A Price to Pay for Everything

by Kameisha Jenkins

  “I remember. My dad was locked up, but he’s out now.” Eric’s eyes widened at Mercedes’ poignant and mature attitude about her father’s most recent incarceration.

  “So then you remember me. I am your uncle. I’m family, right?” Eric asked sweetly.

  Now Mercedes placed both hands on her hips.

  “Wrong, my momma said y’all aint really family. She said that she the only one who takes care of grand momma and y’all just come back out of guilt every year.”

  Natalie witnessed Eric’s eyes begin to twitch like it did when he was about to go off. She feared what he would say next and opened her mouth to interject. Too late.

  “Okay, hold up little girl. I don’t know what your momma been teaching your little grown ass, but I think you better get your little self together when you are talking to an adult. I am your uncle and I can and will whup your little ass.”

  Just as Mercedes was in the midst of rolling her eyes, Natalie saw her nephew D’vontae stand up and punch his sister in the arm.

  “Girl, you know grand momma don’t play that. Now you gonna get us all in trouble.” Rubbing her arm from her brother’s hit, Mercedes mumbled an apology to Eric and Natalie as they stared at each other in disbelief. Ever the daring child, Mercedes looked directly at Eric.

  “Can I ask you something Mr., I mean uncle Eric?”

  Exasperated, he allowed her to speak by nodding his head. His lips remained pursed as Natalie held her breath for what the child would say next.

  “Are you gate?” She asked with the sincerity only a child could deliver. Eric and Natalie looked at each other, completely confused by the question being posed by this six year old that looked strikingly like a mixture of them both.

  “Excuse me?” Eric asked curiously.

  “You know, gate. Like, God hates you or something.”

  Eric’s mouth dropped open. Natalie covered hers. Eric attempted to collect himself.

  “Where did you get that from?”

  “Grand momma. She said you are gate and you are going to hell because God hates you. She said cause’ you like boys and God really hates that sin. It’s a bomnation’.”

  Eric bit his bottom lip to prevent hysterics. He stormed out of the room as Natalie tried to explain to her crestfallen niece that sometimes grand momma says things that might not be true and that only God can say who will go to hell or heaven. In the background Natalie could hear Eric and Rosemary going at it. She cringed at what Rosemary might have told them about her.

  The kids all went back to watching television when they heard Eric and Rosemary’s screaming match sprinkled liberally with rebuking in the name of Jesus and decrees of crazy assed heifers. Natalie could only shake her head at the normalcy of the scene for herself and the kidse decided that she couldn’t endure it anymore, and decided to go and get Eric before Rosemary called the police, as she did the last time he visited and experienced one of their renowned battles.

  That time the fight erupted over Rosemary making the comment that she was a good mother and her children chose not to live their lives right to spite her. That is, everyone except Tanya, who was the only one of her kids that actually cared for her. Eric may have acquiesced if the conversation was not witnessed by Pastor Jackson, who Rosemary frequently invited for dinner, despite Earl’s protests. The pastor then cast a reproachful look on Eric and Natalie as he quoted the infamous bible quote, “honor thy mother and thy father and all the days of…” The rest was documented in a file at the Prince Georges County police department.

  As Natalie walked towards the bedroom where the two combatants wielded their best insults and death stares, she heard the door in the living room slam shut.

  Tanya walked purposefully toward where the commotion was and almost knocked Natalie over. Natalie followed behind her trying her best to make it known that she wasn’t going to be pushed around like she did when they were children.

  “What is going on in here Eric, and why are you talking to MY momma like that?”

  “YOUR momma?” Natalie heard herself yell.

  Eric did not miss the opportunity to address his younger sister.

  “Hold up Tanya. You don’t have no damned exclusive rights up in here. You don’t even know what happened up in here and you rolling up in here to come and get me like you’re the sheriff and its high noon or some shit.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that, you little faggot. I don’t even know why momma asked your ass to come back here. You already got everybody in the neighborhood talking about how you tried to bring your little boyfriend to the family reunion last year.”

