Always Been Mine

by Adams, Carina

  The thought of him with Taylor, kissing her the way he kissed me, making love to her, building a life with her, destroyed me. The nausea that hit made me glad I was in the ladies room. Teagan found me there not long afterward. Matty had called her and insisted she take me right home.

  That night cured the problem, though. I hadn’t been tempted to call him since. There was no need to. I’d wanted to fix us, to apologize for being stupid and running away. Matty, on the other hand, had gone back to the one woman I could never picture him with.

  “You look sad…” Pam sat in the seat next to me, interrupting my thoughts.

  I smiled and shook my head. “Not at all. I was just thinking about Matty and wishing he could be here for this.”

  Pam nodded. “Me, too.” Standing up, eyes twinkling as she smiled down at me. “We’re going to have cake and pictures in a little while. You’ll stay, right?” She didn’t give me a chance to answer before she walked away. It felt like I was missing something.

  I was overseeing a rousing game of hide and seek when I felt him. I sat up straight, the hair on my arms standing on end as I felt the electrical current that could only be coming from one person. I heard him give a low greeting to the Smith’s and my body reacted instantly, heart pounding, palms suddenly sweaty. Before I could move, Todd realized he was there and ran across the hall, screaming excitedly. I wiped my hands down the front of my pants, eyes darting around the room trying to find the closest exit, debating whether I could sneak out the back door without being seen.

  “Congratulations Jo. You had a big win today.” His voice was low and steady as he sat in the chair next to me, draping his arm over the back of mine as if it hadn’t been months since I’d seen him. I didn’t know what to say, thankful that the kids in front of us were making so much noise. I heard him smile as he watched Todd try to hide in the open room.

  “Thank you.” I finally managed, without looking at him. I couldn’t. Just having him this close to me was too much. I needed to move, to get away before he saw what he was doing to me. “I didn’t know you were going to be here, but I’m glad you made it. If you’ll excuse me… ” I leaned forward, ready to stand, but he shifted, almost touching me and I froze.

  “How are the kids?” Before I could answer, Todd ran over to us, giving us each a giant hug and then ran off again.

  I silently groaned. I didn’t want to sit here and make small talk, but seeing Todd’s face when he looked at Matty was enough to keep me rooted to the spot and being nice. “They’re well, thank you. Ben decided to try basketball,” I forced a laugh. “Thank god he’s got Will’s height. Lily wants to try softball in the spring, but I’m not sure another sport is a good thing right now. Will got offered a promotion.”

  “I didn’t ask about Will and I don’t give two fucks if he got promoted or not.” He growled, just loud enough for me to hear him. I saw his body turn out of my peripheral, his knees touching my thigh, but I stared straight at wall ahead of me. “I heard he turned it down anyway,” he said absentmindedly, “because he couldn’t guarantee the nights and weekends it required, now that he shares custody of his kids.” How in the hell did he know that? I swallowed, a little too loudly, nervous about where this was going. “Now, how are the kids really?”

  Once again, I despised the fact that he knew me so well. “They’re good. Better.” I shrugged. “It was a struggle at first, but I think we’re almost there. Most of the time I think they like having the undivided attention of each parent.” I took a deep breath, not sure what to say. I didn’t need to ask about Sam; I saw him when Becky had him and he spent a lot of time at my house. “How’s Cris?”

  He snorted. “You talk to her more than I do, I should be asking you that.” He was still staring at me, but I refused to look back. I was going to tell him that I hadn’t really talked to her in months, but he continued. “She’s still pissed at me. So, how…” Pam interrupted, having everyone line up for the celebration picture.

  I jumped at the chance to get away from him. Without thinking, I looked over as I stood up, meeting his eyes; other than small bags under them, he looked exactly the same. The realization irritated me; I was ragged and worn out and he was none the worse for wear. He smiled, seeing me stare at him, and stood, walking close as we approached the family. When we posed for the photos, Pam put Matty right next to me and he moved his hand to the small of my back in a familiar gesture. I fought to keep from melting against him, reminding myself over and over that we were done.

  After a quick bite of cake, I made my excuses to the family and sped from the party. I couldn’t spend another second in the same room as Matty; his scent, his laugh, the way he was looking at me every time I looked up was all too much and I felt like I could start sobbing any second. I’d be damned if I’d let him see me cry, not after everything I’d done the last few months to start over without him.

  I’d forgotten how much I missed him. I’d made it to my car, lost in thought, before a hand curled around my upper arm making me lose my balance and I fell against a steady chest. Struggling to stay on my feet, I braced my hands on his shoulders. Immediately, I realized the mistake as both his arms circled around me, pulling me close.

  “Joes.” He chuckled as he steadied me. “Christ I miss you and your klutziness.” His eyes widened at his words, as if he didn’t know he was going to say them out loud.

  The freezing rain had drenched me and a cold wet trail was running down the center of my back, but all I could feel was the warmth of his body against mine. The scene was eerily familiar and reminded me of another time we’d gotten caught in the rain. I shook my head, getting the damp hair out of my eyes and threw back my head to meet his eyes. “Get your hands off me, Matty!” I seethed. “Just let me go.”

  “So you can run again?” He glared at me. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit. You’re gonna stop bein’ stubborn and you’re gonna talk to me.”

  “Really?” I could feel my temper flare. “You’ve had months to call me and you decide to wait until now?”

