Always Been Mine

by Adams, Carina

  “Aren’t you out past curfew?”

  He laughed and reached a hand out to mine, tracing the lines of my index finger. “Nooo. But, if it turns you on to think I’m that young, we can pretend.”

  I snatched my hand away. Eww. I was searching for an appropriate way to tell this child to get the hell away from me when a pink drink slid across the side of the table toward me and a strong hand found my back, moving up and down. Matty leaned in and nuzzled my cheek, kissing the side of my mouth.

  “Hey you,” he said in a low voice. He turned then, acting like he’d just noticed the kid in front of me. “Hi?” He turned back to me. “Everything ok here?”

  I turned toward him, relief washing over me, and gave him a big smile. “It is now.” I touched his cheek. Then I looked back at the young man. “This gentleman said that I looked lonely and sad, so he came over to cheer me up.”

  Matty’s arm snaked out and grabbed my waist, pulling me close. “Thanks guy. I’m back now, so she won’t be lonely anymore.”

  The youngster looked back and forth between the two of us. Then he smiled at me. “If you change your mind, I’m here all night.” He winked and disappeared into the crowd.

  I grabbed my drink and took a big gulp. I swallowed, coughing. “Easy there, tiger.” Matty laughed at me. “I told them to make it strong.” They had obliged.

  Vodka and soda? But, what was the pink? “What is it?”

  “A twisted Willie.” He laughed. “I thought you’d appreciate it. Raspberry Smirnoff, sprite, and a squeeze of bitter lemon, along with a lime wedge.” He took a sip of his beer. “Is it good?”

  It was actually really good. I nodded. “Want some?” I held up the clear plastic cup and he took a sip, wincing. Vodka was not his drink of choice. I laughed at the face he made. “Thanks for this.” His day had been just as shitty as mine, but he had insisted that he be the designated walker tonight when I suggested that we get completely wasted after work. Apparently he thought the end of my marriage warranted a good hangover. He handed me the cup back and I held it up in thanks, then I tipped my head and drained the rest of the glass.

  He raised an eyebrow but smiled. “Round two?”

  Round two turned into round four. From the taste of my twisted Willie’s, I’d assumed he had asked the bar tenders to scale them back a little. Or, I’d just had so much to drink that I was used to the vodka. After I’d finished my fourth drink, I made Matty go out on the floor and shake his groove thing with me. Of course he could dance. I was pretty sure there wasn't a single thing he couldn't do. He was one of the only men on the floor that didn't look like a complete idiot and women swarmed around him. I couldn’t dance, but was doing my best to pretend I could, laughing at myself, and the look of disgust on his face when another random stranger tried to grind with him. The music was loud and there were tons of people—a perfect place to lose myself.

  Or my friend. I had turned away from Matty, my hands in the air, screaming the words to Miley’s new song and swaying from side to side with a couple of other women when I realized I didn’t know where he was. I turned completely around, trying to find him. The move made me dizzy, and I took a step backwards, laughing.

  “Easy. I’ve gotcha,” I’d backed into someone, and that someone was holding onto my upper arms keeping me from falling back any more. It took a second to regain my balance but when I did, he let go and I turned. The man in front of me was absolutely beautiful. Not quite as tall as Matt, but he was a solid six feet of pure muscle. Realizing how close I was to the giant, I stepped back. I was still wobbly, and he reached a heavily tattooed arm out grabbing my arm again. “You ok?”

  I held up a hand and nodded like a fool. Holding two my fingers up, a couple of inches apart, I explained. “I think I may have had a wee bit too much to drink.” I giggled. Mortified, I put my hand over my mouth and giggled again.

  He smiled. “It happens. Here,” he held out a hand. “Let’s get you to a seat before you break your leg in those things.”

  Those things? My confusion must have shown on my face because he looked down toward my shoes. I couldn't remember what shoes I had on, but knew if I tried to look, I would fall flat on my face. I smiled and took his hand instead. “Thanks.”

  There were no empty tables near the dance floor, and I let Andre lead me toward the pool tables. It was much quieter back here. He stopped at a small round table and pulled out a chair for me. I smiled up at him while I sat. I hadn’t realized my feet hurt as much as they did. He pulled a chair next to me and sat down.

