Always Been Mine

by Adams, Carina

  Rocker shook his head at me, smiling. “Nah, it’s a duplex. We only own the top two floors.” My mouth fell open. I knew I was gaping, but I couldn’t stop myself. I looked at Matty, who wasn’t making eye contact, but I could see him struggling not to laugh. “Well, top two’n a half floors.” Rocker corrected himself, looking at Matty. “Wicked sweet views of the rivah on one side and the city on the othah, so I’m ok not owning the whole place. Plus, the taxes are fuckin’ brutal.”

  The elevator stopped, opening into a hallway similar to the one downstairs. It was absolutely gorgeous, with dark mahogany floors and light yellow walls. This one, though, seemed much larger. There was a giant opening to the left that led into what I assumed was the house, a door just past that in the back left corner. Directly to the right of the elevator was another door, probably a stairway. On the right wall, there was a bright white closet, a mahogany table that matched the floor, and another white closet. In the back right corner, there was another door. ‘We only own the top two floors.’ I wondered what he did for work, or better yet, what the other half of the ‘we’ did. Then I remembered what I should have asked when I first saw Rocker at the station. “Is your wife home, yet? I can’t wait to meet her.”

  He was a few steps in front of me, but he stopped and turned. Meeting my eyes, his eyebrows arched. “My wife?” His eyes looked over me, and I assumed he was looking at Matty. Shaking his head he continued, “Sorry, Lil’ Kangaroo, not hitched.” He winked. “Don’t even have a girl. I’m a lot to handle.” He laughed, shaking his head, walking into the middle of the foyer.

  I stopped abruptly, turning. I could hear the sounds of men talking, probably the ones Matty had asked Rocker about earlier. Matty looked at the table, at the closets, back at the elevator, and then past me into the room, but I stared at him until he met my eyes. “Really?” I hissed. The sides of his mouth twitched. “You could have told me he wasn’t married, and you could have told me he lived here.” My arm stretched out. “I am totally out of my element.”

  He dropped the bag he carried, snaking out an arm, wrapping it around me, and pulling me into him. His mouth found mine. My arms had a mind of their own, circling his shoulders while my hands tangled his hair around my fingers. His tongue ran over mine playfully, touching my bottom teeth, and then it was gone. He pulled my bottom lip between his, nibbling on it. I had all I could do to remember to breathe, pulling him tighter against me. A throat clearing brought me back to reality and I didn’t try to hold Matty when he pulled away. As I turned back towards Rocker, I felt Matty’s breath on my ear. “If you think this is nice, wait until you see what I have planned for later.” His words caused a shiver to run down my back, and I couldn’t wait to see what he had in store for me.

  “You two gonna be ok for a minute, or should we go downstairs while you two still have clothes on?” I felt the blush rise, but Matty just smacked my ass and grabbed my hand.

  “This,” Matty said, pulling me a few steps into the room, “is the hall. Elevator, stairs to the roof,” he pointed at the open elevator and the door next to it, “the washroom is in there, too.” I raised my eyebrows at that, and he shrugged pulling open the door. The little room was bright, surprising me, and I looked up to see the sky through a roof window. There was a circular staircase, and the marble floors continued into a little alcove that held an industrial sized sink and lots and lots of shelves and pegs with clothes on them. “It’s for when we come back all dirty and gross; we can change and get washed up before…” he trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say. Get cleaned up before going inside. The house was that nice, that you couldn’t walk inside after work without cleaning up. Yep, way, way out of my league.

  He tugged me back to Rocker, pointing to the closets; one was for guests, one for frequent visitors. The door in the back left was a “Guest bathroom, no shower.” And the door across from it, in the back right corner, was the stairway. “But, it only goes down to the living room and then down to the bedrooms, not outside.”

  I was impressed before he pulled me through the archway into the apartment, but was speechless once we were standing in the kitchen. The open room in front of me was huge, magnified by the light wood floors, pale blue walls, and the wall of windows showing the city’s skyline on the other side of the room. I looked around. It wasn’t just a kitchen, but also the dining room and living room, and it was exquisite.

