Dax

by Shannyn Leah

  “You’re leaving?”

  Had she said that out loud?

  She’d thought it, since their living arrangements were on her agenda, but not today’s agenda.

  “There’s nothing left for me here.”

  “What about me?”

  Why had she started this conversation with him? His regular routine had been disrupted, with the loss of his dad leaving him vulnerable.

  She softened her voice. “You can always visit Olivia no matter where we go and I can bring her by the garage. Although, I know you’re not a fan, so maybe we won’t do that. The fire station?”

  Would she ever be able to step inside that building again? She shuddered as she recalled the phone call there, the phone call that had changed her life.

  The features around his face hardened. “I’m talking about you and me.”

  “You and me?” She’d thought she’d heard him wrong. “What about you and me?” They didn’t socialize outside of Rowdy and now that he was gone, what was left for them?

  Dax thought about her question for a moment before he slightly shook his head. “You slept with me because you plan on leaving?” He folded his arms over his chest, doubling his size.

  His stance didn’t scare her and she didn’t like the accusations of his tone, so she bit back at him. “And you slept with me to forget today.”

  “Don’t tell me why I slept with you.”

  “Why? Does the truth hurt? Maybe you slept with me because your dad wasn’t here to stop you.” She regretted every word that passed her lips, but didn’t dare let him know it. How dare he get angry at her? He’d been in this room more than once.

  He narrowed his intimidating and dark eyes at her. “This is a new side of you that I’ve never seen. Have you been holding out all this time for Rowdy’s inheritance to take the money and run? Like when your family died?”

  Asshole.

  “Screw you, Dax.”

  “Well, now we’ve done that, haven’t we?”

  “I will see you at the funeral home, if you can stay away from the bottle long enough to get there sober.” She stormed passed him.

  “Don’t forget the lawyer’s office where your hefty cheque is waiting, no doubt.”

  His words stung and she spun around. “I don’t want a dime from your father. Do you hear me!” She hadn’t meant to shout at him, but his words were so far off. “If, and that’s a damn big if, he left me anything, I don’t want it. You can have it all. I want him.” She felt the hot tears gathering. “And since that’s not possible, I feel broken, Dax. A child doesn’t want their parent’s inheritance; they want the parent. I don’t care how much you are hurting; don’t you dare underestimate my love for your father. And don’t you twist my relationship with him into something it wasn’t. I loved him as much as my own parents.” With that said, she turned back around and pulled the door open. Without looking back at him, she said, “And don’t pretend this was more when we both know I’m not the first woman you’ve brought to this loft.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ~

  DAX PUSHED DOWN THE DOUBT that threatened to turn him away and swallow him alive. Instead, he pushed open the front door of his dad’s house and waltzed in like he’d done his entire life.

  But he stopped cold when the familiar smell of home hit his senses. In that single moment, he understood why his dad had turned his childhood home into a duplex after his mother’s death: in an attempt to erase the potent reminders of a lost one.

  For him, now, it was the memories of his dad sitting on his leather chair in the living room. He could swear he heard the old man’s footsteps marching down the stairs. So much so that he glanced up but found them empty. They were memories he knew one day he would appreciate. Today wasn’t that day.

  Funny how with all the emotions playing through his mind, not once had he considered leaving. He realized only one person besides his dad could bring out that strength in him: Ava.

  He’d been an ass this morning and he owed her an apology. Sure, her reasons for sleeping with him stung, but worse, her threat to leave had winded him as if Hawk had physically punched in the stomach. And the thought of losing her had scared the hell out of him. Lashing out had been the only way he knew how to deal with his sudden rush of emotions. Emotions he couldn’t decipher or understand, he wouldn’t let her run away. He couldn’t live without her in his life.

  But what did that even mean?

  He had no idea, but he sure as hell had never felt threatened by her role in Rowdy’s life. And his father hadn’t been secretive about his will or where his assets would be divided. It hadn’t bothered Dax when his father had told him and it sure as hell didn’t bother him now. If anything, he was proud of his dad’s stance and happy to share with the two women his father had loved most.

