On my way to my bedroom, I caught the sound of a familiar voice. It was definitely Cameron. The party was too loud and the tones were too low for me to place the other.
I followed the voices to one of the living rooms. I assumed Cameron was going to be surrounded by another entourage. Maybe I could still corner him and make him agree to talk to me later when he had time. Maybe I could convince him to put off speaking with my brother until we had a chance to talk.
I needed to convince him to let me stay.
"Cameron?"
I heard him swear out loud.
I peeked my head into the room.
My heart stuttered in my chest.
It was an almost familiar scene. Cameron, on a sofa. A gorgeous woman beside him. Her hands were wrapped in his hair, about to pull him down for a kiss.
A distant part of me was thankful they at least still had their clothes on.
The rest of me couldn't believe what I was seeing.
Cameron. With another girl.
He jumped off the sofa. "Shit."
"What's wrong?" The woman on the sofa frowned, looking between the two of us.
"Lily, it's not what you think." His voice was desperate. His fingers twitched, as if he were going to reach out for me, but thought better of it.
"Sorry to interrupt," I murmured, blinking back tears, and slowly backing out of the room. "I should have realized you were busy when you didn't answer my text."
Busy sucking face with some other girl.
The tightness in my chest was like a vise grip. I couldn't breathe around it.
"I'll leave you to it," I bit out.
I fled. I heard Cameron call out my name. I didn't stop.
Tears stung my eyes as I ran, pushing people out of the way. I almost tripped over myself climbing the stairs. The hallways were a blur of carousing bodies.
I slammed my door behind me. Slumping against the wall, I stared blankly at the floor.
Some part of me tried to deny what I'd seen. Maybe it had been perfectly innocent.
But when were the words Cameron and a hot woman in the same sentence ever innocent?
My breath hitched. The two of them had sat close, practically wrapped in each other's arms. The longer I thought about it, the more painful that grip on my heart became.
There was no mistaking what had been going on.
I wiped my wet cheeks with the back of my hand and went to my closet. I took out my suitcase and began tossing my clothes into it haphazardly.
I'd been hoping to convince Cameron to let me stay. I believed that even if we couldn't be together, we could still be friends.
But the clenching of my chest told me that was going to be impossible.
It had been bad enough knowing about Cameron's reputation with women when all I had was a silly crush.
Seeing him with that woman just solidified it.
I couldn't stay here. I couldn't stay in this place as Cameron brought home a parade of women one after another. The thought of it almost killed me.
He had been right. It was better if I left.
Because now I knew.
I loved Cameron.
I couldn't stand to see him with anyone else.
I wanted to be with him.
And I knew, now, that was the one thing that would never happen.
Chapter Eighteen
I was still throwing clothes into my suitcase when the door to my bedroom flew open. It hit the opposite wall with a thud.
I half expected to see another drunken couple invading my personal space.
Cameron stood in the doorway, wild red hair haloed by the light streaming in from the hallway.
"It wasn't what you think," he blurted out. That desperation was back in his voice.
"It doesn't matter." I avoided his eyes by concentrating on folding my clothes. "It's none of my business what you do."
"I wasn't going to kiss her."
"It's fine," I dismissed.
"She's a model," he pressed on. "I thought she wanted to talk about starring in our next music video. I didn't know what she was planning on doing. I wouldn't have…." he trailed off. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
I could hear the honesty in his voice. But it didn't matter, did it? Because even though I hadn't caught him kissing another girl this time, I knew it would happen eventually. And I didn't think I'd be able to take that without my heart smashing into pieces.
I continued putting my clothes in my suitcase, my back to him. I heard him close the bedroom door behind him.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Packing."
Cameron sat on the edge of my bed, next to my suitcase, so I had to face him. "Why?"
I folded another shirt, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "You were right. It's better this way."
"You don't need to go."
"You're the one who said I should. And I agree. This is what's best."
"Is it?"
The dejection in his voice made me stop. He looked lost, his dark blue eyes wide and forlorn.
"You said it yourself," I told him. "Whatever this thing is between us, it won't end well."
Cameron tugged on my shirt, drawing me close. I almost lost my balance in my surprise. I ended up pressed against him, standing between his spread legs as he sat on my bed. The heat of his hands on my hips seared me, even through my clothes.
He leaned forward and planted his forehead on my stomach. "I missed you this last week," he murmured.
My heart thumped in my chest. My fingers clenched into his muscles of his shoulders as I stared at the top of his head.
"You're the one who keeps running and hiding."
"I know. I'm sorry. I thought if I stayed away from you, I could make myself forget about you. I thought if I spent all my time at the studio, if I spent my time partying and drinking, I could forget how much I missed you." He leaned back and looked up to meet my eyes. "I thought I could forget how much I want you. But I can't."
My heart leaped into my throat at the confession.
"I want you so fucking much, Lily." His voice was rough, his eyes dark and piercing.
I swallowed hard. That was what I'd been hoping to hear for weeks. For months.
