Play Nice

by L. P. Maxa

  Dash must have known it too. “Luke, man, Smith isn’t ever violent. I have seen him at his worst, and he still isn’t that bad. I wouldn’t let Lex go in there if I thought for one second she could get hurt. And Chase can walk her to the door, he can keep the people back.”

  Luke’s eyes cut to mine. He narrowed them and shook his head. But he sat down in defeat. Now he knew that I’d told Dash about that night. I knew that Luke and I needed to have a talk…but now obviously wasn’t the time. I slipped on my chucks that were still by the door from last night. I could pass for a college co-ed. My wet hair was braided to the side. I had on a t-shirt and some legging/sweatpants. Seemed like the right outfit after a night partying with a rock star. The walk to the front door wasn’t as bad as I had expected. Some of the kids wandered over to the bus, but for the most part they just stood in place and gawked. I heard my name being murmured though. Dash was right, one little article from the press and I was a household name. The door to the house wasn’t locked, not very smart for college girls. I walked in and closed the door behind me. I heard music coming from the room next to me. I recognized it instantly—Smith. He was strumming a guitar and singing softly, something slow, painful and hypnotic. He was surrounded by girls wearing teeny tiny shirts and even smaller shorts. I glanced down at what I was wearing. Huh, guess I didn’t fit in after all. There must have been twenty girls sitting around him. They were all staring with stars in their eyes. It was like Smith had them in a trance. I leaned against the wall and waited for the song to finish. It was so beautiful; I didn’t have the heart to interrupt him. When he was done I placed my hand on his head, rubbing lightly. “Hey, buddy.”

  Smith looked like hell. His eyes were bloodshot. He had dark circles under them. He looked pale and thin. His voice sounded forced and horse. “Hey, Lex. Is it time to go home now?”

  “Yeah, bud, it’s time to go home.” I helped him to his feet. His whole body started to shake. “Is this your guitar?”

  “No. I found it upstairs.” I took the guitar from his trembling hands and set it over to the side. I could feel the girls’ eyes on me. A few of them started to protest, to reach for Smith. Like he was their prize. A lot of the girls looked worse for the wear. Some had eyes that looked a lot like Smith’s. Please God don’t let him have given these girls drugs to take. Talk about bad publicity.

  “Hey aren’t you Alexis Grant? You’re Dash Conner’s girlfriend.” Everyone started whispering and taking out their cell phones.

  I took a deep breath and put an arm around Smith’s waist; he wasn’t very steady on his feet. I whispered in his ear, “They are going to take pictures of this, and they are going to sell them. Try and stand up straight and make it look like we are walking out as a couple and not like I’m carrying you out of here, okay? When I walked in there were no paparazzi, just more college kids on the front lawn.”

  He nodded and straightened as much as he could. It would be better for the world to think I was a whore than for the world to think The Devil’s Share bassist was a fucking mess. It was slow going but I got him to the door. I turned around to face the group of girls. “Do not follow us. If you come out front, the band’s managers are going to come in here and take your phones and make you sign non-disclosures. It’ll be a mess. Just stay inside.” I had no idea what would actually happen. I was pretty sure there weren’t any lawyers or bigwig managers on the tour right now. But it worked. As soon as the door shut behind us Smith sagged against my body. “Okay buddy, if I’m going to get you across this yard and onto the bus, I’m going to need a little help.” Chase came around his other side and helped me get him back on his feet. Dozens of cell phones were pointed at us. But again, thankfully, no one approached us.

  “I’m really sorry, Lexi. Is everyone mad? Is Dash mad? He used the tracker didn’t he?”

  We were taking baby steps, but we were making progress. “Hey, no one is mad. We were all just so worried about you.” I was lying; everyone was pissed. I just hoped they let him recover before they laid into him.

  “I tried, Lexi. I tried to be good. But the groupies, it wasn’t enough. And then the sorority…it wasn’t enough. Nothing was making me forget. I needed something more. I’m so sorry. I usually don’t even answer his calls, but I just wanted to make sure he was okay….”

