by J. A. Owenby
“You were?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.
“Yes, and I had three kids to take care of. We ran from an abusive husband, and after we were safe and had had some time to heal, I dedicated my time to helping other women escape abusive men. We aren’t affiliated with the police or any other organization, so we have the ability to do things differently. We’re similar to an underground railroad, so to speak. We’re quiet and effective. We’re an all-volunteer group, and we have a seventy-five percent success rate with the women we’ve relocated.”
“Only seventy-five percent?” I squeaked.
“One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can only help someone as much as they want to be helped. Twenty-five percent of women go back. My responsibility is to sneak you out of here and get you to safety. There are people along the way to help you move and take care of you, but it’s ultimately your choice.
“Are you ready to leave and start your life over? You won’t be able to reach out to your friends, you won’t know anyone except maybe one family, and you’ll be in a new state. Our program sets you up with a new identity, and you will start completely over. You will no longer be Lacey Beaumont.”
I gasped as her words registered with me. I couldn’t talk to George, the girls, or Emma, at least for a while. No one would know where I was, but that also included Xander and Mama. I was so tired of trying to start over and it not working. I had nowhere else to turn.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Yes, I’m ready.”
“Okay, I’ll put everything into motion then. Since it’s Friday, and from what I understand you are well guarded, we have two choices. I can show up at Xander’s house tonight with the police and arrest you on some trumped-up charge, or we can be ready for you when you return to classes on Monday.”
“No, no police,” I said adamantly, shaking my head. “I think Xander has friends there. I’m scared they would tell him the truth and he would come after me even harder.”
“Okay then, Monday it is. You stay as safe as you can over the weekend.”
A surge of panic set in as I realized that I had to get through three more nights with Xander.
“He’s been nicer the last several days,” I said, “but I never know when all that’s about to change. I typically don’t have any warning.”
“I’ve been there, hon—you’re talking to someone who lived through the same thing. You’re about to take action. You’ll no longer be a victim,” she said as she smiled comfortingly.
Can I have that too? Can I be safe and find peace?
I nodded as I tried to process everything that was about to happen.
“We need to go,” Adalyn said. “Thank you for meeting us, Mrs. Walters.”
“You all did the right thing by bringing Lacey to me. Let’s get her safe.”
I adjusted my wig again and slid my glasses on as we slipped out the door one by one, a couple of minutes apart.
I was hurrying down the hallway toward the front doors when I heard a loud whisper. “Pssst! Lacey!”
“Shit, Adalyn, you scared me!” She was standing just inside an empty classroom’s doorway.
“I almost forgot to give you this,” she whispered as she slipped a small bag into my hand.
I shoved it into my backpack and hugged her. I left her standing in the classroom doorway as I practically ran down the hallway, across the parking lot, and into the back of my building.
I went straight into the bathroom, shoved the wig and glasses into a bag, and left it under the sink for Cassidy to pick up later. I smoothed my hair and gasped as I realized I’d forgotten to change shirts with Cassidy.
Shit! Shit! I had no other choice than to walk out of that bathroom as though I owned the T-shirt I was wearing.
Chapter 45
I smiled as I descended the steps of the building and walked over to Xander. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.
“You’re in a good mood,” he said as he wrapped his arm around my waist.
“It’s Friday, and we’re almost done with the school year. I can’t believe it. And you’re graduating, Xander. Does it feel weird after four years of college? I mean, you’re almost done.”
He chuckled as I babbled on about the year, how fast it had flown by, and how different everything was from the first day I’d arrived. Xander hadn’t mentioned the phone call from Emma, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to. If he was going to be sweet for five minutes, I knew better than to rock the boat.
Besides, Emma and Walker no longer mattered. The only thing I needed to focus on was getting through the next few days.
On the way home, I talked about how nice it was to not need the air conditioning at the end of May, and how back home your makeup was melting off the moment you stepped outside.
We arrived home and agreed to watch a movie and order pizza. I made drinks and wandered onto the front porch. The gentle breeze rustled the leaves as I checked on Laverne and Shirley, my rose bushes. I smiled as I realized that I’d managed not to kill them. They were taking to their new home well. I reached out and touched the soft petals as their sweet fragrance filled my nose.
“They’re doing well,” Xander said from behind me.
“I know, I’m excited. These are the first flowers I’ve ever planted. It’s so beautiful here with all the trees. I remember that was one of the first things that stood out when I came to Oregon—how green everything was, even in the summer,” I said and took a drink.
“You sure are taking a trip down memory lane today,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said and stared at my shoes. “I do that sometimes. A lot has changed in the last year.”
“It has,” he said as he took my hand. “I want to have a good summer too. I think we should take a few different camping trips. I’d love to show you Crater Lake. It’ll take your breath away. We can go up to Washington as well. How does that sound?”
“I would love to,” I said as I reached up and kissed him. “I need to go pee and get a refill,” I said. “I’ll get you one, too,” I said and took his glass.
