Don't Look Back (The Becky Chronicles, Book 1)

by Sienna Duncan

Great!

  Maybe I won’t be given one hundred questions.

  I opened the door to step out of the car, and saw my mother standing on the porch.

  She smiled. “I saw you drive up.”

  She stopped suddenly. Her smile turned to concern.

  “Becky, what’s wrong?” She placed her hand on her chest.

  I stood at the bottom of the steps.

  “Janice, what is it?” My dad stepped outside. He looked at my mother before focusing on me. “Pumpkin? What’s wrong?” His voice was filled with concern as he walked down the steps to me.

  “Everything.” I barely got the words out when the tears fell.

  I felt my dad’s arms go around me as he guided me up the steps.

  “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” My dad was trying his best to reassure me.

  We walked into the family room. My parents sat in silence as I told them what happened.

  To say my dad was pissed would be an understatement. My mother was shocked. Of course, she believed there was more to it than I saw.

  There would NEVER be a good enough explanation for that!

  My mother said I should talk to Chad. Thankfully, she understood why I couldn’t do it right now. I finally asked them if I could stay there until I had time to think about everything.

  Their house phone rang.

  The caller ID showed Chad’s name.

  My dad started to pick up the phone. My mother stopped him.

  “Let me take care of this, Phillip.”

  My dad exhaled loudly and then nodded in agreement.

  “Hello.” My mother was quiet as she listened.

  I shook my head when her eyes met mine.

  “She is safely here, but she isn’t taking any phone calls right.” Mom paused. “I understand that, but you need to give her time to calm down before you try to explain what she saw. I honestly don’t know how you can explain that.”

  My mother was quiet again.

  “Good night, Chad.”

  My mother looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

  “He sounds just as broken as you do.”

  “I’m sure he is.” I couldn’t hide the contempt in my voice.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him?”

  “Whose side are you on? You’re my mother!” I cried.

  My mother looked stunned and then hurt by my words.

  “Of course, I’m on your side.”

  “Janice,” my dad began, “let’s give her some breathing room.”

  My mother nodded.

  “Can we get you anything?” My dad asked.

  I shook my head. “I just want to lay down.”

  “Of course. You can sleep in your old room. I just put clean bedding on it yesterday.”

  I nodded as I walked down the hall to my room. I pulled back the covers and quickly undressed.

  I stared up at the ceiling. I don’t know how many hours passed. I kept replaying the past few weeks.

  The hurtful words we had spoken.

  The restaurant tonight.

  That woman with the auburn hair.

  I cried so much it made my chest ache. I finally fell into an unsettled sleep.

  The next few days went by in a haze. All I felt like doing was staying in bed. My parents actually humored me with this. I knew they were concerned, but there was nothing they could do. I had some serious decisions to make, but I was afraid of it breaking what was left of my heart.

  Chad stopped by every day after work. I always refused to see him. My mother never let him in the house. I was very surprised considering how much she tried to pressure me to marry him. In between, he called and sent text messages.

  Please call me!

  I love you!

  When Vanessa touched my leg, I froze. I didn’t want to make a scene by making a big deal out of it.

  I’m sorry.

  I love you more than the air I breathe. Please talk to me!

  I didn’t respond to any of them. Well, at least I know her name now. Vanessa. He’s on a first name basis with her. I don’t know how to deal with it!

  Should I scream? I have cried so many tears. And for what? Nothing! At this point, his words are completely empty. I want to so desperately believe him. My heart is begging me to. On more than one occasion I came close to calling him. I talked myself out of it.

  Lynn came by on the fourth day. She was livid. I had to make her promise not to beat the shit out of him. Her words. She let me cry on her shoulders until I thought there were no more tears to cry.

  More fell.

  We are broken.

  I knew what I needed to do.

  When Chad called that evening, I decided to take his call. It hurt like hell to hear his voice, but it had to be done.

  “I’m so glad you answered.” I could hear the relief in his voice.

  I wasn’t going to give him an inch.

  “Who is Vanessa?”

  He sighed. “A client. I didn’t know what to do when she touched my leg. It didn’t mean anything.”

  “You didn’t move it away.”

  He sighed again.

  “I know. I just didn’t want to make a big deal about it.”

  “You didn’t want to make a big deal? You sure had no trouble moving it away when you saw me.”

  “This is why I don’t tell you stuff like this.”

  Whoa! What the hell does that mean?

  “You mean this happens a lot?”

  Chad was silent. It felt like a dagger to my heart.

  “Wow! Can you try to imagine how that makes me feel? You know you are giving these women the wrong impression. Right?”

  He took a deep breath. “Nothing has ever happened. I promise you that.”

  “I wish I could believe you, Chad.”

  “You mean, you won’t.” He sounded angry.

  This is bullshit! I just can’t…

  “I need to go.” I said hastily.

  “Wait! When can we talk again? Can we meet? We shouldn’t be talking about this over the phone.”

