New Adult Romance Box Set

by Emme Rollins, Julia Kent, Anna Antonia, Helena Newbury, Aubrey Rose

  “Hello, Eliot,” I said.

  He smiled and stepped forward. I inhaled as he bent to kiss me warmly on the cheek. His chin, unshaven, scratched my cheek slightly, and when his hot lips pressed against my cheek I wanted to throw my arms around him. I thought that I was safe, but his touch set my body aflame in just seconds. He kissed me again on the other cheek, and then pulled back.

  “Will you let me buy you a coffee?” Eliot said. “I believe I owe you one.”

  He owed me nothing, but I said yes and walked with him to the cafe a few blocks away. We ordered our coffees and took them down to the river to sit on a bench beside the Danube. The ice had cracked apart, and only small chunks of frost still clung to the riverbanks. All the rest had been swept out to sea by the currents of the river.

  “How have you been, Brynn?” Eliot spoke kindly, and I felt myself drawn close to his kindness.

  “Fine,” I said, meaning a hundred other things. “We figured out another piece of the algorithm yesterday. You told us to try and simplify the projective matrix, but I think that it’s easier to simplify the result after it’s been applied—”

  “I didn’t mean the work,” Eliot said. Unspoken words hung in the air between us. My heart wrenched as I watched his eyes track the eddies in the river, and I felt a mixture of anger and longing race through my body.

  “Are you and that boy…”

  “No.” I spoke too quickly, and Eliot turned toward me with the question still lingering in his eyes. “There’s nothing between us.”

  Eliot put his hand on mine. I wanted to cry out with joy, but I also wanted to tear my hand away. Do you know what you’re doing to me? I screamed inside. Don’t make me love you again. My mind raced ahead with images of Eliot kissing me, embracing me, peeling off my clothes slowly.

  “Brynn. I would not stand between you and happiness.” His fingers curled over mine, and I choked on my words.

  “It wouldn’t be happiness. I don’t want that with him. I want…”

  Eliot paused, waiting. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t. I never wanted anything. Or, at least, I never admitted to wanting anything. That was just how I grew up. If I didn't want anything, I couldn't be poor. This was the first time in a long time that my desires had become so apparent.

  “What is it, Brynn?”

  “You.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I want you.”

  Eliot withdrew his hand, and I immediately knew that I had made an error. My eyes blurred with tears and I bent my head down, staring at my hands. Pretending that I hadn’t said anything, and willing back the urge to sob.

  “I’m going to go back to America, Brynn.”

  My head snapped up.

  “You can’t! What about the internship?” The problem. We couldn’t solve the problem if Eliot left. And I couldn’t stand to live here with just Mark and the other interns. I didn’t want to be here without Eliot.

  “I supervised it remotely before.” Eliot’s voice was calm, too calm. I felt the tension hiding underneath the stillness of his surface. “I can do it again.”

  “But we’re so close to the end.”

  “There are still a few weeks left.” Eliot’s words were patient, but I could not be consoled.

  “I mean the problem. We’re so close, and you’re leaving?”

  “I appreciate your optimism, Brynn, but even with the work you’ve accomplished, we’re not close to a general solution.”

  “How can we get it if you leave?” I turned squarely to him and took his hands in mine, squeezing tightly. The only person I cared for, and he was leaving me. Suddenly I found a newfound determination. I couldn’t lose him. “Don’t.”

  “Brynn…”

  “Don’t. Don’t leave. Eliot.” He rose from the bench and I rose with him, still grasping his hand. I couldn’t let him fall away from me so easily.

  “Brynn, I can’t—”

  “You can’t leave. Please.” I tilted my head up to look him straight in the eyes, and something in his expression softened. “Please?”

  I could not have guessed what he would do next. Standing there on the bank of the Danube, he pulled me to his chest and bent his head down. His lips were hot on mine, and I could feel dampness on his cheeks. A flash of heat struck through my nerves, and I clutched at his arms, pushing back into his kiss with a wild insistence. Eliot met my passion with his own, pressing kiss after kiss onto my lips until I was breathless with want.

