Hard Lessons (She's Off Limits Book 1)

by Avery Kaye

  “Even me?” she asks softly, looking hurt.

  “I trust you.” I swallow the big ball of guilt stuck in my throat. “You know that, right?”

  “I thought I did.”

  “It’s just that…I promised I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Because if anyone found out, he could get into a lot of trouble.”

  “Who would get in trouble? Kade?”

  I shake my head. “No. Not Kade.”

  She throws her hands into the air. “I’m so confused, Kels. What’s going on?”

  “You’d better sit down,” I warn her.

  She grabs her desk chair, positions it in front of mine and plops down. “Start talking.”

  “The ‘he’ I’m talking about…is Dr. Conners,” I whisper. I show her the bracelet. “He gave me this. We’re in love. We’ve been seeing each other. For a while now. And you can’t say a word to anyone.”

  Madi’s mouth falls open, and for the first time since I’ve known her, she is speechless.

  A fresh wave of grief hits me then, and my chest constricts. “I thought someone found out and I got scared, so I quit my job. And I broke up with him. Kind of.” Feeling dizzy, I suck in some air. A tear leaks from the corner of my eye and I wipe it away. “I am such a fucked up crybaby,” I swallow a sob that is caught in my throat. “This sucks. I want to be with Jordan. I feel so…happy when I’m with him. Really, really happy. But it’s too dangerous. I don’t want him to lose his job.”

  “Oh, Kels,” Madi says, looking apologetic. “Can you look at the bright side?”

  “Bright side?” I say as I struggle to swallow another sob. “There’s a bright side to this?”

  “Yes, there is.” Madi clenches my hands even tighter. “You’ve found love! True love. It’s so freaking romantic. Like Romeo and Juliet.”

  “That was a tragedy,” I remind my well-meaning bestie.

  “Well this doesn’t have to be tragic. You just have to keep reminding yourself that it’s just for a while. On the last day of class, you can grab that man and plant a great big kiss on his mouth. In front of everyone. And there won’t be a damn thing anyone can do about it.”

  “But what about until then? I have to go to class. I have to see him. When we’re apart it hurts. Here.” I lay my hand on my chest.

  She scrunches up her mouth. “Hmmm. Well, winter break is coming up pretty soon.”

  “But before that I have weeks of classes to get through. And exams.” I drop my face into my hands. “I wish it didn’t feel like this. I wish it didn’t hurt so fucking bad when we’re apart.”

  Madi sets her hand on my shoulder. “I’m here for you. We’ll concentrate on making it through one minute at a time. Until it’s easier. It will get easier with time,” she promises.

  God, I hope she’s right.

  11

  Jordan

  It’s snowing.

  It’s quiet. And peaceful.

  And lonely.

  It’s Christmas Eve. And I’m alone. In this shitty house.

  Alone.

  Except for Euclid, of course. Sleeping beside me on the couch, he twitches and whimpers.

  Beer and Euclid. That’s my Christmas.

  This isn’t what I’d planned.

  On Thanksgiving, Kelsey told me about a tradition she used to share with her grandparents on Christmas Eve. They would bake cookies together and then gorge on them while watching It’s a Wonderful Life on TV.

  I’d decided I was going to take that tradition and amp it to the tenth degree. I was going to make a very special cookie. Just for Kelsey. And it was going to have a diamond ring on it.

  An engagement ring.

  I glare at my beer.

  I normally like beer. But I’d rather be eating cookies and snuggling with Kelsey on the couch right now.

  It’s almost midnight. I wonder where she is, what she’s doing.

  I wonder that a lot, since she quit working for the math department.

  I wonder that a lot, since she told me she couldn’t see me anymore.

  I wonder that a lot.

  All.

  The.

  Fucking.

  Time.

  I miss her so damn much.

  It’s only been a few weeks. But those weeks have been pure hell. She said people were talking, but I haven’t been able to ask her what happened. I haven’t heard anything.

  She won’t take my calls.

  I can’t talk to her in class.

  It seems as though it’s over between us.

