Gentlemen Prefer...Brunettes

by Fielding, Liz

  She couldn’t see Nick on the jetty as she returned to break the news that as well as the night glasses Mike and Sadie had helped themselves to what was left of the tinned food, suggesting a certain amount of forward planning. Except for the fact that they’d overlooked the need for a tin opener. A loaf of bread was gone, too. But Mike had left something behind in its place. A note.

  Nick wasn’t in the van, either. She called out, swinging her torch in an arc around the lake edge, across the jetty. She sighed with relief as the light picked out something at the far end. For a moment she thought he was leaning over the edge but as she got closer she saw that it wasn’t Nick at all.

  For a moment she couldn’t make it out. Then she knew exactly what it was. A pile of clothes. She began to run towards it, hoping against hope that she might be wrong. But she wasn’t. As she picked up the thick shirt that he had hastily donned when she’d woken him, she caught the scent of woodsmoke, mingled with Nick’s own special smell. A mixture of soap and shampoo and his skin; during the last few days it seemed to have seeped into her pores so that she would never forget it.

  He’d gone after them. She had complained that they were doing nothing but wringing their hands, so he’d made an excuse to send her away so that he could go after them. A grand gesture, indeed.

  ‘Nick!’ Her voice cried out in the darkness like a pain, a pain that echoed and grew as it reverberated around the hills. ‘Nick!’ It was a cry full of desperation, but there was no answer.

  He could swim, she knew that; she’d seen him slicing through the water like a porpoise. But in the dark, with the swirling mist, he could so easily lose his sense of direction, miss the island, swim around in circles until he was exhausted. And she knew he’d taken the risk for her. He knew that for her waiting until light would be like some endless nightmare. But he knew, too, that she would have tried to stop him.

  Yesterday he’d told her that she would know when she could trust her feelings. Was this ache, this fear deep inside her, what he had meant? Because it was real. And it hurt. She clutched her arms about her and hugged the pain like a friend. She wanted it to hurt.

  With Jonathan it had been all parties and presents, a whirlwind of fun after the shock and hurt of her parents’ sudden death. He had made her feel alive again, sweeping her off her feet in a round of pleasure. Had he counted on that vulnerability? Had he been that cynical? She didn’t bother to answer her own questions. It didn’t matter any more. All that mattered was that the children were safe. That Nick was safe.

  She peered out into the beam of light thrown by the lights of the van, hoping she might catch a glimpse of him. But there was nothing; while she had been searching for the glasses, checking the food supply, he had had plenty of time to swim way beyond the headlights’ beam and she shivered to think of him out there, in the dark ness.

  ‘Nick!’ She called again into the darkness. ‘I love you, damn it. Do you hear me? I love you.’ And then she whispered the words over and over as, holding his shirt to her face, she sank to her knees.

  How long would it take him to reach the island? How long to return with the children? She turned her torch on her watch. Three-thirty. It would start to get light in a little more than an hour. He couldn’t possibly make it back before the police arrived. Could he?

  Hugging his shirt to her chest, she waited, straining for the slightest sound in the darkness. But what had seemed until then like absolute silence was full of small night-time noises. The barest movement of air disturbing the leaves. Tiny mammals moving about in the undergrowth. A vole plopping into the water, making her jump and disturbing a sleeping duck so that it fluttered its feathers indignantly before settling down again. Then one of the dogs up at the farm began to bark.

  Behind her the sky began to lighten almost imperceptibly, but the lake remained dark against the western sky. And still she remained, listening for the tell-tale sound of an oar, or a swimmer, or a cry for help in the darkness. She was cold. But it wasn’t the damp mist that was chilling her to the bones. It was fear.

  ‘Oh, Nick,’ she murmured. ‘Oh, my darling, where are you?’

  The black outline of the island had begun to stand out against the water when she first thought she heard something and leapt to her feet.

  Small watery sounds that might have been oars, or might just have been the water lapping at the shore. Or might just have been the result of wanting to hear something.

