Desert Hearts

by Marjorie Farrell

  The icy cold of winter was gone. The veil of non-feeling seemed to have lifted. She was very much awake again and aware of how good it felt to be held in Michael Burke’s arms.

  When the music ended, they stepped back from one another quickly and Michael stammered out a thank you.

  “It was good to see you again, Michael,” Elizabeth said shyly.

  “I’ll be keepin’ my eye out for you and the mighty Orion now that it is good weather,” he said with a smile, and leading her over to the Grays, he left her without a backward glance.

  What had she expected? That he would ask to call on her? Did she want anyone to come calling? Not as a lover. She wasn’t ready to love again. She was beginning to wonder if she had ever been ready to love a man as completely as a woman loves. But he would have been very welcome as a friend.

  * * * *

  Michael had tried very hard the week after the dance to keep his mind on his duties and off Mrs. Elizabeth Woolcott. He had visited Mary Ann in the hope that a night in her arms would help distract him. But in the end, he had left early, feeling guilty both for being there and causing the disappointed look in Mary Ann’s eyes.

  When he was out with his men, he found it easier to keep his mind from wandering back to his waltz with Elizabeth and how lovely it had been to have her in his arms.

  * * * *

  The peace was holding, but the renegade attack on the supply train had made everyone more vigilant. A few days after the dance, while out on duty, he noticed the small band of Navajo approaching at the same time as his men.

  “Spratt, you be sure to keep yer hand off yer revolver this time,” he said calmly as they all watched the approaching riders.

  “Yes, sir.”

  Michael breathed a sigh of relief when he recognized Antonio’s bay, and kicking up Lightning Jack, rode out to meet him.

  “It is good to see you, my friend,” he said as he pulled the mule to a halt. “What brings you this close to the fort?”

  “My wife has sent me on an errand. Her niece will be celebrating her kinaalda in two days’ time and my wife promised to invite Mrs. Woolcott. I’ve had my men watch for you so that I could deliver the message.”

  Michael hesitated. “You heard of the attack on the supply train a few months ago?”

  Antonio frowned. “One of those fools tried to take refuge with my uncle and we drove him away. We don’t need any ladrones around us now.”

  “There was an officer killed, you know.” Antonio nodded. “It was Lieutenant Woolcott, Elizabeth’s husband.”

  “I am sorry to hear that.”

  “So, while I am sure she will be honored by the invitation,” he continued respectfully, “she may not feel up to attending.”

  “My wife would be disappointed but would also understand. We are lucky to have Colonel Gray in charge,” he added after a short pause.

  “And Manuelito,” said Michael. “They have both worked hard not to respond to isolated acts of foolishness.”

  “The ceremony is four days long,” said Antonio, “and the family has agreed to a guest on the last day. If Mrs. Woolcott wishes to come, she can meet me at the mouth of the canyon five days from now. I will wait until noon.”

  “The colonel will never allow her to go without an escort, you know.”

  Antonio frowned. “It was hard to get some people to agree to having a bilagaana present at all. We can’t have a troop of soldiers come riding in!”

  “She can’t come alone.”

  “I know that, bilagaana. You must escort her.”

  “That may work. If I got permission from the colonel and was released from wood detail.”

  “It is a good half day’s ride from the canyon. You will have to stay overnight.”

  “All right. I’ll talk to Mrs. Woolcott and if she wishes to go, I’ll ask the colonel.”

  “What is the news from the south,” asked Antonio.

  “You know the Mescaleros have been subdued?”

  “Yes, we heard that our cousins had given in.”

  “I have heard nothing official, you understand,” Michael continued, “but the rumor is that Carleton has Bosque Redondo in mind for more than the Apache.”

  “My uncle is afraid of that too. We will never go there, bilagaana. Tell the colonel that.”

  “I think he already knows,” said Michael with an ironic smile.

  They sat quietly facing one another for a moment and then Michael turned his mule. “If ye don’t see us by noon five days from now, then ye’ll know we won’t be coming,” he said and waved as he rode off.

