Don't Look Back (The Becky Chronicles, Book 1)

by Sienna Duncan

  Don’t Look Back

  (The Becky Chronicles, Book 1)

  By: Sienna Duncan

  Don’t Look Back (The Becky Chronicles, Book 1) by Sienna Duncan

  Text copyright © 2017 Sienna Duncan

  All Rights Reserved

  Smashwords Edition

  Thank you for downloading this e-book. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

  Dedication

  To all you sassy chicks out there who haven’t figured “it” all out! This series is for you!

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  TITLE

  DEDICATION

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  EPILOGUE

  CONNECT WITH SIENNA DUNCAN

  OTHER TITLES BY SIENNA DUNCAN

  PROLOGUE

  I don’t know when I figured out my life was fucked up. I didn’t just wake up one day and it all go to shit. No, it wasn’t that easy. There were many signs along the way that led up to this.

  Signs I chose to ignore.

  Why you ask?

  It was always easier that way. If I ignored the problem it would go away, right?

  I’m not so full of myself that I don’t realize my part in all of it. I know I’ve made plenty of mistakes. Who hasn’t? I allowed too many people to dictate what I should do with my life and what they thought it meant to be happy. Happy? That’s a bullshit word. It didn’t matter what I did, it was never enough. I always tried to make things better for everybody else. If it was inconvenient to me, well, I would just remind myself that I was being a good friend or good to my family.

  I mean, who wouldn’t appreciate that? Who would take that for granted?

  EVERYONE, that’s who.

  My mama taught me from an early age to turn the other cheek when things get nasty in your life. The problem with that is, I had no more cheeks to turn. There are only so many times you can swallow your pride.

  Growing up in the small southern town of Arab, Alabama, you can imagine how rough that swallow could be. It’s your typical small town in the south. You knew everyone’s business even if you didn’t want to. They were always ready to share their opinion about it, too. If you had the nerve to tell someone to mind their fucking business (as you should) then you’d be branded as bitch or trouble maker.

  Why did I stay there if it was so bad? Quite honestly, all my family and friends lived there. A southern girl needs to be close to her family! That’s just the way it is. Even when that family breaks her heart. They always know just how deep to twist and turn that knife. Family always cuts you the deepest.

  The only thing that has kept me kinda sane is my relationship with Chad Matthews. We’ve been together for three years, but we have known each other all our lives. He and I went to the same high school and eventually to the same college. Before his grandparents died, they lived down the road from where I grew up.

  My fondest memory was the huge garden they had every year, and would share with their neighbors. I would always walk down the road and help his grandmother shell peas.

  I was kid and thought it was fun. Not so much when I got older.

  Sadly, his grandfather died a year after the death of Chad’s grandmother. He just mourned himself to death. He was completely lost without her. I wonder what it’s like to love and be loved like that?

  It’s pretty much a fairy tale these days. Shit, you’re lucky if a guy holds the door open for you anymore.

  When I was in my teens, Chad and his parents moved into their house. We were best friends as kids, but did not become romantically involved until we were in college. I mean, Chad was this big time jock at school, and I was the chubby friend who read all the time. I always thought he was so handsome, but I knew he would never look my way. He was always so sweet to me back then, then telling me how pretty he thought I was all that shit girls like me never believe. I always thought he was just trying to boost my ego because I didn’t date very often and was painfully shy.

  Things changed when we got away from this small town and were around other kids at college. At first I didn’t see him around campus very often. Chad and I were doing our own thing and pretty much trying to figure out the college scene. I had a crazy roommate named, Lynn, who was gaga over her boyfriend, Barry. Between listening to her hilarious stories and keeping up with my studies, it didn’t leave much time for anything else. It took me a few weeks before I agreed to go out with Lynn and Barry. A friend of his was having a party, and it was there that I saw Chad. Some of Barry’s (very drunk) friends were hassling me to the point where I wanted to leave. They were saying shit about me giving them a blow job. Chad walked up when one of them had grabbed his crotch.

  You can imagine the protective instincts that provoked. He was my shadow for the rest of the night. It started as just looking out for each other. Chad would ask for advice about some girl he was dating, and he would let me cry on his shoulder when my heart was broken, which happened often.

  (I had a knack for picking narcissistic assholes, and it didn’t take me long to figure out which ones they were.)

  I would always see Chad with girls who were so wrong for him. He would laugh and say he was just waiting for the perfect girl to realize he was right there. He would usually bump my shoulder or something like that, and I would always roll my eyes at him.

  It took a little while for me to figure out he meant me.

  I mean…really?

  I’m not saying I am ugly or anything. I’m cute, and perfectly happy with that assessment. BUT, I looked at myself and looked at Chad and it just didn’t fit to me. I am the exact opposite of the all the girls he had ever gone out with. I found it hard to believe he was interested in me like that. He told me he had been interested in me for years, but he was too scared to ask me out. He was too scared? I call bullshit.