  His words made me sick to my stomach, but the sound of his voice tore at my heart. “Shhhh, it’s okay, buddy.” I assumed by “him” he meant Jared. From what Dash had told me, Jared was toxic. Once we made it to the bus, Chase left us to open the door. I felt Smith’s knees buckle seconds before we went down. Jacks was the first one out of the bus to help us. Seemed like Jacks a soft spot in his heart for his band mate. He stood Smith up like he weighed nothing and all but dragged him the rest of the way. Dash came, scooped me up and carried me up the stairs. “Kitten, are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m fine. Smith isn’t though. Look can you and Luke just give him a break? Just let him recover before you rip him a new asshole. Please. Jared called him.”

  When we got on the bus Jacks dumped Smith on the couch. Dash put me down and then grabbed Luke’s arm. “Hey, can I talk to you a minute?” Luke gave a quick nod and then followed Dash towards the back.

  Dagger went up and licked Smith’s hand and then lay down on the floor beside the couch. He knew his new friend wasn’t doing great, dog intuition. I looked over at Jacks, his face was hard to read but when he caught me watching he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Okay, great. Smith was on the couch, curled up in the fetal position and moaning. Well not really moaning, more like whimpering. I went to the bunk I had seen him sleeping in and grabbed his pillow and his blanket. The guys were going to throw a bitch fit about this. I lifted his head and sat down. I placed the pillow on my lap and laid his head on it. I covered us up with the blanket and began to rub his head. He turned towards my touch and stopped making that sad sound. Within a few minutes his breathing evened out. He was asleep. My eyes were starting to feel heavy too.

  “Really, Lex?” Luke was standing over me, hands on his hip and a scowl on his face. “You really think he needs to be babied right now?”

  “Shhhh! Don’t wake him up. I just got him to calm down.” I winked trying to lighten the mood, knowing I wasn’t doing anything but proving that I was in fact babying him.

  Dash came in the room. I steeled myself for his reaction. To my surprise he simply leaned down and kissed my forehead before settling on the floor against my legs. He constantly surprised me. “Where’s Jacks?” At the sound of his name, Jacks walked out of the bathroom. He was carrying a wet washcloth, which he placed on Smith’s forehead.

  I cleared my throat. “He needs to see a doctor, y’all.”

  Jacks shook his head. “Nah, he’s fine. I’ve seen him worse off than this.”

  I nodded. “Exactly. You’ve seen him worse. Smith has no doubt put his body through the paces the last few years. How do you know he’ll bounce back this time? He was so out of it, so frail. He’s clammy and whimpering. I’m sure you guys can pay someone to come out here and check on him. Make sure he’s okay before we hit the road again.”

  Dash kneeled down in front of me. “Lex, we need to get to Tennessee. Smith will be fine.”

  “You don’t know that. Look, just call a doctor to check him out. Another hour isn’t going to make that big of a difference, right? My pill is there waiting for us.”

  Seconds later Smith’s shakes came back with vengeance and the guys conceded and called a doctor. It ended up taking an hour for him to get to us and then another hour for him to hook Smith up to some IV fluids and check his vitals. In the end? He was fine. Well, as fine as he could be when he’d come dangerously close to ODing. After the doctor left, we hit the road, and everyone settled in for the long ride.

  Luke handed Jacks an Xbox controller before sitting down and leaning back in the recliner. Dagger put his head in Dash’s lap and Jacks lay down on the floor with his head on Dagger’s side and his
feet up on the recliner next to Luke’s. We were all touching; we were all connected. No matter how irritated or worried or mad or nervous any of us were, we were in this together. My heart swelled and tears filled my eyes. These guys, in the blink of an eye, had just become my whole world.

  ***

  “Lexi? Lex. Wake up, sweet girl.” I opened my eyes and sat up. At some point I’d fallen asleep and fallen over onto Smith. “Sorry, I just really need to piss.” Smith got up and swayed on his way to the bathroom, using walls and doorframes to keep from falling over, dragging his IV pole behind him.

  I was alone until he came back. “Where is everyone?”

  Smith gestured behind us to the window. “We stopped for food I think.” Smith was wringing his hands together and bouncing his leg up and down. “Lexi, I’m really sorry that you had to come get me. I don’t normally…I mean I do, but I haven’t used in a long time. Not since Jared left.”

