayden laughed. “When I was doing all the repairs to the house, I redid the doorbell. It doesn’t ring up here at all.”
“It doesn’t? Why not?”
“Shift work, baby. I sleep at odd hours, and I figured out early on anyone who’d be ringing the doorbell while I was sleeping was never, ever anyone I wanted or needed to talk to. It only rings in the den, the office, and the kitchen, and not loud enough for me to hear when I’m in bed.”
“Clever. Okay, lover boy, let’s get downstairs and be good hosts.”
By the time they got downstairs, all of their guests had arrived, and had been there long enough for Miguel to share, or rather overshare, about his sighting of Jez’s ass.
But the teasing was good-natured, and the evening ended up being a million times better than the last time guests had been over. Jez didn’t even shudder when Hayden turned on the television—briefly—to check a couple of football scores.
Living with a boyfriend was a new step for him too, but this felt right. The way it was supposed to be.
Chapter 11
JEZ PUTTERED around the house, mentally planning where he’d put up Christmas decorations. As soon as he got the nerve to talk to Hayden about it. And assuming Hayden could handle them. High on the success of their Black Friday party and the relationship breakthrough they’d had, they’d finally taken the plunge and booked appointments with the same therapist—at different times, because they weren’t going to couples therapy, but it still felt super couple-y in a vaguely modern but possibly dysfunctional way.
Hayden had had one appointment already, and Jez’s was upcoming. But he didn’t know if Christmas decorations would set off Hayden’s clutter issues.
Once he had a plan together, he’d broach it with Hayden. He turned up some music and danced around the den, the living room, and the dining room, imagining what he’d like. Good thing he was a fan of sleek and modern, because that had a better chance of finding acceptance with Hayden. The trick, of course, would be finding sleek and modern that also complemented the excellent but old-fashioned homey bones of a Craftsman house.
“Hey,” Hayden called out from behind him.
Jez shrieked and whirled around. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Yeah, I gathered that.” Hayden lifted the corner of his lip in a halfhearted smile. And frightening a year off his life ought to be worth a full-on smile, at the very least.
“What are you doing home?” Jez glanced at the clock on the DVR. “You’re supposed to be at work.”
“So are you, aren’t you?”
“Nah, I got all the way to set and found out they switched to a night shoot and forgot to send me and a couple other people notices.”
“Shitty.”
Jez shrugged. Sometimes shit happened. “But why are you home?”
“Packing a bag. We’re sending a crew up north to help out with the wildfire, and I’m on it.”
“You mean the one that was on the news last night?” Jez shivered. Against the backdrop of a stretch of Northern California forest, the fire had glowed as ominously as an active volcano. It wasn’t all that far from Willow Ridge either.
“Yeah. That one.”
“Uh. Will it be dangerous?”
Hayden gave him a serious look, and Jez shivered again. By all accounts Hayden was good at his job, but he’d shared enough stories with Jez to drive home the point that the job was dangerous no matter where the fire was located.
“I’ll be careful. I promise.” His lips quirked in an almost full smile. “I have someone waiting for me at home now.”
Fang barked and wiggled his butt. Mere minutes ago, he’d been asleep in the sunroom, but he must have heard Hayden’s voice.
“Make that two someones at home.” Hayden picked up Fang and accepted a few doggie kisses on his chin.
He carried Fang upstairs, and Jez abandoned his decoration plans to follow Hayden up and into the bedroom. The sheets were mussed, and the musky scent of their morning sex still hung in the air. The fact that Hayden didn’t even flinch when he glanced at the unmade bed gave Jez hope that whatever had been triggered by his grandmother’s hoarding wasn’t too far gone. If he had to live inside a featureless white house for the rest of his life, he would, but he loved red. And blue. Lavender.
God. He had more important things to think about, however scary. Jez sat cross-legged on the bed while Hayden pulled out a duffel bag and methodically filled it. He’d definitely done this before.
“How long will you be gone?”
“One week. Maybe more, but won’t be less.”
“I still don’t understand. It’s December. I thought the wildfires were only in the summer.”
Hayden gave him a pitying glance. “You lived in California for your first seventeen years. How could you not know about the fire seasons?”
“Dunno. I guess I spent most of my time trying to practice dance moves where no one would see me. And you said seasons, as in plural?”
“Yup. May more or less separates Santa Ana fire season from the summer fire season. Summer and Santa Ana switch off in October.”
Jez swallowed around a lump in his throat. “You mean there is one month a year that isn’t part of a fire season?”
Hayden shrugged. “Pretty much, yeah. And I’m guessing climate change will put paid to that sooner or later. Right now Pasadena doesn’t get quite as much activity from the Santa Ana winds as other parts of the state, but yeah, fire season is more or less year-round.”
Well that was fucking terrifying. How was it he’d never realized that?