  ‘Cassie?’ Joe, still in his pyjamas, but wearing his wellingtons and an anorak, came up behind her. ‘What are you doing? Where’re Mike and Nick?’ He rubbed his eyes and then spotted that the dinghy was gone. ‘They’ve gone sailing at night! Without saying a word. Well, of all the rotten things to do…’

  Cassie sniffed, rubbed something damp from a cheek chilled as the breeze began to rise with the coming dawn. ‘I know. Rotten. But you’ll get your turn, Joe. When you’re bigger.’ Her voice sounded over-bright, horribly false, but Joe didn’t seem to notice anything wrong and when she sank back to the decking he settled down beside her. ‘It’s going to be a long day, sweetheart; don’t you think you should go back to bed?’

  ‘I’ll wait for Mike.’ Then he lifted his head. ‘What’s that?’

  It was something. Something quite close. Then she saw it. The dinghy, with two figures, their backs to the shore as they tugged on the oars, working hard, but not quite in rhythm. It had to be Mike and Sadie. They’d given up, come back. Perhaps they even hoped that they wouldn’t have been missed.

  Joe saw them too and leapt up. ‘They’ve had to row,’ he crowed. ‘They’ve had to row!’

  Cassie stood up, but more slowly, as something like ice crystallised around her heart. Mike and Sadie were safe. But where was Nick?

  Oh, darling. You should have waited. At least long enough for me to tell you that you were right, to tell you that I love you. That I would trust you with my life.

  The dinghy bumped against the end of the jetty and Joe shot forward to grab the rope and tie it up. And that was when she saw him. He was in the water, swimming lazily after the dinghy as if there were nothing in the world to worry about. As if she weren’t breaking up into little pieces inside…

  ‘What the devil did you think you were doing?’ she demanded, sweeping past the startled children and standing over him as he swam up to the side of the jetty. ‘How dare you do something so stupid, so irresponsible? ’ Nick had propped his elbows on the wooden boards and was looking up at her with an expression that if she had stopped to think about it might have been described as satisfaction. Possibly even slightly smug. But he remained in the water and as the sky turned a pearly pink with the dawn, turning the silken skin of his shoulders to a golden blush, her mouth dried. She loved him so much, wanted him so much and instead of telling him she was standing there berating him like some fishwife.

  ‘Have you finished?’ he asked, rather too gently for her raw nerves.

  ‘No, I most certainly have not finished, Nick Jefferson. Have you any idea what I’ve been through?’

  Nick glanced at Mike and Sadie. ‘You see, I told you she wouldn’t shout at you.’

  ‘No one’s going to shout at anyone,’ Cassie shouted. ‘But if you think I’m going to keep quiet after all you’ve put me through—’

  ‘Mike, why don’t you and Sadie go and get into some dry clothes?’ Nick said. ‘We’ll be along in a minute or two.’

  ‘Yes, quickly,’ Cassie said, trying hard to hold onto a sudden need to shout very loudly indeed. ‘And you, Joe. Go, now.’

  Mike glanced at Nick uncertainly, knowing that he should say something, wanting to say something. ‘Not now, Mike.’ And with the smallest gesture of his head Nick let him go. Relieved, the boy scrambled from the dinghy, giving Sadie a hand.

  ‘Now, my darling, I’m entirely at your disposal,’ he said, when they were quite alone. ‘What exactly did you want to say to me?’

  She swung around to face him and exploded. ‘Get out of the water, Nick
Jefferson—’

  ‘You’re sure?’

  ‘I’ve got a few things to say to you—no, actually quite a lot of things, and I’m certainly not doing it with you down there and me up here.’

  ‘Whatever you say, sweetheart.’ He put his hands flat on the decking and pulled himself out of the water. Too late, Cassie realised why he had stayed there as he reached for his jeans and tugged them on, totally unconcemed that he was buck naked. And all of a sudden Cassie saw red.

  ‘Don’t you “sweetheart” me,’ she said, flinging a fist at his shoulder as he bent to pick up his shirt, beating at his chest with her hands as he straightened, took a step back. ‘You’re an idiot, Nick Jefferson,’ she said, following him. ‘Going off like that without a word. Have you no consideration? Don’t you know I’ve been worried to death about you out there in the dark?’

  ‘But I thought you wanted the children back.’

  ‘I did. But you could have missed them in the dark…you could have got lost…you could have—’ Her voice broke on a tiny sob as her fists finally came to a stop against his cold, damp skin.