  The talking I’d heard stopped abruptly when the men saw us, and I heard Rocker talking to them in low tones. I was too overwhelmed to pay attention to what he’d said. Matty dropped my hand, walking across the room to a table that must seat twenty, greeting his friends. I reached out a hand to the island in front of me, steadying myself. Rocker leaned his back against the counter next to me, and I met his eyes.

  “They’re BbD’s.”

  “Huh?” I shook my head. I knew how idiotic I sounded, but I had no idea what he was talking about.

  He smiled a sweet and kind smile. “The countahs.” I still didn’t understand. He reached back, touching the marble next to my hand. “The counters and cabinets. They’re BbDs, the whole house is, actually.” I loved how the Southie vanished as he clarified what he’d said, but it wasn’t his accent I didn’t understand. Seeing my confusion, he nodded. “Ah. BbD, Boston by Design, although no one ever gets the name right. Some people think it’s Beautiful by Design. It’s a custom cabinet company.” He shrugged. “It’s a Boston thing, I guess. The best you can get. We remodeled the whole place a couple of years ago. He’s got expensive taste.” He tilted his head back towards the table. I felt one eyebrow rise. Who had expensive taste? I glanced over at the men talking to Matty, some I recognized from a few weeks ago. Then it hit me; his words, ‘we own’ and ‘I don’t even have a girl’ being laughed at me. Rocker was gay.

  “Oh!” I smiled up at him, meeting his almond shaped eyes. They were dark brown, almost black, and like Matty’s, were surrounded by black eyelashes that would make any woman jealous. The combination of the two made him look dangerous, even more so than his large size and the way he carried himself. He was a smidge taller than Matty, maybe 6’3, but he was much bigger. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tipped the scale at 260, even though there wasn't an ounce of fat on him. He radiated bad boy, from the set of his jaw, to the way he held himself when he was leaning against the counter, muscles taught and showing. It should be obvious to anyone within ten miles of him that this man was not someone to be messed with. If they couldn’t see how dangerous he was, the sound of his voice would erase all doubt. It was low and rough, almost threatening, even when he was laughing. A picture of the hulk crossed my mind and I was reminded of my earlier thoughts of Rob.

  There was so much more to this man, though. He was beautiful. Not in a Matty-Greek-God way, but in a rough around the edges, break-your-heart way. He didn’t have a huge head, like someone his size should, but it wasn’t small enough to look odd. His black hair was buzzed short, showing his wide forehead and full black eyebrows. He had a triangular face, with a pointed chin and wide cheek bones that broke into dimples when he smiled. His nose was long and thick, slightly pointed on the end. His large full lips were a dark pink, and always seemed to be breaking apart into a dazzling smile that showed large, bright white teeth. I’d heard him speak numerous times without a hint of an accent, so there was no doubt in my mind that he played it up.

  Today, his clothes didn’t say biker thug. Instead, they said laid-back professional. A light blue button up shirt that hid all of his tattoos was tucked into another pair of designer jeans that hugged his hips in a way that called attention to his perfect ass. I blushed slightly, picturing Mat’s tattoos, and wondered if Rocker was the same kind of canvas—kinky in all the right places, but hidden from the rest of the world. He was barefoot, and I struggled to remember if he’d kicked off shoes at the door or if he’d had any on at all. Nothing about him had made me realize his sexual preference.

  “Well, they are beautiful.” I looked
around the room, it was perfectly decorated. “The whole place is.” I broadened my smile and lowered my voice. “Your boyfriend did a great job.”

  His eyebrows rose and he smirked at me. He looked like he was going to say something when Matty called me over.

  As I got closer to the wall of windows, I realized that there were double French doors in the middle, leading onto a patio. The wall to the left of the windows held a fireplace between two built-in bookshelves. One of the shelves held a large flat screen and a handful of DVDs. The other was filled with books and picture frames. I ran my hand over the back of the overstuffed couch, taking everything in. I stopped suddenly, seeing the painting over the fireplace. Lee Teter’s “Reflections” was Matty’s favorite painting. It should look out of place in this bright and beautiful room, but it was perfect. I smiled.

  “I thought you’d like that,” Matty was next to me, his hand gliding over the fabric until his fingers reached mine.

