Dark Cognitions

by Kimberlee R. Mendoza

  “Sixth.”

  “And do you know what category she is in?”

  Brian scratched his head. “Category?”

  “For the science fair.”

  Brian looked around at the tables. “Oh, I thought this was a parent/teacher night.”

  “No, it’s our annual science fair.”

  “Oh.” Brian said. “Well, are all the students included?”

  The woman smiled. “Why of course. We just break them up into the different science categories. Biology. Chemistry. Astronomy. Geology.”

  Brian put up his hand. “I get it. But I’m not sure what category she would be in.”

  “That’s fine.” The principal lifted a clipboard to her chest. “Just tell me her name and I’ll look it up.”

  “Lara Manifold.”

  “Hmm? Doesn’t sound familiar, but let me just check…“ She flipped through her list. “I’m sorry, what’s her name?”

  “Lara. Lara Manifold.”

  The woman checked again, and then shook her head. “I’m sorry, but no Lara Manifold attends here.”

  “That’s impossible!” Brian snapped.

  “I’m sorry sir, but I think you’re at the wrong school.”

  Brian shook his head. “There must be some mistake. Maybe someone left her name off the list.”

  “This list comes straight from our database. I assure you, it’s accurate.”

  “It can’t be!” Brian snapped.

  The woman jumped back and glanced around uncomfortably.

  “Look, maybe there’s a problem with your computer,” Brian said in an attempt to calm himself and find a logical reason for the confusion.

  The woman shook her head. “You said you thought tonight’s activity was a parent/teacher conference. Apparently, you’ve got the wrong school.”

  Brian looked around, desperate. “But I’ve dropped my daughter off at this school a thousand times. This is where she attends.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Mr. Manifold. She doesn’t attend here. I’m truly sorry.”

  Brian stumbled to where a group of girls stood. “Do any of you know Lara Manifold?”

  Wide-eyed, they looked at each other and shook their heads.

  Heat radiated through Brian’s skin. “I know my daughter attends here!” he shouted. “What’s wrong with you people?”

  The principal looked at the security guard posted at the gym entrance. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she said.

  Brian followed her gaze. It had to be a mistake. His daughter went to this school. He’d dropped her off here numerous times. What does this mean?

  The faces blurred like a Monet painting. Brian thought he might pass out. He wiped his forehead with his jacket sleeve. “I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right.”

  He stumbled past the other parents, knocking into several on his way out.

  The security guard followed close, but stopped at the curb.

  Brian staggered to his car. Trepidation saturated his chest. He couldn’t breathe. His body shook like mad. The ground tilted. His insides retched into his throat, sending the contents of his stomach onto the wheel of his car. I have to get home.

  He propped against his car door and pushed the remote. It unlocked. Using the vehicle as a brace, he impelled his unwilling body inside. Vomit clung to the side of his face; his clothes were wet from sweat. He blinked. He could not see clear enough to drive.

  Brian closed his eyes and tried to focus on his daughter’s face.

  His heart fluttered. He had to get home. Shaking, he placed the key in the ignition and started the car. He reached into the glove box, pulled out a restaurant napkin, and wiped his eyes. He could see the road. Good enough. He placed the car into drive.

  20

  Brian flung the front door open. “Lara?”

  Silence.

  He went to his bedroom.

  Rhonda slept.

  Of course. He closed the door and headed for the kitchen. “Lara?”

  Nothing.

  Brian steadily walked up the stairway. “Lara?” He knocked.

  Still no sound.

  Slowly, he pushed the door open. The room was vacant. He flipped on a table lamp by the door. The scene confused him. In the corner sat a crib and next to it, a changing table and a rocking chair. He turned around to see if he had entered the wrong door. But he knew only one door led to the loft. Surely, this wasn’t his teenage daughter’s bedroom.

  A small light came from the adjacent bathroom to the nursery. He pushed the door open. Just like in his dream, Rhonda lay in the tub, covered in blood.