  The first time Eliot kissed me he felt soft, gentle. Not now. Now he pressed his lips hard against mine, his arms crushing me into his chest. It was as though his body echoed my frustrations, my desires, my needs. Eyes closed, I saw nothing but flashes of white light, like snowflakes dancing on the lids of my eyes in the darkness. When he pulled away he cradled my face in his hands, his long fingers pressed to my skin and his eyes searched mine, for what I did not know.

  “Brynn. Believe me, I would not leave if I didn’t have to. But I can’t stay here.”

  My heart broke then, simply broke. I felt the crack go through the center and split me in two. The pure happiness that I had felt abandoned me as quickly as it had come.

  “Is it because of her?”

  Eliot’s dark eyelashes fluttered, downcast.

  “It’s too hard to explain, Brynn.”

  Too hard to explain? For hours on end Eliot would shove equations and algorithms into my brain, but one step into emotional territory and he fled, abandoning ship. Too hard to explain? I did not know how to respond. My mouth was dry.

  “What about Lucky?” I thought about the kitten still at Eliot’s house. Already my desires were hidden from me. I would shut them up, lock them away, keep them secret and hidden until I forgot about them. Still I cared about the orphan kitten—if not me, then who else? If I could not achieve happiness for myself, I could at least protect the one helpless animal that had come to depend on me. “What will happen to him?”

  “Marta has found a good place for him. With some friends in another city. They’re coming by in a few days. I’ll take care of him until then, and after that I’ll be leaving.”

  “Can I say goodbye?” I looked up at Eliot, a deeper meaning in my words. He averted his eyes.

  “Of course,” he said, having the decency to flush red at his collar. “Of course you can say goodbye.”

  * * * *

  Eliot paced in the entryway of his house, waiting for Brynn. Foolishly, he had agreed to let her come to see the cat one last time before Marta’s friends took it away. He could not but think that he should be gone from the house to avoid any mishaps, but of course Brynn wasn’t just coming to see Lucky.

  The knock echoed through the emptiness of the house. Eliot set his mouth into a thin smile and opened the door.

  Brynn stood outside in a red wool coat, her hands clasped in front of her in gloves, her hair tied up neatly in a bun. The cab pulled off down the driveway, and Eliot watched as the tires made fresh dark tracks in the morning snowfall. Although technically it had been spring for weeks already, Nature had other ideas in mind for that day. A cold front had plummeted the temperatures in Budapest close to freezing, and the clouds which would normally have rained spring showers had instead turned the ground white with a fresh blanket of snow. Brynn wiped the slush off of her boots before stepping in carefully. Her expression was wary as he leaned forward and kissed her on one cheek in greeting, then the other. Her lips did not so much as brush his skin, and he felt her harden under his touch.

  He took her coat from her to hang up, and could not help but stare at what she was wearing underneath—a bright red dress with cap sleeves, low-cut. She looked gorgeous, and immediately he was ashamed of his own state of dress—he was barefoot, in a stained shirt and the wrinkled dress pants he had worn the night before. He looked a mess.

  “The girls are going out dancing tonight,” Brynn said, in response to his glance. “I thought I’d get dressed before coming over.”

  “Is that one of the dresses Marta pick
ed for you?”

  Brynn nodded.

  “It suits you well,” Eliot said. Well was an understatement. The dress was stunning, a perfect fit to show off Brynn’s curves. The bright red color contrasted with her alabaster skin and her reddened cheeks, made bright by the cold outside, only added to the effect. He yanked his gaze away from her figure.

  “It’s cold out here,” she said. “Even colder than in the city.”

  “We’re up higher in the mountains,” Eliot said. “The snow is actually staying on the ground.”

  “I wish it wouldn’t melt down where we are,” Brynn said. “I’d like to have one walk through the garden again.” Her words stopped abruptly, as though she had just reminded herself of the memory with her and Eliot.

