Working My Way Back to You

by Doreen Alsen

  “A girl superhero, huh? That’s cool.”

  Beth could almost hear Danny wince. “She’s okay for a girl, I guess. She does a lot of spooky stuff,” Danny said.

  “Who’s this one?” Jeff asked. “He’s pretty scary looking.”

  “That’s Mega Mole. He got hit with some radiation that turned him into a huge, power hungry mole. “He can’t see very well, but he can really dig.”

  “Hmmmmm. I guess being able to dig is a real important skill to have.”

  Beth smiled and peeked into the pan of rice she had cooking on the stove.

  “This one is Syr Duke and he’s from Moreese like the Princess. He wants to destroy her.”

  “Why is that?” Jeff asked.

  “He wants to steal her powers and go back to Moreese and take it over.”

  “He’s pretty evil, then.”

  “Yes!” Danny’s voice raised a couple hundred decibels.

  Beth got the food into serving bowls. Time to leave Moreese behind and come to the dinner table.

  She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and moved into the living room. “Danny, go wash your hands, dinner’s ready.”

  Danny dropped Syr Duke and ran to wash his hands. Jeff stood. “I should do the same thing, to set a good example.”

  “Great idea.” Beth went back to the kitchen and waited for the boys.

  She still didn’t know why she’d invited Jeff over. She didn’t want to examine it very closely.

  Danny clattered into the kitchen with Jeff right behind him.

  “Smells good,” Jeff walked around the table to hold out Beth’s chair for her.

  She warmed at the gentlemanly act. “Thank you,” she said as she sat.

  “You’re welcome.” Jeff went to his own place at the table.

  Silverware clanged against Beth’s best dishes as they dug in. Danny shoved food in his mouth as fast as he could. “Slow down there, Danny. You’re going to choke,” Beth warned him.

  “This is really good, Beth.” Jeff smiled at her.

  Pleased, she said, “You’re welcome.”

  As they sat there eating a meal together, the three of them, it felt dangerously like everything she’d dreamed of all those lonely years ago. She thought that maybe she’d stopped wanting them to be a family.

  Looked like she was wrong. Because it looked like she did want that very much.

  Even though Danny’s father was a big-time butthead.

  ****

  Jeff stood at Beth’s door, ready to leave. “Thanks again for dinner. It was really good.”

  He was working very hard to not give in to the impulse to kiss her.

  “You’re welcome.” Her pink lips parted, practically inviting him to lean in for a smooch.

  Or two.

  Or three.

  “I really want to kiss you right now.” He kept his voice low, so the kid wouldn’t hear. “Would that be okay?”

  Beth licked her lips then cast a glance behind her. “Maybe one little one.”

  His heart thumped as he lowered his head to touch his lips to hers. He felt her pulse skitter and beat against his body.

  Lifting his mouth from hers he whispered, “We can make this work, Bethy. I want to make it work.

  Her body trembled all over. “Let’s take it one day at a time. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

  Not the answer he was looking for, but it’d have to do.

  Exit stage right. “Good night. Thanks again for dinner.” He stepped out of her warm living room and onto her chilly porch.

  “Don’t mention it.” She closed the door and shut him out of hers and Danny’s world.

  Not for long, though. Not for long.

  ****

  “I loved the pictures you sent me.” Jeff’s mother sighed. “I can’t get over how much he looks like you when you were that age.”

  “I don’t see it.” Jeff pressed pause on the TV remote.

  “Of course you don’t.” She chuckled. “I bet he can’t sit still for five minutes at a time.”

  Jeff shook his head and laughed. “You’re right. The kid’s always moving. So I’m bringing him to Addington to meet you and Cookie on Columbus Day weekend.”

  She sighed. “I can’t wait! I still can’t believe I have a ten year old grandson.”

  “Yeah. The thing is, he’s having a really hard time with all of this.”

  “With you?” Indignation rushed across the satellite connections.

  He sighed. “Not so much. But he’s been acting out a lot with Beth.”

  “I think that’s understandable. Um, I hate to bring this up, but how does Katie feel about this little visit? Is she cooperating?”

  “Haven’t talked to her yet. It’s my next phone call.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to need it.”

  “Just remember to breathe and focus on Cookie.”

  “Mom.” Jeff just felt his mouth fly open. “Do you think it would be okay if Beth stayed with us during this visit?”

  Heavy sigh. “I should have realized. Just like Katie, Beth’s not letting you take your child on a vacation.”

  “It’s not quite the same, Mom. Right now I don’t have any rights to Danny.” That would be fixed up real soon. “She’s only going to let him come if she comes along with him.”

  He listened to his mother breathe. Then, “That is probably a good thing. Even if he’s mad at her, she’s been his anchor all his life. Since things will probably be real confusing for him, I think it’s a good idea. Of course she can stay here with us.”

  Jeff let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I’ll put it on your tab.”

  An old inside joke. Just like Beth and Danny’s “I love you across all dimensions.”

  The strongest love he’d ever felt drenched him. He took a second so he wouldn’t embarrass himself by sobbing into the phone. “I’ve never deserved you.”