"I want you, too," I said softly.
He cupped my cheeks with both hands and pulled me down. I sat on the bed. Our legs pressed together. The firm muscles of his thighs sent my stomach quivering.
"I really am sorry you had to see that," he said. "I promise you, I honestly did think she just wanted to talk."
"I told you, it's fine. I believe you."
"I haven't been with anyone since you moved in," he said. "I mean, I could have. There were lots of women who…" He shrugged, looking almost embarrassed. "But I just couldn't stop thinking about you. Wanting you."
My heart gave a little flutter. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself against him.
"Good. Because I don't know if I can take seeing you with another woman like that again."
Cameron looked pained for a minute, before his expression turned fervent. Both blue eyes pinned me down.
"And I can't stand the thought of some other guy touching you."
Elation welled up in my chest. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him everything I was feeling inside.
He brushed his thumb against my bottom lip, preventing me from speaking. Preventing me from breathing. That slightest touch sent my head spinning. The room swirled around me as I went lightheaded.
"I know how fucking wrong this is," he said hoarsely. "I know things will go to shit if I let this happen."
He brought his mouth close to mine, until our lips were a mere hairsbreadth apart.
"But I don't care anymore," he murmured. "I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. With me."
He touched his lips to mine, soft and sweet. Just like our first kiss. Almost tentative, hesitant. It was the lightest touches, barely more than a brief brush of lips.
Cameron pulled back a
n inch. I whimpered at the loss. That smallest of space between us felt like a gaping void.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
I inhaled a shaky breath. The scent of him was warm and masculine, with a hint of something fresh, like a sunny, summer day. It made my head swim. I lost the ability to use words. I nodded instead.
He cracked a smile. "I want to hear you say it."
"Kiss me," I demanded breathlessly.
His lips returned to mine, firmer this time. He wound his fingers through my hair and tugged me closer. I clung to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
He ran the tip of his tongue along the inside of my upper lip. A throbbing arousal centered between my legs.
He delved his tongue into my mouth, exploring and searching, taking my breath away. I kissed him back with abandon. The heat inside me rose with every touch of his tongue against mine. That warmth spread from my mouth, to my chest, to my belly, and lower.
His hands went to my hips to steady me, his fingertips exploring the exposed bare skin between my shirt and my skirt.
Shivers coursed through my body. My breath came in short bursts, gasping into his mouth. The sounds of the party raging outside my bedroom door were long forgotten. I was unable to care about anything except this man's lips, this man's touch.
I wanted more.
I scrambled to climb on top of him, knocking him back against the bed. He caught himself on his elbows with a laugh. I hovered over him, straddling his hips.
"So eager," he teased, taking note of my enthusiasm.
With Cameron lying back, I could feel the press of his hardening length against the zipper of his jeans. Could feel his length pressed against my core.
My face was flushed, my breathing rapid. The wetness between my legs was becoming a distraction. I wanted him. I wanted everything he had to give me.
But this was completely new to me. As excited as I was, as eager as I was, slight waves of apprehension started to tingle inside me. The tips of my fingers went cold as my nerves began to get the best of me.
"Hey." Cameron sat up and took my face in both hands.
I looked down, avoiding his eyes, ashamed. I wanted to do this. I'd practically jumped on him. I didn't know why I was so nervous.
"Lily, look at me."
I lifted my head to meet his eyes. Cameron examined me closely. I dug my fingers into the bedsheets.
He smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"Let's go back to the party," he said.
I blinked at the non sequitur. "What?"
"We can go jump in the pool." He gave me a crooked smile. "To cool off."
My breath hitched. Tears stung the back of my eyes. I threw my arms around his neck. He caught me by the waist.
"Thank you."
He cocked his head. "For what?"
"For understanding. For not pushing things."
He took my hands in his. He pressed kisses to my fingertips. "I will never push you into something you're not ready for."
"I thought I was ready. I don't know why I'm so nervous."
"It's okay to be nervous your first time." He gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Want to go back and enjoy the party?"
I looked down at our joined hands. I was still straddling his lap.
He was still hard.
I was still wet.
I gathered my courage.
"Can we go slow?"
Chapter Nineteen
Cameron's blue eyes darkened with heat at my request.
"You sure?" He cradled my face in his hands and gave me a probing look. "I don't ever want you to feel pressured."
"I'm not." I leaned forward and kissed him once, softly. "I want to be with you."
"You have no fucking idea how much I want you," he murmured against my lips.
I gave an experimental roll of my hips, pressing down against him. "I have some idea."
His hardness was like a fiery brand between my thighs. The rub of his rough jeans against my core sent tingles shooting through me.
Cameron let out a grunted curse, his eyes squeezing shut. He placed his hands on my hips, stilling them.
"Stop squirming. You asked for slow, remember?"
I bucked my hips again.
He cracked his eyes open. "Temptress."
Cameron returned his lips to mine. I sighed into his mouth, enjoying the taste of him, the smell of him. Kissing Cameron was like drinking in pure sunshine.