  * * * *

  That evening the colonel was drinking his after-dinner glass of port and Elizabeth and Mrs. Gray were sipping coffee when a knock sounded on their door.

  They could hear voices and then their striker came into the parlor.

  “Begging your pardon, sir. Master Sergeant Burke is at the door, asking to see the colonel.”

  Colonel Gray looked over at his wife and raised his eyebrows.

  “Please send the sergeant in, Corporal,” said Mrs. Gray.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Michael turned his hat in his hand nervously as he stood in the entrance to the parlor. He felt very much out of place as he took in the cozy scene.

  “I am very sorry to have disturbed you at home, sir,” he said. “But it is a matter concerning Mrs. Woolcott.”

  “Come in, Sergeant, come in.” The colonel motioned Michael over to an armchair and Michael sat down on the edge.

  “Would you like a sip of port, Sergeant Burke?”

  “No, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  “You may relax, Burke,” said the colonel with a smile. “Now what is this business that concerns Mrs. Woolcott?”

  Michael looked over at Elizabeth. “Em, I met Antonio today a few miles from the fort. He wanted me to deliver an invitation to you, Mrs. Woolcott.”

  “An invitation?” said Mrs. Gray.

  “It seems his wife had invited Mrs. Woolcott to a family celebration, ma’am. He didn’t know about the lieutenant’s death. After I told him, he said his wife would understand if Mrs. Woolcott didn’t come.”

  “What kind of celebration is this, Elizabeth?” asked Mrs. Gray with great curiosity.

  “It is to celebrate a young girl’s coming of age. I am very touched that Serena remembered.” She hesitated.

  “It is quite an honor to be invited, Elizabeth. Would you wish to go?” asked the colonel.

  “I had completely forgotten it in all that has happened. But I did very much want to, weeks ago.”

  The colonel took another sip of his port. “You would need an escort, of course,” he said thoughtfully, “should you accept.”

  Michael cleared his throat nervously. “Antonio said it would be impossible for her to attend with a troop of soldiers, sir. He suggested that I would be an acceptable escort. To the Navajo, at least. It would be for the last day of the ceremony and we would have to stay overnight, Mrs. Woolcott,” he added, looking over at her.

  “What do you think, Janet?” the colonel asked his wife.

  “It does seem a little risky, Charles. Although Antonio and his wife are utterly trustworthy, of course, who knows who else is out there. On the other hand, it would be a demonstration of trust on your part and could help strengthen the peace.” She turned to Elizabeth. “What do you think, my dear? Do you still wish to go?”

  Elizabeth hesitated. “So much has changed,” she murmured. “But Thomas had thought it a good thing….” She lifted her eyes to Michael’s face. “I agree with Antonio: I can’t bring a troop with me. I trust that Sergeant Burke can keep me safe.”

  “I wouldn’t even be suggesting it if I didn’t think it was safe,” Michael assured them.

  The colonel nodded. “Then it is settled,” he said. “I’ll ask Lieutenant Cooper to release you from duty for a few days.”

  “Thank you, sir.” Michael stood up and bowed to the ladies.

  “Good night, Serge
ant Burke,” said Mrs. Gray.

  “Good night, ma’am. Sorry to be disturbing yer evening.”

  “Not at all, man, not at all,” said the colonel. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

  “You are sure of her safety, then, Burke?” he asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

  “Absolutely, sir. And I think it important that we learn a little of each other’s ways. I’ve noticed we do a lot of teaching of ours and very little learning of theirs,” he added with a wry smile.