  “Marta will be coming by later,” Eliot said, and the topic was mercifully changed back to Lucky’s fate in the hand of Marta’s friends.

  They walked back into the kitchen, where Lucky sat contentedly on the counter top. Eliot had given up trying to keep the damn thing off of the tables, but it was beyond him to admit that he enjoyed sharing the last of his milk with the small kitten.

  “He’s grown bigger,” Brynn said with a touch of pride, as she petted the kitten’s newly silken coat. “Thanks for taking care of him.”

  “He’ll be happy at his new home, I’m sure,” Eliot said.

  “I’m sure he will,” Brynn said, her eyes sorrowful. She turned back to Eliot. “And what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Will you be happy back in America?”

  Eliot stared at Brynn. She had struck to the heart of the matter. Eliot didn’t know if he could be happy anywhere. The few glimpses of happiness he had seen in the last few years had been with Brynn.

  “I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ll have my work.”

  “Your work is here with your students,” Brynn said, slightly admonishing.

  “Of course,” he said, moving over to the kitten to stroke its head. Lucky purred. “But there is something to be said for solitude in making progress on these things.”

  “Really?”

  Eliot did not know what to say. She was right, of course. The best part of his work had been done here.

  “I can’t stay, Brynn.”

  To his surprise, she began to cry. He put his hands on her arms, trying to comfort her.

  “I only wanted to come here to see my mother,” Brynn said. “I didn’t care about the prize, I didn’t care about this stupid problem. I didn’t care about you!” She stared up into his face, her eyes flashing darkly in anger.

  “Brynn, I’m so sorry,” Eliot said. “But you’ve made so much progress on this problem.”

  “I didn’t want any of it,” Brynn said, her words catching on her sobs. Eliot pulled her towards him and she balled her fists against his chest.

  “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done so much—”

  “It’s not enough!” Brynn’s head tilted back, her eyes wet with tears. “Why did you kiss me?”

  Eliot’s heart sank. He couldn’t explain what had drawn him toward her the last time they had met. Pure desire and lack of willpower. Her beautiful face had turned up to his, just like it was now. He felt himself falling back under her spell even now as they stood so close to each other.

  “It was a mistake,” he said lamely.

  “That’s what you said before!” Brynn pulled away angrily. “That it was just a mistake!”

  “I shouldn’t have—”

  “Everything isn’t a mistake!” She was furious, her brows slanted angrily above her stormy eyes, and he thought she had never looked so beautiful. “Some things happen for a reason.”

  “I was weak,” Eliot said. “You’re a very lovely girl…”

  “That’s it, then? You’re so weak you have to run away from me, leave the country, leave everything here?” Brynn’s voice filled with rage. “I can’t believe it.”

  “You’re right,” Eliot said. “I should never have come back.”

  “No. You should have come back years ago. You should never have left.” Brynn wiped her tears from her face, crying through her words. “You’re not weak, you’re stupid.”

  Eliot was speechless, and Brynn continued to lash out, turning toward the window.

  “Look at this. All of this. It’s so beautiful. And you gave it up—why? So that you wouldn’t have to face her death?”

  “Brynn—”

  “I waited for years to be able to come here,” Brynn said. Her lip quivered as she looked out at the grounds of the estate. The lawn was still covered in a frosting of snow. “I didn’t want anything but to see my mom.”

  “It wasn’t your fault—”

  “It wasn’t your fault either,” Brynn said. “Marta told me what happened.”

  Eliot froze, stricken.

  “She had no right to tell you.”

  “You weren’t going to tell me,” Brynn said, spinning around toward Eliot accusingly. “You didn’t even tell me you had a wife!”

  “She should not have told you.” Eliot’s mind had gone blank, his thoughts spinning around in circles incomprehensibly.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “You didn’t care about me enough to tell me the truth.”

  “Brynn—” Eliot reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away, backing toward the kitchen door.

  “You treat me like a child! Like I don’t deserve to know anything!”