  “See?” He tipped his head sideways, searching my face. “Stubborn pride. You always make the worst decisions when you’re mad. The phone works both ways, you know. You never called me.”

  “I had no reason to call you! You crawled back to the sea witch just to spend eternity being tortured because you’re were lonely and pissed at me. That trumps any stupid decision I’ve made because of stubborn pride. We have nothing to say to each other anymore.”

  He raised an eyebrow at my bitchy tone. “Sea witch?” Suddenly recognition crawled over his face. “Taylor.” His lips thinned in a hard line and he leaned in close. “I told you I wouldn’t be alone, and you left anyway.” I inhaled sharply, looking over his shoulder avoiding his eyes. He swore and moved and I thought he was going to let me go; instead he lifted me up and carried me to his car.

  “What? Matty, put me down!” I demanded, but couldn’t struggle as the cold finally caught up with me and I started to shiver, my teeth chattering.

  He didn’t answer, just opened the passenger side door and dropped me on the seat before closing it again and running over to the driver’s side. Starting the car, he turned in his seat to look at me. I didn’t know what he wanted; I’d given him so much of me, and he’d let it go. I sat rubbing my hands together, waiting for him to start talking.

  After a few minutes, he switched the fan to full blast and I sat stationary, letting the heat blow over my skin, thawing me. I sighed, sitting back once the numbness in my limbs started to disappear. I wanted to apologize, to tell him I missed him, too. I turned, meeting his eyes, and swallowed my words. He wore a look I hadn’t seen before.

  “I’m not with Taylor, Jo. I told Cris that to piss her off.” He smirked, rolling his eyes. “Long story.” He shook his head. “I went on one date. One. With a friend of a co-worker. It didn’t work ‘cause she wasn’t you.” He offered me a small smile. “I told you, you’re it for me. I meant it. But, you were right, we don’t wor
k right now.” My breath caught and I looked away, unsure of what he would say next. His hand grabbed mine, holding it tight. “You’re not the only stubborn idiot, here.” He smirked, pausing. “I want to be with you. I want to get back to where we were, but right now…” he trailed off as his empty hand grabbed my chin and he pulled my face towards his. “Right now I miss you. I was wrong.” He shrugged giving me the lopsided grin I loved. “I need you, Joes. I don’t care how I have you as long as you’re in my life.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to will away the tears that were burning the back of my eyes. Emotions warred inside me. Pride told me to tell him to go to hell, that I was fine without him, but I just couldn’t do it. I opened my eyes, stared into the baby blues I knew so well, and used every ounce of energy I had to smile at him. “It won’t be easy. We’re both such stupid assholes.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, we are. That’s one reason I love you.”

  I nodded as relief flooded through me. I wanted to crawl into his lap and have him kiss away the last few months, but that wouldn’t get us anywhere. Instead I squeezed the hand that held mine. “You really think we can fix us?”

  His eyes burned into mine. “I think we owe it to ourselves and each other to try. It’s not gonna be easy. Shit, between our exes and kids and the Bastards, we’re gonna be on our toes constantly. We’re gonna argue, I’m going to annoy you and you’re gonna piss me off. But, I’m not gonna let you run away again, just because life gets tough. And you’re gonna tell me when I’ve got my head shoved up my ass. It’ll be one hell ofa ride, Joes, but you’re worth it. You’re my best friend, and that’s all I need to get through anything.”

  I didn’t know what to say. There were so many issues that wouldn’t resolve themselves in a day, or hell, even a month. But, he was worth it. We were worth it. I leaned into him. “I love you, too, Matty.”

  Acknowledgements

  This book would not have been possible without my amazing husband. Thank you for cooking supper, entertaining the boys, and cleaning up night after night. But most of all, thank you for encouraging me to follow my dreams and always listening to my thoughts when I got stuck. You are amazing and I love you!

  Thank you boys, for your willingness to sit at the table for hours and color while Mommy typed, for turning the kitchen floor into a giant playground of train tracks and dump trucks just so I didn’t miss out on the fun while writing, and for having patience and asking nicely (even if it was the fifth time) if I could get you whatever it was you needed. Your mommy loves you more than you will ever know!

  When I started writing ABM, I had no idea how many people I would meet and how many friendships would be born. Thank you for all your support!

  To Jenn B., the first person I trusted with ABM and a great friend. Thank you for believing in me!

  To Mel, at Melchelle Designs for guiding me through the process and bringing Matty and Jo to life. And, for all the constant advice, encouragement, and never getting irritated with my nine billion questions.

  To Amber, at Editing by Amber, always offering support and for taking my rough draft and making it beautiful. However, I was still adding material at the last minute, so if there are any grammar mistakes, they are all mine.

  To Jennifer, at Read and Share Book Reviews for answering my emails and helping an unknown writer. And, also for putting together an amazing cover reveal. You were my light in the darkness.

  To Margreet, at Ripe For Reader for making me laugh, all of your uplifting emails, and for letting me bounce ideas off you. You helped spread the word. I think ABM is better because of you!

  To Janie, at CrossAngels for being a support and for loving my characters. I will gladly talk about them with you anytime!

  To fellow writer Gary N. Hauger, for always writing back, even if it was just to say you understood my frustrations. Friends like you are hard to find.

  To my friends and co-workers that listened to stories of Matty and Joes, over and over, and didn’t get annoyed.

  And thank you reader, for taking a chance on an unknown author. I hope you loved Matty and Jo as much as I do!