  Dax’s accusation about her being after Rowdy’s money had simply been a result of his hurt feelings. His insides roiled at his sloppiness.

  Damn it.

  He ignored his instinct to rake his hands through his hair. He’d spent a ridiculous amount of time this morning transitioning from his regular jeans, T-shirt and tousled hair into a presentable suit and styled hair.

  The soles of his leather shoes clicked along the hardwood floor as he made a quick walk through the main floor. With one glance outside, he confirmed the girls must be upstairs. He should wait, give them space.

  He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and could hear Olivia’s soft murmurings coming from her bedroom. He could see the door partially open.

  Ten minutes later, with still no sign or sound of Ava, he started up the stairs just as Wanda knocked on the front door and let herself inside.

  She, too, had tossed away her overly large, wavy hippie dresses and was sporting a modest black dress, but she’d left her wild curls to frame her face, where an all too familiar sympathetic look ingrained her features. He hated that look.

  “Hello, Dax.” She shut the door and joined him on the stairs, barely fitting them both.

  “Morning, Wanda.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m sober.”

  She cracked a smile and touched his face. “But a little hungover, I see.”

  He bent down and kissed her cheek. “I’m okay.”

  She squeezed his arm. “I can’t say the same for Ava. She puts on a strong front, but her sorrow runs beyond only your dad. Maybe it hits home a bit with her family.” She glanced up the stairs. “Have you talked to her since she got back?”

  He shook his head.

  “I’ll go check on her.”

  Unable to wait on the stairs any longer, Dax followed her up but stopped in Olivia’s doorway as Wanda entered.

  “Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?” The older woman smoothed a hand over Olivia’s hair like a grandmother would.

  The little girl smiled at Wanda. “Good.” She glanced at Dax and sent him a sad smile. “I’m sorry about your dad.”

  The sincerity of her words touched his heart. “I’m sorry about your grandpa.”

  Her smile fell. “I miss him.”

  “I do too.”

  “Tomorrow’s movie night, but he’s not here. He said he would never miss a movie night. He promised.” Her bottom lip quivered. Dax had no idea what to do, but er Her lips

  Wanda moved in and cradled the girl, rocking her and whispering in her ear so low Dax couldn’t make out the words. When Olivia’s tears subsided, she asked, “Where’s your mom?”

  “In Grandpa’s room.” Olivia’s head dropped back against Wanda’s chest and she played with a ribbon on her dress. “Grandpa’s not in there, but Momma’s been in there a long time.”

  Wanda straightened to head back out, but Dax held up his hand to stop her. Olivia would keep her busy enough. “Let me.” Wanda glanced past him to Rowdy’s open door with no sign of Ava. “I got this,” he softly reassured her.

  She nodded. “Okay. I will finish getting Olivia ready and meet you both downstairs.” Lift
ing the little girl to her feet, Wanda bent down on her knees, meeting the girl at eye level. “Would you like me to braid your hair?”

  When Olivia nodded, Dax stepped into the hallway and followed the long burgundy Persian rug to his father’s bedroom. Rowdy’s smell hit him stronger as he stepped inside the clean and minimalistic room. He hadn’t ever understood the immense feeling of smell until today. Smelling his dad was almost like seeing him or touching him, almost like he was here.

  His breath caught in his throat, but he forced himself to glance at the tan comforter tucked neatly beneath two flat pillows at the head of the bed and a yellow chenille blanket draped over the end. Ava didn’t stand by the walnut burled dresser or stare out the far window. She wasn’t rocking on his chair or looking over his fire truck collectibles lining the shelves beside it. He couldn’t see her anywhere, Dax could smell her too.

  Pulling open the double shuttered doors of the closet, he found Ava, looking like a delicate flower curled up on the floor of the neat closet, clutching one of his father’s white T-shirts.