All too soon, Hayden was packed up, and for the first time, it fully struck Jez that Hayden could be severely injured or even die doing his job. Fighting wildfires was even more dangerous than urban fires. This was a big, scary commitment, one that he’d made lightly, and now it was too late to undo it. He loved Hayden, and that wasn’t ever going away. He was just going to have to learn to deal with his fear—and not with Xanax—whenever Hayden ended up in a dangerous situation.
“I was thinking.”
Jez waited, not sure that ever prefaced anything good.
“If you want, while I’m away, you could start to redecorate one room. Not our bedroom. And we’ll see how I handle it.” He grinned ruefully. “I still have a few gallons of white paint in the storage under the stairs, just in case I freak out.”
“Oh.” Jez had not been expecting that. “That sounds like a plan.” He wasn’t sure whether Hayden had come up with the suggestion to test out his clutter phobia or if he was trying to find something for Jez to keep himself occupied and not worrying, but since it would work toward both ends, Jez was going to take it.
“Good. I, uh, have to get going.”
“What if I hadn’t been home?” He might have missed Hayden leaving.
Hayden gave him the sweet smile, the same one he wore every time he told Jez he loved him. “I was planning to stop by the set on my way out of town.”
Best fucking boyfriend ever. Except for this whole running into raging fires thing, but Jez could hardly call such a heroic characteristic a flaw, even if it was going to scare the crap out of him from now on.
“Uh, maybe you could see if Maria wants to help you with the decorating?”
Oh. Yes, it was definitely intended as a make-work project, and Kevin must be going up north with Hayden. That didn’t mean Jez wasn’t going to do it, though. He adored Maria and was super glad Kevin wasn’t a giant douche-nozzle like the friends Hayden had ditched, because that meant he got to keep Maria.
“I’ll call her. Thanks for the suggestion.”
Hayden stalked over to the bed and kissed Jez so thoroughly he was light-headed when Hayden pulled away. He cleared his throat. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”
“I promise. I’ll call or text when I can, but I’ve done this before. It’s exhausting and when you’re not busy, you’re sleeping, so I’ll do what I can, but don’t expect much.”
Jez nodded. And then, with a creak of the stairs and the slam of the front door, Hayden was gone.
He didn’t even know if Hayden had made him an emergency contact. That was going to be first on the list when Hayden got home, if Jez had anything to say about it.
Biting his lip, Jez lay back on the bed and curled up in sheets that still smelled like Hayden. He wasn’t quite ready to face a big house that was going to feel extremely empty for the next week.
TWO WEEKS had seemed so long, with Hayden promising he’d be home before Christmas for sure. He’d even sent Jez a little present, which was so sweet, considering how focused he needed to be on his job. But today was the day. Jez couldn’t believe they’d switched the filming schedule just for him, but he’d become friends with a number of people involved in his show, and he’d shared his fears about Hayden fighting the wildfires up north with just about all of them. It didn’t hurt that the fires had continued discussion on the news since Hayden had left. When he’d told the director yesterday that Hayden would be home sometime today, he’d immediately shifted the schedule to give him two days off. He had no doubt that in the future it might be his job keeping him from greeting Hayden at home, but he was immensely grateful he had the chance to do so now.
He’d already tuckered out poor Fang, who’d followed him all over the house as he’d checked the guest room he, Maria, and some of the guys from the set had decorated. With Hayden away for two weeks, they’d almost finished. In between paranoid rechecking of the room, he paced all over the house, making sure he hadn’t left any other sort of mess that would get under Hayden’s skin.
Everything had to be perfect.
The door opened, and Jez ran down the stairs, flingi
ng himself at Hayden, who dropped his duffel bag in time to lift Jez up in a giant hug. Jez buried his face in Hayden’s neck, brushing up against some heavy-duty stubble that bordered on beard territory. Although he’d showered, the cloying scent of smoke lingered to the point Jez suspected whatever clothes Hayden had taken with him would have to be thrown out or soaked in bleach.
Hayden set him down and kissed him, Jez just opening up like the first time they’d kissed, except this was better, a million times better, because he’d been so fucking worried.
Then Jez stepped back and took a good look at his man. They’d worked him hard—in two weeks he’d visibly dropped weight, and he had dark smudges under his eyes that weren’t soot. The pseudobeard only added to the rough mountain-man look. He had a few scabs on his face, and Jez dropped his gaze to the white bandages on Hayden’s hands.
“What happened?”
Hayden followed his gaze. “Stray embers. As burns go, they could be worse.”
“Weren’t you wearing gloves or something? Protective gear?”
Hayden shrugged. “Shit happens, and when you’re fighting wildfires, shit happens fast and unpredictably.”
Jez pursed his lips. He suspected Hayden wasn’t going to tell him any more than that, likely because Jez might—definitely would—freak out.
“I’m glad you’re home. The chocolates weren’t necessary at all, and they’re way too much for just us, but thank you anyway.” Jez hugged him again, but gently, as Hayden winced. However minor Hayden claimed his injuries were, the past two weeks had clearly taken a physical and mental toll. Fortunately, according to the news, no firefighters had died, which was probably as good for Hayden’s sanity as it was for Jez’s.