  “True. But I took pity on you once I saw your ugly face and those sticky out ears of yours.” She paused. “You got those from your father of course.”

  “So you’ve told me.” The devil sat on his left shoulder. “But you may be lying.”

  “Say what?” She sounded just enough outraged to really make him relax.

  “You say I got my big ears from my father, but I sometimes look at you, and, well, Mom?” He couldn’t hold back a snort. “Your ears are kinda big.”

  “Kinda?” she asked, in a tone of voice that if they were in the same room, she’d box his ears. “What does that mean?”

  Jeff sat back in his chair and felt his muscles unkink for the first time in a couple of weeks. He grinned at his phone. “I’ve heard tell that things like big ears skip a generation. Since Danny is channeling Dumbo, I’ve got to just follow the evidence, you know.”

  She sputtered. “I don’t have big ears. I don’t have big anything if I don’t want to.”

  Something more inside him loosened. He adored her. It had been only the two of them from what he could remember. Ever.

  Danny had the same relationship with Beth that he’d had with his own mom. The realization hit him smack in the face.

  He tried to swallow, but it took a couple of attempts. “We were a team. I always knew that.”

  “Your father would have loved the man you’ve become.” She paused. “He would have never let you marry Katie.”

  Another huge pause. Jeff waited.

  “One of my biggest regrets is that I was too busy working to put food on the table to give you the supervision I should have.”

  “Mom, I turned out all right.”

  “Except for getting the most over protected girl on the planet pregnant.”

  “You were so mad.”

  “Think how you’d feel if some jock got Cookie pregnant.”

  “I’d kill him.” Just the thought made him all twitchy and ragey. “She’s not going to date until she’s thirty.”

  “Unle
ss she lies to you about staying at her friend’s house and sneaks out to date behind your back.”

  His stomach rolled. “Damn.”

  “Don’t swear,” she scolded. “I’m going to tell you something.”

  “I’m sure I can’t stop you.”

  “Don’t be fresh! I always felt sorry for that girl. Beth, I mean. That father of hers was a sick, mean person.” She looked at a wall, clearly back into a memory. “He confronted me once.” She made a noise that was a combination of disgust and amusement. “I was a single mother, the worst thing in the world according to Bob Pritchard.”

  His mother continued. “I would have done anything to keep him from having you arrested. I’ll always be grateful to Mike Kelly for making sure that didn’t happen.”

  An explosive noise sounded in his ear as she moved the phone from one ear to the other. “He put that girl and her mother through hell. I can’t imagine what happened to them when he took them on the run.”

  “Beth’s only told me a little about it and it wasn’t good.” He frowned. “She said that Danny was the only thing that kept her going.”

  “So that’s the reason I can forgive her for keeping his existence a secret.”

  Jeff grunted. “I’m still working on that.”

  His mother gave a gentle sigh. “I don’t blame you. But think about this. With that father of hers, I don’t think there was a lot of forgiveness in her life.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He’d never really thought of that. Love for the woman who raised him drenched him. “I’m really lucky to have you for a mom.”

  “And don’t you forget it.”

  ****

  “So my advice to you, Mrs. Rawson, is to let the adoption happen.”

  Beth sat ramrod straight in a green padded leather chair in Brody Collins’, her lawyer’s office. “What do you mean?”

  “He’s got some things going on in his favor, like the fact that the father listed on Danny’s birth certificate never existed.” Brody leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. “He’s got a steady job, a good income, although we can use that to make a case for him paying child support.”

  “I don’t want his money.”

  “Yes you do.” Brody smiled. “Trust me.”

  “He already pays child support to his ex-wife in Massachusetts.”

  “That doesn’t make a difference in the eyes of the court. I’ll check and see if there are any differences between support standards in Massachusetts and in Maine, but I don’t think there are. He has to provide the means for Danny to have the same quality of life that he does for his other child.”

  She pressed her hand to her stomach. “So you want me to let him adopt Danny and change his name.”

  “Yes.”

  Adoption. Such a big step. Beth shivered as icy fingers chased up and down her spine. On one hand, she owed Jeff this. On the other hand, she ached at the thought of sharing her boy.

  But she could see that it was the right thing to do for Danny. She was already the town’s favorite topic of gossip. She’d noticed that people stopped talking when she entered a room.

  Jeff adopting Danny would just give them something more to talk about.

  Danny would be happy. So happy.

  And that made all the difference. “Okay. Let’s go ahead with this. I won’t fight Jeff adopting Danny and changing his last name.”

  “Good.” Brody smiled. “This is the best thing for everyone. It short circuits whatever Nate Cavanaugh can put together, and once Jeff adopts Danny, it will be easier to get child support from him.”

  Somehow, Beth didn’t feel comforted by that. It felt like selling her child. But if it stopped Jeff from taking Danny away from her, her very worst fear, so-be-it.

  ****

  “So,” Jeff said to Danny as he gave him a ride home after practice, “we’re taking a trip to Massachusetts next weekend so you can meet your grandmother and your sister.”

  “I don’t want a sister.”

  “Too bad, champ. You’ve got one.”

  Silence.

  “Will my grandmother like me?”

  Jeff’s brows knit across his forehead. “Of course she does. She loves you. Why do you ask?”