  She blinked her teary, bloodshot eyes at him and he half expected her to shout at him to go away. Instead, she slowly sat upright, not bothering to pull down the cream slip she wore to cover her exposed thigh. “I can’t do it.” Her raw confession surprised him.

  “You can do it.”

  “You don’t even want me there.” She sniffled. “You think I used him for money.”

  “I don’t, Ava. You know that.” Damn him for ever making her think differently.

  He stepped into the small closet, manoeuvring to draw a shutter closed and sit down beside her with his legs sticking out the door. He pulled her fragile body into his arms.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He kissed the top of her head, smoothing his hand over her damp hair. “I never meant to give you more grief. I’m hurting. I’m lost. I’m angry and I want to scream at the world for taking him, but it doesn’t excuse what I said to you.”

  He could see her hands still gripping Rowdy’s shirt, and then felt her body begin to heave with more tears.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” He hadn’t meant to confess a feeling he was still exploring, but, at the same time, he wanted her to know she was wanted.

  She looked up at him, blinking away her tears, her eyes almost void of emotion. Her fingers wiped the tears away from her cheeks while she pressed her other hand, the hand still grasping Rowdy’s shirt, against his chest, propping herself up.

  Her eyes dropped from his to linger on his lips reminding him of the feel of hers. Her ragged breaths pushed through those parted lips as they landed unexpectedly on his. She finally let go of Rowdy’s shirt, but only to grip Dax’s shirt and hoist herself into his lap.

  Straddling him gave her the upper hand. She unbuttoned his top and slipped her fingers inside, sending ripples of desire through him as she ran them across his skin. He couldn’t resist her mouth’s tantalizing spell, even though he knew he should. They were both in an exposed state, both sad, and both fighting to put one foot in front of the other. Another run through the sheets would only pile on added confusion or conflict. He wanted her, but not like this.

  “Ava,” he breathed against her mouth. “I want to do this. I do.” He gripped the sides of her face, pulling her far enough away that he could see her bemused eyes lighting with rage. “But next time we make love, I want you to know it’s because I want you, only you, and there will be no mixed feelings like last night.”

  Next time? What the hell was he talking about? He didn’t sleep with women more than once.

  Her hands still warmed his chest, but her tone came out chilly. “What does that mean? I don’t even know what that means.”

  He didn’t know what that meant either. His thumb swiped away the remaining dampness of her tears. “It means today I need a friend. I need my family. I want to remember my dad, all the good times we’ve shared, and the good man he was….” He chuckled. “And the bad times, because even when it was bad, we all had each other. I think you need the same and I won’t give you a memory to regret on this day.”

  A half-smile replaced her uncertainty and he felt her body relax. “I didn’t know you were so sweet, or thoughtful…or something.”

  He chuckled. “I will take that as a compliment, even if it’s mildly insulting.”

  Her lips inched up further. “I could really use a friend today.”

  He brought her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I’m right here.”

  “I miss him.”

  “Me too.”

  “He’s frowning at us right now, you know.”

  Dax pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. “He’s rooting for us.”

  She smiled and let out a small chuckle. “I meant because we messed up his closet. He was such a neat freak.”

  Dax glanced up at the clothes they’d pulled from the hangers, some lying on the floor while others remaining half hung up. He laughed. “Come here.” He pulled her against him and hugged her hard. She was the only person who could make him smile today. “You need to get ready,” he whispered against her hair.

  She sat up and patted his chest. “You need a cold shower.”

  He squeezed the side of her legs. “I need more than a cold shower, but I will wait.”

  A shy look played on her features. “I’m sorry for this morning, too. You’re a good man, and an amazing son. He loved you more than anything in this world.”

  “The same way he loved my mom. The night he died, while I was getting ‘control’ at the barbeque….” He enjoyed the grin she let lift her lips before continuing. “He told me to stop living in fear of losing someone and open my eyes to the possibility of a future.”

  “Dax—”

  He softly kissed her lips. “Another day. Go get ready.”