  Matty turned me around, but I leaned back on the couch. He went around the table, introducing me to his friends once again. There were only five of them here today, which surprised me since they were so loud. Also surprising was the looks I got from them when they knew Matty wasn’t looking. Tiny, a man larger than Rocker was the only one that smiled at me, giving me a cute wink making me smile back. Hawk and Sean both raised their eyebrows, giving me an entire once-over when I was re-introduced to them. Sean refused to make eye contact. Dean looked completely surprised, like he was unsure how to react, when Matty put his arm around my waist and kissed my neck. Ian, the one I pegged to be Rocker’s significant other, glared at me, making his beautiful face grow cold.

  I was relieved when Matty pulled me away, telling them he wanted me to see the rest of the house. Rocker was holding our bags when we got to the hall, propping the stairway door open with his foot. Matty headed down the steps first, and Rocker followed me. It might have been because of their friend’s reactions to me, or maybe it was because I was so uncomfortable around people with money, but I felt Rocker’s eyes on me every step I took.

  We stopped at the first landing. “This is the living room,” Matt told me, heading into a room similar to the open area upstairs. The walls were covered with white and blue stripes, large windows looked out toward the water, and there were three couches and half dozen easy chairs spread through the large space. The giant fireplace was again flanked with built-in bookshelves, filled with hundreds of movies, but the flat screen was above the mantel.

  Matty walked back towards the stairs, opening a door off the landing that I assumed was another closet. “The spare room.” I headed in, assuming we were staying here. It was a dark windowless room, with deep red walls and two full sized beds, and minimal furniture. He pointed to two doors across the room. “One is a closet, the other a full bath with our laundry stuff.” His hand was on the small of my back and he was ushering me towards the stairs before I could sit on the bed.

  This time Rocker went first, leading us down another half flight. We stopped at the bottom, and he opened a door to our right. “Another bathroom.” Taking five steps, he opened a door to the left. “This is you.” He dropped the bags, but turned and blocked the door, as if waiting for Matty to keep going. He did.

  Opening the door right in front of us, Matty half pushed me into a cute walk-in closet, the walls lined with shelves and racks, and then immediately to the left through another door. This one was a child’s bedroom. A set of bunk beds was pushed against one wall and it every shelf was filled with toys. The windows gave the green walls a peaceful glow, and I immediately wished my kids were here. I didn’t have long to sulk, because Matty pulled me back through the doors.

  I stood outside the closet door, not sure if we were done with our tour. But Rocker motioned me to the left, down a hallway. A little elevator door was across from bathroom. On the other side of the elevator was a tiny alcove; two steps above the regular floor and enclosed with a half wall, was a small space that held a desk and shelves. “My office,” was all Rocker said as he headed toward the door on the opposite end of the hallway from 'our' room. I stopped, seeing a stair railing, wondering where they went. Rocker smiled. “Back stairs. You can’t get in that way, only out.”

  Rocker’s room had two large windows that looked out on the city, a marble fireplace, and unlike the rest of the house, carpet. The king size bed was in a cherry frame and two rocking chairs sat next to the windows. Other than a single bedside table, there was nothing else in the room. I couldn’t help notice how lonely it was. He pointed at one door, explaining it was his bathroom, but shook his head and laughingly assured me I wouldn't want to see that. I agreed.

  Giving Matt a knowing look, Rocker told us he’d be upstairs, and closed his door as we left his bedroom. He walked past us, quickly, and around the corner to the stairs. Matty stepped up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Hi.”

  I smiled. “Hi.” We walked towards our room as one, his thumb drawing circles on my belly as we went. I bit the inside of my lip, fighting to keep my composure. All I wanted was to get his clothes off. I needed to think of something else. “This is a beautiful place.” Matty made a sound that I knew was in agreement, but said nothing else, turning his mouth to nibble my neck. I closed my eyes. It seemed like Matty had the same intentions. In the bedroom, out of our clothes.

  All thoughts of getting him naked vanished when we stepped into our room. I stopped suddenly, shocked. “Jo?” He let go of me, sounding worried. I ignored him. The room wasn’t as big as Rocker’s, but it was close. A marble fireplace was to my left, a queen size poster bed to my right, and there were two giant windows looking toward the water in front of me. But it was the little details that had brought me up short. Rocker's room had felt cold, lonely. This one was exactly the opposite. It felt homey and welcoming.