  I could play this a couple of ways. I could tell him it was all okay and we were all just glad that he was safe, which is the same crap I fed him when I went in to drag him out of the sorority house, or… “What you did Smith? It’s not okay. So many terrible things could have happened and you would have had no memory or no control. A house full of college girls? My God, Smith. Think of the possibilities. Think of the headlines. Think of the band. Your actions could have ruined this for everyone involved. And not just the guys, y’all have employees. You have people who count on you. What you did was selfish.” Up until this point Smith hadn’t looked at me once. He kept his eyes trained on his hands. I leaned down and put my face next to his, making him look me in the eye. “If you feel like you can’t handle something, or you feel lost or like you need an escape and the girls aren’t working, you come find us. No matter what time it is, no matter what else is going on, you come find us. We are all here for you, Smith.”

  He nodded, “Yeah, okay. I will. I promise I’ll try harder.”

  I curled my legs underneath me. “What did you take?”

  “Too much coke followed by too much Xanax. I swear that’s all I took. No heroin, no speedballs. My tolerance is just so low and—” The door to the bus opened cutting Smith off.

  “Hey, look who’s up.” Jacks came and sat down on the other side of Smith and handed him a huge sandwich. “Lots of ham, hold the mayo.”

  Dash handed me one too. “Good thing Luke has your incredibly specific sub sandwich order memorized.” He rolled his eyes and sat on the floor.

  Luke puffed out his chest. “What can I say? After all these years I’ve become an expert in all things Lexi.”

  Dash chuckled, “Not all things man. There’s a lot of Lexi that you have no knowledge of.” He winked at me. “If you know what I’m saying.”

  Luke flicked him on the ear and then raced into the bathroom and shut the door.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Dash

  We were finally at the hotel. I was so freaking happy to be getting off that bus. We’d get Lex her pill and then she and I were spending the rest of the night locked away in our suite. Hotels were a luxury on the road; we were rarely in one place long enough to justify staying off the bus. Chase came over and handed out our keys. “Here you go boys, enjoy. Sound check is tomorrow at noon. I’m going to go crash, but call me if you need anything. I’ll keep my phone on.” Chase pulled me to the side and handed me a brown paper bag. “Here’s Lexi’s pill.”

  “I owe you man. I really do. Thank you.” I opened the bag and tore the foil packet holding the pill. I stuffed the bag way down in the lobby trashcan. Lex was standing in the bar laughing with Jacks and Luke. She looked so damn pretty, her hair wavy from the way it dried in her braid. She’d put on some ripped jeans and wife beater with a sweater. She never even tried to be beautiful; she just was. I handed her the pill and a bottle of water. “Bottoms up, Kitten.” She stared at the pill for a second before she took it and then handed me back the bottle of water, smiling.

  Jacks started clapping. “Yeah! Glad that’s over. Now Dash can stop obsessive compulsively checking his watch.”

  Luke chuckled, “I for one am tired of watching his brain smoke while he tries to count down the hours in his head.”

  I put my arm around Lexi. I was too happy to be irritated with the teasing. I had my girl, her dog, and a hotel room. Life was good. Speaking of the hundred pound pit bull, we needed to get him up to the room soon; he was definitely drawing attention to us. The hotel was mostly deserted at this hour, but everyone around was staring. Smith slid into a nearby booth. “One drink and then we all go our separate ways for our night off.”

  “All right. One drink.” As much as I wanted to get Lex upstairs, I knew Smith needed this. He needed to know we were all over the drama from this morning and we all still loved him.

  One drink turned into two before I was able to pull Lexi out of the booth. “We’re out of here. We’ll see you guys at sound check.” I took her hand in mine and got Dagger out from under the booth where he was asleep.

  “Hey leave Dags with me? If that’s okay?” Smith was looking at Lexi, eyes pleading. He didn’t want to be alone tonight, and he didn’t want to go look for a destructive distraction. Progress? Or a monster hangover?

  Lexi smiled and took the leash from me, handing it to Smith. “Of course, buddy. I fed him before we got off the bus. He’ll just need one more walk before bed and some water.” Smith nodded.

  A young guy wearing a Devil’s Share t-shirt walked up to the table holding a tray of shots. “Excuse me, but I’m a huge fan. Do you think I could get your autographs? I brought Jäger.”

