Cut and Run

by Carla Neggers

  Trust me, my Catharina.

  But of course she never would.

  Ryder’s reaction to Juliana Fall had been more visceral than to anyone he’d ever met in his life, but sensing Rachel Stein watching him, he tried to control it.

  “Juliana’s quite a performer,” the old woman said quietly.

  “Yes, amazing.” Ryder coughed as he fought to recover his composure, hoping this impossible woman didn’t notice how little he had left. “She’s an amazing talent.”

  On stage, Juliana Fall took her bows alone, with the conductor, with the entire orchestra. Her smile was dazzling. Her shining hair flopped carelessly down the front of her shoulders as she gave her final bow. Ryder could almost feel its softness on his fingers.

  “You must understand something, Senator Ryder,” Rachel said.

  “Please—not now. In a moment.”

  She ignored him. “Hendrik de Geer is the kind of man who would destroy Juliana Fall if he felt he had to to save himself.”

  Ryder swung around. “No!”

  “You heard me,” she said calmly.

  Ryder swallowed, fighting himself. The manipulative little witch! But he couldn’t lose control, not now. Juliana Fall was an unexpected twist; he’d expected to find her as distasteful as her mother’s friend. Ryder was furious. This wasn’t at all what he’d planned! Rachel Stein was the one to have been caught off balance.

  “Once I was young and beautiful and talented, as was Juliana’s mother,” Rachel said wistfully, “but Hendrik de Geer robbed us of that, he and his Nazi friends.”

  I don’t care! Ryder thought wildly. He had to finish it now and regain the momentum. People were streaming into the aisle. “I’m very sorry about your past, Miss Stein, and I’m sympathetic to your suffering.” He paused, feeling his sense of control seeping back into him. Yes, he thought, I can handle this. “I wish I could help you bring this de Geer to justice, but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. I know a good deal less about him than you do yourself and have been unable to learn more. If you wish to bring charges against him for his actions in Amsterdam during Word War II, I can only encourage you, although I must warn you that you’re unlikely to get very far. Greater criminals than he have gone free. In any case, I have to tell you that what you choose to do from this point is your responsibility.”

  Rachel Stein made no response. She simply nodded dully, as if she’d withdrawn into herself, as if she were sorry she’d ever believed in him or anyone else. Ryder brushed off the stirrings of pity. The woman’s maudlin, he told himself, and there is nothing I can do.

  He added, “I only met de Geer that one time.” He sighed, lifting his shoulders in a helpless, innocent shrug. “As I told you, I had no idea of his Nazi past.”

  “Then there’s no point in our meeting with Catharina going forward,” Rachel said tightly.

  “I’d like to explain my position to her—”

  “Why waste your time? In fact, why did you even bother with tonight if you knew you could do nothing? A telephone call would have been sufficient.”

  “I felt the need to tell you in person, face to face. And I didn’t give up trying to get information on de Geer until right before the concert.”

  Her dark, intense eyes shot up at him. “I don’t believe you, Senator. I should have known from the beginning that you would do nothing to help me. Hendrik de Geer is responsible for the deaths of twelve people, but they were not Florida voters, were they? Well, I am not ready to give in, not yet. You say you met Hendrik only that one time? All right. I will find out if you speak the truth. I will find out if there’s any connection between you and Hendrik de Geer.” She narrowed her eyes, her anger and determination palpable. “I will find out.”

  Still fuming, she marched past him.

  Sam Ryder watched the tiny, shattered woman disappear into the crowd drifting toward the lobby, but he didn’t dare relax. She would leave and accept that her threats were empty, but, nevertheless, Ryder no longer felt that telling Bloch about her had been such an act of weakness. Surely, though, she was intelligent enough to recognize her defeat. There’d be no more calls, no more visits, no more letters. He was sorry not to meet Catharina Fall, in case she would have been able to provide more leverage for him against de Geer, but at least he’d gotten rid of Rachel Stein. One tactical objective achieved. Now on to the next. The Dutchman would be waiting outside in Ryder’s car.