I ran my hands over the muscles of his shoulders and chest, enjoying the firm, well defined shape of him. My questing fingers went low enough to find the hem of his shirt. I gave it a tug.
He answered the unspoken question, breaking our kiss to toss the shirt over his head.
Although I'd seen Cameron shirtless a handful of times already, the sight of him never failed to surprise me. Lean and toned, the peaks and valleys of his abs called out for me to touch them.
I placed my hands on his bare skin, like silk over steel. I ran my hands up and down his chest, feeling those shifting muscles under my fingertips.
I slid my hands around his sides. His stomach muscles tensed and he inhaled a sharp breath. I pulled back quickly.
"Did I—?" I began to ask, unsure if I'd done something wrong.
"No, it's fine." He squeezed my hips. "Feel free to keep going."
I moved to continue my exploration, but he tensed again. He let out a short, huffing sound.
I paused. That almost sounded like a laugh. Experimentally, I touched his sides with a feather touch. He squirmed away and snorted out a quick laugh that time.
"Are you ticklish?" I asked, astonished.
"Just a little," he admitted.
That was so adorable I almost swooned. The hotter than hell rock star sex god Cameron Thorne… was ticklish.
"I trust you not to take advantage," he continued.
"I would never." I did file the knowledge away for later, however.
As our lips and tongues slid together, I resumed my inspection of his chest and shoulders, keeping away from his sensitive areas.
Cameron moved his hands from my hips to my waist, caressing the skin under my shirt. My hairs stood on end as he began sliding higher, until his hands were inches away from my breasts. I held my breath as he moved to cup them.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
I let out a sound of affirmation into his mouth.
His large hands covered my breasts through my bra. Two thumbs traced my nipples through the thin cotton. I inhaled sharply as that touch went straight to the apex of my thighs.
With a surety I didn't quite feel inside, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head.
Cameron's eyes zeroed in on my bra.
His lips twitched.
"Cartoon rainbows?"
"Shut up," I said, flustered both by his words and by his touch.
"It's cute."
"It was on sale."
"I didn't say I didn't like it." He stroked the bare skin of my back, skimming over the elastic of my bra, up and down. "But I think I'd like it better if it was off."
He traced a circle around the clasps with a questioning noise. I nodded. With deft fingers he unsnapped the bra.
I shrugged out of the straps and let it fall to the floor. I fought to ignore the reason why he was so experienced at undoing bras with one hand.
With my breasts exposed, I felt even more nervous than I had before. Cameron didn't give me time for the anxiety to kick in full force. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin of my cleavage. Shivers ran through me.
He kissed my left nipple, then my right. They tightened and peaked under his lips. He sucked one into his mouth and I gasped from the unfamiliar pleasure. Eyes squeezed shut, I buried my hands in his hair and tugged him closer.
Moving from one to the other, he sucked and licked with his lips and tongue. My hips began to rock unconsciously as the sensations went straight to my core.
His hands moved from my hips to my thighs, b
rushing the bare skin below the hem of my skirt. I trembled, anticipating.
But he didn't move his hands further up. He returned his attention to my breasts, using his thumbs to stroke the soft skin of my inner thighs.
The combined onslaught was enough to have me squirming and panting. My panties were becoming even more soaked. He had barely done anything yet.
Cameron was as affected as I was. His hardness pressed firmly against the zipper on his jeans. I rolled my hips, grinding down against him.
Cameron groaned.
"What did I tell you about taking it slow?" he murmured against my skin.
My only answer was to take his hand and press it between my legs, under my skirt.
He inhaled a sharp breath as he found my wet panties. He bit out a muffled cursed.
"You're killing me," he said.
"Touch me. Please."
He traced the valley between my legs with the knuckles on the back of his hand. I squeaked, an embarrassing sound.
"Have you ever—?" he began to ask.
"No. Not even this. I mean, by myself, yeah…" I flushed but continued on. "But not with anyone else."
"I'll go slow."
With the speed of a melting glacier, Cameron slipped a hand under the elastic of my panties. The tips of his fingers found the small bud between my thighs. I gasped loudly as he pressed down with a thumb. I nearly orgasmed from that touch alone.
"Oh fuck," I choked.
Cameron hummed a pleased sound and repeated the motion. I rocked back and forth unconsciously.
As his thumb played with me, his fingers continued their search. They slipped between my lower lips and found what they were looking for. I nearly flew apart when one finger traced my entrance.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
The bucking of my hips urging him on was the only answer I could give. I was incapable of words.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he slid that finger inside me. I moaned. The rasp of his rough skin against my inner walls was a revelation. I felt myself throbbing around him, muscles contracting in waves.
He pulled out and pushed in again, slightly faster this time. My fingers dug into his shoulders as I squeezed my eyes shut. Sparks of pleasure shot across my closed eyes.
"More," I begged.
Hard Rock Sin: A Rock Star Romance Page 11