  It took several times when he asked me out before I started to take him seriously. He was a little hurt it took me so long to believe him. When you’ve been friends with someone all your life (like we had been) who suddenly expresses an interest in, it’s a little hard to believe.

  We were able to keep our relationship a secret through college. I think some people suspected we were dating. Our families always seemed to go out to dinner, cookout, or whatever when we were home. Our mothers were like bloodhounds, though. It didn’t take them long to figure it out. I think they started to plan our wedding right then.

  After we graduated, we moved in together. Against my better judgement, I agreed to live in our hometown. Chad was expected to join his father at his company so it made sense. I was not excited to live there was because of our mamas. They did not know when to let up. If I heard them hint at the “m” word one more time, I was going to scream.

  Not that Chad and I had ever discussed it. We were just not at that point in our lives where we were ready for marriage.

  It was kind of funny that he still avoided that conversation more so than me. There’s no rush to get married (and I am not completely sure if I want to). I guess that after three years together, sometimes you begin to wonder.

  Wondering about things like that is NEVER good.

  Chad worked long hours at his father’s company. He majored in computer engineering, and it was a well-known fact he would
join his father at Matthew’s Engineering.

  I guess I just never thought about the long hours he would be working, along with my travels, taking its toll on our relationship. I was fortunate enough to have a job that allowed me to work anywhere. I majored in communications, and my part time job writing for the popular travel magazine, Oasis, had turned into a full time gig.

  I loved it!

  I was able to travel across the country and visit everything from hotels to bed and breakfast establishments. The down side to all this was, I did not get to spend as much time with Chad as I would like. Often when I was home, he would be at work.

  Being an adult has its disadvantages.

  I can see why SO many relationships fall apart.

  If you don’t try to make it work, there is nothing left to work on. Sometimes it leaves room for outside forces to step in and fuck everything up.

  Sometimes the one who fucks it up is you.

  CHAPTER 1

  My phone rang as I sent an email to my editor, Gwen Chambers.

  Sighing, I picked up my phone. It was my mother. Great.

  “Hello.” I tried to hide the frustration I felt whenever she called.

  “Good afternoon to you, too. This is your mother. You should sound happier to hear from me.” She said accusingly.

  My mother still did not understand the concept of caller id. She felt it necessary to tell me who she was each time she called. Recognizing her voice was clearly not enough.

  “I am working, Mom.” I tried to say it as politely as possible. She is my mother after all. Aggravating as hell, but still my mother.

  “Becky, when are you going to get a real job? If you have any hope of Chad proposing, you need to be able to offer more to the table that just flitting around here and there.”

  Shit! Here we go again. The never-ending cycle of me never doing anything to please my mother. She knew I would do anything for her and my father, but where my personal life was concerned, she was never happy.

  I rubbed my forehead roughly and I knew I needed to end this conversation before I had a whopper of a headache. If anyone could make my head pound, it was my mother.

  So, what if I stretched the truth a little? It was for the sake of my sanity. “I hear someone at the door, Mom. I will have to call you back. Love you.”

  “Well, I…I love you, too.” I knew she hated it when I abruptly ended our phone calls.

  I took a deep breath when our call ended. This was getting ridiculous! The same blasted conversation every single time! It had been two weeks since I had taken her call. It wasn’t for her lack of trying to get in touch with me. My mama even resorted to calling Chad and demanded to know why I wasn’t returning her calls. You can imagine what he wanted to say to her on my behalf, but respectfully kept it to himself. When she did get through, she would say shit like, if I did not want Chad to find someone else I needed to be home more.

  Wow! Thanks for the words of encouragement, Mom. These conversations are the very reason why I try my best to avoid her phone calls. It is a good thing I do not have low self-esteem.

  Sometimes, in the back of mind, I have found myself wondering if Chad has given my family any reason to say things like that to me. My mother is not the only one who makes these snide remarks. I usually just brush it off, but it is getting harder and harder to do that.

  I finished looking at my email and closed my laptop. Chad and I made plans to go out to dinner tonight. I checked the time. It was just a few minutes after two o’clock. I knew he wouldn’t get off for about three more hours. It gave me plenty of time to go for a walk. That always cleared my head.

  I sent my best friend a text, and she agreed to meet me at the walking trail beside the fire station.

  Lynn was leaning against her car when I pulled up next to her. She took a big drink of her water as I got out of my car.

  “Uh oh.”

  When those are the first words out of your best friend’s mouth, you better watch out.

  “What?”

  “You have that irritated look on your face. Who was it this time? Your mom or Chad?”

  I rolled my eyes and laughed at the accuracy of her comment.