  “And you got room to talk? Where the hell is your convict of a baby daddy? Let me guess, the man is out to get him. You need to take you and your litter up out of here…”

  “You aint taking care of them, so why you feel you got something to say? I don’t see you sending momma and them money to help with nothing around here.”

  “Be-atch, that’s ‘cause I don’t live here. Get the fucking hint. They wouldn’t need extra help if the whole damned Partridge family wasn’t up in here! Hello?”

  Natalie was starting to feel herself loose control. She was advised to avoid stressful situations and to take her medication as prescribed. Nervously, she took more than was advisable. She knew she had to do something to calm the situation and prevent another episode for her mother to view and criticize.

  “Everybody just stop. Let’s just calm down. We don’t need to be in here acting like this, the kids can hear this.” Tanya stared at Natalie like she said something vile and insulting.

  “Oh hell naw, Bitch. Don’t come up in here acting like you so high and mighty. Momma told me bout’ how you be hanging up the phone on her and how she had to beg you to come here. If it was up to me, your behind could have stayed where you were. You are so fake. Your fake assed hair, fake assed accent, hell your nails are even fake! Please!” Tanya put her hand up to Natalie’s face and turned her back to her to address the melee between Eric and Rosemary.

  Natalie stared insolently at her sister’s hand and batted it down.

  “We aint little girls no more Tanya. You will not disrespect me anymore. Keep your damned hands out of my face.”

  Tanya chuckled and rolled her eyes as if Natalie’s words were insignificant and empty.

  “Or what, you gonna’ go crazy? Weak assed crazy bitch, that’s exactly what you will do.”

  Natalie lunged at Tanya but was held back by Eric.

  Rosemary, after witnessing the deterioration of her family, finally decided to speak.

  “Listen here. Eric, I am your mother and you had no right to come in here and speak to me like that in MY house. I aint never allowed nobody to say the things you said to me, and I won’t start today, so help me Jesus. If you have a problem with me saying you’re going to hell, you talk to the Lord, cause he said it in his word.”

  Eric instinctively rolled his eyes into the back of his head in dismissal of Rosemary’s hell and brimstone speech.

  “So what else then momma? Tanya aint going to hell for having twenty kids out of wedlock? And what else, you aint going to hell for gossiping with Ms. Marguerite, or gambling in Atlantic City? Oh that’s right, you got a special reprieve from God cause you sleeping with your married pastor?”

  SLAP.

  Eric’s face reddened from his mother’s unexpected blow.

  “Get the hell out of my house. You have an ugly and evil spirit and I will not have you here.”

  “Just like old times, right momma. I am more than happy to leave this hell hole, ‘cause we both know who lives in hell, don’t we?”

  “Get out! You heard momma!” Eric was stirred by Tanya’s aggression.

  “And what you gonna do Tanya, call your convict baby daddy to whup me? You just as sorry as her. No wonder you never amounted to anything.” Eric said as he pushed past her and made his way to the living room to retrieve his suitcase.

  “Whatever! I guess your punk ass is living i
t up right? What the fuck ever! You make me sick every time you show up here, swearing you better than everybody else.”

  Tears poured out of Natalie’s eyes involuntarily. She felt so powerless.

  Rosemary saw her tears and shook her head. She had always felt that Natalie was emotionally weak and resented her for it.

  “I’m gonna go with him. He doesn’t need to be alone.” Natalie managed to speak through her tears.

  Rosemary and Tanya stared at her as if she had just committed the biggest act of treason known to man. Tanya spoke first.

  “How could you do that Natalie? She is our mother. He was dead wrong and you know that. You don’t even respect momma in her own house. Respect is due, even to a dog, right momma? Isn’t that what you always say?”

  Rosemary just shook her head incredulously as she stared, wide eyed, at Natalie.

  Rosemary’s words were slow and deliberate.