  “You’re a good man, Burke. I only wish more men thought like you.” Colonel Gray watched Michael walk down the line and added to himself, “Especially our fine governor.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Three days later, Elizabeth was up before the bugler blew reveille. She had packed her paints and brushes, in case she had the opportunity to record anything. She had also packed her best linen blouse, so that she could change into it when they arrived. She didn’t want it to be thought that she lacked respect. She wanted to bring a gift for Serena, something that would express her gratitude for their friendship. And a gift for her niece. She had so little and there had been nothing in the sutler’s store besides the obvious sugar and coffee. She looked through her jewelry box. There were a few pieces of her mother’s that the Comancheros had not found and somehow it felt right to wear her mother’s amethyst earrings to this special occasion. She unwrapped a small cameo brooch, admiring the white profile carved out of pink shell. It was very…bilagaana, she supposed, with a smile. But the colors were the colors of the country around them and it was precious to her so it would make an appropriate gift for her friend. For her niece, she chose a soft paisley shawl. She wrapped the cameo and placed it in her buckskin bag, and the shawl she folded with her blouse.

  “It will be cold at night, Elizabeth,” said Mrs. Gray when she joined her for breakfast. “You had better take a jacket with you. I hear the ceremonies go on all night.”

  “I think my riding jacket will be fine, Janet. It is wool.”

  “I hope so.”

  They were just finishing their tea when Michael was admitted.

  “Good morning, ladies. I am sorry to disturb ye, but I’ll be ready to leave within the half hour.”

  “I just have to feed Orion. I will meet you down at the stables in twenty minutes, Sergeant.”

  “Very good, ma’am.”

  * * * *

  Sergeant Burke was riding Frost, and Elizabeth, who had only seen him on muleback, aside from his racing, had to admit that he looked quite different on his mare than he did on a shavetail.

  “So, Antonio’s men will be waiting at the box canyon, Sergeant?”

  “We agreed that they would wait until noon. If we haven’t arrived by then, they’ll understand you weren’t able to come.”

  Elizabeth turned in her saddle and said, “I very much appreciate your willingness to do this, Michael.”

  “ ‘Tis my willingness to follow orders, Elizabeth. Though I must confess I am grateful to have a rest from wood detail,” he added with a grin. “Now what is this celebration we are going to?”

  “It is called a kinaalda and it is being held to celebrate Serena’s niece’s coming of age.”

  “She must think a lot of you to have offered the invitation.”

  “We have become friends. As I think you have with her husband?”

  “So here we are, the two of us, off to a heathen ceremony in the eyes of all at Fort Defiance.”

  “I can’t think of Antonio or Serena as heathen, can you, Sergeant?”

  “Sure and I don’t, but I am surprised that a proper eastern lady like yerself doesn’t.”

  “I am from Boston, Michael, which I assure you is a very enlightened place. There is strong feeling against slavery there, and much concern for the American Indian, I’ll have you know. There is a tradition of freedom that goes back to the Puritans.”

  “And what do Bostonians think of the Mass, then, Elizabeth?”

  Elizabeth blushed. She had been brought up to believe that Catholic ritual was superstitious barbarism.

  “I have already admitted to you, Michael, that there is some intolerance to certain groups in Boston.”

  Michael snorted.

  “Oh, all right. I confess that to me, going to this ceremony feels not very different from choosing to go to a Catholic ritual. They both would seem strange to me. But I hope I am open enough not to fear things once I have come to know them.”

  “Like Irishmen and Navajo?” Michael said teasingly.

  “At least Navajo,” Elizabeth responded, the twinkle in her eye belying her words. “Perhaps some Irishmen,” she added.

  “Ah, ‘tis relieved I am to hear it, darlin’.”

  Elizabeth touched the sides of her horse with her heels and guided her into a smooth canter. Sergeant Michael Burke was an uncomfortable man to be around. He would not let her old frameworks go unchallenged and his easy intimacy left her both embarrassed and wanting something from him that she could not even name.

  Frost caught up easily and they cantered for a mile or so until they caught sight of the canyon, when Michael pulled his mare down to a walk. As Elizabeth fell in beside him, he pointed out the small group of men waiting at the canyon’s mouth.

  “There they are.”

  “I am so glad,” she said spontaneously. “I was a little afraid they might have forgotten. Or changed their minds about letting a bilagaana come to such a special occasion.”

  “I see you know a Navajo word or two, Elizabeth. The Diné will appreciate that.”

  “As do you, Michael.”

