by J. A. Owenby
“Yes, and I realize I’ve had a day or two extra to process it. But it happened, I’m pregnant, and . . . and I’m going to have this baby.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? What does that mean, exactly?”
“Okay, we’ll have this baby. It’s not like I can force you to go to the clinic and make you have an abortion anyway.”
“Really? You mean it? You want to have our baby together?” I asked as tears filled my eyes. Hope and joy flooded over me. Maybe he would do the right thing now. Maybe this could fix what was broken between us.
“Yeah. I’ll even get my shit together before it gets here.”
“I love you,” I said as I leaned over and kissed him.
“I love you too, babe,” he whispered. “I love you too.”
I didn’t miss the hint of defeat in Xander’s voice. I hoped he meant what he said. I hoped we could figure this out and take care of a baby together. I would tell George and the girls that I wasn’t leaving. At least, no matter what, I had them.
A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as relief flooded through me. I wasn’t going to leave, change my name, or not be able to see my friends again.
“Are you gonna get all round on me?” he asked.
“Really? You just asked me that? Yes, I’m gonna get ‘all round’ on you, and I’ll probably even waddle,” I giggled as the image ran through my mind.
“Why don’t I go to the store and grab us something to eat? You’re feeling better, so I bet you’re pretty hungry.”
I nodded as he smoothed my hair from my face.
“You’re going to be a daddy,” I said.
The doorbell rang and interrupted our conversation.
“I got it,” Xander said as he stood up and made his way to the front door. I peered after him. He peeked through the curtain before he opened the door. I wondered if he was watching out for Mike and Agnus. My heart fluttered with the thought of them showing up again.
“Hey, man, what’s going on?” Xander said as he opened the door.
“I’m looking for Lacey.”
“Lacey, George is here,” Xander said as he stepped away from the door. He removed his keys from his pocket. “I’m going to run a few errands and grab something to make for dinner,” he said. “I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Okay, babe. Thanks,” I called out as he walked out the front door and gave a small wave goodbye to George, who smiled and waved back.
The truck rumbled to life, and he pulled away.
Worry flashed across George’s face as he stepped inside and I shut the door behind him.
“Where were you today?” George asked.
“I’m sick,” I replied.
“Really? You’re really sick?”
“Yeah, I know how it looks, but things have changed, so . . .”
“What do you mean, things have changed? Did he find out? Did he hurt you again?”
“No, no, he’s been fine actually, and I don’t think the drugs and stuff are going to be a problem any longer,” I said.
George’s eyebrow rose as he waited for me to explain.
“I’m staying. I can’t go now. I need to try and make things work between us. I want to stay with you and the girls, and this is my home now.”
George’s mouth dropped as I spoke. “You’re not serious, are you?”
“Yeah, I am,” I said as I crossed my arms in front of me.
“What happened to change your mind? I don’t understand. I thought you were ready to go.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, but things are gonna be okay. I promise,” I said.
A pang of fear ran through me as I heard my own words. I didn’t fully believe them, but here I stood, in front of one of my best friends, trying to convince us both to swallow the lie.
“Okay,” he said as he raised his hands in surrender. “I was worried about you, and I wanted to stop by. Will you be back at school?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you on Wednesday like I always do,” I said and attempted a smile.
George took a deep breath and hugged me. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
He pulled away, and I stood in the doorway as I watched him leave. I stepped out onto the porch and sat on the steps. The early evening sun peeked through the trees as the wind rustled the leaves. It was beautiful.
I leaned back and took a deep breath. I wanted a drink, but I reminded myself I couldn’t have one, at least for a while. Tears slid down my cheeks as my new reality crashed down on me. I was staying, and I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby.
I had no idea how it was going to work out, but I’d figure out something. For now, I had a roof over my head and food to eat. I had nine months to work on my degree, get a job, and buy a car. I could do this, right? I hiccupped as the tears came faster. What in the hell was I doing?
Maybe Xander was right; maybe we really couldn’t do this. Maybe I shouldn’t have this baby. I wiped at my tears and chided myself for even considering something like that. It was just the fear.
I stood up and went back inside the house. I locked the door behind me, grabbed a Pepsi, and wandered upstairs. I opened the guest-room door and tried to imagine it as a nursery. What would Xander think? If we kept the spare room between the bedrooms empty, he could still sleep when I was up with the baby. Maybe I’d talk to him about it when he got back.
Chapter 48
“I’m back,” Xander hollered.
I went downstairs to see what he’d bought for us to eat. My stomach growled as I joined him.
“I thought you could make your hamburger stroganoff. I bought garlic bread, too.”
“Yeah, that sounds really good,” I said as I relieved him of the groceries and grabbed a pan.
“What did George want?” Xander asked.
“Oh, he was just wondering why I wasn’t in class today. I told him I was sick and would be back tomorrow.”
I browned the hamburger, and within forty-five minutes we were eating together at the table.
“You cook a mean stroganoff,” Xander said between bites.