  But Juliana Fall…

  Ryder admitted he didn’t want to involve her in his difficulties, but he didn’t see that he’d have to. She was a pianist. Beautiful, unforgettable. He would just have to leave her out of it and concentrate on making de Geer do his bidding.

  Yet, as he walked stiffly out into the aisle, he looked longingly back toward the stage. It seemed so empty. She was back there, somewhere, accepting congratulations, flowers.

  De Geer can wait, he thought. You’re a United States senator. Use your influence.

  He threw his coat over his arm and headed backstage.

  Adrian Fall took his wife’s arm as she stumbled into the aisle. He was a tall, fair-skinned man with handsome, angular features, and she loved him dearly. He had come into her life just when she’d begun to believe she would never be able to love and trust anyone again, and he’d taken her away from Amsterdam, from her past, from her memories. He understood that these were things she couldn’t talk about. He never pressed her, just allowed her to be what she was. Together they’d spoiled and adored Juliana, building a new life, their own life. He was a quiet, dear, understanding man, but right now she wished he’d just stayed home tonight. He knew nothing of Rachel Stein, nothing of Hendrik de Geer. How could she explain to him?

  “Catharina,” he said, worried, “what is it? Are you all right?”

  She gulped for air, not seeing him. She was white, shaking all over. “Yes, fine, I just…” There wasn’t enough air! I’m going to faint. “A headache.”

  “You’re hyperventilating. I think I’d better get you home.”

  Home, she thought vaguely, trying to stop gulping for air now that Adrian had told her what was wrong. There was too much oxygen in her bloodstream already. Ah, Adrian, always so steady, so right. Her mother used to say the best cure for hyperventilation was a bag over the head. Oh, Mamma! Her mother would be strong now. She wouldn’t simply go home. She wouldn’t be tempted to lock herself in her rooms high above Park Avenue and never come out.

  Catharina stretched herself and put a shaky hand to her mouth. My God, she thought, I’ve seen him too. Hendrik! She had sensed he would be here tonight. He had walked right past her, and she’d only caught a glimpse of him. It was enough. His face was seared in her memory.

  She touched Adrian’s hand, letting his warmth anchor her in the present. She had to warn Rachel that Hendrik was here. That much she had to do, no matter her shock and fear. “I’m supposed to meet a friend,” she told her husband softly.

  Adrian shook his head firmly, the stolid, practical banker. “You’re in no condition to meet anyone.”

  Catharina looked down the aisle toward the seats where Rachel had sat with her senator. Rachel was gone already, and Senator Ryder—

  “No!”

  He was making his way backstage! Had Rachel misled her? Had she decided to involve Juliana after all? With a mad lunge, Catharina shot out into the aisle, but Adrian grabbed her by the waist, and she crumpled against him.

  “Darling,” he said gently, “let me take you home.”

  She was so grateful for her husband, for his goodness, but now she struggled against him, telling herself this time she had to fight, she had to go to her daughter and protect her from this. “Juliana—”

  “She’ll understand, Catharina. You don’t have to congratulate her after every performance. She knows she has your undying support. Look, I’ll call her in the morning. Besides, Shuji’s here tonight.” Adrian gave her a small smile, maintaining a sense of false cheer, but there was no answering twinkle in his wif
e’s eyes. He was terrified. “They’ll have to have their postperformance fight. You wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

  “You don’t understand…”

  “I think I do. You’re not yourself tonight. Catharina, you can’t do everything. You can’t be all things to all people. You’re overtired. We’ll go up to Connecticut for a few days if you want.” They had an old farmhouse they were restoring themselves in Litchfield County. “The air will do you good.”

  Catharina found herself unable to argue, and she nodded meekly, feeling foolish, a child again, the silly, innocent girl whom everyone had tried to protect. She went with Adrian into the lobby but still looked around madly for Rachel. What was happening? Rachel, my God, where are you? Was their meeting off? If not, what would she tell Adrian? If so, what would she do next? Go home and pretend none of this had ever happened?

  But Rachel was gone, and Adrian, his arm tight around his wife, led Catharina toward the exit. When they were outside in the cold December night, she looked back toward the bright lights of the performing arts center and felt herself strangling with indecision.