  Numerous child's paintings lined the walls. The mantel housed frames filled with pictures. Some of Sammy, a few of Matty with his sister. Next to the window was an easy chair; a cute black dress, sleeveless and short, draped across the back of it, and a pair of peep-toed black pumps sat in the seat, as if on display. There were throw pillows on the bed. On the nightstand closest to me was the same picture of Matty and I that I had on my desk at work. We were laughing at the camera and looked utterly happy.

  I turned to look at him, confusion showing on my face. “Surprise?” His voice was low, seductive. He smiled, kicking the door shut. Walking around the bed, he pointed to the dress. “I’m hoping you’ll wear it out with me tonight.” He tipped his head, looking back at me. I climbed up on the tall bed, sitting cross-legged and looked at him.

  "That's not mine." I eyed the small piece of silk.

  His smile deepened. “Yeah, it is.”

  "You bought it for me?" I asked in a daze

  He gave me his lop sided smile. "I did. Although, I don't know what I'm looking forward to more. Seeing you in it, or taking you out of it."

  The look on his face made my heart beat fast and I had to look away before I jumped across the room and ravished him. I eyed the dress, it didn't look like it would fit me. "What happens if it doesn't fit?"

  He chuckled. "Trust me. It'll fit." He moved toward the bed and into my view, his voice low. "I know your body, Jo, every line, every curve. It’ll fit perfect.” My stomach clenched as his words, a sudden heat appearing low in my body. I didn't know how he managed to get me so worked up with just a few words. I need to change the subject, to ask what I really wanted to know.

  “This is your room?” He nodded. “Rocker and his boyfriend don’t mind saving a room for you? They don’t have any other friends that would want to use the space?”

  “Boyfriend?” Matty sat up on the bed next to me, and I briefly scowled about the fact that he didn’t have to climb up like I did. He pulled a leg onto the bed, bent his knee so his foot was still hanging over the side and leaned back onto the footboard, facing me. “Rob doesn’t have a boyfriend. Does he?” H
e asked the question in a hushed tone, like I would know a secret about his best friend that he didn't.

  “He said…,” I looked away, trying to figure out what I was missing. The dress caught my eye and I realized how exquisite it really was for a simple and little black dress. There was no way it came off a rack from a store like Penny’s. “It looks expensive.” Matty was cheap, like me, but he liked nice things so I wasn’t really all that surprised. Suddenly, a thought struck me. Wow, I was an idiot. I looked back at Matty, eyes glaring. “You have expensive taste.” His face showed his confusion, unsure of why I was angry. “This is your room. As in, you’re here often enough to have your own room.” He nodded, looking uneasy. “You live here when you’re not home?” This time he didn’t nod, only raised an eyebrow, obviously confused about where this was going. That made two of us. When wasn’t he home? “When you told me you were coming home, you meant it. You own it, don’t you?”

  He didn't need me to clarify. “Co-own.” I waited for him to explain, but he didn’t say anything making me think the worst.

  “Its drugs, right? I know you got in a lot of trouble when you were young. Are you a drug dealer?” He only raised his eyebrows at me. "Mobster? Stripper? Male escort?" I silently prayed it wasn’t the last one, although that would totally be my luck.

  He laughed, a full laugh, as if I was the funniest person in the world. “Noooo. But all of those are better than what it really is." He shrugged. "It’s guilt money, Joes.”

  “Wait. What?” I shook my head. I'd expected him to tell me I was crazy. Matty couldn’t have money, and he certainly wouldn't have millions tucked away. I would know. Wouldn't I?

  “Inheritance. From my grandparents. They cut my mom out when she married my dad and then the two of them disappeared. They didn't know where she was or that she'd had kids until I was a teenager. By then, the damage was done. Apparently, they never got over the fact that they didn’t help Cris and me. So, they left the two of us everything. This,” he motioned around the room, “was their home. My mom grew up here. Now, it’s mine.” He sighed, adjusting on the bed. “I had a life back home, a job I wasn’t gonna give up, and I couldn’t begin to pay the taxes, so I put it on the market. Then Rob convinced me that I didn’t want to give up my history and since he was looking to buy, he bought half. Now, we share.” He bit his lip, reaching out to push a strand of hair behind my ear, then cupped my cheek. “One more of my dirty little secrets."