  Horrified, Brian rushed to the tub, and placed her head in his arms. Her hair was matted with sweat and blood, her skirt, once soft white, was now burgundy with stain. “Rhonda, what’s happened to you?”

  “It’s too late,” she whispered. “Call 911.”

  This couldn’t be happening. Surely, she’d be OK. His tears mixed with hers. He pulled her head to his chest and kissed her forehead.

  Rhonda tried to talk, but her lips barely moved.

  Brian staggered to the phone and fumbled with the numbers.

  “Emergency Operator. What is your emergency?”

  Panicked, Brian said, “I’m not sure. My wife is covered in blood.”

  The operator tried to pacify him. “Calm down, sir. I need you to tell me what happened.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Is she still breathing?”

  Brian passed out.

  ****

  Brian awoke to a thunderous knock at the door.

  Muffled sounds of a conversation drifted up the stairs.

  He didn’t have the strength to stand, so he inched to the door of the nursery trying to hear what was happening. Footsteps creaked on the steps. He slid back just as the door nudged open

  A policeman thrust out his gun. “Freeze!”

  Brian’s raised his hands, covering his head. “Please, don’t shoot.”

  “Did you call us?” the policeman asked.

  It all seemed hazy, but he did remember. The officer had heard his call. Maybe he could help. Brian pointed. “She’s in there.”

  The officer glanced towards the open door. With knees bent and pistol cocked, the uniformed man slowly crept towards the bathroom. He flipped on the switch and straightened, his expression blank. “There’s nothing here.”

  “What?” Brian crawled to the entrance and used the door jamb to stand. “But I saw her right there.”

  “Saw who, sir?”

  “My wife. She was covered in blood.”

  The police officer nodded towards Rhonda, now standing in the door of the nursery.

  “Rhonda?” Brian cried.

  Tears ran down Rhonda’s cheek. She crossed to him. Together, they crumpled to the floor.

  “You’re OK?” he said.

  She wiped his face. “Yes, dear, I’m OK.”

  “But I saw you covered in blood.”

  “Oh, Brian—” Rhonda sighed. “That happened almost six months ago. Not today.”

  “I don’t remember.”

  She titled her head, her expression confused. “Don’t you remember? That’s when I lost the baby.”

  “No!” He wrenched away. “That’s impossible! I spent time with her. Every day Lara and I talked. She’s grown to be such a beautiful young woman.”

  “No, Brian. That isn’t true. Lara died at birth. We had a funeral for her just after Thanksgiving.” Rhonda peered up at the police officer.

  He took his cue and stepped forward. “Is he going to be OK?”

  “I think so.” She tried to smile. “I’m sorry about the phone call. It won’t happen again.”

  “You’ll probably need to answer some questions. Would you mind calling this number in the morning?” He handed her a card.

  Rhonda nodded.

  He tipped his hat and left the room.

  “Where have you been for the past several months?” Rhonda asked.

 
; Brian closed his eyes. “Waiting for you to wake up.”

  “Wake up? I hardly sleep anymore.”

  Brian rubbed his temples. “I don’t understand. Every time I come home, you’re sleeping.”

  Rhonda shook her head. “No, Brian, every time you come home you sit in your chair and stare into space for hours. You never make eye contact with me anymore. It’s only at work that you seem to come alive.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been talking with Ray on a regular basis and…”

  Brian cut her off. “What?”

  “I said I’ve been talking to Ray about things…”

  “Ha! I knew it. You two have been having an affair.”

  She slapped him. “How dare you! He’s your friend and our greatest support. He’s never done anything but pray for you. I’m offended that those words could even come out of your mouth.”

  Brian stared at her, stunned. He didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry. Everything is just so confusing right now. I think I need to sleep.”

  She stood and motioned to help him.

  Leaning on her arm, he pulled to stand.

  Together, they walked down the steps and into their bedroom.