“Thanks,” I said and smiled. Had he had time to process our news? Was he doing okay with everything? He seemed so calm.
He cleared the dishes, and we settled in on the love seat in the living room.
“So, I was upstairs when you were running errands,” I said. “I wondered which room you thought would work for the baby?”
Xander held my gaze, and a smile spread across his face. At that moment I flashed back to the first time I met him, on the plane. I remembered how his brown eyes danced, and how that beautiful smile made my heart stutter. I wondered if the baby would look like him or me. I hoped for a combination of both: my eyes, and his smile.
“I guess I hadn’t gotten that far yet,” he said and chuckled. “You’re a little bit ahead of me.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll try and give you some time to process everything,” I said as I snuggled up to him.
“I’ll catch up,” he said and patted my knee.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What is it?”
“It’s about Mike and Agnus.”
“Who?” I felt his body and jaw stiffen.
“. . . They stopped by again.”
“Today? They stopped by today, and you didn’t tell me?”
I sat up so I could face him.
“If you’ll recall, you asked me not to ever bring them up again. And, no, not today. I didn’t tell you when it happened because you came home and . . . we didn’t have a good night. I’m not trying to be a bitch, but if they come back, I need to know what to do. They scare me, they aren’t good people, and now we have the baby on the way.”
“Goddammit! Shut the hell up about the fucking baby!”
I stepped away from him as he stood up and paced the floor.
“Please, tell me who they are and why they keep coming back here. What do they want with you?”
; “You just had to push it,” he said as walked into the kitchen. I followed him and watched as he refilled his glass with rum.
“I’m sorry, but what should I do?”
“Nothing, just don’t open the door. I’ll take care of it.”
“Take care of it? You told me that months ago when they first showed up. You’ve never answered my questions or even made sure I was safe. It’s not just me I have to take care of now.”
I winced as I realized I’d brought up the baby again. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I stop talking about the pregnancy?
“Are you saying I don’t take care of you?”
“No, of course you do, but who are they? Can’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me?”
Xander laughed as he guzzled his drink and refilled his glass.
“This is great. Are you gonna replace your coke habit with alcohol? That’ll make you a fantastic daddy,” I spat.
My breath whooshed out of me as I made contact with the living room floor. Anger ripped through Xander’s handsome features, contorting them into something evil. I’d pushed him too far. I wasn’t sure why in the hell I’d said anything to him at all.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as he stood over me.
“You can’t hit me anymore,” I whispered.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want. You’re such a stupid little bitch,” he sneered.
My eyes widened. His words hurt deeper than any bruise he’d left on me.
I scrambled backward, but he grabbed me by my hair and jerked me to my feet.
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered. “Please stop, don’t hurt me.”
“Let’s go upstairs and talk for a little bit.”
Xander never let go of my hair as he dragged me through the kitchen and stopped to get something out of a drawer. I tripped up the stairs behind him and tried to get my footing, but my socks only slipped on the wood floors.
“Xander, please,” I begged as he tossed me into his bedroom. I tried to stop myself from hurtling forward, but I landed facedown on the hardwood floor. I rolled over onto my back as he approached me. I doubled over as his foot connected with my stomach and sent a sharp pain through me.
“Stop! You’ll hurt the baby!” I screamed. I tried to protect myself from his foot, but his legs were strong from years of playing football. His shoe connected with my stomach again and again. I sobbed as my screams ripped through the air and the pain tore me in two.
“Shut up. My God, you’ve been driving me fucking crazy,” he said as he tore off a piece of duct tape and slapped it across my mouth. My eyes widened, and I screamed against the sticky material, but only a muffled sound escaped. Tears rolled down my eyes as he grabbed my wrists and taped them together behind me. I kicked my feet and smacked him in the face, but he still grabbed my ankles and bound them together.
I squirmed on the floor as he sat on the bed and stared at me.
“Okay, I’ll tell you, but no interrupting,” he said and laughed. “Mike and Agnus. Yeah, those two guys,” Xander said and then paused. There was no remorse in his voice or his expression as he stared at me lying there bound and gagged on his bedroom floor.
“So, Lacey, I—I just didn’t deal well with our relationship after a while. I don’t do commitment, and you started getting under my skin with your whining and nagging all the time. I struggled because part of me didn’t want to leave you, but I couldn’t stand to be around you, either. I had this crazy tug-of-war inside me, and when I couldn’t take it any longer, I’d go to Andy’s and take a break. We’d all hang out, snort a few lines, and play some cards. It was all harmless fun for a while, ya know? Just a bunch of guys blowing off steam.
“But, then, one night after a game, I walked outside and these two guys were hanging out at my truck. They offered to let me in on the big poker games and said they’d front me the money to get in. I agreed since I was tired of playing with the losers at Andy’s anyway. So, I started going somewhere else. You’d never believe who was at these tables, Lacey. My God, I walked in that first night and almost pissed myself when I recognized all the city and state politicians and cops.” He paused.