  Oh fuck. I turned to push Lexi back, but it was too late. She was already gagging with her hand over her mouth. I got eye level with her. “Kitten, look at me. Just calm down. Calm down. Breath through your mouth. Deep breathes. Please don’t throw up that pill, baby.” I took deep breaths, trying to get her breathing to calm down and match mine.

  She nodded and closed her eyes, breathing through her mouth so she didn’t smell the alcohol. After a few seconds she opened her eyes. “Okay. Okay. I think I’m okay. That was close.” She stepped around me. “Goodnight, guys.”

  She bent down to pet Dagger the same time the kid with the tray of Jäger went to set it on the table. They collided and the shots spilled all over the table and Lexi’s shirt. The licorice-sweet smell of Jäger filled the air. Mother fucker. I covered my eyes and let my head fall back. The next sound I heard was Lexi throwing up. Smith started to gag. Vomit made him gag. Jacks grabbed a straw and started sucking the spilled Jäger off the table. Luke banged his head on the wall.

  Lexi stood up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She had tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I—”

  “Hey, don’t be sorry, Kitten. This isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault, okay?” Except for the dumb ass fan.

  Luke stood up. “Maybe it’s okay. Maybe she already digested it.” He peered over the table. Wow, Luke really did love Lexi. He was checking her vomit. “Nope. Not okay.” He looked at me. “Sorry, man, she threw up the pill. Wellllll, part of the pill anyway.” Luke looked up at Lexi. “Lexi just pick it up and wash it off. Hurry, before your acidic puke dissolves it.”

  Now I wanted to vomit. Lexi groaned and made a move to pick up what was left of the pill. She almost made it too. But Dagger was too fast. And he was a dog, you couldn’t really blame him. Dogs like vomit.

  ***

  Lexi was sitting in the hot bubble bath I’d drawn for her. I wanted to join her, and I planned on joining her. But I had to step into the other room and freak out for a second. How did I feel about this? How did Lexi feel? Would she hate me for putting her in this situation? Would she leave me? Oddly enough I wasn’t freaking out about the possibility of a baby, I was freaking over the thought of losing Lex. I was pacing, pulling at my hair, and punching the air. I even did a few ninja air kicks; I’m not ashamed.

  “Dash, will you please stop assaulting the air and come in here?”
How does she always know when I’m doing that?

  I smoothed my hair, took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door. “I was just calling room service, Kitten. No worries.” She gave me her withering look. It wasn’t a total lie. I had called room service. I got naked and climbed in the giant tub behind her. She leaned back against my chest.

  “We need to talk about this.” Her body looked so good wet and covered in bubbles. I ran my fingers down her arms and across her chest, leaving a trail of suds in my wake. “We tried to be responsible adults and an accident happened. We tried to fix it and the universe told us to fuck off. Now we just wait and see what happens.”

  “Dash, I…uh I don’t really know how to say this.” She sat up and turned to face me. “I had no problem taking the pill. I mean, no moral issues with it I guess. But if I’m pregnant, I can’t…I won’t…”

  I put my hand over her mouth. “It’s okay Lex, I get it. I agree, wholeheartedly. If there’s a baby, then we’re having a baby. We’ll figure it out.”

  She nipped at my fingers with her straight white teeth making my dick twitch. “Dash, please understand, I don’t want to trap you into anything. I could do it on my own. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to here.”

  My stomach dropped. Is that what she thought of me? “Look, Kitten. I’m not going anywhere. Sure, rock and roll is not the right lifestyle for a baby. When we aren’t touring, we’re writing. When we aren’t writing, we’re recording. It’s nonstop. And it’ll be that way for a few more years, at least. But we won’t be able to do this forever. This life won’t last. And I would never turn away from my child. Ever.” I turned her around and pulled her back against my chest. I placed both my hands on her stomach. “I’m here. For whatever comes next, I’m here.” I placed a kiss on her neck, then her cheek. She turned her head and her mouth met mine. I ran my tongue along the seam of her lips, asking to be let in. She opened for me. She tasted like the vodka she’d been drinking earlier, so good. She turned in my arms and climbed on my lap. There was nothing between us but the water, nothing stopping me from taking her. I pulled back and held her face in my eyes, studying her.