  The only thing giving me any hope is the bracelet. She’s still wearing it. I see it every time she comes to class. Every time. That gives me hope. As does the look in her eyes when our gazes meet. They look sad, her eyes. As if she’s hurting as much as I am.

  Hope. I’m clinging to it. Clinging desperately.

  I shove my hand into my sweatshirt pocket. The little velvet box is in there. I bought the ring a few days after Thanksgiving. I keep it with me all the time. No matter where I am. It’s the only piece of her that I possess, and it isn’t even hers yet, technically. But it’s all I have.

  I pull the box out and flip the lid up. The facets cut into the massive center stone catch the light, flaring like stars. This ring is the single most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, other than the woman who I’m hoping, praying, will wear it someday. I want to charge into her dorm, sweep her into my arms, tell her I love her more than anything, and promise to make her dreams come true for the rest of her life. I can’t tell you how much I want to do that.

  It isn’t my job that’s stopping me. Fuck the job. I can get another job if I want to work. Thanks to the inheritance I received shortly after my divorce, I don’t have to work.

  It’s Kelsey. I have to protect Kelsey.

  I have given up trying to demand a full explanation. It wouldn’t change anything, anyway. She’s first. Her safety. Her future.

  I dump the rest of my beer down my throat. It’s warm as piss. And tastes like shit. Wincing, I cut off the TV.

  The living room is dark now. Silent. Except for Euclid’s snoring.

  Something catches my attention. A sound. Outside.

  A car door slamming?

  Footsteps?

  I run to the front window and peer outside. Woken by my sudden movement, Euclid jumps down from the couch and gallops after me, fingernails click-click-clicking on the wood floors.

  It’s so fucking dark I can hardly see. But the streetlight illuminates the road. I see a car pull away from the curb. With its headlights out.

  Someone knocks, quietly, on my front door.

  Who is it?

  Kelsey? Could it be Kelsey?

  Oh fuck, let it be her!

  That would be a Christmas miracle.

  Euclid barks, and I shush him, dash to the front door, and throw it open.

  There she is. Looking like an angel.

  She blinks at me then flings her little body into my arms.

  I slam the door, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into the living room. It’s so wonderful, holding her in my arms again. I don’t want to let go.

  I sit on the couch, with my baby on my lap, cup her precious face, and whisper, “I’ve missed you,” before smashing my mouth to hers.

  I do not hold back. I let all my bottled up emotions burst free in that kiss. All the love and desire. And all the grief and frustration and sadness. It blasts through my body and out, and she not only accepts it, she returns it, with the same fierce intensity. We tear at each others’ clothes until there’s nothing left between us. Skin-to-skin, mouth-to-mouth. We tangle our legs and arms and bodies, becoming a writhing, hot one. One body. One mind. One soul.

  My hands explore every decadent inch of her, from her lush breasts to her hot, wet center. And hers do the same, one wrapping around my cock and pumping up and down in time to the thundering of my heartbeat. Her strokes turn my blood to molten lava. Heat pulses through my body with every beat of my heart. And with that heat come
s need. Desperate, overwhelming need.

  The strokes aren’t enough, even though they feel so fucking good. I want more. I want to sink into her slick heat and claim her. I want to be a part of her. I want to be lost in her, completely and irrevocably bonded to her so that our connection cannot ever be broken again. I flip her over, onto her back and wedge my hips between her splayed thighs. Our gazes tangle. Her kiss-swollen lips part. Her eyes widen.

  “Do it,” she demands, her beautiful face flushed. “Do it.”

  I tip my hips, and the head of my cock slides into place, resting at her wet entrance. My fingers claw at the couch and my jaw clenches so tight it feels like it might shatter. With one small motion I can become one with my angel.

  One very small motion.

  But…

  It’s not a small action.

  Once I claim her, once I join with her, there will be no turning back. I won’t be able to let her go. I know it. Even if she wants me to. “Tell me to stop,” I beg. “Now.”

  She shakes her head, slides her hands down my sides, and grabs my hips. “I want this. I want you. It’s been so awful, being apart from you. I can’t stand it anymore.”