  Adrian opened a cab door, and she climbed inside.

  Sam Ryder had gotten waylaid by an elderly gentleman and his fur-coated wife, and Stark was able to beat him backstage, where he knew Sam would be headed just as soon as he got rid of the old couple. Matthew had seen the senator’s reaction to Juliana Fall. He had to admit she’d nearly knocked him out of his seat when she’d walked on stage, but he could keep his perspective. An ex–chopper pilot, ex-author, ex-famous reporter and an internationally known concert pianist just weren’t going to make it. Fantasyland. Besides, she was probably just your basic airhead artistic type who would say, “Matthew Stark?” Which, he realized, more and more people were doing these days.

  Sam Ryder, however, didn’t think like that. He’d never met a woman who didn’t want anything to do with him, and he assumed none existed. Maybe Matthew was wrong, and Juliana Fall would drop dead for him. But he didn’t think so.

  He flashed his press credentials and approached her dressing room, ducking aside, within earshot but out of sight. He grinned to himself: hot-shot reporter that you are, snooping on a piano player. A good-looking Asian guy stalked past him and went in to see Ms. Pianist herself.

  “Shuji—Jesus Christ, scare the shit out of me, why don’t you!”

  Matthew felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Shit? Well, he thought, maybe Ryder hadn’t met any Dutchman and Weaze had sent him on a wild goose chase, but it seemed poor old Sammy Ryder just might need Stark’s help after all—to rescue him from one Juliana Fall.

  Juliana guiltily shoved the black crepe dress behind her and manufactured a welcoming smile for Shuji. “Sorry,” she said, “but you startled me. How are you?”

  Banalities, she thought. Shuji hated them, and he frowned at her because, of course, she should have known better. She had not asked the obvious questions. What did you think of my performance tonight, Shuji? Did I sound like I’m in a funk? She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answers, even if she had time, which she decidedly did not.

  “Interesting performance,” Shuji said.

  From long experience, Juliana realized that could mean anything. She dropped her dress, ever so casually, on a chair. Crumpled up, it looked like a normal black dress. A few months old instead of fifty years. Something Juliana Fall might wear to a postconcert dinner.

  “You were on tonight,” Shuji continued, folding his arms across his chest. He was dressed entirely in black, as was his custom, and looked as fit and energetic as ever. His only vice was an occasional cigarette. “But still I heard something. I’m not sure I liked it, but I’m not sure, either, that what I heard is without possibilities. I’ve been thinking, Juliana, and—”

  “Look, Shuji,” Juliana interrupted, a perilous act in and of itself, trying not to show she was in a tearing hurry, “whatever it is, I’ll listen for it, all right? But right now I’m tired.”

  If possible, his frown deepened. “You don’t want to discuss this?”

  “No.”

  “All right.” He spoke tightly, gazing at her through narrowed eyes, and she knew it decidedly was not all right. “Are you still planning to go to Vermont?”

  “For a few days, yes. I need some time out.”

  “I thought we’d agreed you wouldn’t go.”

  Oh, shit, she thought, will you just leave?

  Shuji walked around, pacing angrily, and picked up her sequined turban, which she’d forgotten completely. “What the hell’s this?”

  “A turban.”

  “What for?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not mine. Someone must have left it here.” She huffed in frustration. “Damn it, Shuji, a few days in Vermont isn’t a vacation. The way I’ve been going, it’s hardly even a break. Don’t ruin it for me, okay? Look, I don’t want to argue with you, and anyway now’s not a good time to talk. I’m in a hurry. I forgot you were coming, and I made plans.”

  There, she’d said it. Shuji spun around toward her, his narrowed eyes flashing angrily. “You forgot I was coming?”

  She almost smiled—she’d known that would get him off the track. “I’ve been rattled lately—which is one reason I could use a break.”

  “I take time from my own busy schedule to attend this concert, and you forgot I was coming? You ungrateful little witch!” He slammed the palms of his hands together with a restrained fury she found reassuring. Eric Shuji Shizumi was always easier to deal with when he was roaringly pissed. “How the hell have I put up with you all these years!”