  ‘I could have been eaten by one of Nessie’s relations…’ he offered, the corner of his mouth tilting in a smile.

  ‘It’s not funny, Nick…’

  ‘I know, love, I know,’ he murmured as she gave another half-hearted blow at his chest. He caught her hands, held them, then pulled her into his arms, holding her hard for a minute against his cold, wet body. ‘Would it have mattered so much to you?’

  She sniffed. ‘Of course it would,’ she mumbled against him.

  ‘Would it?’ he demanded, pulling away, forcing her to look up at him, answer him properly.

  ‘Of course it would, you fool,’ she answered, already recovering from her fright. ‘Who do you think would have driven us home if you’d killed yourself playing at being a hero?’

  ‘You know, I’m disappointed in you, Cassie. If that’s the best you can do I might as well have stayed out there…but it’s odd, when I was swimming out to the island I could have sworn I heard you shout something…’

  ‘Maybe it was just the water in your ears,’ Cassie hedged.

  ‘Twice,’ he said. ‘Of course, if you’re saying I’m wrong, I might just as well turn around now and swim back to that island, set up as a hermit…’

  He reached for the waist button of his jeans, but she reached out and caught his hand. He waited. ‘You’d starve in a week without someone to cook for you.’

  ‘Quite possibly.’ His eyes softened in the pearl grey of the dawn. ‘Is that an offer?’

  There was a long moment, a moment of acknowledgement that the past was gone and only the future mattered. ‘You know it is.’

  ‘Then say the words, Cassie. Don’t hedge…a hedge is something you hide behind.’

  ‘I think…at least…I’m sure…’

  ‘That certain, huh?’

  He wasn’t going to help her out. She was going to have to do it all by herself. ‘I love you, damn it. There, will that do?’

  ‘“I love you, damn it.”’ He finally allowed his face to smile. ‘Damn it, I love you back.’

  ‘I love you. I love you. I love you. There. Are you satisfied?’

  ‘Mmm. Actually, I was quite sure I heard you the first time. I just wanted you to say it to my face. What finally convinced you?’

  ‘You…!’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I love you. That’s all. You were right when you said I’d know.’ And once the difficult words were said, the rest seemed to just flow out of her. ‘Knowing that you might die out there in the lake, knowing that I would have taken your place if I could, knowing that I’d never forgive myself for not having the courage to face my feelings because I was scared. Being so afraid that I would never get the chance to say all that. And realising that the whole of life is a risk, that I might be safer with my heart in a safety-deposit box, but I would be a whole lot poorer, too. All that.’

  ‘Well, I did come back, Cassie, so you can tell me how you feel any time you like. I promise I won’t get tired of hearing it.’

  ‘I love you, Nick. And thanks to you I’m ready to take a risk on love.’

  ‘You’re sure, now?’ he asked, but laughed as he said it.

  She smiled and reached up and touched his cold cheek. ‘Well, you know what they say, Nick—a little of what you fancy—’

  ‘Does you good?’

  ‘And I guess there’s no point in denying the fact that I’ve fancied you like crazy since the first moment you walked into Beth’s bookshop.’

  ‘None whatever. It was written all over your face.’ But her gasp of outrage at such blatant self-assurance was smothered by his kiss which, as the sun burst from the hills behind the lake, was sweet and tender, homage and promise.

  ‘Oh, gross. They’re kissing!’

  Nick and Cassie turned to discover that they had a large and interested audience of children, and that a couple of policemen were also enjoying the view. ‘Shouldn’t you all be doing something useful?’ Nick suggested. ‘Like packing?’ The little ones ran off, giggling.

  ‘All safe, then, Mr Jefferson?’ one of the policemen said.

  ‘Oh, lord yes, I’m sorry; I should have called you straight away but—’

  ‘But you were distracted, sir.’ He grinned at Cassie. ‘Quite understandable.’

  ‘Would you like some tea?’ Cassie asked quickly. ‘I was just about to make some.’

  ‘That’s very kind, miss, but we won’t stop, thanks all the same.’ Still grinning, he turned to Mike and Sadie, who were lingering by the jetty. ‘Don’t you do anything like that again, now. Do you hear me?’