  “Having a good time?” I nodded. He looked concerned. “Are you alone?” Um… I didn’t know if I should answer. I wasn’t getting a bad feeling about him. Don’t serial killers or rapists send off a bad vibe? Wouldn’t I be afraid?

  “No.” I looked back towards the crowd but still couldn’t see Matty. “Celebrating with a friend. Are you?”

  He smiled. “What are you celebrating?”

  Yep. I was definitely feeling that fourth drink. “M’ divorce.”

  He looked taken aback. “Oh! I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t be. It happens.”

  “There you are!” I turned, hearing Matty’s voice. He sounded both worried and annoyed. He strode up to the table. The giant next to me stood up and I was worried he was going to keep Matt from me. Instead, he greeted Matt like he knew him. I saw Matty smile and hold out his hand. The bastard did know him. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Matty was laughing. I glared at him. He held out a hand for me. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll take you home.” I didn’t want to go home and shook my head at him. He kept his hand out though and I took it as I stood up. “Wanna dance more?” He eyed me cautiously.

  “No. I’ll take another drink, though.” Both Matty and the giant chuckled at me. Realizing just how much my feet still hurt, I sat back down. Matty gave the giant some money and sat with me. “Did you just let Andre run off with your cash?”

  “Who?” Then he laughed. “That’s Fred.” He smiled. “He owns the place and is bouncing tonight.” Fred that owns a bar and is a bouncer. Because obviously everyone knows Fred, the bouncing bar owner. The thought made me laugh. Matty gave me a weird look. “You’re cut off after this one,” he told me sternly, which only made me giggle more. By the time a girl brought our drinks, I was crying from laughing so hard.

  The girl was wearing short shorts and a tiny tank top that showed her perfectly flat belly whenever she moved her arms. Which was often. She squealed when she saw Mat, practically throwing the tray she carried on the table and jumping into his arms. I wiped the happy tears from my face while I eyed the bimbo climbing all over him. She was tall, blonde, and obviously worked out all the time. Either that or gravity hadn’t caught up with her yet. I hated her.

  Matt was talking in her ear and she was looking at me nodding. She gave me a big smile full of fake white teeth. I glared back. She pulled away, leaning over Matt and giving me a great view of her perfect D’s. “Jo! I’ve heard so much about you! This guy” she bent her head towards Matt “never stops talking about you.” Really? I frowned at him. He shrugged.

  “This is Darcey.” He leaned close to my ear, “Fred’s wife.” Oh! I smiled back at the leggy blonde. “We ride together sometimes.” Ride? Ride what? My confusion must have been obvious because Matt rolled his eyes. "Bikes, Jo. They have a motorcycle and we go on rides together." That made sense.

  Darcey handed me another pink drink, but then she also slid two shots in front of me and two in front of Matty along with another beer. Matty looked up at her and she winked back. "I know a guy. Courtesy of the owner." I picked up my drink and took a long slow sip. If it was the end, I’d better enjoy it. I hadn't planned on it being stronger than all the others combined and I turned toward the dance floor so they couldn't see the look on my face.

  After Darcey left, we sat in silence, taking sips of our drinks every now and then, watching the other patrons. I couldn't drink mine fast if I wanted to—
I'm sure straight gasoline didn't taste nearly as bad. "What kind of shot is that?"

  Matty shook his head. I picked one up, not sure I wanted to try it. Screw it. It couldn't taste worse than my current drink. I held it up, waiting for Matt to toast with me. When he held one out to me, I smiled. "To happy endings." I downed mine. And I was wrong. It burned all the way down. Ugh. It was awful. I scrunched my eyes closed hoping to will away the vile taste. Matty was laughing. I opened one eye, trying my best to glare at him. He hadn't drank his yet. "You wait. That hurts like hell going down."

  "Happy endings? Really?" He was smirking. "Fine. I'm all for that. To happy endings." His voice was full of humor as he upended the glass. The bastard didn't even cringe.