  “Just be glad you never married me,” Juliana said lightly, attempting to diffuse his anger.

  Shuji just glared at her.

  A gentle rap on the door interrupted them, and Shuji hissed impatiently but quickly recovered his poise as a tall, boyishly handsome man poked his head in and said, “Excuse me—”

  Juliana held back a groan. “Yes, what is it?”

  “Be nice,” Shuji warned under his breath. “Wouldn’t want your public to think you’re a snot.”

  She resisted making a face at him. He gave her a wry, nasty grin and, without another word, stormed out. Damn him, Juliana thought, damn him, damn him, why couldn’t he just leave her alone?

  “I’m sorry to disturb you, Miss Fall,” the man in the doorway said. He gave her a dashing smile that was unexpectedly sincere. “I’m Samuel Ryder.”

  He paused, obviously expecting that she would recognize his name. She didn’t. She did, however, notice his eyes, a dreamy baby blue, a child’s eyes in a man’s face. They were oddly appealing—and somehow disturbing, perhaps because the rest of him seemed so polished and sophisticated. She said automatically, “Pleased to meet you.”

  “I wanted to congratulate you on your performance this evening.” He came into the dressing room, at once bold and tentative. “This was my first opportunity to hear you, and I assure you, it won’t be my last. You were mesmerizing.”

  She hadn’t heard that line in a while but silently chastised herself for being so cynical. Maybe he meant it. “Thank you,” she said politely. “It’s very nice of you to take the time to tell me so personally.” Now will you leave so I can become someone else?

  He didn’t seem to know what to say next. On purpose, she’d left him no natural opening. He caught himself twisting his fingers together and suddenly shoved them into the pockets of his elegant evening overcoat. It was unbuttoned and underneath was a stylish black tuxedo over an obviously trim body. Juliana could almost hear her friends telling her not to be so damn critical—a rich, handsome, interested man was a rich, handsome, interested man.

  She felt a touch of sympathy for him. He looked so lost, so lonely. Had she had that effect on him, her music? The Beethoven was a powerful piece. Yet she knew if Samuel Ryder was attracted to her, even just for tonight, it had little to do with her performance or who she really was. Experience had taught her that. Like others before him, Samuel Ryder was t
aken with his own fantasies about who she was and what she could mean to him. He was captivated by his own image of her. He knew nothing substantive about her temperament, her family, her intense, volatile, nonromantic relationship with Shuji. He knew nothing about J.J. Pepper.

  She suspected Samuel Ryder wouldn’t approve of J.J.

  But there was something so sweet and melancholy about the way he looked at her that she couldn’t be angry with him for his assumptions, nor could she denigrate how he felt. He was good-looking enough that she wondered if she was being too nasty in wanting to get rid of him. Even Shuji, who rarely noticed such things, had once commented that she was entirely too picky about men. Maybe he had a point. But Len’s baby grand at the Club Aquarian was waiting. Should she invite Ryder along? No, don’t be an ass! J.J. was her secret.

  She smiled and watched his eyes melt. “It was nice meeting you, Mister Ryder, but if you’ll—”

  Another man appeared in the doorway. He was dark-haired and dark-eyed, with a hard, scarred face that Juliana found both compelling and a little frightening. His clothes were expensive but casual—and sexy. The face, the attire, the tough, compact body all seemed to go with the deep sardonic voice. “Hey, Sam, thought that was you.” He walked in, uninvited, and nodded at Juliana. “Ms. Fall.”

  I will never get out of here, she thought.

  But Ryder’s reaction interested her. He had stiffened visibly and paled. “Stark—Matthew,” he said, managing a smile as he put out his hand. There was no friendship in the gesture. Whoever Matthew Stark was, Sam Ryder didn’t want any part of him. “It’s been a long time.”

  “I guess it has,” Stark said, shaking hands briefly. “I caught the concert and spotted you. Thought I’d say hello.”

  That’s bullshit, Juliana thought unexpectedly. Matthew Stark had anticipated the effect he would have on Sam Ryder. But that, she reminded herself, was hardly her problem. “If you gentlemen don’t mind—”