  “Only a few, I am afraid. ‘Tis a hard language to learn.”

  As they drew near, Antonio rode up to meet them. He greeted Elizabeth first and then Michael. “It will take us a few hours to get there so I am glad you are here early,” he said. “Today is the Biji…the Special Day, and I don’t want to miss much.”

  Antonio’s men rode up and fell in behind them as he turned west.

  “What does that mean,” asked Elizabeth. “The ‘Special Day’?”

  “Kinaalda is four days and nights long. On the Biji, the fourth day, the kinaalda runs, as she has every day. But she also helps make the aalkan, the corn cake. And on the fourth night there is singing till dawn. You are lucky to be coming to this kinaalda, for Blue Mule is the singer and he is a great singer. He is my wife’s grandfather’s brother,” he added proudly.

  “So the ceremony has already been going on three nights and days,” said Michael. “Jesus, and I thought a High Mass was long!”

  “It is how it must be done, as the Holy People told us. Before there were even human beings, there were the Holy People. And Asdzaa nadleehe. Changing Woman. Though in some stories she is also White Shell Woman.” Antonio fell silent. Elizabeth wanted to ask him questions, but his silence seemed to indicate he was finished with explanations, at least for a time.

  When he spoke again, it was only to say, “I could say a lot more, but I will leave that for my wife.”

  The ride was long and by the time they reached the family hogan, Elizabeth was hot, tired, and almost dizzy from the hours in the sun. As they got closer, she was relieved to see that they were not the only ones arriving late. Several families were just dismounting and two young men were unloading stacks of firewood from two small burros.

  “My wife’s niece is inside the hogan, mixing the aalkan,” said Antonio, leading Elizabeth over to the shade of a small cottonwood. “Why don’t you sit out here and I will get you some food and water.” Elizabeth was very grateful to him, for she had felt almost like fainting on first dismounting. It was wonderful to be out of the sun and the mention of water made her realize how thirsty she was despite the fact that she had had some several times during their journey. Food, she wasn’t sure of, since her stomach felt a little queasy, but when Antonio returned with what looked like tortillas and a pottery jar full of water, she smiled at him gratefully.

  “This is just what I
needed. Thank you.”

  “There is a lot of food cooking, but you looked like you weren’t so hungry,” he said with a sympathetic smile.

  “The sun was too much for me,” Elizabeth admitted, “even though I did have a hat. But that reminds me, Antonio,” she added shyly, “I brought a clean blouse to wear. I don’t want to be here all hot and dusty.”

  “I’ll bring your bag over, Elizabeth,” said Michael, who had just joined them. “But first get some of that water into ye. Ye’re too red-faced and hot-looking for my liking.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Elizabeth.

  “Sure, and I am only a sergeant, ma’am,” he said with mock humility. “But I don’t want ye to be getting heat stroke,” he added seriously.

  The water and bread made her feel better, but when she closed her eyes for a few minutes after eating and drinking, she drifted off to the sound of soft, guttural Navajo.

  When she awoke a half hour later, she was revived and sat up and looked around curiously. The hogan was like others she had seen, except perhaps a bit larger. The women were just coming out and she was about to wave to Serena when she realized that they were part of the ceremony, for they were followed by a young girl.

  In front of the hogan, a little to the side, she noticed a round, shallow pit which had been lined with corn husks. The women carried large containers and each one poured what looked like corn meal mush into the pit. When they were finished, Serena covered the batter with more corn husks, ending with a cross made out of four husks woven together. Then she stepped back and the young girl took corn meal from a basket and sprinkled it on top. Then it was all covered with husks and earth and live coals. Elizabeth was startled when only a few minutes later Serena’s niece gave a loud, sudden shout and, heading east, ran off followed by girls and boys and several adults. This must be the running she had heard about.

  “I am happy to see you, my friend,” said Serena as she came over to where Elizabeth was sitting.

  Elizabeth stood up and smiled. “I am honored to be here. Are you busy, or do you have time to explain some things to a very confused bilagaana?”