  Rhonda helped him undress and lie down on the bed.

  His breathing slowed, and within moments, he was asleep.

  21

  “Do you think you’re going to make it?”

  Brian opened his eyes. Where am I? It looked like his office. He peered around the room. Yes, it is my office. But what am I doing here?

  “To meet with me, of course.”

  Brian turned and saw the beast covering the couch.

  “Why are you still in my head? I figured out your dark secret. I’m OK, now.”

  The beast laughed. “Are you?”

  “Look, I know that my daughter died six months ago and that she was only a figment of my imagination. Your riddle now makes sense. I get that she wasn’t real.”

  The demon howled. “You get nothing! You’re nothing but an idiot.”

  “How dare you call me names!” Heated, Brian trembled. “I don’t want you in my life anymore. Leave my wife and me alone, and give us peace!”

  The beast slithered over the side of the couch. “I’m afraid you don’t have the power to get rid of me, nor do I have the power to give you peace.”

  Brian grabbed a lamp and ran at the beast. He swung at its repugnant head, but missed. The inertia caused him to fall back and smack his head on a small end table.

  The beast roared even louder. Its mirth rumbled, causing the windows to shake.

  “You absurd human,” the beast hissed. “You can’t harm me.”

  Brian stumbled back. “What do you want from me?”

  The demon leaned forward. “To die.”

  “But why?”

  “Then you’ll be ours for good.”

  Brian crumpled to his knees. “What is your name, demon?”

  “My name is Guilt.”

  ****

  Brian woke up. His whole body ached. He turned over and looked at the other side of the bed. Rhonda was not there. He struggled to stand. Every muscle screamed to stay put. He touched the back of his head and winced. The night before was foggy, but he didn’t remember the wound. He started to open the bedroom door, when Rhonda entered.

  “What are you doing out of bed?”

  Brian smiled and kissed her.

  “What was that for?” she asked, reflecting his smile.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  She pointed to the bed with mock authority. “I’ll bring you some juice, but you need to rest. Doctor’s orders.”

  “What doctor?”

  “Me.” She left the room and Brian chuckled. Rhonda was actually ABD—all but dissertation. She had planned to finish her doctorate in English before she got pregnant, but that whole experience changed a lot of things.

  After a few minutes, she entered with a glass of orange juice and a plate of warm biscuits with boysenberry jam.

  Brian took the tray and leaned back on the pillow. He took a bite. “I have patients to attend to. You know that I can’t stay home for long.”

  Rhonda sat next to him, but didn’t meet his gaze. “Ray is taking your case load until you are well enough to return.”

  Brian rolled his eyes.

  “Now stop. I don’t know what’s with you two, but he loves you. He always has.”

  “He became my boss.”

  “So,” she said.

  Brian swallowed some juice. The sweet liquid seemed to clear his head. “He isn’t the same, that’s all.”

  Rhonda chuckled. “No, I think it’s you who changed.”

  Brian set the glass down. “I haven’t changed.”

  “Brian Dale Manifold,” she said with simulated anger, “I have known you for more than thirteen years. And you aren’t the same man. You’re hardly the man who went to college with Ray. You’re definitely not the man I married nine years ago, or for that matter, the man who spawned my child almost two years ago. You’ve changed a great deal.”

  Brian stared at her, and then sighed. “I promise you. I haven’t changed as much as you think.” He handed her the dish and climbed out of bed. “Thanks for breakfast. I think I’ll take a shower.”

  “Brian, we really need to talk about what happened last night.”

  “Later.” He closed the bathroom door and leaned against it. The last thing he wanted to do was relive that nightmare.

  ****

  Danielle purchased a raspberry mocha at the cafeteria, and then sat on a brick wall outside the hospital. The sun had yet to rise and the air felt chilly. She took a sip of the hot coffee and focused on the warmth it brought. The creamy texture tasted good. She hadn’t had a foo-foo drink in a while. Usually it was the sludge the doctors made in the lounge.