I opened the front door and went to the kitchen. Xander hadn’t followed me back into the house. I put our glasses on the kitchen counter, ran up the stairs as quietly as I could, grabbed my backpack from his bedroom, and hurried into the bathroom. I checked that I’d locked the door three times before I opened my backpack.
My stomach flipped as I pulled out the small bag Adalyn had given me. I slid the package out, turned it over, and read the back of the box. My hands shook as I unwrapped it. I followed the instructions and then sat on the side of the tub and waited.
I mulled over the conversation with Mrs. Walters from earlier in the day. I tried to imagine what my life would look like in a few days. I didn’t even know where I was going to live. I also wanted to grab one or two more items of clothing. Xander hadn’t said anything about my shirt; I owned a few black shirts already, so maybe it wasn’t obvious.
I glanced at my watch. I still had a few minutes left. I rubbed my forehead and refused to go to a dark place mentally. I was so close. I heard Cassidy’s voice inside my thoughts saying, We got this. I don’t know where her confidence came from, but the last time I thought I was safe, Mama drugged me and locked me up. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again and think things were okay before I’d crossed the finish line.
I stood up and peered at the results. I gasped and doubled over. Oh my God. Oh my God.
“Hey, you okay in there?” Xander asked as he knocked on the door.
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” I replied as I grabbed the pregnancy test, shoved it back into the box, wrapped it up in the brown paper bag, and tossed it into the trash.
I hopped down the stairs and joined Xander in the kitchen.
“Pizza’s here,” he said as he handed me a paper plate.
“It smells really good,” I said as I grabbed two slices.
He refilled my rum and Pepsi and handed it to me. I took a long drink and set it down on
the table. I was starving.
* * *
I lay still in bed and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t sleep. The moonlight trickled in through the curtains and Xander breathed softly next to me. My mind raced with the plan of me leaving in a few days. I would no longer live in the state that I’d worked so hard to get to. I wouldn’t be able to have any contact with Emma, George, Adalyn, or Cassidy. I didn’t care anymore about Mama. I figured this was the only way I’d ever break free from her. A tear slid down my cheek as I thought about everything I was going to say goodbye to.
I watched Xander as he slept. Anger and fear rolled through me at the same time. Why had everything turned out this way? Why couldn’t he leave the drugs and women alone? He’d been so good to me in the beginning; he’d been my rock. He’d protected me from Mama as she tried to drag me off, and then everything had turned to shit.
I’d focused too much on the good side of him, which had also been my downfall. I continued to hold on to that part of him and hope it would resurface, but it had cost me everything, including my soul. I was a hollowed-out shell of a person now. I’d tried hard drugs and allowed myself to be hit, lied to, and cheated on. And now everything was about to change again, but this time, I didn’t have Emma or her parents to help me. I would have to trust total strangers.
I sighed as I stared at the ceiling again. It was unbelievable how long one night could last.
Chapter 46
I yawned.
“You look exhausted,” Xander said over breakfast the next morning.
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” I replied. “I hate it when that happens.” I took a bite of my eggs. “Maybe I’ll lie back down for a little while if you don’t care?”
“Are you not feeling well? You’ve never been sick before.”
“I know, and I don’t get sick often. Maybe it’s the stress of getting ready for finals and finishing the school year.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna mow the lawn since it’s not raining, so lie down for a while. Maybe you’ll feel better this afternoon.”
I nodded as I rinsed my plate and loaded it into the dishwasher.
“Thanks,” I said as I kissed him and went back upstairs. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep within minutes.
It was almost 7 p.m. when I went back downstairs. I didn’t feel any better, but maybe it was my heart hurting more than anything else. I was torn between leaving everything or staying. An uneasy feeling filled me as I walked into the living room. I didn’t like either outcome, but I had to make a choice—and fast.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
I shook my head as I joined Xander on the love seat. “I can’t seem to shake it,” I muttered as I rubbed my eyes and glanced at him.
“Do you think you have the flu? Because if you do, stay away from me.”
“Thanks,” I said and leaned my head back.
“Do you want a drink? I can make you one.”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I feel kind of sick to my stomach.”
“Don’t puke on my rugs.”
I bit my lip as I reminded myself not to piss him off. “I won’t,” I replied.
I only had to get through tonight and tomorrow before I left. I could keep my mouth shut for that long.
“I think I’m gonna go back to bed,” I said as I stood up and walked out of the living room.
I stayed in bed until the next morning; I wasn’t even sure when Xander was home and when he wasn’t. I couldn’t believe the timing of getting sick, but maybe it was also a blessing in disguise. If I could manage to stay out his way I was safer, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.
I kicked off the blankets and stood up slowly. I grabbed some clean clothes and got into the shower. My stomach growled, which was a good sign, and I wondered if Xander had left me any pizza. I’m not sure why I was so exhausted, but I needed to get my shit together before tomorrow.