“I did really well at first, and I was pretty happy about it. I’d take you out to celebrate, or we’d have great sex those nights. But then it started to change. I lost a game here and there and lost some money. I figured I could get it back, though. But by that time, I’d gotten sloppy and was doing coke during the games. I couldn’t stop the gambling or the drugs, and before I knew it, I’d lost everything.”
I shook my head as tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Everything. And they want me to pay up.” He peered down at me as a smile snaked across his face. “Everything means everything, don’t you get it? You cost me every fucking thing I owned. Oh wait, I can see by the expression on your face that you still have questions.”
Xander walked over and crouched down next to me.
“I lost the house, my truck, every penny my grandma left me. Everything I owned now belongs to them. Why, you ask? Why? It’s all your fucking fault. If you hadn’t driven me out of my own home, we wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would we? And to shake things up just a bit more, you’re pregnant, or you were, anyway,” he said and nodded toward my blood-soaked jeans.
Fear splintered my heart as I saw the red stain. I glanced at him and pleaded with my eyes, but I wasn’t sure if there was any decent part left inside him.
“I told you, but you didn’t wanna listen. That’s the thing, Lacey. People will tell you exactly who they are, but most of the time we aren’t interested in the truth. And then they wonder how the hell their life got all fucked up. They want to make excuses or see the good in people. I was up-front with you about who I was, that night in my bed when I told you about Chad. But you talked yourself out of believing me. And you stayed. I figured, what the hell? I had a piece of ass at home, and I was banging Brittney the whole time. Yes, that’s right, and don’t look so surprised. You knew all of it, deep down. You knew it all, and you talked yourself out of it,” he said and shook his head.
Chapter 49
Xander grabbed his suitcase from the closet and opened the dresser drawers. He pulled his clothes out and tossed them into his bag.
“It was sorta funny when you told me about Mike and Agnus the first time. You do realize that Agnus isn’t his name, right? I mean, what parent in their right mind would name their son Agnus? Know what his real name is? Donald. Yup, plain old Donald. Agnus is code for ‘we’re coming after you and you owe us a lot of money.’
“So, Lacey, I can’t stay. I’ve gotta go, and you’re not going with me. Don’t look so disappointed, babe. I must tell you that this all came together just a few hours ago. You were yammering on about this stupid kid and the nursery when it dawned on me. It just clicked. The perfect plan that would take care of everything. I’m going to burn down this beautiful home, collect the insurance money, relocate, and start my life over without you. And I’m sure as hell not gonna be a daddy,” he said as he packed.
I strained and yelled against the tape on my mouth, but I could barely make a sound.
“I think back on it, and you were so easy. You were a scared little girl running from mommy. At first, I figured I’d play the good guy and at least get a good piece of ass, but then, something totally unexpected happened. I fell for you, and it started making me crazy. I couldn’t stand the thought of you with anyone else. And that night with John. What the fuck? I thought I was gonna kill that stupid fool.”
Xander put the last few items into his suitcase and went into the bathroom. He came out a minute later and tossed his toiletries in with his clothes.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He glared at me and shook his head.
“It could’ve all been different. We could have been different. But now, I have to leave, and you’re not coming with me,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.
I whimpered against the tape.
&
nbsp; “You hold that thought. I’ll be right back,” he said and walked out of the room.
My head swam as I tried to grab on to any coherent thought of how I could get him to let me go. Then an acrid smell drifted toward me. I attempted another scream as he walked into the bedroom with a can of gasoline.
“If I can’t have you, if I can’t have my house, then no one will.”
I watched as he placed the gas can next to the closet. He ran his hand through his hair again and glanced around.
“Ya know, come to think of it, I’m gonna hang out with you for a few more minutes if that’s okay,” he said as he unzipped his suitcase and pulled out a baggie with white powder in it.
“I figure this’ll be for old time’s sake. We have spent the last seven months together in an intense relationship. And I’m rather excited that I can leave now and I don’t have to waste my time hunting you down, which is what I’d do if you left me. I think this’ll all work out better. I’ll let the insurance company know I wasn’t home when the house caught fire and play the grieving and distraught boyfriend. After the money comes in, I’ll pay my gambling debt, and boom. I’m gone. I think I might try the East Coast.”
I watched as Xander took his time and cut the coke. He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket, pulled out a dollar bill, rolled it up, and snorted a line. He laid back on the bed and sighed. My head throbbed with every second that passed by.
“You know what, now that I’m feeling a bit better, I’m gonna see if you have anything to say. But if you scream when I take off the tape, it goes right back on. Don’t forget, we’re out here in the country surrounded by five wooded acres. No one would hear you anyway. Be a good girl, and just say your last words.”
Xander crouched down and ripped the tape from my mouth. I cringed as it pulled away from my skin, but the pain was nothing compared to the cramps in my stomach.
“Please, Xander, I know you love me. You don’t want to do this. I can forgive everything—the drugs, Brittney, the gambling. Take me with you, and we can start over. I promise I won’t nag or even care if you’re out all night. Please. Don’t do this. Do you really want to leave me here? Do you really want to have my death on your conscience?”