  “My baby.” I shift my hips slightly, pushing into her heat by a tiny fraction of an inch. “I’ve hated it too. Every minute.”

  Oh, that feels so fucking good. I can barely stand it. Her soft folds ripple against the tip of my cock, igniting a feral urge inside me.

  Take her.

  Every cell in my body demands it. Every fucking cell.

  Take her, take her, take her. Every cell screams, but one. In my brain.

  “No,” I whisper.

  She hooks her fingers, fingernails digging into my hips. “Please, Jordan. Please. I love you.”

  My heart shatters.

  Love.

  I love Kelsey so much it’s practically destroying me.

  But it’s that love that makes me stop.

  “You don’t want me?” She crosses her arms over her beautiful breasts. Her face flushes.

  “Oh baby, yes. I want you so bad it’s literally killing me.” I cup her sweet face and kiss her nose, her forehead, one eyelid and then the other. I taste her salty tears on my lips and practically fall apart. “But I love you so much. That’s why I can’t. Not right now. I promised I would wait until we can be together. I’m going to keep that promise.” I pull her into my arms and cradle her like the precious gift she is to me. “You understand why, don’t you?”

  “Yes.” She sighs and smiles at the same time, pressing her face against my chest. “Promise me we’ll be together as soon as we can, Jordan.”

  “I never told you we couldn’t be. You…you told me… we couldn’t. I didn’t know what to think. I tried to call you, to talk about this, but you blocked my calls.”

  “I was scared. Someone came to me, threatening to go to Dean Spitz about us. I don’t think he had any proof, but I was still afraid.”

  “You did the right thing. But I wish you had talked to me about it.”

  “I couldn’t. Because I was afraid I’d change my mind.”

  “God, I love you.” I pinch her chin.

  I fucking love that chin.

  And that mouth.

  And those eyes. And her hair.

  “I love you, Kelsey. You’re so strong.” I lift her face until she’s looking into my eyes. “I want you to know, I would give up everything if it meant we could be together tomorrow. My job. Every penny I have. Everything.”

  “No. You can’t. I would feel so bad if that happened because of me. That’s why I quit.”

  “I won’t. Because if I did that, how would I take care of you? I promise when it’s safe we’ll be married. Husband and wife. I’ll give you everything you could ever want. And we’ll never be apart. We’ll do everything together. Raise our children. Grow old.”

  She snorts and laughs. “I can’t wait to see you with gray hair. My sexy professor.” Euclid comes bouncing up to her and sticks his head in her face. She gives him a scratch. “It’s good to see you, too, Euclid.” She returns her attention to me. “You promise, right? We’ll get married? Can we see each other at all before then?”

  “We’ll be extremely careful until the end of the school year. We’ll spend time together only during school breaks. That gives us the rest of this week. And spring break, too. Before you know it, it’ll be May. We can do this.” Remembering the ring, I tap her nose. “I have something for you.” I scan the floor, looking for my sweatshirt. I find it about five feet away, balled on the floor. I hate letting her go, even for a second, but I do it so I can get the ring. I grab the box, drop to my knee and say, “Kelsey Steele, I’ve been waiting to say these words for a long time.” I swallow, hard, a sob of relief and joy clogging my throat. “Will you…marry me?” I flip up the top.

  She claps her hands over her mouth, but I can read all the emotions in her eyes. The joy in them makes me break down. “But…?”

  “We can’t be seen together yet. Especially if someone suspects us. But you can wear the ring. It’s my promise to you. My promise to wait. My promise to love you. My promise to be yours forever.”

  She nods and I fumble, my fingers suddenly too uncoordinated to pluck the ring from the box. She laughs. I laugh and try again, this time succeeding. I slide it on her ring finger and she throws her arms around my neck. “I love you, Jordan.”

  I kiss my Christmas miracle. “This is one Christmas I will never forget,” I murmur against her plump lips. “The first Christmas of a lifetime we’ll share. I promise.” I stand and take her hand in mine, pulling her to her feet.

  “Will you make one more promise?” she asks, smiling up at me.