I dressed and made it to the kitchen. The pizza was gone, so I grabbed some chips and a Pepsi and made my way into the living room.
“Hey,” I said as I sat down.
“You feeling better?”
“Yeah, a little bit. I’m hungry, so that’s a good sign.”
Xander closed his textbook and stared at me.
“What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” I asked as my heart slammed into my chest.
“Something’s wrong, and you need to tell me.”
I chewed my chip and took a sip of soda. I wasn’t sure what to do, and it had literally made me sick all weekend.
I turned toward him and set my food and drink down on the coffee table.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
“No,” he said, his eyes widening.
“Yes. I took a test yesterday, and it came back positive.”
“You sure it’s mine?”
“Are you in shock, or are you just being a total asshole?” I asked. I hadn’t really expected him to say anything different if I’d been honest with myself.
Xander stood up and stared at me. His brown eyes scanned my body as though he could see inside me and make sure I really was pregnant with his baby.
I picked up my chips again and nibbled on one. The salt settled my stomach, and the stupid things tasted so good. I wondered if that was what I had to look forward to over the next nine months.
“I’m outta here,” Xander said as he grabbed his keys from the kitchen table. The door slammed behind him.
I sighed as I took another chip. I’m not sure I’d planned everything out very well, but he always seemed to know when I lied, and I figured I would only have tonight to fight with him before I left. I probably would’ve told him anyway, just in a note or something. I wanted to leave with a clear conscience, and he had a right to know he was going to be a father.
I went over the exit plan for tomorrow. Cassidy had retrieved the wigs, and we’d put them back on so I could sneak back to Grayson Hall, where Adalyn and George would be waiting in the same little office. A tear slid down my cheek as I realized I wouldn’t see or talk to them again.
I had no idea where Xander had gone, and I hoped it wasn’t to Andy or Brittney. I was too tired to try and figure it out right now. I got situated on the couch and closed my eyes. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I had a fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, this would inspire Xander to get his shit together, and we could make it after all. I guess part of me still hoped for the best with him, as naive as that might’ve been.
* * *
The next morning, I peered through the living-room curtains and waited for Xander. I was going to miss class, not to mention my meeting with Mrs. Walker. My timing officially sucked. I should’ve told him on Friday, but I was scared of his reaction, and I had to stay safe.
I had no way of contacting George or the girls, and I couldn’t find the phone book to call Mrs. Walters on campus.
I paced back and forth and continued to glance at the clock every five minutes. I sighed as I plunked down on the couch. It was over. I’d missed the rendezvous with Cassidy, and they were all probably wondering where I was by now.
I also didn’t know what kind of mood Xander would be in when he got home. I made breakfast while I waited, and the uneasy gnawing in my stomach got worse with every minute I waited for him to come home.
Chapter 47
“Wake up.”
I glanced up and realized I hadn’t heard Xander come home.
“What time is it?” I asked as I sat up.
“It’s five.”
“Thanks for not showing up to take me to class this morning,” I muttered.
“I needed some space.”
“I know I surprised you, and I’m sorry.”
“You need to make a doctor’s appointment and take care of it,” he said as he joined me on the love seat.
“I know. I’ll need to start on prenatal vitamins and get checked out.”
“No, I mean you’re not keeping it.”
<
br /> My mouth dropped as I realized what he’d said.
“No, I’m keeping the baby. This isn’t open for discussion. If you don’t want us, fine. I’ll leave, and you’ll never hear from me again,” I said as I stood up.
“Sit the fuck back down!”
I jumped at the volume and anger in his voice. I stared at him as I did what he told me to.
“You’re not keeping the baby, and that’s final. I don’t want a kid. I’ve never wanted a kid. I thought I told you to get on the Pill. How could you do this to me?”
“Do this to you?” I asked as my eyebrows rose. “I didn’t just sit around thinking I had nothing better to do with my time than try to get knocked up. And I am on the Pill.”
“Then how did this happen?”
“I don’t know!” I cried. “Maybe I missed a pill or two on accident. I don’t know. With classes and everything going on with us, I . . . I don’t know,” I said as my voice trailed off.
“We’re too young, Lacey. We can’t have this baby. I’ll pay for the abortion since you don’t have shit to your name.”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t abort a baby. It’s our baby. “
“Yeah, I fucking got that!” he yelled as he ran his hand through his hair. “Shit!”
“Do you love me?”
Xander leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. If he was wishing we weren’t sitting here having this conversation, I couldn’t agree more, but he was so unpredictable that I had no idea. Several minutes passed before he replied.
“Yes, I’ve told you I love you,” he said.
“Well, I’m scared. We’re not in the best place right now, but I want this baby. The question is, are you going to be with me, or am I going to have to raise it on my own?”
“You’re that serious?” he asked as he opened his eyes and turned toward me.