  I glared at him. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it!" I laughed at his sheepish expression. "I meant," emphasizing meant, "that my white prince could still come and knock me off my feet with his horse."

  Matty didn't even try to hide his amusement. I tried to glare at him again, but his shoulders were shaking with laughter and I couldn't help but join him. "Oh, Jesus Joes. I'm going to take you drinking more often." He finally managed to get out, "You mean that you could still have happily ever after? That your prince charming could still ride in on his white horse and sweep you off your feet?"

  I nodded. "Thas what I meant. Thas what I want. Happily ever after."

  Matty picked up the second shot and held it to me. I didn't want to drink it. But I lifted it to his glass. "To your happily ever after, Jo."

  They say that after the first shot goes down the next isn't as bad. They're wrong. It was terrible. I coughed, trying to keep it down. I grabbed my cup and took a quick sip, trying to get the taste of the shot out of my mouth. Big mistake. Gasoline does not get rid of the taste of diesel, and the two don’t mesh well. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the table. I wasn’t getting sick. I wouldn't let myself get sick.

  "Joes?" Matty sounded worried. He'd moved closer, his hand running up and down my spine again. I held up a hand, hoping I was holding up one finger. I just needed a minute. His hand stayed on my back, comforting me. I wasn't sure how long it took, but the nausea finally passed and I sat up. Big mistake. Everything was rotating, so I turned to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tight.

  It was nice to have him so close. He smelled heavenly and the world didn't spin so much when I had something to hold on to. From my spot under his arm, I had a perfect view of the dance floor. I watched a cute brunette with red highlights dance with two men, one in front of her, one grabbing her hips from behind. One of those men could be my Mr. Perfect, but as long as a girl that looked like that was an option, neither would look twice at me. Glancing up at Matt, I realized I had never been as honest with him as I had thought, and with all the wisdom of someone that had had more than enough alcohol, I decided to bare my soul.

  “I hate her. Dichya know that?” I picked up my right hand, putting it on his belly.

  Matty looked down at me and then across the bar searching for whomever I was looking at. “Who?”

  “Taylor.” I felt him tense and I knew I needed to get it all out while I was full of liquid courage. “For so many reasons. She’s gorgeous and leggy and smart and funny and everywhere she goes, men adore her. She isn’t a nice person, not really. But, I think I hate her most because she took you.” It was a run together babble, and I wasn't sure he even heard it all.

  He was watching me closely, brows knit together. “Took me?”

  I sat forward a little and nodded. “Took you. Away from me. You’re going to marry her.” I laughed bitterly. “If she’s going to look like that and act all bitchy, she should at least leave the good guys for the rest of us. It isn’t fair. How many more nights like this do you think we’ll have? You already can’t do Saturday with me. It won’t be long before she has you whipped and you forget about me. She took you, now she has you, and soon I won't have anyone. So, I hate her.”

  He looked away then and picked up his beer. “She doesn’t have me Joes.” He took a big gulp. “You do. I've always been yours.”

  The last words were so quiet, I almost missed them. I didn’t understand. He must mean because he was here, in a bar with me on a weekday night when we both had to work in the morning, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of my life alone. “I know." I sat up, moving back into my own chair. "I'm drunk and being..." I couldn't think of the word. I shook my head again. "You are a great friend.” I smiled. “I’d be lost without you. I love you. I hate her. Very simple. And, she really doesn’t deserve you.”

  He shook his head, looking back at me. “No, Jo. She doesn’t have me. We broke up.”

  The words took a few seconds to sink in. I was shocked. “What? When? Why?”

  “Earlier this week.” I was staring at him, willing him to explain. He motioned to the bar with his beer bottle. “Because of this. Because of Friday.” He took another drink. “Because I want something I can’t have.” He put the bottle down. “Because of you.” Before I could think about what he was saying, his hands were in my hair and his lips were on mine. It was sweet and soft. I leaned into him, moving my lips against his. His tongue pushed at my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, letting it in. He was taking over my senses. I could taste his beer mixed with the alcohol from the shot, all I could smell was his cologne, and the only thing I heard was the pounding of my heart loud in my ears. My hands balled into fists in his shirt as I pulled him closer. It wasn’t close enough. I wanted more. Much more.