  They nodded solemnly, and after the two men had gone Nick turned to them. ‘Well?’ he said. ‘What have you got to say for yourselves?’

  Mike stepped forward. ‘I’m sorry, Aunt Cassie.’

  ‘Me too.’ Sadie looked close to tears and Cassie gathered her up and cuddled her.

  ‘It wasn’t her fault,’ Mike insisted.

  ‘Nick, will you take Sadie? I want a word with Mike.’

  He glanced at her, then nodded. ‘Take your time. I’ll put the kettle on.’

  ‘I found your note, Mike,’ Cassie said, once they were alone. ‘No one else saw it, no one else need ever see it.’ The boy stared at his feet. ‘You aren’t to blame, you know, because your mum and dad are going through a bad patch. It’s a grown-up thing, a thing that sometimes happens when people are so busy that they forget to tell one another how much they love each other. Your mother might get impatient with you, but she loves you more than you can ever know, Mike. I promise you she’ll be missing you like mad.’

  He looked doubtful. ‘Will they split up? Some of the kids at school, their parents have split up…’

  Cassie wasn’t about to make promises that were not in her power to keep. ‘I don’t know, Mike. But they’ve had a few days together to catch up on the talking. Maybe that’s all they needed. But it’s their problem. Not yours.’ She gave him a hug. ‘Come on. Let’s get some breakfast; you must be starving. Did you row all the way to the island?’

  ‘No. We started off all right, but then the wind dropped and we were stuck out there in the middle. We fiddled about for a bit, trying to find some wind, but it was hopeless. We’d only been rowing for about ten minutes when Nick arrived.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘He wouldn’t get into the boat and help us, though. He said we’d got ourselves into a mess and we had to get ourselves out of it or how would we ever learn.’

  ‘That’s true, of course.’

  ‘Yes. Except he wasn’t exactly telling the truth, was he?’

  ‘Wasn’t he?’

  ‘He didn’t get into the boat because of Sadie.’ Cassie tried to look puzzled. ‘I saw him get out of the water, Aunt Cassie. He didn’t have any clothes on. And Sadie’s a girl. I suppose he thought she’d be embarrassed.’

  Cassie couldn’t think of a suitable answer right
then. She was too busy being grateful he hadn’t thought it necessary to question why she hadn’t been.

  They were having an early breakfast when they heard the sound of a car bumping down the lane and Joe rushed out to investigate. ‘It’s Mum and Dad,’ he shouted from the gate, full of excitement. ‘They’ve come to fetch us.’

  Matt parked beside the minibus and almost before he had come to a halt Lauren was out of the car, scrambling to hug her three boys. ‘Lord, but I’ve missed you,’ she said, laughing.

  ‘As soon as the plane landed Lauren insisted on driving straight here, instead of going home,’ Matt said.

  ‘In that case you’d better have some breakfast,’ Nick suggested. ‘No, stay and talk,’ he said, putting his hand on Cassie’s shoulder as she began to get up. ‘I think I can handle a few rashers of bacon without burning them.’

  ‘Come and see the boat, Dad,’ Mike demanded. ‘Nick’s taught me to sail and I want to join the sailing club. Can I, Dad? Can I?’

  Lauren grinned as Matt was dragged off by Mike, the other children following Pied Piper-like as they headed for the lake. ‘He’s nice, Cassie.’

  ‘Yes, he is.’

  Lauren didn’t push it. ‘I’m glad for you. And this place is so pretty. I’d really no idea. Matt made it sound like … you know, all that macho men’s stuff.’

  ‘Maybe that’s because he’s never been here with a woman. I can recommend it.’

  ‘It’s certainly brought a glow to your cheeks, little sister.’

  ‘You’ve got a certain glow yourself for an old lady. How was Portugal?’

  ‘Oh, you know,’ Lauren said, lying back against the grass.

  ‘No. Tell me.’

  ‘We had time to talk, time to relax. Time for everything. I’d forgotten what that was like. And Matt’s been wonderful, couldn’t do enough. Do you know a week ago I was ready to walk out and leave the lot of them?’

  ‘No? Really?’ Cassie’s voice was deeply sceptical and Lauren grinned, just a touch sheepishly.

  ‘I’ve been rather horrible lately. Poor Matt.’