  “That’s not true—”

  “I can’t just stop caring about you, Eliot!” Brynn’s voice trembled, and Eliot could see the streaks that the tears had left on her cheeks, two damp tracks stained slightly with makeup. “Not when you keep doing this. Not when you leave me and then chase me. Not when you tell me you’re going back to America and then kiss me like you might stay. Please…”

  They stood apart from each other. Eliot wanted with all his heart to go to her, to cross the space between them and embrace her body with his. It wouldn’t be right, after all of his efforts to keep her distant, and she deserved more than he could ever give. He forced himself to stay put.

  “I’ll call for a cab,” Eliot said quietly. Brynn turned her face away from him and for a moment he thought she might break down into tears again, but when she lifted her face it had hardened into a neutral expression.

  “I’ll wait outside,” she said. “I’d like to walk through the snow here one more time. If that’s alright with you.”

  Eliot nodded. “Let me get you your coat.”

  He went to the entryway to get Brynn’s wool overcoat, each step heavier than the last. Losing Brynn tore at his heart, but he thought that it must be the right thing to do. She could never be happy with such a man as Eliot, distracted and heartsick as he was. His own happiness could not be further from his mind.

  When he came back, her red coat draped over his arm, he saw that she had already gone out back. His gaze swept the immediate gardens, but he could not see her. Then he found her trail. Brynn’s footsteps dotted the pathway out toward the forest, dark but already filling back up with snowflakes.

  “She must be mad,” Eliot muttered under his breath. He threw the coat down onto the chair and stared out of the window. He might have run after her immediately but for the fact that he was barefoot. He turned to go find his shoes, but then paused.

  No. I shouldn’t run after her.

  He stood there in indecision. The woods were filled with poachers at this time of the year, and he knew it was dangerous. Still, if she stayed on the trails clearly, her dress should be enough for her to be seen even far off. But it was so cold out there, and she had no coat…

  “Enough, Eliot,” he said to himself firmly. She would be fine, and the cab would be only a few minutes anyway. He had made up his mind not to worry, when from the woods and over the frosted lawn came a high-pitched cry.

  Chapter Nineteen

  He had abandoned me, and I would do what I normally d
id when I felt lost and alone and abandoned.

  I ran.

  It was cold, but I did not want my coat. I wanted to feel the aching chill inside of me, the way I had when I first arrived in Hungary. Before the weeks of anticipation and disappointment, before I had turned into someone different. Before emotion strummed my heart and left me vibrating in unreciprocated desire. All anybody wanted was to be understood, and Eliot didn’t understand me. I thought he had, I thought that maybe he could see past the surface and into the deepest cracks, the hidden and imperfect parts of me. Now I fled his gaze. I couldn’t replace the perfect memory of his dead wife.

  I stumbled across the field, my feet leaving darkened tracks behind me in the light dusting of snow. Low branches brushed my face, and the wind whistled high above in the trees, promising a storm. My feet brought me closer to the place Eliot had showed me before, the rocks by the stream.

  I did not see the doe until I was upon her. Her hind legs kicked as she jumped over the copse and then stopped in her tracks. We had both been running from something and now we stood facing each other across the small clearing. It was only a split second that we stood there, but every interval of time contains within it infinities, and now I felt the world slow down as the doe’s black eyes locked on mine.

  The snow was beginning to fall, or had it been falling already? Her tail flickered out and brushed off a dusting of snowflakes from her pelt, the crystals hovering for a moment in the air as though they were weightless.

  A high ringing tone pierced my ears, and before I could recognize the sound the arrow shot through the clearing and into the neck of the doe. The shot was true, piercing her pelt cleanly. She took one step forward and stumbled on the next, falling forward on to one knee as though kneeling before me. The sound that escaped her mouth into my ears resembled nothing so closely as a baby's cry. She stumbled and fell, shock in her eyes.

  Blood pooled underneath the deer, the snow melting into a bright red pool. Her chest still rose and fell, but her breathing was shallow. Her hind leg kicked in a short spasm.