  “Hey,” Ray said.

  Danielle glanced up. “You’re here early.”

  “Can we talk?”

  She nodded toward the space next to her on the wall.

  “I think it’s going to be a pretty day, huh?”

  Danielle glanced out over the parking lot. An orange hue began to peek over the horizon. “Yeah, most likely. Though I wish it would rain.”

  “Yeah, it’s been a while.” He scraped his toe against the cement. “I owe you an apology. You were right.”

  She pivoted sideways to see him better. “Maybe, but I didn’t have the right to yell at you. Sorry.”

  Their gazes locked.

  “No, I need someone like you in my life. I’m not thinking rationally these days.”

  “How is he?”

  Ray’s countenance fell. “Not well, I’m afraid.”

  “I’m sorry.” It seemed to be the only thing she knew how to say in regards to Brian. “I’ll be praying for him.”

  “Thanks.” Ray’s eyes grew huge. He stood.

  Danielle followed his line of sight.

  A few doors down Brian entered the building.

  “He’s not supposed to be here.” Ray glanced back to Danielle. “We’ll have to finish this later. I have to go.”

  “Of course.”

  He hurried to the entrance and disappeared behind the sliding glass door.

  The sudden urge to pray returned. Lord, whatever this is, please be in it.

  ****

  “Brian, what are you doing here?” Ray followed Brian into his office. “You should go home. You aren’t ready to see any clients right now.”

  “Let me decide that, OK?” Brian laid his briefcase on the desk.

  Ray shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

  “Why?”

  Ray swallowed. “Because it’s now out of my hands.”

  Brian stepped closer to Ray and stared him in the eye. “What does that mean?”

  “It means…” Ray took a deep breath. He didn’t want to be this person, but he had no choice. It was his job. “It means that the board has decided to place you on suspension. You’re not allowed t
o see patients until a full investigation has been conducted.”

  “What?” Brian snapped, causing Ray to jump. “They can’t do that.”

  “I’m afraid they already have. Their plan was to send you to counseling, but after last night, they decided to also revoke your license.”

  Brian crossed his arms and leaned on his left hip. “How would they know about last night?”

  Ray didn’t answer.

  Heat augmented Brian’s neck. “Rhonda called you, didn’t she?” Brian moved inches from Ray’s face. “And you just had to tell them.”

  “Look, I didn’t want to, but yes, you’re right.” Ray backed up. “I had to. It’s my job. Not that last night really changed anything. It was going to happen, anyway.”

  Brian shook a finger at Ray. “I always knew you were out to destroy me.”

  “That’s simply not true. I’m for you, not against you.”

  “Then prove it. Help me out here. Let me prove that I’m not crazy. I’ve had a hard time dealing with the death of my infant child. Who wouldn’t?”

  Ray frowned. “I know it has been hard. I’ve said that from day one, but I kept telling you to get help, and you refused. I’m willing to work with you, but you need to take some time off. I’ll see what I can do. But for now, you need to go home.”

  Brian paced. “So, I have no choice?”

  “Not right now. I’m sorry.”

  Brian turned to Ray, his shoulders hunched, resigned to the news. “Can I just hang out here for a while? I need to get some things in order before I take time off. Especially if I am going to be gone for any length of time.”

  Ray nodded. “Fine, but do yourself and Rhonda a favor.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Talk to your wife, Brian. Work through this together. It’s too much for one man to handle alone.”

  “We’re working on it.”

  “And then… “

  “Yes, Ray?”

  “Talk to God.”

  Brian didn’t respond.

  Ray patted him on the back and left Brian to his office.

  ****

  Brian lay back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He recognized the dark, sinister terrain that inhabited his dreams. He didn’t care about the locality this time; he simply wanted to confront the evil lord that sought to destroy him. “I want you out of my life.” He yelled to coagulated darkness. “I want you to leave Rhonda and me alone.”