  “I can’t right now, and I need you to understand. I need some space. We both do to figure out what we want.”

  “I don’t need space. You just need to come home so we can work this out.” He growled.

  My eyes began to fill with tears.

  “This is for the best right now. If we are supposed to be together, then we will be.”

  I was sick!

  “Make no mistake, Becky Stevens, we will be together. We are meant to be together, and I will wait forever for you if I have to.”

  My breath caught at his words. I must not give in!

  “Good bye, Chad.”

  I hung up before he could respond.

  I sat there for a few minutes. It felt like I just ripped off a band aid.

  I needed to make some calls.

  My editor, Gwen, was the first on my list. She answered right away.

  “I hope you are calling to accept my offer.”

  “Yes.”

  “Really?” She was surprised.

  “Yes, and I can start right away.”

  There was silence for a moment.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I can be packed and on my way tomorrow.”

  “Wow! That’s what I like to hear.”

  “I’ll call you in a few days after I get settled.”

  “Sounds great! Oh, and Becky? You won’t regret this move.”

  “I’m counting on it.”

  We ended the call after that. I immediately sent Lynn a text. We met at her apartment. I told her my conversation with Chad, and my decision to accept Gwen’s offer.

  “Chad is such an asshole! I know you love him, but the truth is the truth.”

  I nodded. She always made her feelings perfectly clear about him.

  “I am so happy you decided to take that position. You are going to love living down there. I’ll call my aunt and let her know I am giving you a key to the house. She
told me before that you can stay there until you find a place of your own.”

  I looked at Lynn.

  “What?”

  “Thank you so much, Lynn. You have been such a wonderful best friend.”

  “Stop all that mushy stuff. I got you and you got me.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “What are you going to do now?” She sat down on her love seat.

  “I guess I need to pack my stuff.”

  She raised her eyebrows.

  “Do you want some help?”

  I shook my head. “No. I have just a few things at Mom and Dad’s house. I’ll go to the apartment tomorrow while Chad is at work.”

  Lynn was giving me her crazy look.

  “Are you not going to tell him you’re leaving?”

  I looked at the floor. “I told him I needed space. This is giving me space.”

  She sucked in a deep breath. “Okay.”

  “You do understand why I have to do it this way?” I looked back up at her.

  Lynn nodded.

  “I do. I just hope you realize what you are doing. I want you to be happy, Beck. I know you haven’t been in a long time. That doesn’t mean he isn’t the one. I just don’t think he is the one for you right now.” She paused. “I don’t want you to regret anything.” She sighed.

  I reached out and touched her shoulders.

  “If I see Chad, he will convince me to stay. I know if I stay I will always question everything. I don’t want to live like that.” I turned away and grabbed my purse.

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She nodded.

  I left her apartment and drove back to my parents’ house. I did my best to make them understand my decision. Surprisingly, they understood. Their only concern was that I have not spoken face to face with Chad. I pointed out it is my decision to make. Good or bad.

  They promised not to give out any details to Chad or his family. I know it is especially hard for my mama, because she is such good friends with Chad’s mother. They agreed it is for the best.

  I didn’t get much sleep. I think I woke up every couple hours. I guess it’s the fear of not knowing what lies ahead. Not being around family and friends. I have always had someone familiar around me.

  It’s scary.

  I finally gave up on sleep and got up at 6:30. I showered and loaded my overnight bag into the trunk of my car. I waited until a little after eight, before I drove to our apartment.

  I felt so alone when I walked inside. It was hard to breathe.

  I knew I needed to do this. It is for the best. So, why is my heart breaking?

  I did my best to ignore the picture frames with our smiling faces and all the happy memories we shared. It was so much harder than I thought. How do I say good bye to everything that was supposed to be my future?

  Oh yeah, Vanessa, the auburn haired slut. I need to remember her when I get weak.

  I pushed those thoughts aside and walked into our bedroom. I stopped in the middle of the room. It smelled like Chad. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.

  I need to get out of here before I change my mind!

  I walked to the closet and pulled out my suitcases and garment bags.

  Sadly, I had it all packed and into my car in a couple hours. I only took my clothes. Nothing else. It just seemed wrong to take anything else. I looked around the bedroom one more time. I noticed one of his white t-shirts on the bed. My hands shook as I picked it up. I brought to my nose. It smelled just like Chad. I closed my eyes. I am going to miss his scent.

  I walked out of the bedroom…with his t-shirt.

  Okay…don’t judge!

  I put my key to the apartment on the counter. I stood in the doorway for a moment.

  It’s going to be okay.

  I’m going to be okay…someday.

  I closed the door, and along with it, my youthful dreams.

  Life is not a fairy tale.

  I drove back to see my parents before I left. They wanted me to stay for lunch, but I knew I needed to leave while I still had the guts to do it. I hugged then tightly before I got back into my car.

  I pulled out of the driveway and passed the Matthews home. I was shocked to see Chad outside speaking with his parents.