  “Nat’lie I am not perfect. But I won’t allow no child of mine to speak to me like some loose woman in the gutter. If you go with your brother, that’s fine. But you better be sure that you are willing to burn this bridge. You only get one mother, sweetheart. You can have all the money in the world, but you can’t buy another one.”

  The sting of Rosemary’s ultimatum forced more of Natalie’s tears. She looked at the two women she has known all of her life. She realized that she never felt included in their club. She was always the outsider. Now, she was presented with the opportunity to join, an opportunity she waited most of her life for, what she has secretly wanted…and then Vera emerged. She commanded Natalie to “tell those ghetto bitches where to go and how to get there.” Natalie tried to drown out her voice, but it grew louder. Natalie instinctively covered both of her ears and felt herself falling to the floor.

  Tanya looked down on Natalie with pity. “All that money, and she still crazy.”

  Rosemary responded. “She aint crazy. She just spoiled and wants everything her way. Always has been, thanks to Earl. I aint going through this with her again.” She turned to Natalie and yelled at her.

  “Get up girl, aint a damned thing wrong with you. You might as well get up cause aint nobody got time to take you to the emergency room.”

  Natalie felt her anger rising as Rosemary spoke to her like she was a child in the midst of a tantrum.

  Eric heard the commotion as he was calling a taxi and made his way back to the room. Tears formed in his eyes when he saw his beloved sister cowering on the floor.

  “Did you take your meds since we got here?” He whispered in her ears/> When she shook her head no, he lifted her to her feet while Rosemary and Tanya watched, overcome with disgust.

  “We’re out of here.” Eric didn’t look back to gauge his mother and his sister’s reaction.

  “And just where are yall going?” Rosemary asked Eric as he walked back to the family room with Natalie.

  Eric attempted to ignore her, but she persisted and stepped in their path as Natalie, frightened by her sense of panic, shuddered.

  Natalie wanted to avoid another altercation between the two.

  “Momma, we are gonna check in at one of the hotels in the district. I will call you later.”

  “The hell you will. Natalie Patrice Logan, you will stay your behind here and let him go on about his business. Or else…”

  Natalie felt her blood begin to pulse wildly through her veins. She and her voices spoke in unison. Vera spoke at once.

  “Or else what momma? You gonna disown me? I already heard that one. You gonna not speak to me? Oh that’s right, you have to speak to me because I am still paying off your little debt to the church. Don’t worry. I still won’t tell daddy how you stole money from the church treasury to go to Atlantic City and lose it all. I will still be a good daughter to you even though you think Tanya is the only one you have.”

  At that, Rosemary burst into tears and ran into her bedroom.

  Tanya lunged in Natalie’s path as she struggled to get her bags and head for the door.

  “I hope you don’t think you’re coming to the christening tomorrow. You just broke momma’s heart and all you care about is your little money. Momma sacrificed her life for us, and this is how you repay her?”

  Eric looked her up and down and summarily dismissed her statement before he dragged his luggage onto the porch.

  Natalie, careful not to allow any of the voices in her head to speak, looked directly into her sister’s eyes.

  “Tanya, I don’t expect you to understand, so I don’t blame you for hating me or Eric. But the truth of the matter is that I pay for momma’s actions every day of my life.”

  “Oh, okay, so now you gonna blame momma for everything going wrong in your life right? You are a trip. If it weren’t for momma sending you to that white school, your snaughty ass wouldn’t have that job or your little jet set life that you are so proud of.”

  Tanya was obviously unaware of Natalie’s four year academic scholarship to Yale. Rosemary said she didn’t want to tell people in the church because it would make them look like they were bragging. The household members knew that she secretly took credit for paying for Natalie’s costly Ivy League education, but chose not to expose her amongst her church sisters.

  Natalie longed for a closeness between she and her sister that Rosemary destroyed by independently coloring their perceptions of each other. It was her way of maintaining control.