  He moved slightly, pulling back. He was as out of breath as I was and for a minute he rested his forehead on mine. Suddenly he sat up, pulling the fabric out of my hands. “Joes? We can’t do this. You’re drunk off your ass and…” he trailed off. He picked up his bottle and took a long drink.

  I was suddenly pissed. “And what? I’m not the girl you want to be making out with in a bar? Afraid someone, like maybe short shorts, might see you?"

  “No!” He snapped at me, obviously as irritated as I was. “But I can tell you that you will thank me tomorrow morning.”

  I was suddenly ashamed. "I get it. I'm the friend, not the hot blonde."

  Matt made a weird face. "Now, you're being melodramatic and ridiculous."

  I was not being dramatic! "Listen, we both know you're here because I'm the burdensome best friend that you have to make sure gets home ok." I stood up and downed the rest of my drink, just for flare. I cringed at the thoughtless act. “Whatever, Matt.” He was smirking at me. “Take me home.”

  The walk back to my hotel was quiet and slow. I wouldn’t let him help me walk and my feet did not want to cooperate. I was surprised when we made it back without me falling. I debated sitting down once we were on the elevator, but was sure I wouldn’t be able to stand up once I was down. And I’d be damned if I’d let Matty help me. Instead, I leaned against the wall and silently begged the world to stop whirling as the elevator climbed. As soon as we reached my floor, I realized I hadn’t brought my purse and didn’t have my key. Seeing my face, he pulled his out of his back pocket and waved it at me. I’d forgotten that he had one, too. I let him get off the elevator first and open my door. I went in my room ahead of him, throwing my phone on the table next to me, and kicked off my heels.

  I turned to look at him then, knowing he was probably angry with me. He could be pissed off all he wanted, I was mad at him, too. One look at him, though, and I was completely distracted. He was leaning against the closed door with his hands in the pockets of the jeans that fit him just right, watching me as if he expected me to keel over where I stood. He was so sexy, all dark and brooding, that I had to have him. Now.

  Looking him in the eye, I unbuttoned my shirt, slowly, and pushed it off my shoulders and onto the floor. His eyes strayed from mine, watching as my hands trailed down my breasts and belly and I unbuttoned my jeans. “Jo?” The voice was confused, unsure of why I was stripping in front of him. Before I could push the
denim over my hips in what was supposed to be a super sexy move, the world started to spin. Laughing I stumbled back. “Jo!” A hand grabbed my arm, steadying me. “You are beyond drunk.” There was no humor in his voice.

  “I’m not drunk!” I narrowed my eyes at the chest in front of me, following it up until I met his eyes. “Oh, there you are. Hi!” I smiled, giggling again.

  “Of course you’re not. Can I help get you into bed?”

  “Only if you’re naked and getting into bed with me.” Oh, no! Filter, you’re supposed to engage! I giggled again. “What I meant to say,” I reached out and grabbed the top of his jeans under his white tee shirt, “is that you can help by getting naked and getting into bed.”

  “Jo, stop.” He moved my hands but didn’t let them go. “You need to sleep this off.”

  I stepped into him, closing the small gap, and slid my hands under his shirt. Oh, my god. My fingers slid upward over hard-as-rock muscle, and I could feel his flesh pimple into goose bumps. “I’m going to bed, but sleep is the last thing I need.”

  Matty grabbed my arms and pulled them out. “You don’t want to do this. Come on, Joes, you know you don’t.”

  I didn’t know that at all. I knew I didn’t need to sleep it off. I knew I needed sex. I needed his arms around me, and him to fuck me three ways from Sunday. Then it hit me. “You’re not attracted to me.” I shook my head. “I really don’t turn you on, do I?”

  His face softened a little. “Joes,” He sighed. "I’m trying to save you from making a mistake. I'm not the kind of guy you want in your bed.”

  I glared at him. What? Yes he was, but he was doing that stupid Matty trick that made me feel better about an awful situation. I had totally read him all wrong. He’d had such an urgency when he kissed me, like he’d been waiting to do it all night. “Why’d you kiss me then?”