  What man could say no to that precious face? Not me. “Anything.”

  “Promise me we’ll be married the day after graduation. I don’t want to wait a minute longer than I have to. I can’t wait to be your wife.”

  “Done. We’ll marry the day after graduation. You can have the wedding of your dreams.”

  Epilogue

  Kelsey

  “Well, girl, you’re about to break a thousands of hearts,” Madison proclaims as she fusses with my veil. “You know that, right? You’re marrying the most eligible bachelor on campus.”

  “Yes, well, I’d like to say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” I toss a guilty grin at my bestie then stare at my reflection in the mirror.

  I’m so freaking excited I can hardly stand it. Today is the day I’ve been waiting for. My wedding day. Finally.

  It’s been absolute hell being apart from Jordan since spring break. Absolute-fucking-hell. But it’s over now. Thank God it’s over.

  “Are you ready?” Madi looks spectacular today. Her hair is purple now. Not bright TV dinosaur purple, but a soft lilac shade that complements her flawless white skin. She looks like a fairy. Especially in the dress she designed for herself. Which, of course, perfectly complements mine, which she designed, too.

  I nod. “Thank you for being my maid of honor. There’s no way I wanted to do this without you.”

  “Thank you for deciding to have your wedding in Hawaii.” Madi throws her arms around me and gives me a squeeze. “A beach wedding. It’s so freaking romantic. I’m so happy for you. And happy that we’ll be working together after you come back from your honeymoon.”

  “I’m super glad I got the job. It’ll be great!” I smooth my hands down my stomach. There must be a million butterflies flitting around in there. I’m not scared at all. Those butterflies are swooping and loop-the-looping because I’m excited. Crazy excited.

  Madi’s phone chimes and she grabs it and pokes at the screen. “Okay, Kels, this is it. They’re ready for you.”

  I nod and swallow a butterfly that’s trying to escape. “Let’s go.”

  Kelsey opens the door for me, and out we go. We hurry through the resort’s lobby and down the boardwalk toward the beach. From my vantage I can see some of the crowd gathered at the water’s edge. A flower-covered arc
h has been erected between the staging area and the beach. If this was a big wedding, there’d be a dozen bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up at the waterfront. But not in my case. I wanted a small wedding. Private. Romantic. So that’s what I’m getting.

  Madi, the one and only bridesmaid, takes her place in front of me. Jordan is waiting for me, his best man, Mike, Jordan’s best friend from college, is at his side. About fifteen wedding guests are waiting.

  The music starts.

  I watch Madi walk down the aisle for a few seconds and then start walking behind her, in time to the music. I am so freaking happy when I see Jordan’s face, the tears start flowing instantly. I’m practically blind by the time I take my place beside him. My handsome, kind, sweet Jordan.

  This is, without any doubt, the happiest day of my life.

  I swallow a lot and sniffle my way through the whole ceremony, which, thank God doesn’t last forever. And then it’s official and my husband is pulling me to him for our first kiss as husband and wife.

  My head spins as our mouths seal.

  We are married. Married! I belong to Jordan now, and he to me. And nobody will ever stand in our way again.

  I tell him how happy I am with that kiss. I promise him I’ll love him forever with that kiss. And he does the same. Vaguely, I’m aware of Madi and Mike people cheering, and I remember we’re standing on the beach, in front of our wedding guests.

  We break the kiss and I laugh.

  The officiant announces Mr. and Mrs. Jordan Conners and I laugh again.

  I’m not dreaming. It’s real. We’re married.

  Tonight is our wedding night. And I can’t wait.

  My gaze sweeps across the small group of guests, sitting on white fold-up chairs. It locks on a familiar face, a face I never, not in a million years, would have expected to see here today.

  I hear myself whisper, “Mom?”

  “I invited her. I hope you don’t mind,” Jordan says in my ear.

  My mother stands and hurries to me. She looks better than the last time I saw her, which was at grandpa’s funeral. Her face is weathered for her age, but at least now it isn’t pasty white with deep red blotches. And her hair isn’t stringy and mangy. I know what this means. She’s sober.