  She nodded and stood, turning to look at him in the closet doorway. Damn, she was beautiful. Her wet curls fell over her shoulders, and her slip clung to her curves. “Will you wait for us?”

  He nodded. “There’s a car waiting to take us all to the funeral home.”

  “Thank you.”

  He’d always take care of her, but he realized the cautious way she thanked him promised he was in for a battle to prove it to her.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ~

  THE DAY WENT BY IN a blur with words being said, people giving their condolences, and hugs passed along. Although Ava heard and saw everything, at the end of the day, all she remembered was watching Rowdy’s coffin being lowered into the ground and the sense of despair pooling in the pit of her stomach. He’d taken a piece of her with him today. A big piece of her that she wondered if she’d ever have again: her foundation.

  “Hey.” Ava’s eyes moved from mindlessly watching her fingers smooth her sleeping daughter’s hair and found Dax kneeling down beside her chair. His hand rested against her arm.

  How hadn’t she felt him? A few days ago, if he’d touched her, she would have melted. But today, her feelings ceased to exist.

  “Hi,” she said back, her eyes soaking him in. He looked tired too. His movements seemed a little slower, and grey circles pooled beneath his eyes. He had an almost detached expression on his face.

  What would she have done without him today? She’d always considered herself independent. However, today, she’d let him do everything from answering questions, to giving her orders of when to sit and stand, as if she couldn’t manage on her own. She felt like she couldn’t.

  “Let’s get her home.” He touched Olivia’s shoulder and his thoughtfulness touched her heart, reminding her one still beat inside her.

  Ava wondered what time it was. Everything seemed to take longer with Rowdy’s funeral. The guest speakers during the funeral were ushered up by the dozens with memorial speeches she couldn’t remember. The fire trucks and police escorts weaving their way through town felt like they had taken the scenic route to the cemetery. Then listening to more words at the burial dragged on unti
l they finally ended up back at the funeral home for a luncheon. Ava hadn’t been able to touch food let alone figure out what time it was now. The day seemed never ending, stretching out like the amazing purple, orange and pink hues of a beautiful Willow Valley sunset over the lake. That was a good description of Rowdy’s life: he made a splash and left everyone with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

  Ava would have sat in the chair numb all night had Dax not lifted the sleeping girl from her lap. Her eyes followed him as he easily positioned Olivia against his chest before holding his hand out to Ava. “Come on.” There he was again, ordering her around, but it soothed the parts of her that wanted someone to watch over her.

  Don’t get used to it.

  Today, grateful for him, she slipped her fingers in his large hand. “There are still so many people here to see you,” she whispered, not caring how it looked when her body leaned into his side, using him as a crutch.

  “I’m not worried about them. If there’s anyone you want to say goodbye to, do it now. I’ll wait.”

  She tried to smile at him, but was barely able to keep her eyes open. “I don’t.”

  He wrapped his arm around her back and sighed as her body molded perfectly in line with his. He guided her through the crowd. Not one person stopped them as if they knew better than to disturb the grieving couple. Outside, his 1968 black Camaro awaited them, prepared with Olivia’s booster seat. She could have laughed at the irony of him buckling her daughter into his baby…nobody messed with his car.

  Once he and Ava were settled in the front seat, Dax turned on the ignition, and the hum of the engine soothed Ava’s strain. She closed her eyes for the short drive back to Rowdy’s house.

  “Ava?” She felt his hands on her arms, his breath against her cheek, and heard her light moan in response. She must have nodded off. Then, gentle arms slid behind her back and under her knees, lifting her from the seat.

  “Olivia?” she murmured, falling in and out of sleep.

  “I carried her to bed.” She felt his body give a little shove and heard his car door slam shut. He was walking now and her arms automatically wrapped around his neck as she snuggled her head against him and let him carry her into the house. Again, she must’ve dozed off because she didn’t remember the walk up the stairs or into her bedroom, but recognized her bed as he gently laid her down.