  Our eyes met.

  I had to take a deep breath. And another.

  I don’t know if I am making the best or worst decision of my life. BUT, I am tired of making everyone else happy. It’s my turn to find out what makes ME happy.

  Fairhope...let’s see what you have in store for me. I kept on driving and did not look back.

  EPILOGUE

  CHAD

  I watched Becky drive passed me without stopping. Something didn’t feel right. She looked at me for a moment and just kept on driving.

  The hair stood up on the back of my neck.

  I turned back to my mother and realized I hadn’t heard a word she said.

  She sighed. “You aren’t listening to me, son.”

  She put her hands on her narrow hips.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I take it you two are still not speaking.”

  “I am not talking about it with you. This is between she and I.”

  “It’ll work out, son. You’ll see.” My dad patted me on the shoulder.

  I nodded, but I was torn up inside.

  So stupid!

  That bitch, Vanessa, and her games. She had been trying to get in my pants for weeks. No matter what I said it didn’t seem to thwart her. She was determined, I’ll give her that much.

  She isn’t the first to throw herself at me, but I have NEVER cheated! I know women find me attractive. I have always liked the attention.

  But…I have loved Becky Stevens for years.

  Years.

  She just never knew it.

  Becky was always so shy. She kept to herself most of the time when we were growing up, but I always made her hang out with me. Yes, I was the boy who pulled her hair and anything else to get her attention. I think I just annoyed her for the longest time. I didn’t care. I just liked being around her.

  When we got into high school, she was always so self-conscious about her weight and shit like that. I always loved her curves. I never knew why the other guys didn’t realize how beautiful she was. I didn’t tell her that until we were in college, though. I know I was a pussy in high school for not telling her, but I made it up to her later.

  I know her as well as I know myself. That’s how I knew I needed to leave and go to our apartment.

  Something was wrong.

  I said good bye to my parents and drove over to our apartment. I was thinking about the conversation Becky and I had last night. Why was she being so difficult? Doesn’t she know what she means to me?

  I know I fucked up. I should’ve been a dick to Vanessa and told her to back the fuck off. But no, I tried to ignore her advances. She is a client for fuck’s sake.

  I knew Becky had a point when she said it gave women the wrong impression when I didn’t say anything to them to stop their advances. I never let them get very far before I made it clear I wasn’t interested. Some had to be told more than once. I know lots of guys who cheat and don’t care who knows. I am not one of them.

  Never will be.

  I won’t lie. I have thought about taking some time apart from Becky. Between both our mothers, they are driving me fucking insane! Who pressures their kids to get married right after college? That’s all they have done since we graduated. Hell! I want to marry Becky, someday. Just not right now. We are still so young.

  Thinking back to the last few weeks. I know I have been an asshole. It has just been so frustrating, with my job working for my dad, and then listening to my mother talk about me proposing sometime soon. I mean, enough is enough!

  And Becky traveling with her job. I know she loves it, but damn! I wish she was here more. It seems she has been taking more assignments than usual from that magazine she works for. I’m sure s
he has been escaping our mothers just as I wish I could. I know her editor has been pressuring her to accept another position there.

  I walked into our apartment and immediately I knew something was wrong. My attention focused on the counter.

  Shit!

  Her key to the apartment.

  I saw nothing out of place, but my rapidly beating heart told me to go into the bedroom.

  I opened her drawers.

  Empty.

  I opened her side of the closet.

  Empty!

  NO! NO! NO!

  I ran out of the apartment. I called her phone as I headed over to her parents’ house. It went straight to voicemail.

  This is bad! Worse than bad.

  Fuck!

  What did I do?

  She is my whole world.

  My everything! I drove to her parents’ house.

  I pulled into their driveway. Phillip and Janice were sitting on the swing on their front porch. I think they were expecting me.

  “She isn’t here, Chad.” Janice looked at me sympathetically.

  “Where is she? All of her clothes are gone from our apartment.”

  “She wouldn’t say exactly where she was going. I guess she didn’t want us to have to lie for her. She just said she needed some time and space to figure things out.” Phillip shook his head in resignation.

  I backed away from them.

  “What did you think would happen? She is hurting right now.” Janice looked at me accusingly.

  Phillip looked like he wanted to beat the shit out of something. That something being me.

  I held my hands up. “It was all a misunderstanding. You know I love your daughter.”

  Phillip looked at me with anger and hurt for his daughter written all over his face.

  “You don’t need to convince us. My daughter’s feelings are all that matters to me. Right now, she isn’t sure of anything.”

  I had done this. I made her run away.

  I looked up at them.

  “Will you tell me when she calls. Let me know how she is.”

  They just looked at me. Her father crossed his arms. I knew I would not be welcome back for a while. I nodded in understanding and drove away. I didn’t stop at my folks’ house.

  In desperation, I called Lynn.

  I don’t know why I thought she would tell me anything. I heard her say ‘fucking asshole’ and I knew she wouldn’t help.