  More silence.

  “My grandfather didn’t like me very much. He was mean to me and Mom.”

  Jeff remembered his conversation with his mother about Bob Pritchard and the hands wrapped around the steering wheel tightened and shook. “Your grandmother is nothing like your grandfather. She loves you even without seeing you, because that’s the way she is. You know what? She talked to me when I told her about you and she knew your grandfather.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” He glanced in the rear view mirror. “She told me about how bad he treated your mom. How hard he was on her and how he made her do stuff she didn’t want to do.”

  He sniffled. “Like tell the lie about you?”

  “Like tell the lie about me. My mom told me to try to forgive your mom and I’m going to do it. Here’s the thing, champ. I think you should forgive your mom too.”

  “But she lied to us, even after Grandfather died.”

  “Yes, she did. But haven’t you ever done something you weren’t proud of? Something you had to apologize for?”

  “Yeah,” Danny said grudgingly.

  “Didn’t you feel really bad until the other person forgave you?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Here’s what I think, champ. Your mom has been there for you every second of your life, loving you no matter what, taking care of you, even though that meant changing your poopy diapers.” Jeff smiled. “I bet your diapers were really gross and nasty.”

  “I bet mine were the grossest ever!” The kid sounded positively gleeful over the thought.

  That’s my boy! “I wouldn’t be surprised. And for sure I wouldn’t have wanted to change them. If I’d been around, I’d have made your mom change all of them and you know what?”

  “What?”

  God forgive him for this lie. “She would have changed them without one single complaint. She loves you that much. Across all dimensions, like Professor Pierce and Princess Arabella.”

  “Yeah,” he said slowly. “I guess.”

  “You’ve been really mean to her since you found out about me and I think you need to remember how good she’s always been to you. She’s your mom, the only one you’re ever going to get. Think about how you’d feel if she was gone and you could never see her again. There’d be a big sized hole in the shape of your mom in your soul if that happened and you’d never ever be able to fill it. Not even with me around.”

  Did he hear a sniff or two from the peanut gallery? “Think very carefully about it.”

  Danny was silent for quite a while.

  “Can Mom come with us when we go to Massachusetts?” Danny’s voice was barely a whisper.

  If he hadn’t already made the decision to bring Beth along, that question would have cinched it. “Yes. Your mom can come along.”

  “Okay.”

  Danny definitely sounded relieved.

  He wanted to talk to Beth and have them both of them explain to Danny about the whole adoption thing. Grateful that Beth had agreed to it, amazed that Beth had agreed to it, just humbled him in general.

  With this agreement to the adoption and the name changes, Beth was giving him everything he wanted, all tied up in a shiny red bow on a shiny silver platter. It really made holding onto hard feelings look pretty petty and mean.

  “You’ve got family you haven’t met and they love you already.” Jeff flicked the blinker on to signal a left.

  Danny went silent, something totally outside of Jeff’s experience with his son. He stayed that way until Jeff dropped him off at Beth’s.

  He followed Danny in, since he needed to talk to Beth.

  Danny threw the door open and flew through it while he yelled, “Mo-om! I’m home!”

  Jeff caught it before it sla
mmed behind him. Beth stepped out of her kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

  “Jeff,” she said, her eyes clouded and unreadable. “Thanks for bringing Danny home.”

  “I’m happy to. We need to talk.”

  “I guess we do. I assume you’ve heard from my lawyer.”

  “Yes.” But he didn’t want to talk about lawyers. “I still want to take Danny to Addington next weekend and I want you to come along.”

  Beth blinked. “Wow. What changed your mind?”

  He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, happy that she didn’t remind him that he couldn’t take Danny anywhere without her. “And thank you for not fighting the adoption. I’ve figured out that Danny doesn’t know yet.”

  “He doesn’t.”

  “I’d like to tell him together tonight.”

  She looked back to where Danny had disappeared. “It’s as good a time as any.”

  “There’s more.” Jeff wanted to hug her, but knew a hug from him might not be welcome. “My mother is okay with you staying at her house when I take Danny down to meet her.”

  “That’s generous of your mother. I’ll make arrangements to get a sub to play at mass on Sunday and hope Jenna can do without me at the shop. Might be tough since it’s a holiday weekend.” Beth would not meet his gaze. “What about Katie?”

  “What about her?” He did not want to talk to Beth about Katie.

  Beth gave him a sour look. “She’s not going to be happy about this.”

  “What she wants doesn’t matter.”

  “I believe you think that but I think the reality is very different.”

  The next thing he knew, Danny clattered down the hall, twirling around like Mega Mole tunneling through the Earth. “Dad! Are you staying for dinner?”

  His son wrapped his arms around his waist. Jeff peeled the arms away and crouched. “No, not tonight.” He smoothed Danny’s hair down. The hair didn’t cooperate and sprang back up. “But we’ve got something to tell you.”

  “What did I do?” Danny frowned.

  “Nothing, sweetie,” Beth said. “This is a good thing.”

  Jeff barely spared her a glance while he hoisted Danny up underneath his armpits and deposited him on the couch. “What do you think about changing your last name from Rawson to Myers?”