  “You mean I can pick just one today?” I started walking toward our favorite trail.

  Lynn laughed. “True. They both drive you crazy.”

  “Every. Single. Day.” I emphasized each word. “I must admit Chad has not been as bad lately.” He was getting frustrated with my constant traveling for the magazine I work for.

  Lynn looked at me out of the corner of her eye. The look of disbelief clearly written all over her face. She shrugged her shoulders.

  “If you say so, Becky Lou. Y’all rarely see each other anyway. I don’t know why you’re still together.”

  Just as much as my mother wanted to see Chad put a ring on my finger, my best friend was equally against it. Lynn believed I needed to live more and not be tied down to Chad. She didn’t think I could ever walk away from him, though.

  As she has told me countless times, I have become too comfortable with the idea of him always being here for me. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable.

  Isn’t that what is supposed to happen when you’re in a long-term relationship?

  I sighed loudly. “I just got off the phone with my mother.”

  I mean, that tells it all.

  “What did she say this time, or should I guess? ‘You better hurry up and have me some grandbabies.’ She kills me with that.”

  I was laughing so hard at her imitation of my mother I had to stop for a moment. Lynn was talking while walking away before she finally realized I was not beside her anymore.

  “You better get your ass moving, Stevens.”

  “I’m coming. I’m coming.”

  “Really?” Lynn raised her eyebrows.

  Leave it to her to always think with her mind in the gutter.

  Always. Well, I am no better if the truth be known.

  “You are not right!” I shouted at her as I ran to catch up.

  “Oh, I am in so many ways.”

  We laughed at our absurdity. Now, that is the release I was looking for. No matter the situation, I can always count on Lynn to make me laugh. She knows everything about me. Even the embarrassing stuff.

  “Seriously, Beck, is everything okay?” Lynn slowed down.

  “I don’t know anymore. It’s difficult to describe. I just feel so restless.”

  Lynn was silent for an unnerving amount of time.

  “I expect you to call me up any day now and tell me you have decided to move far away from here. I don’t blame you one bit if you do. I just don’t know what I will do if you ever leave. It’s always been the two us taking on all of them. You know?” Lynn looked straight ahead as she spoke.

  We stopped at the top of a hill about half way down the trail. I put my hands on my hips and tried to catch my breath. Curvy women and hills don’t like each other.

  Just putting that out there.

  “I can promise you this, as my best friend, if I decided to move you would be the first person I would tell.” I meant it, too.

  Since we met as roomies in college, Lynn and I have been inseparable. She’s the peanut butter to my grape jam. (The men in our lives didn’t understand our relationship, but that’s men for you).

  I don’t know why I felt like everything was going to come crashing down around me. It was an uneasiness I had felt for quite a while.

  Maybe it was the late nights Chad was at work or perhaps the boys’ night he often had with his friends. I know it is an unreasonable fear considering the nights I go out with my friends. I guess it could be the underlying fact that I do not trust men. College ruined that for me. By the time Chad and I got together, the damage had already been done.

  No matter what, I have always been told to follow my gut feelings. It is telling me to keep my eyes wide open because something is not as it should be. Or maybe I’m looking for a reason out.

  By the
time we made it back to our cars, we were out of breath again and drank our water in record speed. I looked at Lynn and grinned as a thought crossed my mind about our exercise attempts.

  “I was just thinking…”

  “Uh oh! That is a bad combination.” Lynn laughed.

  “If we stop getting a slushy at the store down the road, we just might lose a pound or two.”

  Lynn looked at me like I was crazy. “I am not giving up my peach slushy. You can forget it. I need all that sugar to make me nice to people.”

  We laughed because it was true. If Lynn did not get her sugar fix, via the peach slushy, she was not always nice to those around her. I loved the strawberry flavored one, but I could live without it.

  Umm....maybe.

  “So, you have dinner plans tonight?” Lynn asked as she took her last sip of water.

  “Yes, but I have no idea where we are going.” I sighed quietly.

  “You don’t sound like you want to go.” Lynn looked questioningly at me.

  “A part of me doesn’t. We get to go out to dinner together so seldom these days, so I hate to tell him no.”

  She nodded in understanding, but I could tell she wanted to say more.

  “Okay, what is it, Lynn?”

  “What? I didn’t say anything.” She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. I knew that look.

  I started tapping my foot in frustration. “Don’t do that, Lynn. I know you have something on your mind. You just need to say it.”

  “I don’t want to piss you off. You get so defensive sometimes.”

  I took a deep breath, and gestured with my hands for her to get on with it. If she is so sure I am going to get pissed, then it is better to say it so we can move on.

  “Okay. I know you love Chad. I get that. Really, I do. I just don’t want to see you turn down any opportunities that come your way because of it.”