  “Like I said Tanya, I know you don’t understand. So, for that, I won’t blame you. But I don’t have to stay here and deal with this. Maybe you do. Maybe to you, this is normal. It’s not to me. It hasn’t been normal in years. If you need me, I will be getting a room at the Washington Court Hotel.” Natalie turned and headed for the door.

  Predictably, Tanya had the last word.

  “Don’t worry honey, we don’t need you. Never have, never will.” She slammed the door shut.

  Eric, now standing on the porch profusely smoking a cigarette, looked pensively at his sister who now stood outside looking down at her Louis Vutton luggage.

  “Why do you even try to talk to them? It ends up this way every time we come back to this monstrosity of a house.” Eric said as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.

  Natalie, now damp with the perspiration of anger and humidity, looked into her brother’s gray eyes.

  “Cause family is all we got.”

  Eric took a long drag of his cigarette as the taxi cab pulled up and started to load to the luggage into the trunk. He looked onetime at the house, and then at his sister and replied, “don’t look like we have much of anything, does it?”

  “I guess it depends on whose looking, huh?” Natalie said and entered the waiting taxi.

  Eric followed and told the driver to take them to the Washington Court Hotel. He smiled and asked them how long they would be visiting. They both looked at each and smiled. They responded in unison, “too damned long.”

  Chapter 28 Ilene

  “Could you be a dear and have this pressed for me and sent back up in an hour?” Ilene asked the room attendant at the Ritz Carlton where she had been staying for the week.

  She had come to enjoy living an exorbitant life while she and Charles were taking “a breather” as she described to her socialite friends. She had managed to accumulate a five figure bill in a little over two weeks and had been more than generous to the staff that catered to her every need.

  The card she charged everything to was owned by Charles, without his knowledge, of course. She applied for and received the black American Express card while he was in a funk about his aunt dying in Little Rock, Arkansas over a year ago, for emergencies like this.

  She refused to go to the funeral, citing that the southern air was full of pollen that would send her allergies haywire. Charles protested, but inevitably it was Ilene who had the last word.

  “Now this is how I should be living.” Ilene mumbled to herself as she snuggled in the down comforter in the king sized bed of her hotel suite. The presidential s
uite itself was $1700 a night, but the room charges added up pretty quickly with every minute Ilene remained in her sanctuary.

  She treated herself to a shopping spree at Phipps Plaza and dined only on meals that she had the hotel chef prepare for her a la carte. The hotel staff was instructed to make every possible effort to insure her comfort.

  Ironically, it was the very hotel where she would host her birthday gala in a week and she was more than happy to handle the tiniest of details for the affair. After hearing about the lavish party, Ilene quickly became the rave among her socialite friend-foes, who all asked her to plan theirs. She decided that at the party she would launch her own event planning firm, Verve by Ilene. She would use the infinite limit on Charles’ handy Black Amex to get the company started. After the party, he would see that she had a viable contribution to make to their marriage, and ultimately dismiss his silly idea of divorcing her. She would have her own business and her husband back in the palm of her hand, where he belonged.

  Ilene looked at the message light blinking and called the voice mail to see if it was Charles returning one of the four messages she left for him letting him know where she was and how he could reach her. She was dismayed when she heard that it was the concierge calling to inform her that she had a delivery that could be picked up at the front desk. Deciding not to let Charles’ stubborn disposition ruin her mood, Ilene headed for the tub where she would soak for an hour and then start her day. She sipped on a glass of champagne and munched on strawberries as she lounged in the oversized Jacuzzi tub until she doze off.

  When she awoke two hours later, the once hot water was now tepid and uncomfortable. Agitated that she lost track of time, Ilene hopped out of the tub and reached for one of the seven terry cloth robes that she requested from the hotel. She walked to the bedroom of her suite to find her freshly pressed crushed linen Zack Posen summer dress lying across the bed. Ilene’s mood lightened as she applied her make up in the French provincial powder room. “Time for a little botox.” Ilene said as she skillfully hid the lines that were forming around her mouth with her Chanel powder foundation. She refused to call them frown lines, because after all, what did she have to frown about?